Eamonn Reviews The Fall Guy-REMASTERED!

 I don't think I may get the reaction I think I would get if I said I have no Nostalgia for the 80s show, The Fall Guy.

That's Because the 80's was filled with action shows- Airwolf, Knight Rider and A Team-shows that created clones and copies that would be lost in the Shuffle.

So how does a Hollywood remake of a "Meh!" 80's show fair in the 21st Century? Well let's get right down into it! Let's dig into the Fall Guy movie and see if Ryan Gosling's post Barbie streak can elevate this film. 

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 12 FOR VIOLENCE, BLOOD, INJURY, DRUG USE AND DRUG CULTURE AND INNUENDO. SOME LANGUAGE WILL BE EDITED DUE TO GOOGLES TERMS OF SERVICE!

The cover sees Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt hot and sweaty and Grimey in the best possible taste! Also they are standing in front of flames because cool guys don't look back at explosions! 

The film Explodes into Eighties Nostalgia with I Was Meant For Loving You  blasting out of your device's Stereo speakers, As Colt Seivers (Gosling), Stuntman Extraordnaire, romanticises his career of being set on fire for a living!

But what is more like a romance is the actual physical romance with his girlfriend Jody (Blunt) A producer who Colt has High Hopes for In the future, Until he gets a Call from Tom Ryder, the Biggest Star In Hollywood. And currently the guy Seivers is doubling for.

There is a problem, Tom Ryder (Aaron Taylor-Thompson) demands a reshoot because Colt's face is in view. And his manager Gail (Hannah Waddingham) makes it Happen.

But Colt is not bothered and proceeds to flirt with Jody over the walkie-talkies they have. And maybe because of the Distraction.... Colt is the Victim of a terrible accident during a netless Dive.

18 months later and Despite not having his legs or spine broken, Colt's life as a stuntman is seemingly over..... That is, until he gets a call from Gail. With no real skill sets in life, Colt is reduced to valet cars for a Mexican restaurant. 

BULL. SH*T!

To be a Stuntman, you need to learn a litany of skills. You need to learn Martial Arts, how to drive and Maintain both cars and Motorbikes, weapons training, Flight, Scuba, Self defence (with and against Weapons!) First Aid, all the while making sure your body is healthier than most and your mind doesn't develop a fear.

Unless this film is going for a PTSD narrative!

No they are going for a social commentary narrative, As a Dude-Bro takes pictures of "The Guy who use to be cool" and puts it up on Socials while Tom reacted to Colt's Near death by tweeting an emoji. Colt wanted to come back, but he felt like the accident was just an afterthought . Colt is about to hang up the boots when, just as ACDC's Thunderstruck starts in the background, then plays louder when Gail reveals the new Director wanted him to be the stuntman and it's Jody, Colt gets out of bed, and with a flick of his glasses, Colt does Wheelies in the Dude-Bro's Sports car In front of him while the Credits drop 11 minutes in.

During the 2 years Tom has become a bigger star, much to Colt's resentment.

The film is being shot in Sydney Australia, where New Scanning Technology will make sure no reshoots will happen. Colt has not seen Jody yet, but he does meet his former friend Dan Tucker. But Colt gets angry, that the first stunt they want him to do is a Netless Drop!

Meanwhile, Jody's "Nicey-Nicey" approach to the Hard nosed world of Hollywood is going to back this film an unsafe work environment for the guy who thinks he still has a chance!

In lieu of the Netless Drop, Dan opts for a Barrel Roll in a car stunt. But naturally since he's twice shy about injury, Jody thinks the Stuntman is a newbie, which means Gail is no doubt doing a Parent Trap to get them back together. 

In an attempt to impress Jody, Colt drives too close to her camera rig and destroys it, however the Barrel Roll comes off Flawlessly!

Naturally in real life, The Parent Trap Gambit is a stupid idea that only makes two people that hate each other, hate each other Even More! So not wanting to Admit who was In the wrong, Jody puts Colt through his paces. Jody gives Colt a Synopsis of her movie. It's basically a thinly veiled allusion to their fling.

Lady, maybe you may want to admit, I don't know.... THAT HE NEARLY DIED?!

Colt playing along with Being set on fire and pulled back into a rock face repeatedly, while Jody asks Colt what would his "Character" say in this situation. And he says he would say he realizes he spent too much time thinking what to say, that he regrets taking that long to say it!

Jody awards his honesty by setting him on fire again! 

Limping to his trailer that night, Gail hugs a tender Colt and Brags his car stunt will win a World Record once the movie is released, But Colt has had enough of everyone's bull crap and tells her he sees through her little Parent Trap!

Gail explains that it's like one of her films.... those Nihilistic films noone can watch through according to Colt, But Gail says her films are about Hope once you actually get to the end, all the Nihilistic elements is nothing more than the "Sexy Bacon" to make Cinema goers salivate like dogs. Colt is sick of everyone's crap and goes to bed, but Gail has her own ulterior motive for bringing Colt to Oz.

Jody doesn't know it yet, but her film is over budget and is set to flop, and the only person who can put Tom and Jody egos in check before the studio pulls the plug, is Colt the only person who knows them intimately! 

Given Tom's Air BnB Key card to get a better sleep, Colt is in his car Reminiscing all the good times. Until Jody knocks on the door and asks him why he is here. As she gets in the car he repeats what he said, and that he means it. And hopefully they can stay professional and for once I can say that they play this straight and don't start making out "AAAAAAAND FIVE MINUTES LATER" Sometimes playing it straight is as rare as a Subversion these days. It's fun to wink at the camera, now and again, but sometimes if you over do it, you lose any sense of being truly earnest.

So logging in the Air BnB, and switching on the light to see the Temporary home is a Shrine to Tom's greatness, as Colt tries to make coffee to shake his Jetlag (This is a running Joke, it has happened twice already) a Women with a Prop Sword tried to kill Colt. She Explains once the sword breaks, that she is Ziggy Starr (Teresa Palmer), Female lead of Alien Metal, and Tom Ryder's girlfriend. She Explains and exposits that Tom is Missing and fame has turned him into a Paranoid Dr*g-Fiend. But if he can pass himself off as Tom as his stunt double he can find him. 

Tom frequents The Neon Nights Club, owned by this Leopard print Tattooed covered Not-Andrew Tate called Dune who is Tom's Dealer. So Colt, dressed like he's about to sing his love of all things MAGA, Goes to find his former Friend.

Everyone But Dune sees through the facade, So he spikes Colt's Drink for asking too many questions. Despite having a trip Colt Still has his wits about him to fight off Dune's Bodyguards and gives the Dr*gdealer Chase.

Running Body first onto Dune's Taxi, Cody grabs him by the Fur coat and demands where Tom Ryder is! Dune tells him, he only Dr*gged Colt because he was Ordered to by "Kevin" that it would make sense if he went to the Hotel on this street and asked for "Kevin" and order "The Fruit Bowl". 

Colt Asks when the Dr*gs will wear off and Dune answers when Colt no longer sees Unicorns, as one stares right at Colt.

At the Hotel, The Stuntman on his come-down is Yammering about "Kevin" and  "Fruit Bowls", as the Unicorn walkS away for now, behind him was Jody, dressed for a night out she's worried about the condition he's in and feels he's not fit for work, until Gail saves them revealing anything to each other. 

As the Women leave to speak to the Studio reps, "Kevin" arrives at reception to give Him a key card to a room...only for it to be false. Frustrated, Colt knocks down the door when the Unicorn returns. In the abandoned room, Colt suddenly gets a phonecall from Jody on how to film the third act, she suggests filming both Protags of Alien Metal in Split screen, while the Protags of this film are shown in split screen, all the while the bar bar In the Middle fluctuates in thickness and thinness every time one of the two mention their own closeness or distance.

"OH, IT'S ART!"

When the call ends, Colt gets back to what he was Supposed to be Doing and that's finding Tom.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR MURDER!

Instead what He finds is a Dead man in a Bloody Ice Bath. Panicking, Colt phones Gail who no doubt doesn't believe the ramblings of Murders and Fruit Bowls once she learns his Drink was Spiked. Case in point, to make this phonecall, Colt had to park his truck illegally, so when tells local Australian cops what he saw, As soon as Gail said she'll "Handle It" the Body is already gone, Meaning it all a big prank on Colt's expense, or Something is going on and Gail is Batman levels of Prepared!

The next day no one believes Colt about what he saw, In fact, Dan is too Busy, because whatever Colt Said to Jody last night, has her all fired up. She Wants Colt to perform a 200 ft drop and then a Fight scene in one take. Jody comes by and Colt wants to Jody what he saw, but Jody realizes with the scanning technology, she doesn't need Tom to finish the Action scenes in Alien Metal, she has Colt, Which makes Colt Happy to be in her good books, make by tonight he'll be back....somewhere else!

ONLY GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS!

More Montage of Film-making as the Former Couple are mending their relationship, so Gail Realizes that the only way to save The Studio from the Lynching it will get from the Media when Tom's actions are made public is to cancel the film, by bribing Colt to leave for America. But as he sees Tom's P.A packing up to leave-Colt gets the Idea to save the Film-Or at the Very least, not become the Scapegoat for it's failure.

Colt Blows off Jody's date to the Crew Karaoke party, to track down Tom's P.A., Alma (Stephanie Hsu) after what will be no doubt a Chekhov's Lecture if mentioning if Tom's Dog Commandant doesn't bite someone in the B*lls, Colt wants any info to find Tom. Luckily Alma just so happens to swipe a phone off Tom's Security Head, Deschler and she will give it to him...FOR A PRICE! 

