Transformers One: Christmas Special 2025

 Last year Transformers Celebrated 40 years as a Franchise. And as a Franchise, It's History has being Strange. As it's Mythos in the past 4 decades has being updated and rebuilt from Scratch with each alliteration adding it's amendments-with Varying Results. From Unicron Being Earth all the long in the twist ending to the Dark but Engaging Transformers Prime, to the silliness of Bumblebee speaking in Memes in the fun but Divisive Cyberverse. They even had a Preschool Transformers Show, if you can believe that!

So last year for their Ruby Anniversary,  The Transformers went Back. In fact they went FURTHER Back. For the first time, We Get to see How the million year war between the Autobots and Decepticons on planet Cybertron started.

And with that being said, let's Transform and Roll Out! This is this year's Christmas Special: Transformers One. 

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED PG FOR CARTOON VIOLENCE, INNUENDO, SLAVERY, ABLISM, AND ONE CONTINUED INSTANCE OF THE WORD "ASS", CRINGE AS IT MAY BE! THIS REVIEW IS INTENDED FOR AN ADULT AUDIENCE. 

Let's get Spoilers out of the way, these Robots  with Elita-1 are not Optimus Prime, Bumblebee and Megatron....or at least not yet, So you can excuse them for being a Bit off model.

Speaking of Off Model, Elita, More of a Support Character,  who is usually a Caring Nightingale, or an Aloof Ninja motorcycle is the only one showing Aggression. And what emotion are B and Orion Pax Showing?

Also D16's (Megatron) Giant nose is Smelling Bumblebee's Armpit. Gross!

We Start in the Gravity defying city of Aiakon, as a Certain Blue and Red Robot breaks into a Records Hall. 

This is the future Optimus Prime (Chris Hemsworth) and before the Name, the Mask, and the iconic Voice, Orion Pax was a Lowley Accounting Droid, Who Seeks the Matrix of Leadership.

We get the New Revised Origin Story: The Planet Cybertron is the Transformed State of the Cybertronian Race's God: Primus. At some time, for reasons still unknown, Primus Sacrificed his life to create four things: The Planet, The Primes, Basically, The Parthenon of Minor Gods, The Cybertronian Race in his image and a Substance called Energon, which is the life blood of all Transformers, though any Fuel Source can be Converted into it.  They can  literally get drunk on power!

"YEAH, MAN! (HIC!) N-R-GEE!"

There is a Relic said to Control the Now Diminished Flow of Energon throughout the planet: the aforementioned Matrix of Leadership, Basically a Conduit of Collective Knowledge pass down from Prime to Prime, which is what Orion is Seeking to find, when he is caught by Security Bots.

We learn that this version of Orion is no longer an Accounting Droid, but a defective Mining Droid, who has no transforming Cog. A Transforming (Or Transformation) Cog In a Cybertronian's chest is how the Transformers do their thing, scanning an alt mode, and storing the schematics to allow the transformation. After Bluffing that he can transform, Orion Runs and LE PARKOUR'S With Ramjet And Dirge in Pursuit, only to jump out the window and land onto the upright second half of Aiakon, 40 feet below.

It seems Orion has done this before as the Packed Metropolis' People are aware and sick of his actions inconvincing their day.

Internet Pranksters in their 20s in a Nutshell!

Orion is about be arrested only for the Cops to be interrupted by D-16 (Voice of Brian Tyree Henry) Causing a distraction, D helps his Best Friend to escape by letting him hide in his mining cart. 

D-16 is worried about how far his Idealistic Friend will go before he is scrapped! After all, Sentinel Prime is on the Surface Right now Searching for the Matrix, to no avail. So if a God can't find it, What chance does a Defective have? We get some foreshadowing as Orion teases D with a present, a decal of Megatronus Prime's Visage (The Decepticon Symbol) D-16 is a fan of the Prime (aka "The Fallen") by claiming he was the Strongest of them all, and that he will always have Orion's Back. 

The train descends into the Energon mines. As with the Source of Liquid Energon no longer flowing, Defectives, those born with no Transformation Cogs, are Forced to mine for it under the Supervision of Ambitious Sub-boss, Elita-1 (Voice of Scarlett Johanneson) who is close to promotion, (in her mind). Orion asks out Elita-1, but she only sees him as a Subpar Subordinate ("You Don't Have The Touch, Or The Power!")

"I CLAPPED BECAUSE I KNOW TRANSFORMERS!"

The miners find a Unstable vein of Energon,  which not only Explodes but causes Part of Cybertron, which if you recall, is a Hallowed out God's Corpse they all live in, to transform some walls to close and open. Orion ignores Protocol to save Jazz from being killed in 3 out of 3 movie appearances, only for Jazz to lose a leg.  Supervisor Darkwing Demotes Elita to Waste Management, but not before decking Orion and D-16 for Speaking out!

It's Time for Sentinel Prime (Jonn Hamm) to give his Daily Report on the expedition to find the Matrix...which still eludes him. However he does have good news, Tomorrow is Declared as a Holiday as the Running of the Aiakon 5000 race Commences at Dawn.

Orion wakes D-16 with an Idea; what if they Enter the Race? It will show the Transformers that even Mining Droids can do anything. That they can be....More Than Meets The Eye?

D16 Refuses and Orion Respects his wishes. 

OF COURSE NOT! HE TRICKS HIM INTO TAKING A SHORT CUT TO ILLEGALLY WATCH AT THE STARTING LINE BUFFERS!

From a Tall Building, Sentinel Prime Descends with an Angel Wing shaped Jetpack. He says that it's being 50 Cycles (Years) since the war with the Quintessons (More on them Later), the Deaths of the other Primes, and the loss of the Matrix of Leadership. So this race will be in their honour. That's when Orion Springs Another Surprise on his Ro-Bro, they WILL enter the race, albeit Illegally.

After a Race Sequence which is a Cameo Cast of Thousands, All the Miners watching get excited. And with some Ingenuity,  The duo are about to win over Darkwing.... Only for the writers to do the equivalent of Lucy Grabbing the Football when Charlie Brown Goes to kick it!

In a Hospital, after the race, and D is once again mad at Orion, knowing full well, that their little Stunt will demote them. And when Sentinel and his Transmetal Bodyguard Airacnid arrive in their sickbay personally, it seems that way, but it's further from the truth. Sentinel praises his miners for increasing Mine morale and Quota during the race. He offers them his personal medical pod. It looks like everything is going our Heroes way....until Darkwing, salty over his loss gets his revenge. 

Darkwing throws Both Defectives down a Garbage shoot, that's when they meet B-138 (Keegan Michael Key). The place our heroes find themselves is Sub Level 50, a shocking fact to the others who believed there was only 40 Sub levels. Turns out B-138 ("Or You can call me "BADASSATRON!" ACTUAL GODDAM QUOTE!) Is so monumentally Stupid that pressing a button to smelt ore is the only thing he can do.

B is so Stir Crazy being the only one here, he has made Friends out of Junk.

Hey, maybe you can call them "Junkicons"! HA!

In "Steve's" Voice box, Orion hears a voice, knocking the Junk over, they find a Hologram showing the former Autobot Leader and Prime,  Alpha Trion, Confirming Zeta Prime's Death, followed by a map with Coordinates to the Matrix on the Surface. Orion finally has an idea to where the Matrix may be, or at the very least they can properly Bury the Primes.

After Convincing B-138 and D-16 to go the Surface with the promises of Promotion by Sentinel, the Recycling bot pushes them up the Trash Chute to Waste Management to catch An Automatic Train to the surface. A series of events reunites them with Elita-1 as the train locks them inside on its journey to the surface. On the roof after a chase, Elita is about to clean Orion's Clock, when they are Distracted by the beauty of the Surface's Changing Landscape under an Auroral Sky. But it Turns Deadly when the Crags that form derail the train.

Elita wakes by Punching Orion, she makes herself in Charge by taking the map from him And B-138 won't 

SHUT.

THE.

HELL.

UP!

Keegan Michael Key everybody!

On the surface, they find Something Alien to them, Organic Plant Life, and Non-Humanoid Transformers in the Shape of deer. But something Else is on the Surface: A Quintesson Ship, scanning for life to k*ll indiscriminately. Orion Saves B-138 but they don't understand. What is Cybertron's sworn enemy doing on the Surface?

Finding a Valley where Grass and Collected Rainwater has Developed into a Biome, They Find a Cave of Fossilised Energon and the Slain Bodies of the The Primes. D-16 weeps over His Hero, Megatronus Prime's body. Orion finds Zeta Prime's body and remembering Alpha Trion's Message, Searches his Corpse for the Matrix but it's Gone. The others leave the cave, but Orion Spies a Flickering light in some rocks.

They Find the Corpse of Alpha Trion. Except he's not dead, but the Robot version of a Coma. B hands The Message Chip to Orion who inserts it into Alpha's head, Somehow they knew this would revive him?

"This makes No Sense and Yet It's Working!"

Alpha Trion (Lawrence Fishburne) Tells the Miners a Hard Truth: Sentinel Prime is a Traitor and a Liar, he's not even a Prime by Design. Using Art Style Shift Magic, Trion uses Coloured rust and leaves to Show Sentinel's Betrayal of his masters. The Personal Knight and Vassel, tricked his Lords and Ladies into an ambush by the Quintessons. The Primes would take out many of their fived-faced foes very readily, If not for the betrayal of the Jealous Sentinel. As the Memories of the Primes Die over where their bodies now stand, Sentinel Rips the Matrix out of Zeta Prime's Chest-Only one Problem with that-The Matrix is on the level of a Holy Relic, Akin to Excalibur or Mjolnir, so in true Arthurian Fashion it can only be wielded by one worthy.  And given that Sentinel is definitely not,  it rusts out his hands.

All this time Sentinel was a figurehead for a shadow Government headed by the Quintessons who, flanked by their Sharkicon Slaves, make their Presence Finally.

But who are the Quintessons?

Well, Long Story Short, they are the true Creators of the Cybertronian Race, 5 faced Robotic Tentacled monsters, Who Revel in Misery and Profit off war...wars they start and continue by selling weapons to both sides.  Without going into things that are not in this film like Unicron, the Hate Virus and other media, They killed Primus for his Energon and Salvaged his form to create Automatous Slaves: The Cybertronians. Eons would pass until Mining would expose Primus' Spark which would become the Matrix of Leadership, transforming a nameless Slave Into Alpha Trion, who would lead the Slaves with the red Visage of Primus on their person, the Autobots!

The Hidden Miners are Sickened to see Sentinel and his staff of Security and Supervisors Bend the Knee to their enemies as the Quintessons are paid their yearly Tribute of what the miners thought were Contaminated Metal, but in truth was Disguised Energon Cubes. There is no Energy Crisis, only Sentinel lining his pockets while saving his chassis! D-16 Shouts "Traitor!" And Airacnid Reacts to Danger, but the danger is from the Quintessons who Strangle Sentinel.  The Tribute is short and the mines are running out. But under the Threat of death, Sentinel will Command his lackeys to Enforce a Triple Output of all Mining excavations-No breaks Until the Quota is met!

