The Crap films of drew barrymore:Eamonn reviews Donnie Darko

(The Story so far....
After reviewing Sex in the city,Eamonn tempted fate by saying that it was the worse film he ever seen.Only for a meteorite to deliver leap year. after watching the racist film, he passed out. last month was 3 tickets to hell, Eamonn returned to rare form, not only reviewing a 3 films but destroying a rent-a-cop with the Hadou-Kara Punch, a move from his xwa street fight.This got the attention from a mysterious figure whose future plans may hinge on Eamonn, ...whether he wants to or not!)

HELLO AND WELCOME BACK TO BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
(looks at watch)
say do you know what time it is?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSweDq_x5p8
YES IT'S HAPPY HOUR AGAIN!
Which means its time for crap review Drew Barrymore film, this review is a request from my friend, Rufus in kuwait, if you have a request for september give me a friend invite at my youtube address at the bottom of this review.

So the film is set in 1988.
Celine Dion represented Switzerland in Eurovision the concert to free Mandela hits Wembley Stadium and we were dancing to Cult of personality by living colour.

The Film starts with a shot of the emponymous Donnie (Jake Gynnenhal) lying on a road. While this may be confusing to everyone else, he seems to be used to it.During a family dinner the subject of Donnie's psycosis comes up.Turns out  Donnie has not being taking his meds.

That night, a distorted voice leads donnie to sleepwalk out the house. the voice belongs to frank who tells donnie the world will end in 28 days.

the Next day and a  plane engine crushes the Darko house.Donnie is treated as a school celebrity.And Drunko is introduced as a teacher.
"if i add one eighth to one sixteenth, how stoned would I be?"

a new student comes in,and becomes interested with donnie.

Donnie gets picked up from school by his dad. he nearly drives over an old woman. she whispers something into donnies  ear. In class they watch a self-help video about  controling fear. That night, Donnie dreams of a submerged school, so he takes an axe to a water pipe. Walking home he saves Gretchen from the only non-white children with makes them bullies.They threathen with knives because he thinks he did it.

The old woman that was nearly ran over by the Darkos was a former teacher nicknamed Grandma Death, whos psycosis is to check her mailbox over and over

Next scene and a pointless class exercise is enough to send Donnie into a raging rant about the human condition.

20 Days Remain.
And donnie asks his science teacher about time travel since Frank claims to be from the future.The Professer gives donnie a book by the woman who will become Grandma Death.

Reeling from this revalation he tells the shrink that she whispered "every living thing dies alone"

We get a trippy scene where liquid cgi leads donnie to a hidden gun.

12 DAYS REMAIN
Donnie wants to break free from Frank and stabs the rabbit. But he just won't die.The self-help guru in the class videos does a seminar in school, Donnie insults Jim saying people like him prey on people who cant think for themselves, next day he finds jims wallet and his house.

During Donnies date,Frank reveals that he is a boy with a bullet hole where is right eye should be. he tells Donnie to burn down Jim's House,
With the entire town at a talent show, the fire reveals a secret room that ousts Jim as a pedophile.

Six days remain and Drew gets fired for her radical thinking. i dont know she was in this film for  a minute.
the coach wants donnie mother to go a plane because her daughter run the talent show.

So let's wrap this up!
Donnie throws a Halloween party,Frank tells donnie to go Grandma Deaths house. The Token Mexicans Jump Them. A car driven by Present Day Frank scares the Fajita Brothers but kills Gretchen, Donnie kills Frank. A donnie goes back in time by killing frank to the time of  the accident, where the jet engine, from his mothers plane in the future went back in time too. but this time to kill Donnie who didnt sleepwalk this time.

So Donnie destiny was never to expose the peado, he was to die in a over elarobate revenge scheme by a guy in a rabbit suit who can travel in time involving a Jet engine!

WHAT DID I JUST WATCH?
Seriously what the Hell? Despite the goofy stuff this was a great film but the ending was a downer

(Eamonn goes to get a drink but is met by Frank from this film)
11 months 29 Days
-WHAT?
Have you seen a little girl? black hair and about this high?...
YOU WILL IN 11 MONTHS

If want to request a film to review please drop me a line at my youtube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment
I have a opening for September and would like to hear your suggestions.