Meanwhile a Shot Down Jody is really Considering a Rebound with a Staff Member. 

Back with Colt, the Price is a Producer's Credit for Alien Metal. Colt agrees only for Wrestling Jobbers dressed as Garbage Men Taze them both and Kidnap Alma for the Whereabouts of the phone!

YOU WERE 3 FEET AWAY WHEN SHE HELD UP THE PHONE!

Busting Commandant out of Doggy Daycare, he gives chase to the Garbage truck, meanwhile Gail works her manipulation to shut down the production by spreading lies that Colt left the country before the entire world can learn Tom Ryder is a Mur-Diddly-Urderer! This means the action of the fight scene on a moving garbage truck is filmed Stop-Start fashion. 

Meaning the cool image of Colt surfing on a sea of sparks on top of a Broken  car door holding on to a moving garbage truck is ruined by Emily Blunt Butchering "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins and of course she could see all of it was a lie when both scenes happen at the same time if she only turned her head for five seconds.

Retaining the Phone and Saving Alma, Colt runs to the Karaoke Bar, but it's too late-Jody is Gone, So he goes up to the crew's resident tech support, A.K.A. the only other Asian in this film, and flatly snaps "Just use the password, bruh!" Knowing Tom is a mental incompetent even when he's sober, Colt no doubt knows he'll have the password on a post it note in his Air BnB. Involving Dan in his plan, they find the password in a sea of post-it notes. Unlocking the phone and bringing up the latest videos, it only concludes what they feared, That while  Drunk Tom Ryder killed His Stunt double Henry in a joke gone wrong and everyone in the inner circle of the film's production is in on it! Worse Still, thanks to "Kevin" and his "Fruit Bowl" Colt had Implicated himself as the Murderer. EVEN WORSE STILL, It turns out that the 3 Garbage Jobbers are black ops and now armed with backup they are heading for the Air BnB.

Arming themselves with Stunt Weapons, Dan and Colt make easy work of the Jobbers, some even get bitten in the junk again, But Unfortunately, the phone gets destroyed, by an errant Bullet in the Hun battle. He's captured but in an attempt to Disarm his captor's Gun he deftly the replaces the bullets with Blanks, after playing possum being shot up, Colt has no choice but to LE PARKOUR from the Air BnB to Tom's Mega Yacht....right into Tom Ryder's Secret Headquarters. Caught off guard, Colt is knocked out from behind.

Meanwhile Gail is trying to Convince Jody Colt is a murderer, Despite Jody knowing the Stuntman is a softy deep down, Meanwhile A tied up Colt calls out Tom for his C*ke-Feulled delusions that got a man k*lled! But Tom has a reason, Stuntmen like to brag that their stars can't do stunts that's why Henry had to die, that's why Colt had his accident, yes Tom was responsible for nearly k*lling Colt. Gail however is the real head of this snake, as she used the Scan technology to deep fake Colt's face in the Phone footage and gave it to the media, all they need is the original footage back, But Colt tells him his Jobbers are as useless as he is, as they destroyed the Phone. Tom laughs the phone footage was the only reason they kept Colt alive! Colt is covered in petrol to be set alight until he uses a mouthful of petrol to firebreathe a flame onto the Jobber holding the match. 

So Colt Rings Jody and confesses his love and Everything else -His Depression, his Pain, the Fact that Tom Ryder should be Disqualified from The Human Race For Shoving!, and the last thing she hears is a love confession as his stolen Speedboat is shot up as the Weeknd sings a crappy version of Kiss' I was made for loving you! Plays over a dramatic explosion in Sydney Bay! Cody Sievers is dead!

HA! NOT WITH 30 MINUTES LEFT ON THE RUN-TIME!

NO OF COURSE NOT!

But with the scan technology, It looks like Colt k*lled Henry after using dr*gs and breaking into a hotel room. And now to be next day the goons are on set tightening any loose ends, namely around Dan Tucker's neck!

Jody is repeatedly watching the Fire Colt "Died" from convinced he did Survive, when she is snuck behind by a costumed Extra, she beats him up, but it really is Colt!

GODDAM! IF SHE DIDN'T HOLD BACK COLT WOULD REALLY BE DEAD! I KNOW YOU HAD ISSUES BETWEEN EACH OTHER, BUT AGAIN I MUST SAY-GODDAM!

So Colt explains that Gail is so desperate to pull the plug on Alien Metal, so much so, Tom would kill for it! That the footage the media has is Deep fake, but the original is destroyed, But now the plan is to finish the film as a Tribute to Henry and make money like the Crow did....which was still a flop that was panned back in the day, for being released out of bad taste. There's a reason Rust will never the light of day because of that!

Jody Finally breaks that the original film was a Studio Write off from the start, but Colt tells her not to give up, that in the end, if she does, she could  make the story of the Alien Princess Alienetta and Space Cowboy work, if they couldn't make their love work, and who would inspire more girls to be  directors if she gave up?

So Gail wants to takeover as Director-to no doubt destroy the film in the 3rd act. But Jody refuses to leave. No she has a plan to make Tom Confess. To paraphrase The Immortal Bard:

"A Film, Framed as A Spoof, To catch the Conscience of a D**che!" Because Ryder cannot remember lines they are going to film a scene where he confesses the Murder of Henry. So if Tom wants to be the guy to do his own stunts, he's gonna be let do his own stunts. 

So Colt in Disguise puts Tom throughout an Advanced On the job training...one could say a "Crash" Course! Hijacking an off roader to scare a confession out of Tom.

Oh and Dan is still alive, despite him knowing Tom is a bad'un! They just let him work and more importantly, live!

Look, we are at the Climax of this film. They had 2 hours to have it make sense!

So let's wrap this up!

The Useless Goons give chase, but the entire crew are on Jody's side to take them out, while Colt causes Tom to confess, and when he cries Entrapment, Colt says THAT TOM'S WEARING A WIRE, NOT COLT! They do the jump together but they are both hurt, Colt drags himself out and checks Tom's pulse ("What a Shame, you're still alive!"), Gail sticks up the production truck for the film reel (making a point to show Commandant is there) only for Jody to knock Gail out!

The Jobbers are taken out by the crew in a Michael Bay, wet dream of scene, Deschler finally does something by attempting to kidnap Jody, only to be bitten in the d*ck by a dog. Tom and Gail escape into a helicopter with the film reel, until Colt has the plan to Use Jody's camera rig as a Launchpad to jump into the Helicopter to grab the reel and Hurt Tom, Ironically this stunt is a Netless Dive. However the Crew set up a Crash pad in double quick-time, as Gail aims Tom's gun at Colt, Colt reveals that just like before, he Disarmed the gun. Holding the Mag and the Reel he jumps out backwards giving the villains the bird, as he Lands on the crashpad Kiss plays out again,-DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO PLAY THAT SONG 3 TIMES?

And so the film ends with Jody Fishing colt out of the crashpad and them kissing as the set catches fire, the last scene being the trailer for Alien Metal-Tom replaced by Jason Momoa- a Cameo that was actually teased in the film. Kiss is played for a fourth time, Alma gets her producer's credit, the film is cheered at Comic-con. As Colt Monologues that this film was a success and he and Jody are a couple once more, we get a post credit scene where the police arrest Tom and Gail and two of the cops are Lee Majors, the original Fall guy and the original Jody, Heather Thomas.

Tom runs onto a Landmine field to get coverage on his phone and dies in an explosion. In the cop car, Alma who was the police's tip-off, gets on her phone to Jason Momoa's Agent, explaining away the cameo!

WITH NO NOSTALGIA FOR THE ORIGINAL IP, I CAN ONLY JUDGE THIS FILM AS...OKAY I GUESS!

While None of the cast phoned it in, this was not an Oscar bait film, But It was not the worst film ever made. This was a "Leave your Brain at the Door" harmless Fun film, and I loved it as that! Don't try to catch up with how many times the Villain's plan changes, Just look at the pretty fireworks!

CREDITS

The fall guy was reviewed, compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham.

With Media from

The Fall guy

Merenghi's Darkplace

New Japan Pro Wrestling

The Incredibles

All Media Belong to their respective Owners.

The Fall Guy Franchise is property of Universal Studios. All Rights Reserved.

AND NOW OUR STORYLINE CONTINUES!

THE 2 DEATHS OF E!

CHAPTER 6. 

THE FIRST DEATH!

While, Ostrich, Yusef and the cosmic Entities were yet to bring Joe-Jack into the fold to track down their escaped Enemies, Eamonn was resigned to his faith, he was a Cultural Happening, a facet of Human culture that was on the decline, so much so he was Taken by Death itself to a Realm of Forgotten things, Curated by beings who were Themselves were Artifacts in the Museum he was sent to, The Appraisers of Will, creatures who allocate the Finite Level of Effort a creature gets in it's life time. All 10 named after the Sephiroth are automated, Trollies on Tracks that are given mobility and Speech through Technology! 

One of them, came to the holding chamber Eamonn was in, the Pompous one Tiferet!

I-TIFERET-WILL SPEAK "Get up, Human! Your Exhibition of your Dying DVD Culture, Starts today!"

And that was the Day of my first Death.

That My Ego was destroyed! For no other reason Than Cultures never seeing a Human, I was Stripped Naked and Paraded like a Horse in A Paddock, the glares from other life forms, the Pointing of fingers the Wide looks of Both False Sympathy and Contempt. I couldn't stand it!

ONE DAY!

One day representing a Dying Culture and I wanted it to end.

I waited for the Second Death.