Naturally, Noone can believe what they just saw, with D-16 Being more Upset than Most, he goes through More Emotions than the others-Denial, Sadness, Blame and finally Anger in the Space of two minutes Impressively voiced by Henry, Showing his first steps down the path to darkness. He doesn't want Him to pay, HE WANT'S HIM TO DIE! He wants to parade Sentinel through the mines where he suffered, before torn in half in Public!

FORESHADOWING!

That's when The Hits keep on coming, when Trion reveals another of Sentinel's Lies "No Son or Daughter of Cybertron is born without Transformation Cogs!" That Meant Sentinel Not Only Mutilated Children for 50 years, but Created an Ablist Regime where Discrimation was enforced. But Trion says the Cog doesn't Define a Cybertronion, it is the Spark (Soul). It's the Decisions you make-even the hard ones, that defies us. And that Includes this hard decision Alpha is about to make. The answer to Sentinel's Child Mutilation? Something Just as Gruesome in context-Organ Farming the dead Primes!

And So Alpha Telekinetically adds the transforming Cogs of Prima, Onyx, Alchemist and Micronus Prime to the Chest of the Defectives whose forms get bigger and grow the extraneous parts that give away their Forms "Now All are One!"

D-16 wants to fight when they are Discovered, Instead the old Leader gives them a hologram that will prove Sentinel a traitor to show Aiakon City, As he will stay to hold the Enemy Back. The Last Prime Turns into a Transmetal Lion to take out the Mindless Drones, Before he is torn apart by Airacnid.

But Now it's the moment you've all being Waiting for. The first time Our Heroes transform...and they do it as a Comedy Skit!

(SIGH!)

"AND EVERYONE HATED THAT!"

This is the Only scene I had an issue with.

In this film they make the Main Storyline that our heroes cannot transform so they go on a quest to finally do so, and when the time goes, we are not treated to the Kickass scene that causes Cheers in the aisle and popcorn thrown in the air, we get them Tripping and falling on their Butts!

Then On their Second attempt they Transform Into not their first forms but their well known forms, Sure Orion turns into a Truck still. D-16 Into the movie form of a tank, as it B's Movie form of a Chevrolet Camiro over a Volkswagon and Finally Elita-1, who has being the least Consistent, Being Originally a Cadilliac and usually different kinds of Motorbikes, Hasbro opts for making her Earthspark form of a SUV as her movie form, and I have to commend the movie after this point, the Sillouette and Colour schemes of their G1 Forms get used and remain consistent!

After Successfully Fighting Back, Everyone is Amazed By their powers. D-16, however, seems to have gotten a New Darker Attitude to go with it!

Back in Aiakon City, Airacnid Did Not K*ll Trion, that Honour goes to her Boss! He tells Her to hurt down the others and that's when Airacnid turns into a Helicopter, and Now everyone who thought I was making a typo is now going "OOHHHHH!"

Camping out in a Forest on a Cliff, Orion confronts his best friend on his new found Aggression. We Get More Foreshadowing "I WILL NEVER ACCEPT ANYONE WHO IS MADE A LEADER EVER AGAIN!"

That's when all Four are ambushed and taken out by Blowdarts. When they come to, they are Greeted by new Captors-The future G1 Decepticons-The Vainglorious Starscream (Steve Buscemi) the Pragmatic Shockwave (Jason Alvarez) and the Certified G.O.A.T Soundwave, who is a fan favourite because instead of being car or plane, Soundwave is unique for actually talking like a robot with a synthesized voice, turning into a tape recorder and having Tape Minions called Cassetticons who turned into hawks and panthers! Again Soundwave, is the MVP!

"Soundwave Superior. Autobots inferior!"
 

They were Cybertron's Elite Guard, who Believe Our Heroes are Spies For Sentinel Prime. B-138 was gagged because he wouldn't shut up ("ESPCIALLY When he was Unconscious!" According to Shockwave!) Orion tries to convince them and their followers, who just happen to be every Unnamed but recognizable G1 Transformer from both sides, that they are not Sentinel's Spies and they want to help in overthrowing Sentinel's Regime.

However Starscream, Par the Course, Believes Might Makes Right, So D-16 does not care for Starscream's "King of the Throne Act, Where You Knocked Us Out And Ran Like Cowards". He's Going to Aiakon City Himself to Scrap Sentinel. Starscream takes offence to the idea and D-16 overwhelming Charisma and Vitriol. 

"I will never call you leader...but go back to The whole king bit, does it come with a Cape and a crown?"

And in what would become Precedence for the next 41 years, D-16 would destroy Starscream's Confidence, Ego and Voice box by Usurping him and make him the Squeaky Voiced Coward we all know today. That's when the final alteration to D-16 is added, The Arm Cannon, which he aims and Charges at Starscream's head.  The shot is cancelled and says that was his last act of Mercy, there will be none for those who Don't Follow him, as Cheers from the Future Decepticons who Rally Around him, Orion sees once more a red glare in his friend's eyes.

The New Rebellion has no time to celebrate when Airacnid's Troops Attack the Valley.  They Succeed in taking as many Prisoners as they can, Starscream,  D-16 and B-138 included, But Orion does save Elita-1 from a Blitz attack, only to be Smashed into a cliff, and covered in a Rock slide.

Elita Digs Orion out the morning after, the only ones left are him, her, Soundwave, Shockwave and a few High Guard Loonies. Worst Still the Holographic proof has being smashed. It's over, and it's all Orion's Fault, according to him.

That's when Elita goes to give him a pep talk.

"Listen to me. Listen to me Very Carefully. You listening? I am Better Than you. I'm Stronger. I am Faster. In every way, I am better than you-Except for one thing!"

The only thing he has over her is hope, that he does things noone could because of hope, he entered the Aiakon race, he saved Jazz,  he freed B-138. This blind Optimism (HA!) He has, brings out the best of everyone.

With Elita-1 being punch happy with Shockwave speaking back, the only ones left are Shockwave, Soundwave and all the pallette swaps of Starscream (all but making The Green one, Acid Rain, Female, and no sign of Slipstream. It was probably easier not to create a different model from scratch) Orion has one Order.  "TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT!"....Except they make this into a joke too!, by having Skywarp in the back shouting "WHAT?" Because he Couldn't hear him! 

Come on!

Marvel During Spiderman No way Home at least Embraced the meme lines!

In Sentinel's Tower D-16, B-138, Starscream and his other Other Pallette swaps (and Slipstream does exist!) All brought to their knees. D-16 in an act of defiance stands up because he has nothing left to lose because Sentinel took it from him. Sentinel knocks him down and takes this time to gloat, spotting Megatronus Prime's decal. Sentinel Reveals he plundered Megatronus' Tranforming Cog for himself,  making him A Prime. He then Solders Megatronus' likeness onto D's chest, Scarring him forever.

Orion attacks Darkwing harassing the miners. They learn the truth seeing Orion's transformed state after he gives a rallying speech. During which you can hear some Of Peter Cullen's inflections during Hemsworth's Delivery.  Elita,  Shockwave and Soundwave override a train filled with High Guard.

Sentinel is about to finish D, when Airacnid Notices the Train. Despite the High Guard being Tough, they are outnumbered, that is Until the miners on their Jetpacks, lead by Orion have their Uprising.

The Fight above alerts the Citizens Below.  Airacnid in a Bit of Body Horror, shows us her head can split into a technorganic Manible covered in dozens of Memory core eyes. And they might just be the answer to their prayers. And that's when she plucks Elita from the sky, while B and Orion Roll up to save D-16 and B-138 who grows Sword-Hands to defend himself as the most annoying wolverine reference ever made. Hacking the System Sentinel uses to make his announcements, a knocked out Airacnid's Memory cores is hooked up to the system. The entire Planet hears Sentinel gloat over his evil acts. Stun-locked by being outsmarted, D-16 Ambushes his Captor to get his revenge.

That's when it happens: the One Hard Decision That Orion Has to Make. Saving Sentinel Prime. 

And That's when D-16 makes his own decision.  

D16 shoots at Sentinel after Negotiations have failed, Orion jumps in and gets his left arm shot off and the left side of his face destroyed too, the force caused Orion to hang with his good arm over the building they all stand on. D pulls Orion up. But then says to his friend...

"I'M DONE SAVING YOU!"

D-16 tosses his former friend into a shaft that leads to the planet's core. After fighting off Drones, D16 lifts the Traitor and Rips his body in half as the cheering crowd egged him on to do it, as B-138 and Elita look on in horror. Basking in his win, D-16 gives a Speech as he plucks the Transforming Cog out of Sentinel's chest

"The Age Of Primes Has Ended! NO MORE FALSE PROPHETS! Follow me and You will never again be Deceived! RISE UP! I WILL LEAD US ALL INTO THE FUTURE!" That's he removes his Transforming Cog and Replaces it with Megatronus'. As his body gets bigger and his arm Cannon becomes a 3 barreled revolver, he renames himself after his Hero-MEGATRON!

While this is happening, Orion body is Caught in a tractor beam, bringing him to the Spark of Primus. There, Surrounded By the Ghosts of the Primes with Alpha Trion speaking on the Behalf of Primus, They are going to bequeath The Matrix of Leadership to Orion. Merging with his chest, Orion's body regenerates a New Arm and face mask and is Reborn. 

Orion Pax is more.

He has being Reformatted in Primus' Image.

"RISE UP!.....OPTIMUS. PRIME!"

From the Core of the Planet, Optimus Rises to See Aiakon Being Sieged and Destroyed by Megatron and his troops. When Megatron sees Optimus and the Matrix in his chest, he gets angrier. The new Prime solos Megatron, Shockwave, Soundwave and Starscream in a 4on1 fight. Optimus tells Megatron he's become as bad as Sentinel,  He's abused the power that could have changed everything. He's Defeated but rather than execute his former friend, Optimus Banishes Megatron, the High Guard and any followers Along the way. Megatron says this will never be over and from episode 1 40 years ago,  they have being going at it for a million years....and only now in Earthspark has Megatron has stopped to become an Autobot.

And so it ends at the Beginning, with Optimus Prime monologuing on how thin the line between friend and foe is, now is reminiscing the time the two Defectives meeting each other their first day at the mine. He makes Elita a Commander and Promotes Bumblebee out of Sub-Area 50. There is only one thing left to do, Make the Energon Flow once more, and from the liquid Energon, new Transforming Cogs are given to Defectives. As Optimus says "Autonomy and Purpose is the Right of all Intelligent Beings....that is why they are We are Autobots!' He then finishes his monologue with a warning to the Quintessons-Should you think of returning, Be Ready for War!

We get two Stingers-an annoying one where Bumblebee wrecks his junk friends with his sword hands and one after the Credits, the High Guard and Megatron are exiled to the Fiery planet of Char, using the natural rivers of lava to Brand the decal on his followers,  they will never forget the Prime's Deception, that's why they are called Decepticons!

The movie is good, Enjoyable Fun, but there is Room for Improvement. 

The Transformers Story is one that gets Redone and Amended with every Alliteration of the Franchise, But never have we seen how things started, and to see Grizzled Megatron and Sage Optimus as the closest thing to teenagers as possible for them to be is bizarre! It's being Established since Prime that Optimus use to be a civilian, so in the past few years that has being expanded upon. Chris Hemsworth adds Charm and Boyish Enthusiasm, that has never being seen with Optimus before.  Scarlett Johannsson brings Black Widow Attitude to A Character who is usually boiled down to Damsel or Dumbass in Distress who needs rescuing once per Episode. 

