EAMONN REVIEWS FIGHTING WITH MY FAMILY, THE FEEL GOOD STORY ABOUT THE WOMAN WHO F##KED HER LIFE UP STRAIGHT AFTER IT'S RELEASE!

 (PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE)

Eamonn has left Earth to join the Galactic G-men. A police made of Being from other realities and Planets, in actual fact it is a League Of Heroes. Using their Exploits to won the Hearts and Minds of Millions of Sapient Worlds. When we Last Left off. Eamonn was on a Desert Planet. Hunting a Gorgon and inadvertently woke the She-beast. 

Hiding behind a hoodoo, letting off a girlish scream, Eamonn turned to fire a few shots from his laser pistol. He just hits air. He reaches his Comm-Link by Pressing button on his visor.

This is Lt. Bermingham of Earth, I have lost Visual on Gorgon. Requesting Pickup.

"REQUEST DENIED! PROCEED AS INSTRUCTED! "

...Shit....

Around Eamonn all he heard were Hissing and Mocking Laughter. He turned to see The Gorgon. Using it's tail like a chair it posed like it was waiting for Eamonn to finish his call. she then waved like a friendly Girl. It was supposed to be disarming. But the tress of Snaked Headed Hair coiling making jabs at Eamonn with their Fangs, was Disarming Enough.

hi there Terran....Aren't You Lost? she asked seductively, a blue Substance pooling behind  her lips.

"ERR...I supposes any attempt on Conversation or Confrontation will Not end well?"

"MMMMM.......Very Clever for A Human...It's so long I had to work for a meal" she said as she tackled Eamonn to the Ground. Getting closer to the Prone Human she inhaled his scent. and then got up in terror. Her snakes in confused Disarray."

"You...REEK OF AN APEX PREDATOR...." Her attitude changed when he opened to the Cognitive Void.

"NOOOOO! I WILL NOT GO BACK I WILL NOT BE HUNTED, PLEASE YOUR APEX IS A LIAR! SEEK OUT THE OTHERS! FIND THE PATTERN BEFORE IT DOOMS YOUR PLANET!

(The Portal sucked her back into the Void, causing a heavy breeze that took to Eamonn's Poncho.

"And what the hell was that all about?"

AND NOW, OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

This Month Both of My World's Combine Once more as I review A film about Wrestling, Produced by, and Featuring, Dwayne Johnson, A former Wrestler in the story of a another Former Wrestler.

Saraya-Jade Bevis, Professionally known as Paige, was WWE's First British Women's champion, as well as the 1st champion to be born in the 90S. She is a second generation wrestler and this is the feel good story to that point in time that she won the belt from AJ Lee for her first reign!

...Then in the Year this film was released, Paige career was ended after taking an unprotected drop kick to the back of her head, her sex-tape was released, she was fired from her cushy on-screen general Manager role because of it, and went on an abusive coke-fueled affair with former wrestler Alberto El Patron, and Now....

Our cover is a group shot of our 6 key Players. With Florence Pugh as Paige, Leaning against the  Ropes and turnbuckle, Oozing confidence, with the other 5 standing behind her. For those saying this could be Better if there was a crowd behind her, this is fine, this film is about her rise to stardom, not as her as a star. Also I like the Font used for the Title Logo. It reminds me of the old school wrestling and Boxing posters. One thing i don't like is the Director. It's the Unfunny Giant, Stephan Merchant. So will this film be filed under the Unfunny Films of Ricky Gervais and Stephan Merchant? Well,Let's ring the bell, Son!

5 seconds in and the Producer has a mandate! See we don't open with Paige. We open with Zack Bevis as a child watching the Rock and fawning over how great the Rock is.

First film he ever Produced is a wrestling Biopic not about himself, but he still managed to make it a vanity Project. Jesus Christ.

2 things they get wrong in this scene, Young Zack is holding a toy version of the current wwe belt, even though if this is supposed to be the late 90's, early 2000s. The wwf title was the "Eagle Wing" Belt. Two. A young Saraya comes in to change the Channel to watch Charmed, implying later on that Her ring Name comes from Rose McGowen's Character.