My Actual Death.

It Didn't arrive, 

something else did.

Over the Lightbulb of my Human Habitat that I was sequestered in during Work Hours, a Ombre light was flitting around it like a giant moth, investigating further it was not an Insect at all, But fragments of Data that were aglow with fire, A very familiar Fire.

I reached by hand to the the object, and then i knew what it was.

Here we go again!

It was, and yet it wasn't! It felt like a Devil's DVD, It's scarred and lodged into the knuckles of my right hand, ripping the "exquisite Sutures" That masked Doktor Creep had an Orgasm over. I felt that surge of Power, the same I got when the devil sent me Leap Year, the same When I Punched Ostrich, the same When I destroyed Silent Hill, the same when I killed New Rage.

"CHAMPION OF EARTH-1 YOU ARE BACK! BACK TO CONTINUE YOUR MISSION TO SEAL THIS POWER FROM FOOLISH MORTALS"

Then i could feel it, the connection to the first fragment, the one that was removed by The Galactic G-men i was duped to work with, all the way back on my Plain of existence it was in the Gae Dearg mk II, Calling out to me, even the 1st Gauntlet devoid of the same power source, it called out, then their sparks flickered and snuffed out, then blazed from their plain of existence to the Grey Area I Was, I covered my vulnerable Naked body from the hellfire, but instead of burns, both gauntlets formed on my hands then, then transformed into what i needed!

 TROUSERS!

And a new Gae Dearg to harness the Digitised Fragment, But Pants was also nice!

"CHAMPION OF EARTH-1, YOUR ENEMIES HAVE CHANGED, SO YOU MUCH CHANGED WITH THEM, WHILE UNLIKE THEM, YOUR CORE BELIEFS SHOULD NEVER FALTER, REMEMBER THIS! 

YOU ARE GIVEN A WILL OF YOUR OWN, SOMETHING YOU HAD BEING FORGETTING, SO MUCH THAT I BOTH YOU TO THIS MISERABLE PLACE, NOW GO! INTO THE DIGITAL FRONTIER, NO LONGER BOUND BY PHYSICAL MATERIALS GO AND SEEK AND DESTROY WITH YOUR OPINION THE WORST CREATION OF YOUR MEDIA, 

GO FORTH AS THE PILGRIM OF THE DIGITIAL LANDSCAPE!

NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE-As announced on the Revised Schedule, February's review will be the Hollywood Sh*t-show that is hiring Jerry Seinfeld, Amy Schumber and Making Hugh P*rv-o Grant Tony the Tiger in Unfrosted, the film about Pop-Tarts!

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 2024: DISNEY'S WISH

 And so, we end the year with a Christmas special, Not a Christmas film, or a souped up Toy Advert, but the first Big Mouse Dropping for a long while, from the Purveyors of Magic and Wonder-Disney!

You know a Film is going to flop when not even McDonald's makes a Happy Meal for it. Googling Disney Wish will bring up the Cruise ship of the same name, unless you specifically type in the words "Film" or "Movie" after. So why did this film Flop harder than a bowling ball in a swimming pool? What makes a bad Animation?

You may say "Clearly the Designs must be terrible to look at"!

....No, they aren't, though the Heroine does look like Pocahontas in Rapunzel's dress with some facial assets stole from Moa'na. And a lot of background characters look like there are from other films, and there is a reason for that, that we will get into.

"Well maybe the film failed because if it's Animation."

.... Again, No! Disney has a track record of taking Animation seriously, just look at any of the behind the scenes stills of Peter Pan where they filmed real actors to properly animate flying scenes or Tinkerbell interacting with things larger than her. Hell, this is the Studio that pushed back Coco, while they were working out how a skeleton would wear trousers.

"So if it wasn't the Animation or Design, the only thing left was it's Story"

BINGO!

Wish fails in it's execution of It's message, but I will go into that during the review.

So for the last time in 2024, let's Dig into Disney's Wish.

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED G IN IRELAND, THE EQUIVALENT TO AN U RATING. HOWEVER THIS REVIEW IS WRITTEN WITH AN ADULT AUDIENCE IN MIND.

Well, I don't know what to tell you about this artwork.

I Don't.....hate it! That's for sure. But there is a lot...ok a few things of note, over the logo is our villain Magnifico, only he's not that imposing. Sure we will learn he's nothing short of a Cult leader, But he looks so dahm goofy. Also his hands are Radioactive!

THAT CAN'T BE GOOD!

In said hands is one of Rosalina's Lumas from Mario Galaxy. I wonder with how bloodthirsty both Disney and Nintendo lawyers are when it comes to cease and desist orders, would their Respective lawyers be rivals or best friends? 

Over an indigo tinted landscape in a portal caused by the Star thing, Asha, our Amalgamation of heroines from better films, stands on a rock next to a Goat kid, giving us a smarmy look-When the Animal sidekick has more Personality than your hero or Villain, AMIRITE?

Sad thing is, he's probably voiced by a washed up comedian Like Ricky Gervais or James Corden.

(READS THAT ITS ALAN TUBRYK)

Okay , that's not a bad choice!

So the film starts with a Storybook opening itself as the voice of Asha tells us the film's premise: Once upon a time, a man who believes in positive thinking went into the world and got disheartened, so he studied magic so he could grant wishes. Word Followed and soon people would seek him out in an attempt to have them grant their wishes. So much so, when the magician and his wife settled on a Mediterranean island, named Rosas, all those seeking wishes became his followers and colonised this island which became a Sovereign State when Followers who had their wishes taken made the magician their king with full autonomy of the wishes that he promises to grant.

So in other words, A Cult?

Asha Does say he only grants wishes to those "Worthy". And one such family of Rubes who lives on Rosas is her own Family, a Family of Goat herders including a grandfather who is about to turn 100, on the very day King Magnifico Will Conduct a Wish Ceremony, Naturally the granddaughter our heroine is convinced that this wish is going to his. We Foreshadow that the goat will be speaking later, and Mom Suggests that she and Asha Make a birthday cake for Zaba, Until Asha lies that she's only going out tonight JUST for work. Mom says she can tell Asha is lying when she makes long pauses, we get this response that caused me to spit out my drink when I heard it!

"I'm A Maturing Girl, My pauses are now different!"

Hey! a Menstruation Joke in your Disney Kiddie Film!

MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU FILTHY ANIMALS!

So Asha is a tour guide here in Rosas, An Island made of Disney Props and References, We have our first Song which I Didn't fast forward because it's world Building, even it it's 3d assets from existing films and video games, Asha's house is the house the fairy godmothers raised Aurora (FORESHADOWING!), there are bluebirds and butterflies that land in women's hair and the marketplace sells Pumpkins, glass slippers, dolls of characters and the like. But there is some Originality, This a medieval world that's a tourist trap where most of the citizens are artisans who one day wish for tidy Profits...But do gain them anyway!

The Song Continues with Asha telling us that when a child turns eighteen or an adult visits the king, That the king removes the Wish from the person and it's crystallized and stored away, and that person forgets the wish, but they are freed of the burden of a wish that may never come through, But that's ok because if you believe enough and are good citizens, your wish will be granted, right.....RIGHT?

"We get our free will sucked out, by choice and maybe if the wish is Convenient for our DICTATOR to stay in power, It gets granted. WHAT A BARGAIN!"

After the song in the castles Kitchen Asha Converses with a Maid named Dahlia, who exposits that Asha wants to be the King's Apprentice, this was the thing she lied to her mother about.

Dahlia is the leader of seven orphans who are Actually references to the seven dwarves, something a lot of people missed out on. In fact there are a lot of references people missed, not in an Easter egg way, but a point that was missed way. Anyway. Not-Grumpy says there is a conspiracy that when someone turns 18, Just like Simon, the Stand-in for Sleepy, they lose some of their will and become listless like he has. But hey, King's Apprentice, that means your family and friends get first dibs on wish grants, including say, i don't know, A Grandfather who turns 100 and may not live to see 101, so yeah, good luck with that!

The Queen Amira enters the Scullery to announce that Asha's Interview for Apprenticeship has being moved up to right now.

Asha is led to the King's Chambers, Amira tells Asha she's rooting for her because she admires her generous Spirit. Inside the Library like chamber, she finds a Spellbook under glass, when she touches it, The glass decoration comes to life and attacks her as a swarm of hummingbirds until the king (Chris Pine) comes in to Save her.

We get some backstory on Asha. SURPRISE, SURPRISE, BUT NOT REALLY! HER DAD IS DEAD! AT LEAST ONE PARENT OF A CHILDREN'S FILM PROTAG BE LIKE:

Asha's father was an Astronomer and he instilled his beliefs onto her. At a young age, The King himself lost his family at a young age to Greedy Bandits, But now look at him, King of the Most Plentiful and Ideal Place on Earth.

"I WANT TO MAKE A PLACE, WHERE NOONE HAS TO SEE THEIR DREAMS DIE IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES"

(NERVOUS LAUGHTER!)

(SIGH!)

So Magnifico shows Asha his collection of Wishes that he has Extracted for many years (Including 3 from the 4 tourists that were convinced solely by Asha's Song-So....WHOOPS!) After Asha exclaims that they feel alive (Oh, Honey! Oh you Sweet Summer Child!), The King sings "At all costs" Chris Pine is Autotuned and maybe it's that, Maybe it's the melody or the way he sings the word "YOUUUUU" But the first half of this song sounds like Dirty Vegas' Song "Without You (Days Gone By)

The Song also is foreshadowing as he sings about the power "Drawing Him in" and "Compulsion".