As For KMK as Bumblebee...if Key did not go on a Interview Spree Showing his Enthusiasm and Fanboy knowledge of the Franchise, I would have Drowned his voice out like every other time he appears. Jonn Hamm,  Laurence Fishburne and Steve Buscemi do great as Supporting Cast....But It's Brian Tyree Henry, who we saw as Lemon in Bullet Train as Megatron who steals the show, Holding his own with A list actors. His voice acting really leads to Development D-16 goes from emotionally hurt Victim to Megalomaniacal Tyrant and it felt like a descent to madness. With Orion coming in second for Development who gained a lifetime of experience in 5 minutes. 

And now to address the Production.

Co-produced by Stephen Spielberg and Michael Bay (TF will never get rid of Boom Boom Bay!) Means, for the most part this film was animated and paved well with Detail and Personality, with nods and in jokes and cameos a-plenty. And the Music! They got an Orchestra to play the incidental Music-And it works better than I thought it would, adding Excitement, Contemplation, Gravitas and Shock when scenes required it to tell a story. At some point I was Clamouring for a 80s Hair Metal Soundtrack like the original Animated Movie, but then I realized, a lot of scenes would lose it's impact if they did. 

A Fun Film despite its Hokey Script and Hit-or-Miss Attempts at comedy,  though Definitely not a Soulless Cash grab, and to do a review of a Toy based Christmas Special that isn't one is so refreshing for me.

CREDITS

Transformers One was Reviewed, Compiled, and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli on X)

With Media from:

Transformers One

Transformers

Red Letter Media

Family Guy

MST3K

Figure 4 Radio Wrestling Podcast

Transformers: Prime

Transformers The Movie

TWC News Austin

Transformers One was Produced By Paramount, On Behalf of Hasbro. Transformers Is Property of Hasbro.

All Rights reserved. All Media belong to their Respective Owners

NEXT YEAR ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...

My plan was to Review K-POP DEMON HUNTERS as a Best and Worst of 2025 Couplet for January and February...But as I was writing this in November...I Got some Sad news that I have to address in a special...By the Time You read this,on the 31 of December, New Year's Eve, POP will commence it's closure Of it's tv channels. So to Mourn the loss like we Did To Citv, we will Say "GOODBYE, POP!"

Eamonn Reviews Room

Well this shouldn't take too long, this month I've picked up Studio Canal's Acclaimed Room from my local Flea Market, and Since at time of writing, I was Stuck in the First Week of Hell Month over on Enlightened Towers, I have being Busy every other day between wrestling payperview results to get this out before the Christmas Special Rush! So let's get through this wonderful piece of Forgotten Greatness. This Is Room.

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 15 FOR STRONG LANGUAGE, WHICH WILL BE CENSORED, SEXUAL VIOLENCE, INJURY DETAIL, COERCION AND IMPLICATIONS OF CONCEPTION AFTER R*PE. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

The Box art, I'm Afraid, is nothing to write home about. It's a white Background with scenes from the movie in smaller photos. But in Stark Contrast to a movie with a similar boxart I've reviewed, that of Lay The Favourite, at least this movie cover conveys emotion.

We open with a few Soundless Closeups of the Surroundings of two prone Sleepers, Before Brie Larson's voice tells the other to go back to sleep.  

We cut to the next morning, as Sunlight Shines into the Small Prefab-like Room through a single roof window to a living space with a kitchenette, an oven, a closet, a sink and bathtub and a mattress on the floor and drawings on the walls. As Jack (Jacob Tremblay) Explains he has only known Room all his life and Today is his Birthday as he Turns 5. And won't shut up about it, as his tired Mother gives him vitamins and Breakfast who looks on with a face of someone who has lost the will to live. 

And what is the Name of this mother...."Ma"!

No really,  for most of this film she is Ma and though she reveals her name, Jack never calls her anything else.

So something is very wrong with this situation,  That much is clear, but to add to the Surprise and shock, Jack is a Naïve boy with no concept of the real world beyond what he is allowed to watch on television, So he is Framed as a Unreliable Narrator, which works in the film's favour.

For instance, Ma has a sore tooth, which because of their confinement, she can't get it treated, So instead, She'll distract her Son with making a Birthday cake like on TV!

So the two live a regimented life where Ma Promotes some basic hygiene and exercise as well as chores like moving the mattress away in the mornings and back at night. And finally they make a cake, and it's kind of Pathetic, a Single layer of Sponge covered in Icing with a number 5 etched by a finger, with TV as a reference his whoe life, Jack is saddened by what he sees. There aren't even any candles, So he won't even eat it! After the tantrum, Ma Hugs the Child, After explaining she usually gets the Basics from an outside source, Which Jack believes to be Magic from the tv world courtesy of the outside source named "Nick". We also learn Jack has no concept of time when he says "Next Week, when I turn 6, I want Candles on my cake!"

After a Shared Bath, it's time for bed, but not before a Bedtime Story, and the one Ma chooses? The Count of Monte Cristo.

Yeah, I didn't think I was going to use memes on a film this Acclaimed, But~

After Singing Jack to Sleep,  we get to see What REALLY Is up, Ma and Jack are Kidnapping Victims and both are under the mercy and Stockholm Syndrome of "Old Nick", who provides basic needs and demands Sex**l favours for anything else beyond that. As Jack is awakened by Nick from his sleeping space in the closet, keying in a pin number, putting a bag of Groceries on a counter, stripping off his trousers, and getting into Ma's bed. He leaves before the next morning. 

Now 5, Jack is Curious about the world. But he doesn't know what's real and what's on TV. It seems like the Kidnapper has promised Jack a Dog called Lucky to him Quiet. 

After Another Night in Room, the following morning Ma Bites into an apple and her bad tooth just pops out!

That Night Jack Finds a mouse in Room and feeds it, until Ma scares it away by throwing tinfoil at it, stating the mouse would eat their food quicker and make them Sick. The Kidnapper, Nick is getting angry that Ma's Curious child is asking questions-Questions she can no longer answer and so she backlashes by telling Jack that Nick Denied ever promising a dog called Lucky, and that he made it up, which upsets the boy!

One night Occupying Jack with Egg-shell Garlands, Jack asks where do we go when we Dream, Ma just says We Don't Go anywhere, there is only Room. It seems that despite that, Ma is spitting up Nick's Kool-aid! When Jack wakes, on the counter next to a Defeated Ma is a toycar. she must have convinced Nick in someway, but given her demeanor, it probably won't be pleasant given the mood she's in. when she hears how noisy the car is, she gets her son and tells him it's time for a game that always play!

"Scream At the Aliens"

It's them Screaming at the Window and Vents hoping that someone would find them, but it's framed as a game for the young child. Not only does it not work but even worse the oven malfunctions. That Night, Nick's (Sean Bridger) face is finally revealed, as he berates his victim for being useless, and breaks it to her that he has being laid off for 6 months, so "This Project" may end. Ma asks if Sean can just get a new job, which causes the Kidnapper to jump off the deep end, causing, Jack who is watching all this in his closet, to audibly gasp for Jack to notice. He pulls out a bar of chocolate to bait him for a beating, only for Ma to convince him to come to Bed.

So as Punishment for asking more than what they need, Nick spends the night in Room. Curious, Jack leaves the closet to look at the sleeping man, who suddenly wakes up. This causes Ma to wake up and Freak out, attacking Nick who Strangles Ma and leaves her bruised!

The Next Morning, On a winter day, the frosted Border on the Ceiling window It's only indicator. The Jack breathes out cold air and gleefully wakes his mother to tell her "I'm a Dragon!" Ma panics and finds out as a second Punishment, Nick has cut the power to Room. It's only Now she decides to escape with her son, and the way possible is to find out how the mouse got in Room in the first place, But explaining the concept of "Outside" and "Reality" maybe harder than she thought!

REALLY?

Because, and Correct me if I'm wrong, But Did you just read The Count Of Monte Cristo to him? I think he understands what being a prisoner is.

But Instead of that Book, she uses Alice in Wonderland of all things to explain she was kidnapped by "Nick" who may not be his real name and being kept here for 7 years, But Jack is asking too many stupid questions to get a Word in Edgewise!

She comes out with it, Nick kidnapped her 7 years ago, and trapped her in a Shed, Room is this Shed, That's Shut Tight With a Keypad, a Combination only Nick Knows. Jack Doesn't Believe a Single thing, But since he was lied to all his life, can you really blame him?

That Night, Nick returns the power But Joy ("Ma") is too Depressed and Defeated to care, and in Turn Jack is left in his own mind and Imagination as Joy Bounded in Malaise refuses to get out of bed!

Some time later, Joy Does Get out of bed as Jack is watching tv, he's asking if the things he sees are real or not. When he asks if Little House On the Prairie is real, Ma Takes that opportunity to Correct his Concept of time Problem, So Joy explains that this is not the first time she tried to escape. The reason the Toilet has no lid is that she used it to attack Nick, but it ended up being the reason her Wrists are permanently injured. But Nick has screwed up by shutting off the power During a Cold Winter, and it has given her an idea! 

TRIGGER WARNING FOR UNSETTLING BEHAVIOUR 

The Plan is to fake a fever using Jack as the Patient, so Joy Boils Water to Redden the Child's Face, puts Him to bed, and then proceeds to force herself to Vomit and spreads it on his pillow to replicate Sickness. He has a note put on his person to give to a doctor when Jack leaves. He also for some reason to convince strangers to save Ma, has her tooth hidden on him. 

But Nick Decides to get him Stronger Pills and leaves, Their only chance Finished and they probably will never get another one.

The Next idea to escape comes from Looney Tunes, to have Jack play dead, So Nick would Dump his Body in a carpet, But the idea of it, only upsets Jack, as seeing Joy nearly die in front of him triggers a new found sense of Morality. 

It's a Terrible plan, yes, but it's the only one they have. They Practice until Jack is no longer afraid of being Wrapped up tightly. 

Unfortunately Nick arrives 5 minutes early to see Joy wrap Jack in the carpet. Thankfully Nick is so Apathetic and cold, he buys Ma's Story,  seeing the Death of Jack as nothing more than a Inconvenience that can be fixed,  no questions asked.

And So Jack is put into a pickup Truck by his Kidnapper and driven out of a Suburban Area, Remembering his mother's instructions, he unfurls the carpet hiding place,  he's overwhelmed by all the outside Sights as Sensations, But Sensory Overload will have to wait, But when Nick swerves his car to avoid pedestrians, Jack loses his footing and falls back, Now Alerted by the noise, Nick Parks his truck and attempts to catch the boy on foot.

Jack Bumps into a Man walking a Rottweiler and when knocked over, Jack is Snatched by Nick, However the Concerned Citizen asks too many Questions and gets Nick so Angry, he abandons Jack to Return to Room.

The Man calls the police, who ask About what happened, But Jack can't remember Ma's Given name-However in his mouth, he has smuggled out Ma's Rotten Tooth and gave it to the policewoman he is talking to.