Paige, the name WWE gave her, Was because Originally the character was going to be a hacker who caused Distractions on the big Screen before she Debut and her name was going to be Paige Webb

GET IT? "WEBPAGE"? DO YOU GET IT? DO GET IT? HUH? HUH? DO YOU GET IT?

For Comedic effect, The Bevis/Knight Family are a family Of Wrestlers. In Real Life, Ricky Knight is thug who washes his hands with Child Labour Laws and has put all his children in the ring for profit before they could Shave, or in the case of Paige, Shave her Legs! Ricky even had a match over Legitimately Scamming Money from another Son and ended up in a bloody fight that put both of them on Tag!

So young Saraya has a match with Zack (whose in Drag as a pink Power Ranger) in a hall with 40 Drunk Randos, Flash forward 10 years and Saraya is now wrestling her mother, Saraya(SNR)

Yes I know it's confusing, but I'm not calling her Paige until her wwe Years. So Saraya-Jade/Britney/Paige (Florence Pugh) is taking hits from Saraya/Jools (Lena Headly), as Ricky (Nick Frost) tries to run in to help Saraya SNR, Until Zodiac Zack (Jack Lowden) comes out, it's all framed as Hokey, Rick even makes the Scooby Doo "Ruh-Roh" sound when Zack jumps through the Curtain and poses like a superhero.

Packing Up a Ring into a White Van, The Knight Family ring the office's of WWE to Inquire about the Audition Tapes Ricky sent of his children, to No Reply.

It's A Hard Struggle, this is a Wrestling scene in Middle Class Norwich. Which is like saying the Rap Scene in Mostly White Ireland. Just because it's 1% of the people represented, Doesn't mean it's not There!

Zack sees a Drug-dealer and chases him down, But Not out of Civic Duty, No, He's on the Payroll! He doesn't help his Character a scene ago either when he Picks up a Bunch of Children who they pay to set up the ring, in lieu of Payment for Wrestling lessons. Saraya, who's passing out programs is insulted by girls her age who foreshadow her brother "Who went Mental and was sent to jail"

While Ricky and A Black Big Daddy Rip-Off do really bad Slapstick, Paige convinces a Blind student to take part. In the Back Ricky finds out the Promotion is in the red. If they have more shows like the ones they had recently. Ricky will go back to Burglary. Jools says she won't let Ricky go back to Thieving....HE'S TOO FAT TO FIT INTO THE WINDOWS! HAVE ZACK DO IT INSTEAD!

And that would have being funny, if it weren't True.

Well, it looks like Zack won't be going through no window either, as a blond girl, Takes Zack to behind the building with Saraya to tell them something in a speechless scene. Saraya Hugging them both and the Girl holding her Belly and it's pretty obvious what was said! A scene cut to a Kitchen and a well dressed Zack tells Ricky that he wants to make a good impression with Courtney's Parents (The Dad being The Unfunny Giant!) So No Booze, no Swearing!

....Until Courtney's Mother makes the Cardinal Sin...Calling Wrestling "FAKE"! Zack Changes the Subject and Courtney's mother asks Ricky and Jools how they met. It's a story of Assault, Suicidal Thoughts, Gunrunning and Coke that landed Them both in 8 years of prison. To the mortification of Courtney's Parents. The phone goes off and Paige answers it. She recognizes the Number and puts it on speaker. WWE has Gotten the tapes and want to offer Zach and Britney jobs. Zack is gobsmacked and lost for words. Courtney seeing a future for her Baby, accepts on his behalf. The voice tells them to come to the smackdown taping in London's O2 stadium in November for tryouts, though Saraya needs a new name as they already have a Britney. Courtney's Mother doesn't even know what "WWE" is, though understandable if you only ever heard of it called WWF.

So Paige and Zak Explain what wwe and "Tryouts" are. WWF's brand of wrestling is "Sports Entertainment" and Like a Sport it's A fitness Evaluation and on the Entertainment side, It's an Auditon! This Brings up Saraya's and Zack's brother, Roy, who after failing his, took to Drink, and got into a fight where he put a man in coma throwing a lump of Tarmac at him! Funny if this wasn't a true story! Of course Courtney's Mother is still unsure on the family her daughter will marry into.