The Silver Tongued Silver fox convinces Asha as she starts to sing to the balls of Cleaved out Will-to-live, finding Zaba's wish. When the Song ends, she tells the king it's Zaba's birthday and she would love it of his wish gets granted, but the king not only refuses to grant a Mundane wish of being a Song writer, but Gaslights Asha into thinking it's a Dangerous wish. That a wish of "Inspiring The Next Generation" could be Morally Ambiguous. And goes out of his way to say he only grants wishes for the kingdom's benefits. 

So Asha is now becoming disillusioned, if Magnifico has no intention of Granting All these wishes, maybe he should give them back, But no, he's the Grand Pharaoh of this Pyramid scheme, people come here with unattainable wishes. He provides a service to suck out their wish, the memory of said, and their free will and exchange for a promise he will not keep, servitude, a time share on paradise and all the Copium you need to not think for yourself!

So as Such Magnifico wants to make an example of Asha, giving her a stage seat so She can hear him claim that Asha challenged her to grant a wish only to grant the wish of a Woman called Sonya so that when the King says a name with a Hard S, it gets Zaba's hopes up. So Magnifico tells Asha he will not offer apprenticeship to her as the Queen looks on confused.

So Zaba's 100th Birthday is now a sad affair, now that Asha knows the Truth, she tries to tell Zaba the Truth but the old man Refuses to remember the wish or what it was to begin with "Why would you make me remember something that will never be?", This upsets Asha for upsetting Zaba. So she runs into the night and into another song. At this point I'm fast forwarding through songs unless they contain story elements in scene. So she ends up at the Bonsai tree her Father would bring her to stargaze. When the song concludes her lyrics on believing the truth, she wishes on a star and it glows over Rosas, Filling the Folk with Joy and the king with Fear.

While the king feels threatened, The source of this light Evil Dead's Valentino behind Asha's back. Until the Orb of light speeds off during ghost antics until it reveals itself to be a Chubby star...thing. 

Sure enough, this Kirby-Esque Creature Starts Crop-dusting Glitter on Valentino and plants and animals in the forest and makes them talk, Oh and one of the animals is Thumper from Bambi in another reference in this referencefest.

Asha wants to know how is this possible and the answer is, of course, a song!

NO! THE ANSWER IS...

 

So the star can perform magic, but it can't perform wishes, however it is drawn to the wishes in someway, and somehow this Girl who spat out the Kool-Aid, and this non-verbal Creature team up to free the wishes. Meanwhile in the castle's keep, Magnifico tries to find a spell or knowledge to explain what that light was, as he berates Amira, that he doesn't want what happened to his family to happen again, so he breaks out the Forbidden Spellbook, Until Amira talks him down.

So Asha tries to Smuggle the Star into the castle, so she can get help from the Seven Not-Dwarves to get into the Study without notice, so she hides Valentino in a chicken coop. Asha comes clean about the Magic star and I'm glad she did, because, noone would be able to explain...WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS!

Star (which is now his name-VERY CREATIVE!) Meets them all but is sad to meet Simon, who already had his soul sucked! There is a call to Assembly and everyone leaves to attend, The lame Dahlia feigns slowness to get the full story from Asha without the others knowing. So Asha spills the beans, Magnifico is a fraud, so Dahlia leads Asha, Star and Val into the dumb Water.

At Assembly the King tells his Rubes that the light from last night was Magic-magic he didn't commit or Condone, Whoever performs magic without the King's approval is A Traitor and when he Finds the traitor, the punishment will be severe, making Dahlia cringe with panic as she causes a distraction.

The door to the Dumb waiter is locked, but Star gives all the Inanimate objects in the study life (they play music that starts like the Magician's Apprentice, but that is soon drowned out.), including a magnifying glass that makes the ripped Papers and tossed books catch fire, the source behind this meme.

Star is bought to the wish room where Asha asks for Mother's and Zaba's wishes Showing the bootleg Togepi a sketch book of what they look like, meanwhile the Distraction by Dahlia turns into a Q and A Session where basically the Conned Rubes start speaking out of turn and regain free speech, which Ticks off the King Immensely. So It's Rumpelstiltskin time-Bring me the traitor and I will grant your wish. Until Then, Noone plays with the toys in the Toybox.

After the worst Villain Song ever created, the one where this meme comes from....

 

THIS IS NOT THE FACE OF EVIL, THIS IS THE FACE OF SOMEONE WHO SUCCESSFULLY  PULLS OFF A "DEEZ NUTS" JOKE!

The King charges into the room just as Star finds Zaba's wish, As she hides with her friends the song continues with Magnifico having his hand forced to do god knows what when he breaks out the forbidden Spellbook, and makes himself a dungeon.

That night Mom and Zaba are told everything, they can't believe Valentino can talk and they can't believe Zaba's wish is his once more. As it's absorbed into the old man's body he laughs at how pure and simple it was, that he doesn't know how, but he will inspire people.

But then the King Darkens the Door. Asha has being Sold Out, he wants to how she did it-How did she pluck a star out of the sky without magic. Asha refuses and as Punishment, Magnifico pulls out Mom's wish out from his robes and crushes it, the soul energy going into Mag and causing a mini heart attack in the woman, with Magnifico exclaiming if he only knew absorbing wishes could give him this much power, he would have does this sooner.

So you are telling me, he Didn't know til right now, or was not smart enough, to absorb soul power to make himself more powerful, that he was just content with brainwashing and Gaslighting?

Now seeing the king becoming a Power hungry Soul sucker, Star aids the family to escape, with Valentino convincing the knights' and King's horses Orwellian Style to turn on their Human masters!

Bundled into a Rowboat, they sail towards a second island, Asha apologises for making them all fugitives. Mom recovers from the pain, a pain not Physical, but Emotional, like she is grieving a part of herself. But Asha fears for everyone in Rosas as every Pigeon on the Island is now a Pigeon Parfait in an all night Soul Buffet! As the Boat is about to shore, Asha, Val and Star swim and fly back to Rosas.

In Magnifico's Dungeon, he Learns to harness the stars in the sky's power. By sacrificing the wishes of 3 people to Create a Staff from Forbidden Magic. Seeing her Husband Create a weapon of Arcane Power, Amira is Frightened by the changes in her husband's personality.

A new Assembly had being called, With Asha blamed for the 3 souls stolen for the King's Staff's Creation, the king Make his terrifying entrance. Asha looking for her friends in Disguise and sees the Queen just as Concerned. She has the idea to make a Mouse Talk to send a message to Amira.

The Traitor is revealed to be Simon, the King grants his wish because it's convenient and beneficial for him, to make Simon his most powerful and loyal knight, but Amplified by the Staff's power, Simon is also turned into a mindless Slave who tells the king the other Orphans are also conspirators.

Bacenia, The Bashful Dwarf Replacement brings the others to her secret Hideout, which she goes to when human Contact gets too much for her! Asha finds the place by accident. And so the plan is simple: With a Song, Asha, Val, Star and the remaining 6 orphans are Le Resistance.

Their Signal is the sound of a dying Giraffe!

As the Sing Continues they are found by the Queen...who Joins Le Resistance by singing her own stanza to the song. The Queen meets Star and somehow learns from Asha that Star can't leave until the Wishes are freed.

Meanwhile Magnifico has gone Full Energy Vampire, Sucking Up Wishes and dropping References left and right, with just the worst puns ("A wish for a Nanny, well-I'M POPPIN' THIS ONE!)

ACTUAL GODDAM QUOTE!

Amira sneaks the Orphans and Valentino into the Study to free the Wishes and find a cure. In the forest with Asha, Star breaks off a branch and imparts some magic to make a wand. Problem is, the magic is Sporadic and random, Meanwhile all the orphans except the Walking Stick Dependant Dahlia, are joined with Star and Valentino to open the Starlight, while Dahlia helps Amira to search tomes for a counter spell.

Now, Ignoring they made Dario, the Dopey Counterpart More Neurodivergent, than just plain Stupid, ignore that detail of him getting confused on how to pull a Rope played for laughs, they sent Children to open a Giant Starlight, so of course the plan doesn't work. There is more bad news, as Dahlia reads that exposure to Dark Magic, no matter for how short a Time, Permanently changes a Person!

The orphans decide to plunge into the landing below like bellringers to have the weight needed to open the Roof, when open, the orbs containing wishes float into the night sky and can be seen as far as the Second island, with the Will Returned to him, Zaba rows his daughter back to Rosas to save his granddaughter.

Asha is Blindsided by the King on his horse, and he snaps the Wand underfoot, as he dismounts. Asha Brags that he's too late, only for The king to reveal he has Simon under the power of a Disguise spell the whole time. Asha realizes Magnifico never left the castle, and Simon blocks her path....until a Bear enters Stage left from nowhere and the Forest animals deal with Simon  Stealing the King's Horse she Bolts back to the castle where Magnifico reclaims his wife and Absorbs Star into his staff, But not before giving Amira a Magical Backhand and telling her "Quiet, Woman!"

THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO FAR GONE!

WHEN YOU NO LONGER RESPEK WAMANS!

So Magnifico, Drunk off Cosmic Power casts a Permanent storm to blot out the Stars, makes himself Big Brother on any reflective surface and casts Ghostly vines that literally bind the entire populous into slavery, Proclaiming there is no Hope, without him, But him, there will be no dreams, no plans, no stories to inspire.

Well....You said nothing about Singing!

So only in a Disney film does everyone know the Lyrics to the same Song and through the Power of Love, Friendship, Heart Of the Cards, ETC ETC, The song forms new Wish spheres in the bodies of everyone, with the wish that everyone shares-the Greatest Wish of All-FREEDOM!