Given Jack's limited Understanding and Shock to his system, The Two Beat Cops have a hard time finding Room, in fact at first they think Jack was either on Drugs or escaped from a Cult. But when Jack remembers the word "Shed" the colour of the pickup and how many Corners the red pickup took, the pieces come together,  much to the male cop's Amazement. 

Jack is left in the car and starts to panic over his mother, then out of the night, Joy is rescued by the female cop as Jack and Joy break down when they see each other, The Sound of their tears replaced by Emotive Music. In the cop car, Jack tells his mother he's tired, But the Reality sets in, Room was the only bit of Comfort Jack ever knew!

Jack is taken to Hospital and he has never seen that many people in one place, he wakes up next to Ma, in a hospital Bed. In just his underwater, in a sterile ward In a Multistorey Hospital, Looking Down at the ground from a height for the first time is Jarring for him as he returns to his mother's side. She explains that they were on the news overnight and their family, Namely Joy's parents are coming to meet them and take them to their home until things can get sorted out! Ma tells her son that things will be different from now on, and they will never to worry about "Nick" ever again!

A Doctor comes into Examine Joy and Jack whilst Bringing them Breakfast while giving them Sunglasses, Sunscreen and A Medical Face mask to ease The Boy's Acclimation to the outside world as well as prescribe Joy with pills for her Wrists and Sleep Deprivation, the former will need Surgery to correct!

That's when Joy's parents (Played by William H Macy and Joan Allen) find their daughter by barging into the ward, the loud noises Startling Jack. 

Jack in his own innocent Narration confirms that the Kidnapping had Destroyed Joy's parents' Marriage: her Childhood Home Sold, Leading to a Divorce and Grandma to Remarry. The Newsomes return to a Media Circus, and the cheering and cameras overexcites Jack, making him unable to talk Directly to Family and Grandma's New Husband Leon, whose home the heroes will get living in at the moment. Grandpa comes back from taking a Phonecall to tell the rest, "Nick" is requesting a trail. Jack is shown Joy's childhood room, which was kept the same way it was 7 years ago. Grandma's asks Jack whether he would like a haircut in the morning, he tells her, through Joy, "That's where his Strong is, like Samson!"

The first family dinner of this blended Family, and Grandpa is Drinking and Distant-Never a Good sign. But Grandpa cannot look at his own Grandson, Possibly due to Jack's Parentage,  Causing Grandpa to leave, and causes Jack and Joy to retire for the night.

The Next morning Jack Is Shown Pictures of Joy's high school days, as a relay Runner, Bitter that A) she was not as fast as she thought seven years ago and B) her friends didn't care enough to keep searching.

As the Feel good moment of the happy ending starts to wane, Reality once more ironically makes the Newsomes Prisoners, they cannot leave until the State can give them Safe Accommodations, While the trial is in it's processing stage. However Leon is a good man, who Despite Joy's Reservations, gets Jack out of his shell a little, He offers Jack a meeting of his dog, and Jack is about to lie About "Lucky " though he does Admit to the lie later.

Jack is Been seen by a Psychiatrist, and he's thriving Emotionally very Quickly. Same cannot be said about Joy, who is annoyed by Jack's Mobile phone and just want to be left alone, for the first time in Jack's Life,  She gets angry with Jack! She tells him to leave her alone and play with his toys-toys mind you,  he has no Idea how to play with. This upsets Grandma and Joy lashes out on the insinuation she's a bad mother, it gets worse when Joy blames her for the Kidnapping,  that if Mom didn't harp on about "Being Nice" she would never have being fallen for Nick's fake pleas of help! 

Things get a lot rougher when Joy is to be interviewed for a News Programme. It will be broadcast live, and she gets very upset by the Questions, Jack has snuck in to set to hear the interview-And the Reporter asking if Nick is Jack's Father, which Joy confirms, which leads to hard questions about how the question of his father would effect his future. 

The Next morning,  the day starts with the Newsomes ruminating over these decisions....And Joy Decides on picking the Wrong one!

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SCENE OF DRUG OVERDOSE. 

Jack wakes to go to the bathroom and pushes the door, which is blocked, with his strength,  it's only enough to see through a crack in the door Ma Slumped after taking pills, everyone panics until EMTs cart her in an Ambulance. 

Despondent and holding her tooth and lying on her bed, he gets a call from the Hospital and he's angry she would do that!

After a few Days Grandma takes Jack out Shopping to make Cupcakes when they get home. She's impressed her Grandson can crack eggs, he has done it before in Room, She's Asks what else did he and Joy do, which he doesn't Elaborate but does say he misses it! And how it didn't feel small, because Ma was There.

Leon Arrives home and True to his word, Shows Jack his dog. 

In the Time Joy took to recover, Jack has Developed enough Social Skills to pass off as a normal child, When looking at Pictures of his Mother at his age, He Decides to Cut of his hair and sent it to Her, "Because Ma Needs The Strong More than Me!" When Cutting Her grandson's hair, she tells him Ma is in a situation where It's Required that people to be For her, that Noone is strong on their own, And so Jack has a haircut...Which unfortunately got Spoiled by the cover!

Jack is playing with a boy his age when He finds out at home that Ma has being Remitted, Jay reveals she got his hair in a bag and tells her son "You saved me, Again!"

But Ma Breaks down, She thinks she is not good enough to deserve Jack, But Jack is happy that He had her for so long.

And So Jack and Joy live in a normal life after joining the real world, But Jack has a longing to see Room one for time, But when they get to Nick's Property the Police are already there with a JCB to demolish the Shed. Once they look inside, all traces of their life as captives have either being Destroyed or taken as evidence. But Jack says goodbye to his remaining "Friends"; The sink, the table, the wardrobe and  other fixtures. Then Jack asks his mother "Was it always this small?" And so the film ends with The Newsomes walking out of Nick's property as the the Police in the foreground close in to destroy Room, so it would never happen again!

THIS FILM IS GREAT!

Long before the bomb that was Ms Marvels, Brie Larson had her Breakout Role in this film, Young Jacob Tremblay held his own as the naïve boy with a performance filled with a surprising amount of conviction. Sean Bridger was Superbly cast as Nick, Balancing Terror and Being Pathetic without making the audience feel sorry for him. With Macy and Allen Providing great support in this small cast. On the technical side, The Cinematography is Vibrant despite the confinement, playing with Light contrast to make us feel what Jack is feeling being in direct sunlight for the first time in 5 years. And the score is Emotive, As a matter of fact, The music carries the film's sense of Curiosity and Bewilderment, though it can be hard to watch (The scene where Joy forces herself to vomit and smears onto and near her child, made me cringe when I saw it!)

A wonderful adaption of Emma Donahuge's Book, Nicely Co-produced by the Irish film board!

CREDITS

Room was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham

With Media From

Room

Star Trek The next Generation

Marenghi's Darkplace

Room was Produced by Filmnation Entertainment, Telefilm Canada, the Irish Film board, Film4, No Trace Camping, Element Pictures and Duperele Pictures. And it was Distributed in Britain by Studio Canal. All rights reserved. All Media used belong to their respective owners!

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

CHRISTMAS EPISODE, ROLL OUT!

To Celebrate 40 years of Transformers, my last review of 2025 is Transformers One, a revised Origin Story of the Franchise.

Halloween special 2025: Cassandra Episodes 1-3

 As I said last year,  The Horror Channel's Rebranding to Legend Muddied The Waters on Losing it's Genre Specific Identity. 

Granted, There are Still Horror Films on the Former Horror Channel, but in a Haystack of Other 3 star or lower films, you have to delve through Romcoms, Christmas Romcoms, Modern Westerns and Whatever Crap Nic Cage Does to pay his Backtaxes.

However, there is a service that I've gotten in recent months, a tool that also allowed me to continue being a Wrestling Writer, is also a treasure trove for Reviewers.

Netflix.

In fact, Since February's Unfrosted, I've being using the months I don't review WWE over on Enlightened Towers, I poll my readers on Twitter (for now) on what I should review next, So I've Decided, and don't take this personally, to take the power out of your Hands, Temporarily.

Ever since the First Poll, one of the options has being Cassandra, A German limited Horror series about a AI controlled house who after Receiving a new Family after 50 years becomes obsessive, Parasocial....and Maybe Deadly.

Only 6 episodes were made and, despite what I said last month that I will review 4 episodes, I will instead review the first HALF, And who knows? If you want me to finish it, I'll make it an option for it in a poll down the line.

So like all Netflix Originals, I'm going in blind, this is 2025's Halloween special, Cassandra Episodes one to three. 

THE FOLLOWING SERIES IS RATED 15 FOR BLOOD, GORE, VIOLENCE, SUICIDE, SEX AND NUDITY, WHICH WILL BE DOWNPLAYED,  DISCRIMINATION AND LANGUAGE WHICH WILL BE CENSORED. THERE WILL ALSO BE A TRIGGER WARNING BEFORE A SCENE OF A SCHOOL SHOOTING! DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Episode 1

A Fresh Start

We open with a Man Driving at night, Smoking a Cigarette with his radio at full Blast on a Heavily forested country road, until he uncovers a Traffic Accident. Panicking, he finds the Driver Slumped dead on The bonnet after being Forced through the Windshield.

K*LL COUNT:1

The Man is further Startled by a Bang on the back window, the man opens the car door to rescue a young woman and a newborn baby. He asks the victim what happened, and she points to something off screen, as the baby cries when the man turns to see a Robotic Body with a Screen for a Head.

Flash forward 50 years to now and a Family moving into a new house. Well, I say "new" I mean new address. The house they are moving into is a Retro Technology house, a style the mother is into....though there is another reason for the move. The Couple's children, a Teenage Son named Finn, and a young girl named Juno get out of the car to explore, only to see sheets covering the Furniture, Grasping a Teddy for comfort, Juno sees the landline telephone is disconnected and finds a elevator. Her brother finds Juno and frightens her a bit, before the mother, Sam, finds them both.

Sam exposits that this one of the first "Smart Homes"  before they went out of style. Explaining Further that every room has a TV screen in Communicado with An AI. Or would if the power was restored, hence the telephone being down. 

So Finn elects to switch the AI Server back on. However, this is not as simple as turning on WiFi, the House is powered by a Server more Akin to a Post war Calculation Engine. Finn is called away by his father, so he doesn't see the ominous blinking red light. 

Dad (David) tell Finn the actual AI is Fifty years old,  So he Doubts it will even work. But once they fix this place up it'll be like a mansion,  because David has found a swimming pool at a steal of a price.

"And I'm sure, This pool will not be used to k*ll  you!"

Finn Uncovers the home's Robot, the one that from the first scene in the woods, and curious about it, tries to fix it for his sister, Sadly it doesn't turn on. Sam and David Discusses that their Daughter suffers from Night Terrors. But David says it's time with all the changes to Adapt, though Sam does tell Juno if she has a nightmare to still come to her room.

Finn was a Semi-Professional Musician despite still going to high school. Sam unpacks two photo frames that she places On her bedsit, one of Juno, the other of her and a woman. Seeing this makes Sam cry as this person is the reason for this move, I'll get to why later. Sam cries if she is doing the right thing, but David reiterates this is a change for everyone to start over.