We cut to London's 02 stadium, where as part of the Biannual UK tour, Friday night smackdown is being filmed. Of course, Dwayne "The Producer" and his Big Johnson is here to put himself into a cameo, where Zack and Saraya ask for his advice and tells him to be aggressive and roasts them "Rock-Style" calling Paige Twillight and Zack "Harry Potter". But Rock had a point, his persona is nothing more than Dwayne Johnston, Magnified to the NTH Degree. The crowd knows who's real and who's not, even if you are playing a gimmick, Putting your heart into it also works. He's interrupted by a voice telling Rock that they need to change into their Gear. This voice belongs to Shane McMahon (Vince Vaughn)

Shane is the Son of Vince McMahon, the Chairman of WWE. Shane's Official title is not Well Defined, He's being head of Marketing, R and D, And if he happens to be in town, he leads the Tryouts. He also wrestles from Time to Time

....LEADING TO THAT ONE TIME IN THE SAUDI PROPAGANDA SHOW, WHERE HE INTERJECT HIS NAME IN AND WON THE TITLE OF BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD. 

A Remarkable Feat for someone who sweats bullets just by doing the Ali Shuffle!

In a speech to all the Contenders. Shane tells them you want need one more thing than talent. You need the ambition to be famous. If you see yourself as the wwe champion. as an Action figure, you belong in WWE.

The Newly Christened Paige, comes of as timid, but she still has a mouth on her to call Col. McSweatyBollox (hi Cultaholic!) a Tosser!

Now it's time for the Tryout, AS There is 10 wrestlers, They are put in a mock 5 on 5 tag match. And as the only women, Paige has to try harder. Shane is not Impressed by what her sees, until Paige sells for Zack, including taking Zack's finisher, the Zack Attack, a Foot Facelock Neckbreaker, with a Leg Catch.

That move will be known as another name, but that's a story for a fortnight's time! Join me in September when we will be finishing this review.

ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

EAMONN REVIEWS DORA THE EXPLORER LIVE ACTION PART 2

 PREVIOUSLY ON DORA LIVE ACTION!

YOU WANT A SYNOPSIS OF THIS? OKAY! DORA'S ADVENTURES WERE A CHILD'S MAKE BELIEVE STORIES. THEY TURNED DORA 17 TO HAVE HER FILM TURNED INTO A FISH OUT OF WATER HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA. WE ALSO HAVE SOCIAL COMMENTARY THAT A GIRL WITH SURVIVAL PARAPHERNALIA WOULD FAIL A SECURITY SCANNER IN A LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL IN THE REIGN OF THE LAST PRESIDENT, THE FAKE-TAN FASCIST! There's also a plot about Dora's Parents looking for a Lost city of Gold who's name sounds like the McDonald's Jingle!

We Continue After The Security Search scene. where despite Dora making everyone late, there are still 2 Students not heading to class. A Prissy Middle Class Know-it-all and a Bullied Gamer Nerd. Sammi and Randy Respectively! Diego tells them not to get involved with either. Especially With Randy attacked. Not only is Diego The whitest Boy in all of Chill-Lay, but he is also Yellow!

Beacause this film has dissolved into High School Cliqu, Bullshit! The Being Smart Equals Being Hated, Trope Is in Full effect! And as the Token Asian, Sammie feels threatened by Dora's intelligence, Not that the Sheltered Girl actually gets it!

So we have a Montage of Dora's first week at A school Including THAT! scene with the Bus!

"WHITE BUSDRIVER KIDNAPS LATINO FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT, KEEPS JOB! NEWS AT 11!"

And reacting to mundane things like Mac N Cheese like it's the most amazing thing ever! All the time being Followed by a Black Car! 

Cut to A Winter's dance were the theme is Stars! And Dora is dressed as an actual Star. She does animal inspired Dance and everyone laughs at her. God where's Carrie's Mother and a Bucket of Goat's Blood when you need them the most?