So lets finish this!

Everyone is freed, Magnifico is sucked into the wand as his magic is reversed, the Wishes return to the people, even those who were devoured return also. Simon slinks in, asking for an apology for his actions-which Amira grants: she too was fooled for far to long, Trapped in the jewel of the now destroyed Staff, the King, still Petulant, bangs on the Crystal like he's trapped in the Phantom Zone, so Amira commands Magnifico be returned to his Dungeon....as it's prisoner!

Some time later, Normalcy has returned, and Amira sets out to grant the wishes, not as a wizard, since she is not magical, but as a Consultant of sorts. Zaba pursued his song writing dreams and Star fixes Asha's Wand, though Asha complains that the wand could barely defeat a fake Mag. Dario Jokingly says maybe Asha could learn to be some kind of "Fairy Godmother" with Star teaching her properly, But Star Chirps sad Chirps, which Asha somehow knows to mean The star is leaving...But not today as the star flies around blasting fireworks that look like a certain mascot! As the book closes on a Happily Ever After, the Credits roll showing Constellations in the sky turning into characters from better Disney Films! 

Despite the Hate Online, this is not the Worst Disney film ever made. Just the worst one made RECENTLY , But it's not without it's wins. The Animation is crisp and as you would expect, the Artwork is Gorgeous, Surely that's all you would expect, right?

Well No, No Amount of Sizzle will ever Outsell the Steak, and in truth, Despite being Made to celebrate 100 years of Disney, the film feels like was Written by AI. Asha is a Chosen One Golden Child, who Humble-Brags to her Less Fortunate and More Capable (and in the case of 3 of the orphans, Dahlia, who relies on a cane, Dario, who is On the Spectrum, and Gabbo, the Grumpy Dwarf, remains having Dwarfism, so not only are the orphans Capable but 3 of them Handi-capable!-and it's those 3 whose actions progresses the Story, Not Asha!) and Stumbles into Victories without Prior Planning or at the very least, Prior indication that things will work in her favour. The Bear attacking Simon, For example, How did Asha know there was a Bear in the forest at that time, Did she meet a Bear early in the film? Was there a bear in the Song sung by the forest animals and we just didn't notice?

Chris Pine as Magnifico can sing, even if the first song relies Too heavily on Autotune, he can tell Jokes but Mags is a bland villain, even when he turns heel, we kinda knew he was a bad'un, because he was presented as a Cult leader early on. If he was supposed to be sympathetic, because of the loss of his family, then making him a Soul Sucker and Not keeping him as a Soul Hoarder was the wrong choice, If he was denying casting wishes of people who remind him of his family, and casting them meant he lost them, that would be A Sympathetic Villain. If he was trapped in the mirror and Cried about Being alone forever, that would be a Sympathetic Villain, He's punished and knows he deserves to be, but in a sense of Irony being trapped in a Mirror everyone will see him, BUT NO! the last thing we hear is "Get me out of this Jewel, and get off my throne, YOU USELESS WOMAN!"

Alan Turbyk's Talents are wasted as Valentino, Because of the Terrible Script, and Yes-Disney Mascots are annoying, but every now and then, they land a giggle and crack a smile, Turbyk says some variation of "I LOVE CLIMBING, BECAUSE I'M A GOAT!" Like he's Sir Lawrence Olivier performing Hamlet and NOT ONCE! does it ever land! Star has no Personality, he's a McGuffin with arms and legs.

The Story Plods Until the halfway mark when they decide to make the king evil, the film has Disney References without ever going into why it's important- It's just there for you to do this at the TV screen when you notice it!

But It's the Ending I Have the Biggest Problem With.

Recall that Zaba's Wish is to Write a song that will inspire people. The Climax sees the King has bound the Citizenry, But it was the Song that everyone sang that was the key to defeating Magnifico...BUT IT WAS ASHA, THE CHOSEN ONE GOLDEN CHILD, WHO SANG FIRST! Had it being Zaba or Dahlia, or any Side character the Moral of Everyone has a life worth fighting for would make more sense because the Former Suckers Of the king's scam are singing IN SUPPORT OF Asha to finish the fight, not to BOOST HER EGO in a song she started!

Speaking of Songs, in the Film's prevailing Spirit of Unoriginality, every Song sounds like music that exists already. And I am not talking about songs that sound like songs from Other Disney movies, I mean Songs that sound like other Real Commercial Songs. At All Costs begins sounding like Dirty Vegas' Without You, The song sang by the Squirrel Sounds too much like "Life, Oh Life" by Des'ree and the Resistance song sounds like it was plucked from Greatest Showman! Despite the Initial Shock of "Are you Serious?" hearing a Familiar Chord or Stolen Melody, the outrage is soon forgotten as these songs are THAT forgettable. A decade on from Let It Go played on the radio, and this is the state the music is in?

With an Uninspiring Hero, A damp Squib of a villain, A Comic Relief with no comedic lines, a Story that feels like 100 years of Cinema History Boiled down to base Unifying Plots with References for the sake of References, Wish is not as Pathetic as a film as People think....

But as the Film that was released to be the Milestone Film of a Company- a One hundred year Game Changing Legacy no less-NOW THAT'S PATHETIC!

CREDITS 

Disney's Wish was reviewed, compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli) on Twitter

With Media from:

Disney's Wish

Inugame Korone's Youtube Channel Representing Hololive

Once Upon a Time In Hollywood

All Media used belong to their Respective Owners.

Wish is the property of Walt Disney. All Rights Reserved.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY AND SAFE 2025 TO ALL MY READERS!

Until January, this Blog is Now Locked until then. When I return we will be close to the 300th post and the announcement on the main blog, enlightenedtowers.blogspot.com on what that film may be! 

But For Now, I need to Rest and Be with my family until the new Year. So as I log off for the year, I urge you to do the same with your own families and friends this Holiday Season. 

Eamonn Reviews The Iron Claw

Wrestling is a lot of things to many people.

A Sport for the Athletic, a Business for Promotors, A hobby for fans, a Spectacle, and a place for those who had nothing else.

For the Von Erich Family in Texas for 3 generations, it was That and More.

The Adkisson family-Professionally known as the Von Erichs, were the stars of their family's wrestling territory- World Class Wrestling, managed in the 80's by Jack "Fritz" Von Erich. At this time, Fritz's sons-Kerry, Kevin, David and Mike were set to be the biggest stars in Texas, where in that early decade of the 80's, The National Expansion by the then WWF was years away. And in the Lone Star State, the Von Erichs were famous, they sold out arenas more than any Rockstar and had more female fans than any Teen Heart-throb!

But with great Success comes Great Tragedy, as One-By-One, a Brother had to see his family suffer time and again!

The Cover art is nice and Understated. Black Background and sepia tone lighting give Efron, Dickinson and Allen-White a larger than life presence.

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 15 AND  CONTAINS DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD, OPERATIONS, STEROIDS, AND SUICIDES, THE LATTER WILL HAVE TRIGGER WARNINGS. CERTAIN WORDS HAD TO BE CENSORED FROM THIS POINT ON TO GET THE REVIEW OUT.

The Film opens with a black and white panoramic view of a Ring, as it starts to fade in a shot of Fritz Von Erich (Holt McCallany) in his later career beating an unseen opponent as the Ref tries to pull him out of the corner. The Music for this sequence needs Mention as the Fade In is timed with a string section in tension while every strike by Fritz is punctuated with a Drum beat. The scene is now played in real time as Fritz had bloodied his opponent to loud Boos. He holds up his hand to signal for his finisher, the Iron Claw, a Submission move where the Von Erichs would squeeze the Head of the opponent.

Yes, it sounds silly to non wrestling fans, but it's about believability. If I based my style on leaving my opponents a pile of Butchered Meat every night, then is anyone is gonna point out that my Lil' Head Squeeze is as Phoney as A Cuckoo's Nest?

After the Match, Jack is feeling his age. He meets his wife and 2 of his young sons, Kevin and David after the show in the Parking lot. Mrs Von Erich, (Maura Tierney) Pregnant with their Fifth son, has the Shock of her life when she sees their trailer pulled by a Cadillac. She's furious that Jack would splurge so much money on a sports car with a child on the way, even if it's a rental. But Jack tells her his star on the rise and with it coming, (The title shot) you have to be Stronger, Tougher, Better, to rely on family than anyone else in life as his sons listen on!

And I'm sure This will not Bite the family in the Ass Later On, At all (!)

Jack ends his speech by saying he will win the NWA Heavyweight Championship "And Noone Will Hurt us again" - as Mrs Von Erich prays under her Breath.

We Time skip to a decade later into full colour, as an Alarm Clock wakes up an Adult Kevin Addison. (Zac Efron) His Rest was not a peaceful one, as he Struggles with pain. He shares a Bedroom still with David (Harris Dickenson), He tells his half asleep brother he's going for a run. In the Intermediate time between the 60s and 1979, the Von Erichs secured a house, where we learn they are a Conservative, God fearing family as both a family portrait and a Cross hang over cabinets of handguns and Sporting Trophies.

As Kevin had his run, he monologues his Story. He believes his Family suffers from a Curse. That his parents tried to protect him and his Brothers from it- Mom with Prayer, and Dad with Wrestling. His Creed that being Strongest and toughest, meant you are untouchable, and they believed them, and it has lead them to Pushing themselves harder, because by now, it paid off, the Von Erichs  now ran World Class and it made local television. 