3 TICKETS TO HELL 2:TIPPING THE BARGAIN BIN: Joe-jack reviews master of disguise

(all spelling and grammer mistakes are intentional.
EAMONN'S LINE IN BLACK
JOE-JACK'S REVIEW IN BLUE
80S LADS LINE IN ORANGE)
this months theme-Madonna Papa don't preach http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N6KqgMj8o8
(PROLOGUE
OUTSIDE A SUPERMARKET IN A VAN CONTAINING OUR HEROES EAMONN WATCHES A TRUCK DELIVERING DVDS.)
So, remin' me why we here?
(sigh) last time we are at war with supermarket chains for selling bad films at cheap price while selling recent releases at full price. in fact all the film this month are €4 each. but we must plan a proper invasio...
ALRIGHT, LETS DO DIS! JOE-JACK DA CUUUUUUUULLLLLLLCCCCCHHHHIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Oh my god he just ran in! save him!
(joe-jack gets leveled by a rent-a-cop)
okay we'll try yer way in fact i'll get some  tipz from dis fillium!
HOLY MOTHER OV GOD! WHAT A FUCKING TERRIBLE FILLUM!
So the fillum starts with exposition in 1979 italy where a cameo by bo derek is really fabrizio digusey (james brolin) after a succesful theft,
WAIT A MINUTE!
Disguisey?
Dats da best they could come up with? dat makes mario mario look lioke gud writing.
Scared that being arrested will tear his family apart, Fabrizzio gives up thievery.
fast forward to present day america, and fabrizzio is now Lawful Italian Stereotype-i mean restaurateur who has a son named Pistashio( Dana Carvey)
Y'know Garth from Wayne's world
Ever wondah wat 'appened to him?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO NOT REALLY?

Anyway his son is a waiter but earns to be more, he also has the urge to  mimic and t'diguise himself but without da formal training his dad had. anyway, later on, Pistashio's parents get kidnapped by Delvin Bowman ( Mr data  from star trek) who blackmails fabby into stealing americas tresures so he can sell them on the black market. oh and he farts when he laughs.
HE FARTED ! LAUGH ITS FUNNY! I SAID LAUGH YOU BASTARDS!

Meanwhile pistashios Grandfather teaches him how to be a master of disguise by tapping into energico a power to make disguise plausable. because wearing a turbin and tanning your face is not funny or clevah!

Meanwhile Fabrizzio disguised as athelete Michael Johnson steals the American constitution. oh and Data farts again.
LAUGH! LAUGH! YOU SONS OF BITCHES WHY WON'T YOU LAUGH!
So pistashio is now a master of disguise he hires a waitress to be his assitant and grandfather gives him...a Millenium Puzzle?
does that mean Pistaschio will be voiced by DAN GREEN!?

So Pistashio and Jennifer find Bowman's cigar stub belonging to the exclusive turtle club where pistaschio takes it literally and dresses as a human turtle.
JUST GO WITH IT!
...so dey discover dat bowman kipnapped pistashio's parents

Meanwhile fabrizzio steals Da liberty bell disguised as Jesse Ventura. and data farts again.
WHAT? YOU'RE STILL NOT LAUGHING YOU BASTARDS!
So dey appear at a private toy show where pistachio is disguised as Granny nim-nims, who taunts Data with the promise of Nookie. but Bowman instead invites Jennifer to his party the next day.

Next scene and Jennifer investigates Bowmans house while Pistashio makes a distraction so he disguises as a Latino Gigolo...
DIS IS A CHILDERS FILLIUM!
He ass-capes and turns intah and Irish Fisherman
(Eamonn presses Rascist alarm repeatedly)
and turns into the script sorry dats a giant cow-shit
SAME DIFFERENCE!

Tiome to put da spuds on!
Jennifer confesses her love to pistashio, she gets kipnapped, pistashio rescues her and his family, regains the treasures. and finally retrieves da constitution by dressing as George Warlord Bush!

If i can describe dis film in one word, it would be: flawed. It goes from funny to stupid in an instant.And you will be shocked as a was when you hear that ADAM SANDLER Wrote dis, but think i have enough tipz t'make a great disguise for Eamonn

(PART 2 AND 3 IN THE FOLLOWING WEEKS THIS MONTH ON pathofenlightment.blogspot.com
part2-cruel intentions 2
part 3-Sleath