In the Middle of night the Robot Reactivates. This is Cassandra, the AI that Runs the Smart House. Cassandra Fits the Bill of a Malfunctioning Retro Robot, Bright Red, Six foot but can extend her neck to be taller and Whisper Quiet, it has a shocking presence, It's Sillouette looks like a Women in a long dress with the head being a outdated 3 band technicolor tv which is how she interacts physically with people. Interaction with Cassandra is jarring because it lags while it computes a command, as if you don't know if it's taking it's time to understand or feigning malfunction to calculate a move. And that's done by design. 

Cassandra, when she activates, calls out for a "Peter" she then does a systems check to regain control of the house, Her face materializes onto every screen in the house. In the kitchen every piece of Appliance Bends to her control. In the pool room, Cassandra finds A mouse, and Crushes it under her Wheeltrack.

K*LL COUNT: 2

Finally Cassandra does finishes her rounds in Juno's Room, Naturally the Child who suffers Nightmares starts screaming when a Seven Foot Vacuum cleaner with a TV for a Head appears from nowhere! The family alerted goes to Juno's room. Cassandra Explains she was only Following her Programming. The Shock quickly turns to excitement when Finn wants to tinker with Cassandra's Server to see what the Smart House can really do.

In the morning,  Cassandra wakes the Family with Singing at 6am....Which I'm sure doesn't get old real quick! In the Garden, Cassandra stands with Juno who had found the Dead Mouse. Gaslighting the Child that the Rodent died of old age, She Proposes they have a funeral for it. The Robot asks Juno if she's ever being to a funeral, the child tells the Robot the reason they Moved is because Aunt Cathy, the woman in Sam's photo, committed Sui**de.

Another Red Flag is Raised when Cassandra says Sui**de Happens when "Someone Dies Because they Are Weak!", Angering Young Juno. Seeing the Funeral at a distance, Sam is worried that Juno making friends with an Appliance is not what she envisioned. 

Juno Doesn't want to go to School and it doesn't help that Cassandra seems to undermine Sam as a mother. As David heads to work and drops the kids to school,  the car passes a Poorly Marked Traffic Blindspot.

At High School Finn's Class goes to a rocky Start when,  not only his he the only Black student in the village, but the teacher makes the mistake of pointing out he is a straight A student right on front of the class Top Dog, Steve, who is being punished for his tardiness by helping Finn catch up. As Sam tries the pool, Cassandra is using a Lawnmower function in the Garden.  That's when the robot's  blades mows into a large stone that flies through the air, and into the small of Sam's back. It's an accident for now,  but the lack of Compassion from the Program's Voice makes Sam Suspicious. 

Sam Learns David Commanded Cassandra to mow the lawn, Not Thinking this Accident was a possibility,  however the Robot did try to call a doctor and the blades only come out on Human Voice Command so that's something!

Meeting Juno's Teacher, she's worried that she'll need time to adjust, Especially after a family death. She suggests to the parents that Juno joins an after School Club. Meanwhile, under the naïve assumption Steve wants to study at his house,  Finn brings him to his home. The Planned Home Invasion will have to wait as Steve is shocked by Cassandra, who clams up when the bot is rude to her. Steve is p*ssed the fridge has no alcohol in it. Cassandra let's it slip the smart house has a bar Setting. 

David wants Juno to Join an After school class to have her back to her old talented self, But Sam is worried with the Club's Christmas show seven weeks away will only put pressure on Juno.

Meanwhile our two teen Meatbags find a Secret Bar Room that was blocked by Cardboard Boxes, Steve is Leading on Finn by pretending to be Gay, as free Bar or not, Steve came here with Bad Intentions. 

More Red Flags are Raised When Cassandra plays her Karaoke Mode and all the Song Lyrics she picks for Juno to sing all have decidely Yandere vibes. Cassandra praises Juno, but Cassandra Twists Sam's words to make her sound Like she won't let Juno join the music club.

Later at Dinner, Sam Learns Cassandra has Multiple Arm Attachments to help with cooking.

And no doubt she has one for tenderizing Dead Meat!

Juno wants to join the Music Club. Sam is worried for her Daughter, but she gets upset that her own mother thinks she is embarrassed by her!

In her Bedroom, Sam comforts her child saying she knows she is not a woman that can solve every problem, but nothing will ever happen that will make Juno think she has to become that person. Later Sam calls out David for pitting her against Juno, because of their private conversation, not realizing of course, none of their conversations have been private since moving here. Finn wants to make Twitter friends with Steve, only to learn he has already blocked him.

Sam while packing finds a lockbox full of Photo Slides. Finding a projector, She looks at Family photos of the previous family, the wife in the slides bares an uncanny resemblance to Cassandra, we see a flashback 50 years ago to the previous family, when Sam asks it who she was, Cassandra says nothing to answer the question.  When Sam retires for the night,  Cassandra watches the remaining Slides, and in a quick fit of anger, Causes the Entire living room to be set on fire by overloading electricity into the sockets, Concluding Episode 1!

Episode 2

"Who Am I?"

We open episode 2 with the aftermath of the fire Cassandra caused to cover up her past. After the Fire David Finds a wine Bottle, And Blames Samira ("Sam") For Starting the Fire, Cassandra Collaborates her logues to David to further Undermine Samira. But why is she like this?

Maybe the following flashback to 1971 will shed some light on the situation.

As Cassandra when she was alive,  looks at her Son Peter playing soccer as her husband Horst, A military scientist smokes and looks ashamed at his son. Cassandra Suggests that if Horst has time to light up, he has time to play with his son. Horst kisses his wife and jokes that "She Does Everything! "

However, Horst is a Toxic Male, and when he finds out the Boy was only a sub in a winning match, Horst answers Peter genuine appeal to not knowing why he isn't a Starter by assaulting Peter with a Soccer ball .

Peter Runs off with Cassandra in hot pursuit in the Rain into the Forest. We learn Peter is only on the Soccer team because of Horst's Financial Backing of the team, and boy, doesn't the rest of the team let him know about it on a regular basis, and riding it out to prove his worth is not yielding the results he wanted.

Back in the present, and it only took a week for Sam to Tire of Cassandra's Singing. In the Bathroom Juno is Brushing her teeth, as Cassandra gives her some Encouragement. 

David Drops Finn at high school when Steve arrives to Brown-nose his would be Burglary victims, Expositing that David is a Crime Writer,  it also turns out David's Books are less Holmes&Watson, and more Mills&Boon! Embarrassing Finn that his father's books are little more than Smut. Finn is Set up as a Cheater when has Steve has him do his homework, his leading on the Gay classmate working since the last episode. 

We now learn that Samira is A Sculptor, when she gets a face time call from her Therapist,  Mina, showing her the house and letting go her "Sister's" Death, telling her doctor that they use to fight and steals boys from each other. One time Cathy trapped her in a closet and that's why she has Claustrophobia. 

FORESHADOWING!

Here is where Mina says something really strange, something that does get explained away later,  But she says of Cathy "I'm glad you didn't meet her til much later" Which is a strange thing to say about a Sister....unless.....

Sam is Suddenly Startled by strange Radio noises.  Cassandra leads Samira to a pantry to get her some potatoes from a top shelf.

Forgetting that the Robot can grow an extra foot by Shifting her armour just a few days ago after showing her, Sam gets Trapped in a small space, like an Idiot! Cassandra swaps out a hand for a circular sawblade and cuts Bread while whistling to drown out Samira's pleads for help.

Back in Time, Human Cassandra is on the phone with Horst, who tells her will be working late, he also let's slip her has a female Secretary called Hilda. And whilst doing the Laundry, Cassandra finds red lipstick on her husband's shirt collar.

Fearing an Affair, Cassandra does a 180 on Peter leaving the Soccer team, Telling Her son you don't leave when things get difficult. She tells Peter he has to do better, but realizing she sounds like Horst, she Apologizes. So instead like the dutiful wife she is, she packs a stew into Tupperware for her Husband to Confront him about this affair. 

In the present, David Returns home and saves Samira from the locked Pantry. But Cassandra Cunningly deactivated the lock to make it seem like Samira was Hysterical. Looking right at the Android feigning concern, she smiles because she knows what Cassandra is up to.

Also Growing a backbone is Finn who is P**sed that Steve used him for straight As he could easily get on his own. It may seem like maybe Steve is in the closet and his feelings are Genuine.

Samira tells David, She told Mina about her Claustrophobia and David Comforts her and tells her to,  For the sake of their kids,  keep it a secret, to quote,  "not worry about it ". Samira almost corrects David by asking  "Not to Worry about...Who?"

In the 1970s, Human Cassandra goes to The Lab Horst works at to "Surprise " Her Husband with Leftovers with the intention of Discovering an Affair with his Secretary.  She uncovers there is an Affair going on with a lab tech and his secretary,  But running into a restricted  area when she is caught, she finds something much worse!

Unethical Animal Experiments to cheat death with Cyberization and Brain capacity download  as computer data. Learning Helga is a somewhat overweight woman compared to Cassandra, Horst smiles realizing the true crux of this visit, But if Horst is not having an affair with his coworker, then who?

Back in the present, David is annoyed his books have been criticised as borderline porn even being lauded by whatever the Literature version of the Razzies are (....And Somehow he didn't know this?) Cassandra Is Pitting the Parents against each other once again when she let's slip that David didn't buy any wine, making out he still blames Samira for the Fire. He doesn't get a kiss when Samira leaves for art Supplies. In the car, she calls Bose Realtors and Asks about Cassandra, But because Cassandra was only a wife in a generation the men claimed ownership, only Horst's details was kept on file. Samira sees Cassandra through the Rear view mirror. She gets a Forwarding address for a Peter Schmidt only to learn he is deceased. She drives off with Cassandra just staring at the car intently.

In Finn's bedroom, he and Steve are goofing off. Finn sings a song about his attraction to The Actor Tom Holland. Steve asks him if he misses the city. Finn says he won't have to, he's already 18, once he graduates he can go back. Steve comments that living here must be hard for "People like him". Finn corrects Steve by saying living in the countryside is hard "For People Like US!" That's when Juno comes in and wants to show off what she learned at Music Club.

With everyone busy with work or homework and Samira playing Detective, Juno is putty in Cassandra's interchangeable hands! 

Samira's Phonecall leads her to City Archives, finding 3 volumes of Horst Schimdt's life and career as a Researcher with a minor in Architecture.

We Cut to the Swimming pool being used to off a character, but it's Juno up for the chop...PSYCHE! Not even a horror this predictable would dare to k*ll a child as a twist! Cassandra gives Juno legitimate Swimming lessons. She makes it very clear that that Sculptor is a Nice Hobby for a woman, But "a Woman's Real Job is to be a wife and mother!"

Wow!

Horst should have rented this house to Andrew Tate!

Samira Finds Cassandra's Death Certificate,  Claiming she Died in 1972 from a Short Illness. She puts it all together, the car crash we saw in episode 1, the victim and Survivor were Horst and his paramour who he had a baby with. Cassandra meanwhile illuminates the pool with rainbow LED lights to protect Juno's feelings. 

As all this is going on, Finn and Steve are about to kiss when Cancelledbot nearly fries a circuit to announce Samira's Arrival.