It's now 1979 and Kevin, the Eldest Child of Four has more to prove because he sets the example. Despite winning the Texas Heavyweight Championship, Kevin is hurt, and hurt badly.

Over Breakfast, Fritz Berates the Fitness of Youngest son, Mike, who says he'll just have one of his brothers to back him up, if he is in trouble.

FORESHADOWING!

Fritz Being "Father of the year" says despite Kerry being an Olympic Hopeful, Kevin, the Texas Champion, and David about to debut, he reminds his sons that, And I Quote "The Ranking on who's my Favourite son is subject to change!"

During Farmwork, (their wealth also letting them buy the land around the ranch.) David and Kevin overhear Dad berate Mike, so Kevin asks Mom if she can say anything to Dad. Mom says it's their problem to sort out. And while She is right, it's harsh in Hindsight knowing what happened next.

We Focus on the other Aspect of the Von Erichs' upbringing-Religion, though that really consists of them in nice clothes sitting in the pews as others sing hymns around them. After Church, the sons return to normalcy, hanging out with friends, eating takeaway and tubing down the river, despite the Tough love from Dad and Cold Shoulder from Mom, the Von Erich boys can't go anywhere without girls congregating around them.

We cut to a world class TV taping, As Kevin is interviewed ahead of a tag match, the one where David will debut, however behind the Camera, it's David who is making Kevin flub his lines with funny noises and faces, causing retake after retake.

It's another packed Friday Night at the Dallas Sportatorium, as Backstage, the Von Erichs and their opponents go through the finish of the match. As David gets the win on his professional debut, Fritz looks on in the wings with a critical eye and a wry smile.

As always after the matches, Girls Gaggle at the carpark wanting Autographs, until one woman, Pam (Lily James) is a bit more abrasive than the easily rattled blushing schoolgirls that usually ask for eight-by-tens. Kevin's mind is miles away, but is when she asks him out to dinner, it surprises him.

In Fritz's office, Bill Mercer, the Announcer has good news for Fritz, ESPN has offered A national television deal to World Class over the WWF, with promises from the other NWA territories to bring in stars to Texas for this show on a weekly basis, the only thing that will seal the deal with the other Heads of the Territories, is a Texan World Champion, and with Kevin as the State's Champion, He's a Shoe-in for the job.

Meanwhile Kevin and Pam are on a date in a diner, when a fan comes up from autograph, which Kevin signs. Pam asks him, if he really is that Famous, Kevin laughs it off by saying only in Texas-They use to be on the Road, but not as much Since they got the TV show. Pam outs herself by not being a fan, by asking if wrestling is fake, which Kevin is offended by, Pam backtracks by asking him instead what does he want in life, to which he immediately says "World Heavyweight Champion" without hesitation. He explains easily to Pam the Territory system of the World's Championship (SAVES ME FROM DOING IT!), and the Hierarchy of the separate territories heavyweight champions, but he equates his belt to having a worthless accolade on a office worker's résumé that's only really good for promoting yourself before All others up the chain of command. That's All He Wants (What Fritz Wants!) To be the best and have his family with him. Pam is more straight forward-She wants to settle down and start a family, and Kevin is all for it- He'll spring for their own ranch and have his brothers live there until they get married! Pam laughs it off by saying Kevin has Big Brother Syndrome-He wants to take care of everyone. Kevin reveals a secret to Pam, he's not the oldest brother. When he was 5, his older brother, Jack Jr died. Though the doesn't remember how, he was too young to process and Grieve. Pam gets up from her chair and hugs him. He says it's because of the family Curse!

The utterance of a Family Curse confuses Pam. And Kevin doesn't fully buy it either, but you see as I said above, the Adkisson family changed their name to Von Erich to play German Heels, which was Fritz's mother in law's name, who themselves had Woe-Be-Tied to their name. And by taking their name, Fritz believes they took the Curse Wholesale.

Pam believes that we make our own luck in life. Something Kevin starts to believe when he visits his father, who has Good news-The World Champion, Harley Race-is Coming for a limited Run in World Class- And it's Gonna be Against Kevin!

By Virtue of winning the State championship recently, NWA must honour giving any new state champion by offering a world's title shot. Despite Fritz's Success, he was never world's champion, So the Pressure is intensified.

Harley Race (Kevin Afton) is on his Fourth Reign as NWA World's champion, he is a Formidable Island to himself, as Future Greats like Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes and Tommy Rich all want what he wears on his shoulders-the National Wrestling Alliance World Heavyweight Championship.

It's the night of the Pilot on ESPN with the main event match packing the Sportatorium to it's rafters. Kevin is granted a match with Race...A NON-TITLE MATCH! Harley was a well respected wrestler because he made it look real, and he didn't suffer fools gladly, if you were in a match with Harley, he was never going to put up with gimmicks or Silly moves, Or the Beating you took was going to be worse! Keep in Mind Kevin had being hiding Injuries since the First Scene, and Being thrown to the Outside concrete floor is Not Helping Matters. Kevin can Barely Get in the Ring to Answer the 10 count. Despite a heroic Showing, the plan was changed without the Von Erich's approval, from a Straight loss by Pinfall to a Disqualification Win. David breaks it up and hands Kevin a Microphone to cut a promo, But Kevin's Gasping worries Fritz so David grabs the mic to finish the promo, And it saves the family rep.

Backstage David is sitting with Kevin with his ribs taped, when Fritz comes in all Angry. Kevin explains Harley changed the Toss to the Outside Shot without his knowledge. It was Suppose to be over the Middle Rope, not the Bottom Rope, Meaning Kevin Could not React in time, Fritz checks if the injuries are real, and concludes the NWA are testing Kevin in the same way he was, and why he believes the promotion has a Vendetta against his family! He's happy about what David did, and the company want him to tour.

When Fritz leaves, Kevin Tears into David on Stealing his Thunder.

Meanwhile Kerry Von Erich (Jeremy Allen-White) is Training to Represent America in Discus in the 1980 Moscow Olympics. Of course for those who don't remember or are too young to, That was the Year of the American Boycott, in protest of Russia invading Afghanistan. This causes Fritz to break-down Further in his mind!

Still they welcome Kerry Home with a banner and a Barbecue and the Brothers play some football with Dad to let go of some steam...Though the Tackles get rougher and Mike gets more flak against him!

During Dinner Which is the first Time the Family Meets Pam, Kerry asks when Kevin is getting his Title rematch. There is silence, until Dad says he's working on it! Kerry changes the Subject and asks Mike about his Music. Turns out Mike is very Adept with many instruments...A Trait, Mrs. Von Erich tell us comes from Fritz, He had a Music Scholarship, but gave it up for Football ("Everyone Knows there is No Future in Music!") So Even Upon that statement, Mike says his Band has a Gig at the local College Grounds, Mom says absolutely not...So Mike sneaks out that night with help from his brothers and Pam. Mike plays his gig, While Kevin and Pam sneak out for "Privacy" in their truck. But Kevin has a Confession...It will be his first time!

Sometime later Fritz is watching Wrestling on tv and Sees Ric Flair has won the world's title over Kevin's Rematch. This infuriates Fritz to no end, who convinces Kerry to join the Family Business ("They took the Olympics away from you, just like they took Football from me, the World Keeps Wanting to take from us, and I AM SICK OF IT!")

And it couldn't have come sooner, as With Kerry in tow, there is now a three man team that can square off with the Fabulous Freebirds and Catapult All Six men into Southern State Urban Legend, Both for Sublime In ring Action, Outrageous Storylines and C**aine-fuelled Wild Behaviour-But Despite The latter, the Money Stacks Up, Kevin and Pam Buy a House and Fritz pushes his sons further. And though the World's Title is Forever out of the Von Erich's Reach, Thanks to ESPN And Wrestling Magazines They gain every bit of National Fame. It's the family's Best Year in 1983, When the 3 Brothers win the Six-Man Tag Team Championships from their Rivals, The Freebirds.

After the Match, Fritz gets into the ring and despite the Celebration, He can't leave it alone!- He calls out NWA President Sam Muchnik By Name and announces That David will be World's Champion, Then Kerry, then Kevin.......AND THEN MIKE!

Fritz has become every bit of the monster he hates, he has On National Television, taken away the thing Mike Loves!

David Whispers to Kevin "I don't think Dad Meant to say I get the Belt First", only for Fritz to turn and ask if there is a problem, as the screen fades to black. 

As the screen fades back in, Kerry Is injecting himself, as the Three brothers line up to hear Dad's News. David is getting the Title shot against Ric Flair, however Due to his Outburst on TV, David will fight Flair In Non Title matches all over the country and then take a tour of Japan. He then takes a knee and passive Aggressively states the others "Did their Bit" to push David Up and to do more of it!

We Cut to some time later, at Kevin and Pam's Wedding and everyone is celebrating...until Kevin finds David in the men's room vomiting blood. Kevin asks David to Slow down, But David wants the world title first. To wit, Kevin says Dad will only push harder when he wins it. Kevin Suggests David not go to Japan. He tells him he forgives him for what happened during the Harley Race match and tells him he loves him. He loves being in the ring as a family. It's the only thing that matters....to him, NOT DAD! He was going to give this speech later in front of everyone but he lets David know he has a Surprise-Pam is Pregnant! And David is so happy he's going to be an uncle!

David would never meet the baby.

On February the 10th, 1984, David Von Erich was found dead in his hotel room in Japan. The cause of death was a Ruptured Intestine Due to Diverticulitis. He was only 25.

When Fritz tells Kevin the news, he pretends not to know. In another Display of Toxic Masculinity , Fritz rips the Sunglasses off Kerry to make sure noone sees any of his sons crying, he also calls the Death "The lord's work" upsetting Mrs Von Erich in her room. Kevin finds a Postcard addressed to him from David from Japan Written days before, David Oblivious to his Sudden demise later, he wrote saying that The Japanese thought David was Kevin and how he can't wait to have Kevin over here with him. He can just tell this all this himself, because by the time the letter is deliver he should be home by now. And yes David Returns to Texas as a hero.... but not like this!

Pam finds Kevin in the bedroom he and David shared all their life. Beaten up about the death. That night on the porch, Dad says David's title shot is In his hands and a Von Erich WILL Face Ric Flair at Parade Of The Champions, But Kevin and Kerry both want it, So the only fair way to settle it, is for Fritz to flip a coin. It spins in the air and the screen fades to black.

Time skips to Backstage and we see wrestling boots, given Kevin wrestled Barefoot all his career, it's Kerry who won the coin toss. At home, Mom watches the match, but she is not alone, as David's Ghost is sitting on the stairs, until she turns her head when she feels she's being watched.

Kerry with David's name emblazoned on his jacket, defeats Ric Flair and becomes world champion.

Kevin finds Kerry In The kitchen in the dark drinking and still not believing he won. He tells Kevin he going for a ride on his motorbike. As Kevin sits and wonders what's next for him, Tragedy strikes again, when a drunk Kerry can't see straight.

He cut to the aftermath of the accident, where we are spared to what also happened to Kerry's Severed Foot. The Urban Legend is Kerry's Foot was Reattached via surgery and was told not to put pressure On the foot, only to get on a Push Pedal motorcycle, he started the bike with the injured foot, speeds off one direction while the Foot flew in the opposite direction! Kevin is registering His Son Marshall's Birth certificate he wants to register his name as Adkisson. He wants to give his son the choice later on, but in truth, he's afraid of the Curse.

Kevin and Kerry are training Mike, but Mike doesn't have it at all, so when Mike is thrust into the Limelight he twists his wrist while landing during a Dropkick.

What was Supposed to be a Simple shoulder surgery, has become a life or death situation. Mike had come into Hospital with a 200° fever and is now in a coma, Due to Toxic Shock Syndrome. Kevin is rattled that 3 tragedies have hit them in 3 years as Pam tries to calm her husband down. If he wants someone to blame, blame Fritz. At Home Kevin is too despondent to care for the baby.

Mike Pulls through and the family arranges a press conference. Mike had Suffered a Brain injury and nerve damage, all the while Fritz does nothing but stares at Mike as he always does.....As a Disappointment!

The Family Dinner Since Mike's Recovery happens and the mood is tense, the cries of the baby Breaks the Silence. Professionally Kevin is now treated as a Midcarder, too low to challenge for belts but important enough to build new stars. In a tag match were his "Cousin" Lance (Lance was an unrelated Bodybuilder that Fritz hired solely to replace Mike "in the family", as claiming him to be a cousin will not make the family lose face!) did all the Work (A Cameo by Then AEW World champion Maxwell Jacob Friedman) Kevin retires to a ramshackle Bedsit in a tour truck. 

Kerry has good news, he's fitted with a Prosthetic foot, but the joy is soon diminished when he can't walk normally, let alone wrestle. Mike is found by mom staring blankly at a painting they had for years. Mom says that she painted it, it's a picture of her childhood house. Mike asks why did she stop painting, if she was so good. She says she "Forgotten the reason", But given what happens in her final scene, it was no doubt Strongarmed by Fritz wanting her to just be a wife and mother. Mike blurts out "I'm not David!" He knows that he could never replace David, in the ring or in anyone's eyes. That night Mike plays in his beloved guitar, but the nerve damage is too much, as Kerry is Frustrated during a training match with Kevin that his body is not doing what he tells it too. Kevin is trying to tell him to slow down to take the accident as something greater than himself telling him to take it easy, to which Kerry replies with "So Dad Can give you all his love?" Kerry is lying on the Mat helpless until Kevin helps him up. All the while behind them a faint light passes them, it's Mike walking in the dark with a sleeping Bag and a lantern. 

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE

We hear his last words from his suicide note he left.

After a long search by Family and Police, on April the 12th 1987, Michael Von Erich's body was found in a field wrapped in a sleeping bag. The cause of death was determined to be an overd*se of Sedatives. He was 23.

"For the most part, the casting of this film has being great, but I'm Sorry, But Aaron Eisenberg, is too thin to pay Eighties Ric Flair, and while Flair can be Histrionic and Loud in his promos, Ric had Base in his Voice, and the Woo!, the famous "Woo!" has no Oomph to it!"

The thought of a funeral so soon had Spooked Doris (This was the only time her name has being given to this point!) She has only one black dress, and she's worried that the town will think the family are a bunch of cheapskates! Pam finds her and shakes her out of her funk! Kevin doesn't know if the family wants him to stay the night, but Pam with Marshall getting Fussy in her arms argues that he should come home with her, Kevin picks his Parents over his Own Family. And just like that Fritz had what he always watched, a focused son with no baggage, as Kevin trains, he repeats the opening monologue and Soon Kevin is challenging for the World title once more, this time against Ric Flair in 1986. Who's televised jeers of "Daddy's Boy!" Sets off Kevin who enters the ring and Steamrolls "The Nature Boy"! The usually Clean Cut Milk Drinking Baby-face, has lost it! Kevin puts the Iron Claw on Flair and bursts him open in the opening minutes, causing a Disqualification.

Backstage in familiar territory, the Von Erichs think they are Screwed out of the Title Picture, until Flair walks in....happy as Larry! For the 2% of people who don't know who Ric Flair is, as famous as he is for holding the Most title reigns In History...he is also famous for having scar tissue in his forehead that's as Strong as Wet Kleenex! He doesn't mind that he's bleeding. He's Fine! Knowing he's Bleeding means he can get Drunk Quicker at the Club later!

Despite Ric Saying he'll see that Kevin gets the rematch he deserves after Growing a Set...Kevin finds Pam and Marshall at home and Retires...years go by, the Eighties bow out for the Nineties. And Kevin is the model stay at home Dad while it's Pam who returns to work.  The family welcomed a Second Son, Ross, but their new home is far too small for two growing boys. There is only one thing for it, a Return to the ring!

 There is only one problem with that!

The WWF's National Expansion has Came and went in the 80s. What that meant was when WWF broke from being the NWA'S Eastern Seaboard Territory, it started to headhunt top stars from the Territories to add to its roster, Kerry included! The NWA combined it's remaining resources into the Carolinas And it's Strongest Promotion, Jim Crockett Promotions, before it was Sold to Ted Turner to become World Championship Wrestling! However because of Fritz's constant undermining of the NWA, they decided to leave World Class to Shrivel up and die! So Fritz sells it Kevin, but Kevin is going to sell World Class back to the NWA, this angers Fritz, But Kevin learned something when going through expenses. Fritz has being cooking the books for years!

Kerry wins the WWF intercontinental championship at SummerSlam (at the time, Considered the Number 2 belt WRESTLING HAS TOO MANY CHAMPIONSHIPS!) His reign goes through Christmas of that year where all family are gathered for Christmas Dinner, But Fritz won't stop Publicly Shaming Kevin for his betrayal. Kerry is not staying-he's on tour to Mexico in the morning so he hands Dad his present, a Smith & Wesson Pistol which Fritz puts away rather than seeing if it works, given the tension in room.

Later on in the new year of 1993, after Kerry loses the belt, Kerry rings Kevin In the Middle of the night, he's in so much pain, the Ste*oids and the Pills don't work. He's being let go of his contract, and he's scared! Kevin wants to help and wants Kerry to see Reason, but he can't let his children see him like this, but Kerry rambles on saying Kevin wouldn't know how to help because he's "HAD IT EASY!" Kevin turns the other cheek and asks where he is, causing Kerry to hang up, Kevin calls Fritz asks if he knows where Kerry is staying, there is a Pregnant Pause, until Fritz says he's not getting involved in a Problem they can sort out. Kevin holds his tongue and just asks his Father to Keep an eye out for Kerry.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE!

On the 18th of February 1993, Kevin arrived to the Von Erich ranch, to find Kerry's car abandoned and the front door of the house ajar, upon hearing a shot Kevin ran to a tree where Kerry is slumped dead, a shot through the heart. To this day, there is an Angel erected by Fritz to denote where the bullet is lodged in the tree.

Back to the Story, Kevin stands over Kerry where he Sees his father running towards the scene. Kevin assaults his father for not keeping an eye on him. He shifts the blame onto Kevin. They fight in the dirt and Kevin nearly chokes his father to Death.

Kevin finds the gun Kerry used, in a sadder turn of events, it was the gun Kerry gifted to his father. Kevin picks up his brother's corpse and brings it to the House. On a side table. We see and hear his last words- That he can't wait to see his brothers. As Kevin props his brother's body onto the table, we see Kerry's spirit leaving the house barefoot, both his feet are his own. He walks to the river and gets into a row boat, paying a quarter for the ferryman, he is rowed to the next bank where on a pier on the proverbial other side are Mike and David. They hug and they are not alone, behind the other deceased brothers is a young boy no more than six years old. So Kerry meets the brother he never knew, Jack Jnr. As the four Deceased brothers hug they leave this mortal plain. 

A week later at the now closed Down Sportatorium, Kevin Finalizes the Deal to sell the promotion to Jerry Jarrett of the NWA, Despite Fritz's attempts to intimidate The Jarrett Family. 