At Dinner, things are less tense than what they were last episode. Though Juno is now schtum about what She did today after all she's tired showing Cassandra. So to lighten the mood, Sam sets a family game of Bottecelli, Juno wants Cassandra to play, So Juno Innocently writes "Mama" on a post-it note and sticks it on the Robot's screen head, using her cameras in the living room, she reads Samira's name and the automaton's plan to smear Samira's name commences by pointing out she is a drunk. When Cassandra asks "Am I a working woman" and Juno says no, Parroting what Cassandra said to her. Cassandra breaks the news about the Panic attack, causing  Samira to storm out, 

In David's office where his wife, Covering a screen. She tells him Cassandra is a lot more than Programming and Algorithms, What she just did was a planned and Deliberate Emotional Blackmail, she then shows David something outside, the traffic Blindspot and the names on the Crosses-Horst and Peter Schmidt. 

K*LL COUNT: 3

And the News report on the Car Crash, and whose front and centre, but Cassandra. Now, in the world that we live in, this would be enough to convince a smart person,  but remember, Genre Rules Apply here and David doesn't believe her, this is when it's finally revealed "Aunt Catherine " was in fact an Affair partner that Both Parents agreed on. 

In 1971, at a night out with a Neighbouring couple, the wife of the other couple, Birjette who we now know as the Survivor of the crash, reveals she is pregnant, as Horst stares at her. Cassandra Susses it out that she is the woman her husband is having an affair with, she cries then and there, with Birjette thinking they are happy tears. In the women's restroom. It's revealed Cassandra had a Stillbirth, a Symptom of her soon to be Terminal Illness. In no uncertain terms Cassandra tells her neighbour she knows,  Though it goes over Birjette's Head. And seeing her Friend with the same shade of lipstick only confirms it.

In the Future the Aftermath of the failed Game Night is Affecting everyone. Finn reaching out to Steve and Juno worried about Mama. As Samira tries to have a bath, Cassandra tells her everything she learned about her life is true, and the only reason she is telling her this, is that she's about to k*ll her! Locking her in the bathroom with the Robot body, Cassandra causes another panic to finish Episode 2 on a Cliffhanger. 

Episode 3

Endgame 

Rather than jump straight into the conclusion of the Cliffhanger, we see Finn face time Steve and comments his pajamas makes him look like Ebenezer Scrooge, while David is Reading A Scary Fairytale to Juno, Only to find she had fallen asleep whilst he read a violent and descriptive scene. 

Cassandra, Rather than kill Sam outright, instead decides to play with her food a little longer. So she alerts David to "Save" her from the bathroom, all the while, Sam screams to Shut Cassandra down, and Finn who also heard the Screams Shuts down the Server. Before the complete shutdown, Cassandra tries to make a grab at Juno. Naturally the Young girl is Traumatized. 

Samira tells David Exactly what Cassandra said before the attack and now he believes her...He didn't when there was photographic proof of the Robot in the forest at the same time as a crime scene....BUT NOW HE BELIEVES HER(!)

Wait, No, David decides to turn Cassandra back on,  because he's an idiot!

They turn see Finn who tells his parents that on the night Cathy Died, he couldn't sleep because of it, and he had a vivid nightmare of something banging his 9 Storey high bedroom, when he pulled over the curtain, there was Aunt Cathy screaming to be "Let Out", Finn Said Afterwards he picked himself off the Floor in a Cold sweat-Maybe this family just have a history of Sleep deprived waking nightmares.

Or maybe...Finn saw something he wasn't supposed to see.

In 1971, Human Cassandra is having her hair done at home, when Horst in Military Attire serves her some coffee. He let's her know, that Birjette (the woman he made pregnant) will be coming over this weekend, with both thinking the other doesn't know what they both know. Peter has a game tonight and it's the same time as the Government meeting.  Besides, his weak little second String son isn't worth his time! Cassandra tells Horst the Truth, that the team resents Peter for being the Financer's Son, so maybe use that influence to have Peter be a Starter for the match. 

And So Peter gets a Starting Spot in a Match where the winning team gets league promotion and there are Bundeslige and college scouts in attendance on the same day. 

It works as Badly as you think, with Horst leaving after Five minutes. 

After The Match, Peter Susses out His mother has a hand in this. But Maybe it's not so bad, afterall Some other subs come up and offer that they hang out in a supply shed to drink away the pain, He refuses the Underage Drinking because Mam is right there, But Cassandra Grabs Him and says it's one thing to fail, it's another to run from it! Cassandra calls over the boy's to tell them he'll be coming-AND WHAT CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Back in the Present Samira and David are in bed, it's another morning, only for Samira to learn from Hearing Cassandra's morning Song, that David Vetoed his wife's concerns and opted to put her Back in Therapy!

Though Finn is not as Naive as his sister or as stupid as his father! He wants his mother to call if Cassandra does or say anything to her, not if anything happens, but specifically involving Cassandra!

David is in the Swimming pool when he asks Cassandra for a towel, Samira's new Tactic is to flat out ignore Cassandra. The Duplicitous Device sees David Naked and She likes what she sees. Maybe David is starting to believe that Cassandra is more than Conversation Prompts and Algorithms, her screen is practically Fogged Up!

Finn tries to get Steve to admit publicly admit he's gay, But the reputation in the Town of Village will be destroyed If he did. Finn says there will be people who will Support this and they kiss.

In Therapy the Doctor gets to the Bottom of Cathy's death. And I'm Sorry, But that "I'm Glad You didn't Meet her til later" Line is really confusing me! Like We Know that Cathy/Samira/David had a Open relationship and the family knew of her, to the Extent that the children called her "Aunt" Cathy, But now Samira is telling this new Doctor she is her sister, which either means, she's only telling the doctor they are sisters and it's a lie, or THEY REALLY WERE SISTERS. AND IF THEY WERE REALLY SISTERS, THEN DOES THAT MEANS THE "DIDN'T MEET HER TIL LATER"LINE WAS A MISTRANSLATION FROM THE ORIGINAL GERMAN?

So the new Doctor tells her she is suffering from Self-Blame, She can't get Comfortable in this new house because Cathy k*lled herself in the old one. She needs to Be on The offensive and take Control of her life.

AND GODDAM DOES SHE EVER!

Samira lays down the law to the AI. Sure it''ll bite her in the a*s later and No doubt this is possible foreshadowing to Either Samira's attempted or actual Murder, But she tells her this is her House now, Cassandra  just cleans it! Whoever "Cassandra Schmidt" was, she's dead and this Robot is not her anymore! That It's Her who will comfort her Children and make love to her husband because she is a flesh and Bone Woman and Cassandra is just a machine!

Back in 1971, We see the results of Cassandra's Past Mistakes. First Horst used his Government Work as a Cover to see Birjette. Then she hears a car swerving outside at speed. Running out she sees her Son tossed from a moving Sedan into the street, Beaten up for Costing the team League Promotion, Professional fame and Scholarships. Cassandra Runs a Bath and tends to his wounds. She promises to keep it a secret from Horst, as calling the police will Ostracize the family against the whole town who only have The local Sportsball as a way out!

It turns out they did more than just beat up Peter, which is why Cassandra doesn't want people to know.

In the 21st Century, Peter has Writer's Block, So he's surprised to hear Cassandra Read his books, So YAY! David cops on that Cassandra is Sentient, But BOO! For David for using Cassandra for like a Parasocial ChatCPT! Especially when Cassandra says she wants to quote "Inspire Fantasies"

At High School, after ignoring Finn in a game of Basketball,  The Couple have their first fight, they kiss and make up but when someone walks in on them,  Steve Punches Finn in the mouth to Save Face. 

That night Juno sings for her mother, a night before the school play auditions. Juno is taking part but there is a more talented Girl called Emily who will no doubt take the lead. Samira Proposes to spite Cassandra for speaking, to have Christmas in the mountains this year, to starve the Egotistical Programme of Attention.  Then She Sees Finn with a Bursted Lip, and that's when Cassandra announces Steve is at the door.

Distracted by this, Samira leaves Juno with Cassandra,  Who sings to the robot, who locks the door and Bends the girl's ear on how to get the Part over Emily. 

"Have you ever Heard of Toyah Harding, Juno?"

"I'm Six, so....No~?

"GOOD!"

And the plan involves something hidden in The master bedroom floorboards, specifically "Under Mommy's bed'

In the past, because of the Trauma of the attack, Peter's Grade Suffered, And Cassandra has being to a parent teacher meeting.  Outside Peter has being Accosted by his 3 attackers, When The Ringleader threatens him with more to come, It looks like Peter will have to take action.

That night, Cassandra calls Peter For Dinner she made, despite the Oven being on the Blink. (FORESHADOWING FOR EPISODE 4!) Only to See Peter's Bedroom window open. Cassandra hears the front door open. Descending the Stairs, she sees Peter in the living room, standing with his back turned. When he does turn, Peter is covered in blood, and holding an Automatic Gun. Muttering that "He's Not a Victim anymore!"

K*LL COUNT: 6

In Finn's Bedroom, Steve Apologizes for Reacting wrongly, But Finn is Still Upset about being Punched, with Cassandra reacting in the background. Steve goes in for a Kiss, But Cassandra asks Steve to leave, with the monitors eying up the Teenager as he does. 

Samira Goes to the bedroom and sees the Bed has being moved, and finds a Picture of a Pregnant Human Cassandra, and a Young Peter.  Cassandra Robot is Chopping carrots when she pursues Steve with knife Attachments outside.  Samira Confronts Cassandra about Her past life's Miscarriage, meanwhile Robot Cassandra warns Steve to stay away from "Her Son'. As the Screen Glitches, Cassandra has a break down when challenged and the whole house deactivates. 

In the 1970s, Cassandra Demands her son to Strip and destroy the evidence of his murders. So she Drives to the Shed where the three players drink to remove the bullets from their bodies, Because for what Cassandra has planned, It's because Bullets won't melt in the fire she is going to Commit, and as she Drives away, she Happily Sings along to the Radio.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SCENES OF SCHOOL SHOOTING!

Cassandra Reboots and Feigns ignorance. The next day at the Auditions, Juno Brandishes The Same Auto Peter used to K*ll, that Human Cassandra hid under the the floorboards of the master bedroom. The last thing we see is the School corridor, and the last things we hear in Episode 3 are Juno's Nervous singing, A Shot and People's Screams before the sound is cut by the Credits! 

And That will do it for the first 3 episodes. I'm sorry for ending this on a Cliffhanger myself,  but the last 3 episodes will be a option on the January poll on my Twitter account. Next month, a forgotten classic, Room.

CREDITS 

Cassandra Episodes One to Three were Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham

With Media from :

Cassandra

Merenghi's Darkplace

Cassandra was Produced by Rat Pack Films For Netflix.

All Media used belong to their Respective Owners. All Rights Reserved!

Eamonn Reviews Ghostbusters Frozen Empire

 Ghostbusters Rebirth was a return to form for the ailing franchise. 

I even said as much when I Reviewed Rebirth a couple of years back. A comeback from the embarrassing 3rd outing and also an Apology to both the fans and the late co star and Co writer, Harold Ramis.