Knowing my History, I just know Teeny Jarrett would have chased him out with a Frying plan and cursed him out while doing it!

When Fritz comes home, he sees Doris is busy painting. When Fritz asks if she's cooking dinner, she answers "I'm not hungry, you can make something yourself!" Showing us she has gained some control of her life.

And so the film ends with Kevin and Pam expecting a 3rd Child. And seeing Ross and Marshall play Football makes Kevin Cry about the loss of his brothers "I use to be a Brother And now I'm not even that anymore!" His sons Comfort him as they join in their game of football.

We get an Epilogue but allow me to add more information. In 2009 the Von Erichs were Inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. And by "Von Erichs" I Meant only the brothers.

Four years after Kerry's Death, Fritz died from Lung Cancer.

Kevin and Pam have being Married for 40 years and now Live in a Compound in Hawaii with their 4 children and 13 grandchildren. Ross and Marshall Took up the Family Business and The Von Erich name as they became Wrestlers Currently Signed with All Elite Wrestling. They were even in this film as Wrestling Extras!

Kerry's Daughter Lacey wrestled for TNA in the last decade, But Media Attention and Public curiosity put her on Television far Too early for her matches to be considered good!

THIS FILM IS GREAT BUT MAN IS IT HARD TO WATCH SOMETIMES!

After Shattering the Cookie cutter Nice Guy role that Bought him fame in High School Musical by masterfully playing Ted Bundy in Shockingly Wicked, Completely Evil and Vile, Zac Efron topped this Performance and Bulked up to do so to play Kevin Von Erich in Sean Durkin's Film, which he also wrote. Durkin, a life long fan of the Squared Circle, couldn't have picked a better story of triumph and tragedy than if you weren't a wrestling fan, was a story you may never have heard of. But it's also a story you can relate to beyond the framing device, with issues could easily understand.

The Fight Choreography is Top notch, it looked like You were watching archive Footage, and with good reason-Kevin and the remaining family were on board with the creative Process, we had great Character actors who fleshed out the people they were, not the stars, who The world saw on TV every week. Zac Efron played Kevin as the man who tried to please the world.  Jeremy Allen-White took the role as Kerry being the Hot blooded and Determined Son who is completely Obedient. But it's the supporting cast I gravitated towards...or in the case of Holt McCalleny's Fritz Von Erich, Completely Repulsed by!

If they had just written Fritz to be an Ogre to his children, it would not be as effective. On the contrary, when Villains are not played Straight they are usually written sympathetic, but here is the thing: Despite imposing his toxic will, for the fraud he committed to keep up appearances, outside the ring, when wrestling was not the forefront of his mind, he did love his family, and truly wanted the best for his sons, he just so happens didn't want his sons to do better....THAN HIM! And Holt nailed that to a tee, Stanley Simons' Performance as Mike, I Enjoyed as the sensitive Teen Deer in the headlights that became the lamb to the slaughter.

On the technical Side, the Cinematography was Sublime, the location shots of the ranches and townhouses are as Beautiful as they can be sombre. There are Screen effects and Graphics added to the wrestling matches that make them look straight out of a VHS tape of a TV recording. And the match action was filmed in a way similar to how Wrestling is filmed, with Close ups and Dynamic Angles. There is a Small nit-pick. The film suffers from a slight Time compression Problem, with no real Determination of the passage of time apart from the wrestling show Graphics, you would think all the events happened in the space of 5 months,  not 10 plus years. But that is a minor complaint In a true masterclass of a film. 

CREDITS

The Iron Claw was reviewed, compiled and edited by Eamonn Bermingham (RealEnli on X)

With Media from:

The Iron Claw

Liar, Liar

Loki: the series.

Dr Who

The Iron Claw was co-produced by A24 Studios and the BBC and distributed by Lionsgate.

All Rights reserved. All Media used belong to their respective owners.

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

How bad must a Disney Film be, if even McDonald's won't make a happy meal to promote it?

For the Christmas special, we Will find out what exactly made Wish fail in the cinema!

If you had being effected by the Issues brought up in this review, please Consult Your Country's anti-suicide Hotline, but if you are in Ireland, here is the Link to the Samaritans Charity.

Samaritans | Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy | Here to listen (google.com)

This is not a sponsored Review, But I Think the film showed these topics so strongly, I think it should be here.

AND NOW THE CONTINUATION OF OUR STORYLINE

THE TWO DEATHS OF E!

CHAPTER 5-COMING UNDONE!

In Earth's Hell, in a Prison of Ice, The SatanicOstrich was in a more pensive mood than possible. 

That is when "They" Arrived.

MY, IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO NOTICE DIDN'T IT?" They Said, their back to the beings who have come to beseech them.

yES, wE fEEL sOMETHING iS mISSING....lIKE sOMETHING iMPORTANT, bUT hOW cOULD iT bE iF iT wAS oNLY a hUMAN. sOMETHING iS dIFFERENT, lIKE iT'S bEING...

FORGOTTEN?

THE Glowing Beings the Cosmic Entities, morphed their featureless nodding heads to show facial cues to denote that they had a moment of clarity, before fading back into silhouettes.

(Ostrich raised the Mug which Eamonn Gave The Devil, when he had a moment of no confidence Years ago, It read "World's Greatest Boss!" YOUR MISSING HUMAN IS THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THIS! YOUR CHAMPION WHO DEFEATED ME, YOUR CHAMPION WHO DEFEATED ONE OF YOUR OWN, THE NEW RAGE! THE ONE WHO DEFEATED THE MARA. HOW CAN YOU FORGET?

iF tHIS hUMAN cOULD dO tHESE tHINGS, hOW cOULD wE fORGET?

LOOK NO FURTHER THAN YOUR OWN BACKYARD!

The ethereal creatures looked at each other, as if Ostrich had answered them in a foreign language. To the Secluded beings from the Forge of Creation, it kind of was.

wE hAVE a bACKYARD?

Oh my You! I'm trying to say it's The Appraisers of Will, it's Death and one of his Three Playmates! 

tHIS iS a gREAT cRISIS, bUT iF tHIS hUMAN iS aS pOWERFUL aS yOU sAY, aND wE wOULD aLLOW sUCH a tHING, tHEN tHE cONSEQUENCES oF hIS rEMOVAL wOULD bE fELT.

(Ostrich used his extrasensory powers to find souls. He zoned in on a soul similar to Joe-Jack's, but Different, flying around Irish Airspace. He teleported the soul's incumbent to his icy prison. 

Sitting on a Horse themed Flying Motorcycle, was a former ally from Earth-3, A counterpart to Joe-Jack, but what if he was Cultured and Refined. Thankfully this Rebel and Freedom Fighter, Yousef Commonman had the same fighting Spirit that didn't set him apart from the unhinged Farmer from this Earth. He sat on the seat of his vehicle, Nonplussed by being surrounded by a Crossdressing Ostrich and a Group of glowing Children.)

Can someone please tell me what in blazes am I doing in Earth-1?

Jusef volleyed himself off the bike, his Jack boots clicking as his feet connected with the  hewn Basalt floor. He wore Slacks, Brown ones, held up by braces made of blackened leather, that sat firm on a freshly ironed White button down shirt. He had the same face as Joe-Jack, just as you would expect, but his beard was tidy.

What was that about consequences?

sATAN, eXPLAIN tHiS, wHO iS tHIS hUMAN? aND WHY dOES hE iS hE nOT kNOWN tO uS?

Oh right, you didn't directly meddle with each others affairs during The Leader and Heavenscar before you sealed the dimensions for good. Cosmic Entities, Jusef Commonman, he's a Rebel and Highwayman of sorts, coming from the Earth-3 timeline where Guy Fawkes Screwed the Pooch by using Uranium instead of Gunpowder, causing a Steampunk reality where Victorian era sensibilities extend to Current Year. He fights against those who want to enforce these Luddite restrictions.

wE aRE aWARE oF tHE eARTH-3 gAME. mOST oF uS fIND a gAME wITH nO wORTHWHILE pERKs tO bE...bORING!

A game? Who the hell are you to say my suffering is a "GAME"?

And Jusef, meet the Cosmic Entities. Creatures who play with the souls of men like a board game, they get so wound up that they get lesser beings to observe the Flow of Time, to the point they bodge it, Causing something like say, I don't know....CAUSING DEATH TO TAKE EAMONN!

Jusef's eyes widened with shock, "HE'S DEAD?"

No not yet, he's being sent to a place we need to bust him out from, he's being Forgotten, which is a lower state of existence, like a parallel universe. But that's the thing, you can only go there if you are Forgotten....but there are exceptions. Creatures like me and them have free reign to travel there....

That is all well and good but, it doesn't explain how I got here! 

wE hAVE a tHEORY. wE bELIEVE a pERSON oF tHIS iMPORT hAS aN iMPACT oN hIS wORLD. sO mUCH  sO, tHAT rEMOVING hIM mEANS uNDOING hIS ACTIONS, sEALING tHE wORLDS fROM eACH oTHER iNCLUDED!

Wait does that Mean any enemies we've defeated would return from the dead?

No....they would stay dead, and even then, Master Control would not Rise to the peak of her because, the Earth 2 Eighties Lad Di....oh no!

What?

Eamonn doesn't kill all his enemies, they are given a chance to change and those you can't...

aRE REMOVED fROM pLAY!

(Somewhere in some back alley, there is a crack in reality, two figures, "removed from play" ventured from the Discard Dimension.)

THE TWO DEATHS OF E CONTINUES IN JANUARY!