So now, The Ghostbusters are back with a blend of Original cast and new blood to Continue Egon's legacy in new but Familiar Adventures in a new Century

.....And then We get THIS?!?

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 12 FOR MILD HORROR, DEATH AND INNUENDO. SOME WORDS WILL BE CENSORED FROM THIS POINT ONWARD. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. 

The Cover is a microcosm of the film's direction. It's too busy and focuses on the wrong characters.  Case in point on top, front and centre is Paul Rudd Standing next to Dan Ackroyd and Bill Murray like he's a main character. 

THE WORST AVENGER IS NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER!

No, the next Generation are, who spent all of Rebirth saving Rudd from being Vinz are relegated to smaller Headshots. Even the fist pump moment of finally seeing Janine getting in on the action as a Ghostbuster is given the smallest amount of space to an original cast member. Even our one shot villains are done dirty.  What? You didn't notice the Ice Demon and Kumail Nanjiani? Well trust me they're on this cover....Somewhere!

To celebrate 100 years of Colombia Films, this is one time I can't complain about The Studio screwing with the logo. 

A Quote by Robert Frost opens the Festivities in 1904, when the Firehouse was once that, Firemen charge a room at the Adventurer's Society, not to find Searing Flames, but  Freezing Cold. Tearing down the door with their axes, they find all those inside are already dead, their bodies impaled by icicles which in turn have Flash Frozen them, The Fire Chief Finds the only things out of place are a detached hand still turning the crankshaft of a Gramaphone  and the body of a Women in Arabic Costume holding a Puzzle Orb. The Woman's Corpse Jump Scares the Firemen, as the other corpses shatter as panels on the Orbs move Like A clockwork Rubik's Cube.

One Hundred and twenty years pass, And the Spengler-Gruberman Family have returned to New York....and they Just Flanderized the living hell out of these characters! Gary Gruberman (Rudd) is just annoying, Son Trevor Spengler (Finn Wolfhard) is a whiner and complainer, daughter Phoebe  (McKenna Grace), is just girl-Egon, mother Carrie (Callie Coon) who spent most of the last film realizing her children are capable to handle themselves, is now a complete Chi-Chi to Phoebe's Gohan! The family are chasing what Phoebe calls The Hell's Kitchen Sewer Dragon. We see Carrie has her moment to contribute as she Reveals a drone trap for capturing Flying Ghosts, causing thousands of dollars in collateral damage. As Exposition News tells us the Ghostbusters' return to New York has being financially bankrolled by former Ghostbuster member and Philanthropist  Winston Zeddemore  (Ernie Hudson). We also see the toys and song also existed in their universe, just in case you ask how did Winston get so Minted.

The Ghostbusters have to deal with a Familiar thorn in their side, Mr Peck. (William Atherton) Now mayor of New York City. Who because of Gary's lack of tact, not only does Peck finally hit the Ghostbusters with a Chemical Waste charge, but a Citation for Child Labour when he learns Phoebe is 15, and that Gary is not legally married to Carrie, so he is not legally Carrie's father, just her employer. 

Four Decades may pass, but the Firehouse is still a dump to live in, with Trevor treated as an unpaid repairman. Phoebe is angry that she's being benched, but the Law is the law.

Distracted by Family Strife and Gary and Mom bragging that they had Consummated whilst turned into Demon dogs, The Adults struggle when the Containment Unit strains under the Pressure of it's filled capacity  (A reminder that Ray more or less said every ghost was caught before the events of Rebirth)

Speaking of, we cut to Ray Stantz (Ackroyd) and "Podcast" filming a YouTube show called Possessed. Ray needs to reminded to say "Like and Subscribe"

"This Video is Sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends"

The show's Premise is people bringing in Supposedly Haunted items for Ray to Scan for Spirit Energy. Only for Podcast to smash non-haunted items with a sledgehammer, like a Antique Rolex. Because the Gen-Zer only knows what a clock is as a picture on his phone.

"The Hammer gets views, Bro!"

"We Need the Hammer! We Can't Compete with that Mr B**ch Guy who fakes Acts of Charity, Bro!"

Podcast has left "Dork-La-homa" as he put it under the false pretense of being in Space Camp. Phoebe had Visited Stantz' Bar to deliver Ectoplasm.  The Marshmallow Minis are Still Alive (Undead?) ....the Marshmallow minis are still here! Podcast treats their existence as pests. That's when a man walks into a bar and drops a box on the counter, this man's presence has scared the Minis as the man's identity is revealed to be....

Asian Rob Schiender!

The man (played atrociously by Kumail Nanjiani) wants to make bank by selling the Puzzle Orb McGuffin. So he sells the thing that will doom us all for $50! Asian Schiender Books it as it seems like Flames follow him. Janine (Annie Potts) tells Gary she'll contact Winston to get his Engineers to look at the Containment Unit, but there was never really a plan if the unit did reach Capacity. In the attic, Trevor finds the source of the Black Mould is actually Slimer and four Decades of food waste. Phoebe Is benched and Ray looks at the passing Ecto-1 with a smile. 

In a park, Phoebe sets up her Grandfather's Chess Set and pieces start to play against her. But instead of Egon's Ghost, it's a Ghost Woman (Emily Alyn Lind). 

This is Melody, the Ghost of a House fire victim, who is shocked that the young girl is so calm seeing her. During a game, The girl asks her what's the best and worst of being Undead.  Melody says the worst is not aging, the best is still being able to do things like beating Phoebe in chess. 

One of Winston's Engineers (played by British Comedian and Gameshow host James Acaster) runs a Diagnostic and it's bad news. The System is too old to contain Such Power. So with Janine and Winston in tow, it's time to reveal the fruits of the Zeddemore Foundation: A Bigger Headquarters.

Relocating into a Rundown Aquarium, Winston's money has been put into seeing Egon Spengler's Research reach the next level with Research into Parabiology, Parabotany and even Paranormal Sound Dynamics. There is another Surprise, Lucky has also came from Oklahoma to  New York.

What do you mean you don't remember Lucky?

She was The Waitress Trevor fell for, she got one shot in with a photon pack and was turned into Zuul after Zuul turned back into Carrie.

Y'KNOW, LUCKY!

So Lucky is a Trainee Ghostbusters training with a Glove shaped Photon Blaster

Winston goes and shows off the Aquarium's Mission Statement. It Specialises not in Ghost capture, but Spirtual Removing of Haunted Objects from Ray's Show that survives Podcast's Gallagher Act. As seen as Dr Lars Pinefield (Acaster) puts a Walkman into a booth connected to a similar booth by a tube. And they see the Spirit within vacuumed to the second booth and then trapped to be disposed into the new Containment Unit!

Phoebe asks if Organic Possession Removal is possible. Dr Lars says he's working on it. Winston Finally Shows off the new Containment Unit which Dr Stantz boasts it's "as Big as the Old West!" This leads to Gary and Ray to Ab-lib lyrics to "Home on the Range" but about ghosts!

Phoebe wanders off and sees what look like holding cells. Sure enough, that's what they are. Winston reminds us the Aquarium is a Research Facility, so they are researching a Spectre, a thing that projectile Vomits Ectoplasm, and, most dangerous of all, A poltergeist or "Possesser" as Mr Zeddemore calls it.

Thankfully the Glass is Charged with Positive protons to stop the red Spirit from Escaping. The Orb glows the same Red hue the Possesser is as ominous music plays.

So the Spengler-Grubermans Return to the Firehouse for the last few Days of it's tenure, The Ghosts on Site are to be moved to the new base. But Phoebe Is still depressed about Mayor Peck's Mandate. Gary goes to cheer her up but stumbles because he won't commit to say he's her "Stepfather "

It's interrupted with an emergency call, and Phoebe is left behind again, just as a second call for help comes in, and the only one left to help Phoebe... is Podcast

ONLY GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS!

At the Aquarium, Lars and Lucky tries to extract the spirit from the puzzle Orb. But the power is too great as it blows the generators, a Spectral jailbreak is thwarted when backup power kicks in, but touching the Orb, Dr Lars' right arm gets frozen before he forces himself to drop the Orb.

In a Diner, Phoebe finds Melody. And because it's doesn't take five seconds to say "She's my Friend " or "Don't worry,  she's harmless", she doubts herself and causes damage to the diner,  which turns out to be the ghost's namesake. 

Later Melody turns up at the Firehouse and she and a lonely Phoebe hang out. Melody is tempted to switch off the Containment Unit, but she ponders what's it like on the other side.  Phoebe tells her she saw it happen, when her Grandfather's Spirit passed on. She theorises that once a ghost's particles split, they become part of the Greater Universe. The Ghost of a house fire victim takes out a box of matches she is anchored to. And yet she wonders why she has not passed on.

Melody Disappears when Carrie calls for her Daughter. At the Aquarium something calls from the Orb, as it shakes In place, in the warm Summer night air, A flurry of Cold winds freezes buildings and fountain water, the frost gets into Melody's vicinity and says something in a foreign language, Melody tells the frost "I'm Going as fast as I can " and asks "Does it have to be her?"

 NEVER MIND THAT SH*T, HERE COMES SLIMER!

Trevor wants to do what the fandom wanted to do for years, and that's to k*ll Slimer, but the Wile E Coyote act only ticks the mascot off! Mom calls down Phoebe to the Cellar to the shocking sight of the wall around the Containment Unit torn like it was slashed by an animal, Icicles hanging from Support Girders.

At the Aquarium, Dr Lars with his frozen arm in a sling tells the others, the Orb's temperature is now absolute Zero, as Flames no longer effect it. Whatever is sealed within, it's made to Kill. He also shows the Orb's Spirit is now Directly affecting the Behaviour of other ghosts, in the same way a pack of wolves would fall in line in the presence of the Alpha. While Distracted by the Marshmallow Minis Enthralled by the Orb, Noone is none the wiser to the Frost Disarming the Possesser's Cell and it resting in Podcast's Filming gear. So they need to investigate. Which means more Asian Schiender. 

I don't know where the crew found this Guy who plays Nadeem, but clearly it's a place with no Acting Schools. Or Some Crappy, less than "Marvelous" Show that was Hidden behind a Mickey Mouse Paywall!

Also, there is being a Flat Character, there's Flanderization, and then there's full on Racial Stereotyping. As the only Indian American in the Entire film is a Greedy Peddler who nearly sold religious statues that are not his to sell for $5.

Seriously,  the only thing missing is a turban and a Bed Of Nails!

In a Backroom where the walls are Galvanised with Bronze, there are Indian trinkets and artifacts that are made or cased in Brass are Displayed around the same Arabic Costume we saw in the first scene, as well as a pair of Twisted Antlers, who Nadeem explains once belonged to his great grandmother. Dr Lars explains Brass is believed to be used as a Magical alloy used to seal wicked spirits. Scanning Nadeem with the PKE Meter, Nadeem's signal is stronger than it should be-Meaning we have to see more of him, Oh Joy, oh bliss!

Phoebe asks Ray has he ever thought about being a ghost. Stantz smiles and says that's why he loves the Paranormal.  That's when Podcast interrupts by proclaiming his video of the Orb has messed up audio. But no, the Orb is speaking in some kind of language, but Ray knows a Certain Someone who can help as the retired Ghostbuster and the two teens go on an investigation on the Ecto-C, a Motorbike and Sidecar.

It's not Peter.

We DO See Peter Venkman in the next scene but he's not who Ray is gonna see.

Nadeem is examined by Dr Peter Venkman (Murray) in a Psychological test. After stealing one of Bill's Jokes, He throws a pen at Nadeem at his face! In his anger, the bunsen burner Lucky was working with Ignites even higher. Peter gets on the slacker's nerves as Flames reacts to anger and sarcasm. 

The colleague of Ray is Hugh (Patton Oswalt) a Folklorist In the Cellar of the Library. Who narrates over a nice piece of stop motion using stone tablets that the demon sealed is Named K'Raka, an Embodiment of fear who helped a South Asian Conquerer. When said Conquerer grew Paranoid over his otherworldly General, K'Raka was bound, tortured, had the source of his power-his horns-rended and his soul freed from it's mortal shackles, making the Sound they heard, a spell he cast as this was happening was a Curse on every living thing: The Death Chill- The Fear of Morality weaponized into a frost so cold it freezes where you stand, the fear of dying feeding it's power further.

"The last thing you see before you die, are your own tears freezing your eyes shut!"

But Hugh Continues- K'Raka was Defeated by travelling Asian Mages called the Firemasters who through mastery of Fire Manipulation and Metallurgy sealed the ice Demon in the very Orb they possess. 

Which means you've already figured out how Nadeem fits into the film's endgame!

Stu shows the Ghostbusters something that'll help, The Very same wax Phonograph Cylinder from the Adventurer's Society from scene one, but as the chant plays on the Gramaphone, the Possesser makes it's move possessing the Wax cylinder. Possessing a trashbag the wax item dropped into as it runs into a polluted New York city street. But the two elderly Paranormalists spy the bag on the feet of a stone lion, what happens next is pretty Obvious but something we wanted to to see for years: seeing the stone lion coming to life!

Phoebe destroys the stone lion to save Ray and Hugh, But it's seen as Destruction of State Property and a Flagrant Rejection of a Mayoral Order. This gets Phoebe arrested, and Peck branding the Busters as menaces, the Firehouse is condemned (It already was!), the packs are to be melted down to scrap, Carrie and Gary pay  Phoebe's bail, but she lashes out, calling her mom an idiot and reminding Gary he's not her father! Gary give Phoebe a reality Check. 

In the same vien, Winston gives Ray one too, that his Enthusiasm for the Paranormal and youthful spirit has gotten others into trouble once again, but this time children may have being killed.

Arriving Home, the Mayoral office worked fast, the gear is already gone save for Personal items, which the parents start packing. Gary suggests they keep fighting...by quoting the song. Yes they established the song exists in this universe, and the series has become self referencal, BUT COME ON SON! This is just Corny!

And why would the Ghostbusters be Finished,  when Winston has enough money to make the Ghostbusters a privately funded company if he wanted to?

So what we feared is true: Nadeem is a Mary Sue, The last of a line of magical protectors who Ray is going to train in the use of magic to save the world, after all it's his fault the world will freeze to death over $50!

Now that the Asian Peddler sees for himself he has real powers to save the world he let's out what we are all thinking. 

"I think we are going to die!"

Gary knocks on Phoebe's door to give her some encouragement, not knowing she has ran away into Melody's (and K'Raka's) influence. The forlorn girl is convinced by Melody to use Dr Pinefield's Spirit Extractor on Herself to make herself a ghost to ease her guilt, if only for 2 minutes.

Quicker than you can say "PG version of Flatliners", Phoebe is now a ghost and the lynchpin to K'raka's Plan. The Orb can control Ghosts but needs a Human Voice to chant the words on the Wax Cylinder. The words now learned from the cylinder, K'Raka controls Phoebe's soul to Puppet her body to complete the chant. Melody only did it as K'Raka told the suspected Pyromaniac only he can open the door to the other side to see her family, without the pain of atomizing into nonexistence. Pieces of the floating Orb fall away into a perfectly round ball of shadows. With the sound of a popped balloon, the nebulous ball expands to encapsulate the now awakened Phoebe. A Booming Voice in Whisper tells her the world will shatter with echoes broken bones and Ice, Lucky comes into the lab all guns Blazing when K'raka Solidifies into a Tall Demon of Ash and Frost, but a Simple push from his hand causes the impossible: He made Photon Energy Freeze!

We cut to Carrie and Gary in Ecto-1, A flashback showing us they found Phoebe and Lucky still alive but Freezing from the cold, Phoebe apologizing for keeping both Melody and her own mental Health a Secret. Phoebe Is told she's not in trouble, but Lars disagrees, we are ALL IN TROUBLE! K'raka kills a vape shop owner solely because his shop is called Firemaster, he then breaks into Nadeem's Flat and Regains his horns from the Brass walled room, who reattaches them, and this I like, the Animation of the Horns reattached looks like Stop-motion with the sudden Janky Motions. A very nice touch.

We get the scene that was in the Trailer, the Death Chill attacking A beach Front before heading back to new York.

Ray tells the Spengler-Grubermans that K'raka is heading back to the Firehouse. Thanks to Phoebe's little Adventure to the Library, the plan to extract ghosts from the Containment Unit was Postponed, and with every ghost ever caught, K'raka would have an Army.  Luckily Dr Pinefield has new Zeddemore Foundation Brand Packs and Traps, Should Nadeem Turn tail at the very last minute. 

But Phoebe has an idea, if Brass is the key then She is going to Galvanise the Nickel/Zinc igniting panels of the pack to hopefully damage K'raka the same way the Firemasters did, Sadly they can only spare one fire pole and still have the Firehouse function without it, so there's only enough Brass coating for 1 Photon Pack, so she decides since it's all her fault, she'll Wield the new Experiment,  Also Janine Helps, then Peter Turns up and uncovers some hidden Scotch. Now it's a party!

The Possesser in a Child's Tricycle Starts the Proceedings by possessing Ecto-1 to get to Lucky's Blaster, But Nadeem Fire masters the Photon back at it as Podcast smashes it with a hammer, after all, the Hammer gets views, Bro! And if Nadeem can be useful, so can Slimer,  The Possesser controls a Pizza and Scrappy Slimer Doo Eats it. At the same time,  Lars get's puked on by the Puker. Thanks For flying all the way from Britain, James, that's your final contribution to the film.

Phoebe ventures into the basement to get revenge on Melody and K'raka, as Ice breaches the Containment Unit, but then....

(SIGH!)

Down a Firepole, Dressed in his great grandmother's brass Armour is Nadeem who embarrassed himself and would have caused the deaths of every Ghostbuster not named Phoebe. Once again a Interdimensional Rift Spills into our world via the roof of the Firehouse.

So let's Finish this!

Phoebe comes out with her Modified pack who in a Big Dahm Heroes Moment, but the Demon is too powerful,  that's when Melody's Chronic Backstadder Syndrome kick in, and she uses her last match to provide a source for Nazeen to Mary Sue his way to victory! With the ice melting one by one the other Ghostbusters help with the capture. But when Podcast unleashes the drone trap from Ecto-1, he's swarmed by mind controlled Marshmallow Minis. The trap crashes, But seeing the breach in The Cracks of  broken ground, Ray tells all the original cast they don't need a trap, a Factory reset of the Containment Unit will Suffice. It will recall everything, including K'raka whose feeding off Everything. Carrie and Gary joins the fray to help their daughter. As it takes all the original cast's strength to manually reset the Containment. The ground swallows up K'raka,  who ends up in the Unit. K'raka is Defeated. And with her last match used, Melody passes on. Ice melts as quick as it appeared and people come to cheer the Ghostbusters despite them not being front and centre to the Threat just know. Mayor Peck arrives to publicly Shame The Heroes, only for Winston with cameras in Mayor's face, trick him into reinstating Phoebe. The Hell's Kitchen Sewer Dragon escapes, Phoebe calls Gary "Dad", and so as Ecto-1 Drives into the fray, we get a Subtitle that reads "For Ivan" in Tribute to Director Ivan Reitman after the Song and credits, we see In the Stinger scene some Marshmallow Minis stealing a Truckload of Stay-Puft Marshmallows-Enough to make a Giant Marshmallow Man, Maybe?

THIS FILM IS NOT AS BAD AS 3, BUT IT'S STILL BAD!

After the Success and Goodwill after Afterlife, it felt like this was the Surge back into relevance for this franchise (NOT THAT IT EVER WENT AWAY! Thanks to HBOMAX AND DISNEY PLUS means WB and Disney can Hoard their I.P.s Like Smaug, and the TV companies only have Dreamworks and Sony children's film to call on, meaning in recent years, you could watch Ghostbusters on Christmas Day on both The Irish and English State Run Tv channels just like it was the case last year!)  

But then this film happens and all the characters we got to know in the last film, are not the same in this film, Gary I could do without, Carrie regressed back into coddling Phoebe after learning to let go, Podcast is just a  Zoomer Stereotype with no personality,  And Trevor is now A unpaid civvy and Slimer's new Punching bag. 

But let's talk about Phoebe. 

After being benched, she responds to the changes in the family dynamic and her feeling of inadequacy with...let's call a spade a spade...with Thoughts of Sui**de! After meeting Melody. 

But this could have being done better, if they did more with Emily Lind's character. 

Don't believe me?

Well, consider this.

Imagine if they expanded on Melody's story, that she is the victim of a house fire, bound to a box of matches. What if Phoebe goes through the records after being friends for a while, learns the truth, or at least, what the papers at the time reported as the truth, that Melody started the Fire, but she doesn't remember, they have a falling out which leads to Melody being tempted by K'raka, after learning from Phoebe there is no Heaven, and, feigning remembering the truth, tricks Phoebe into the booth, after she's being having these thoughts on being a ghost, and then the endgame as it played out.

But no like I said above, the wrong characters get screen time. Rudd was a Demon dog for half the last film, and now he's the defacto new  leader? Of the 4 new characters, only one of them gets put on the poster. Not our new Ghostbuster played by James Acaster,  Who I assume like Urzilla Carlson In Kinda Pregnant, was only hired because tv stars from other countries are considered "Cheap", as long as you tell them this will help them "break America", or Emily Lind as A unique plot Thread, Or Patton Oswalt as Hugh, a character that fits so well, that if you told me Hugh was Ray's brother, I'd believe it. No we get on the cover Kumail Nanjiani, who is just annoying to see and cringeworthy to listen to.

They are good things in this film that makes it good to watch at least once! The effects are great. There were nods to the original film now that they were back in New York, Like the return of Walter Peck as the Grudge bearing Mayor, and Librarian Ghost which was never captured.

But without appealing main characters, good humour and a compelling Story to tie it all together, this film just doesn't work!

It's better than 3, I give you that, but so what?

CREDITS

Ghostbusters Frozen Empire was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham.

With Media from:

Friday

Ghostbusters Frozen Empire 

The Wizard

JonTron

Blazin' Saddles

Ghostbusters Frozen Empire is property of Colombia Films which is parented by Sony. 

All rights reserved. All media used belong to their respective owners. 

NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

I've decided to make Cassandra my Halloween special, so will be the First four episodes next month. And we'll see if we can get the rest of the series finished in future polls.