Diego tells her she's an Embarrassment to him! And she takes it to heart!

The next day it's a High School Scavenger hunt and Dora, Diego, Sammie and Randy are forced into a group. We also have to set up what happens next ,with a teacher leaving his Charges by exclaiming "i hate my Job!"

So off course! Dora get's kidnapped and bundled into a crate! Who are these motherfuckers? ICE?

...The same Crate Loads #1, 2 and 3 were hiding in. They throw gas into the Crate. and when they come to, they are in the cargo bay of a plane that has landed in Peru! Kidnapped by 3 mercenaries, Not Ben Kingsley, Not-Gal Gadot, Not-Terry Crews who seems to the handler for Swiper (WHO IS REAL AFTERALL?)

When Dora and Friends come to, someone is coming to open the crate. Dora gets something out of her Backpack.....And Pulls OUT A MACHETE!

"HOLA CHILDREN! CAN YOU SAY "SEVERED ARTERIES"?

They are actually rescued by a friend of her family. (He's a Mexican Comedian, I Don't remember his name!") Randy and Sammie are only here to cry, complain and make 1st world problems "Jokes", so their Character Development is dead!

So Swiper (Danny Trejo of all people!) Steals the map in some Loony Tunes, Back In Action, Physical Effects Bullshit (You Can see the Wires if you slowed it down to a crawl!) Dora tries the mantra to stop him from stealing,  But still Manages to steal the map.

Dora's Rescuer is Professor Alejandro Honduras. (Just Alejandro or The professor to save my Typing hands!)  A Lingustics Professor and Collegue of Dora's Parents. He Got worried when they Didn't return his calls, and fearing the worst he got Kidnapped to by the mercenaries and escaped. Dora is being kidnapped because she too has the knowledge of Para Pata. They find the family's Car and continue to the camp they made amid, Shrunken Heads and Totems erected by the Lost Guardian tribe of Para Pata! The Professor is a coward and so is as useless, as Sammie and Randy!

Half a day has Past and they find Dora's Family Camp, Ransacked. Feeling Watched they prepare for an Ambush, Only to meet Boots (Of course, Dora would Know this Monkey" ACTUAL QUOTE!)

After a song about a Potty Emergency, (Cute if it song by a child, SUS IF IT'S SONG BY A 17 YEAR OLD!) The Group attacked by A rain of arrows. Running for Shelter in a Hollow log, an Errant Arrow Pushes the Log down a hill. Crawling out, Dora inspects the Arrow and see's the Symbol that was on the Totems. The Lost Guardians are also after the Heroes!

Diego Comforts his cousin and Along the way, remembers that he's an animal tracking expert when he spies fresh footprints: FOX FOOTPRINTS!

They Spy on the Mercs, Heading Down the River. Except Dora, Snatching The Professor's Notebook says they are going Up-River. Para Pata is near an  Opera House, that is now Abandoned and Reclaimed by Mother Nature. And Props to well, The Props Department, But this Ruin looks the business.

THEN I RETRACT MY PRAISE!

As they into Quicksand, the Liquid Ground makes a fart sound and they make a fart joke before realizing what danger they are really in!. The professor is now neck deep in Quicksand and 2 scorpions are on his head, except they are not exactly fighting if you know what i mean! (Dora: the Male is grabbing the female from Behind, i never seen them attack like that before!" ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE!" With Professor's body a human Sandcastle and his head used as a scorpion Club Med, they find his legs dangling under the stone stairs and pull him out, feet first, all the while claiming to be a fraud.

FORESHADOWING!

In a cave they Find A shaman, who tells the five the lost city is cursed, However she is willing to bring them back to Civilization. Diego Refuses, He Promised to keep His cousin Safe afterall, The 2 Useless Ones Wonder why she so eager to help, until they see her tattooed arm. she is a Lost Guardian, who tried to make them Human Shish Kebab Earlier so they run away to warn Dora and the others.

They already figured it out because the way is a field of Codyceps Lillies that spray their Pollen, thanks to the bumbling Prof. But instead of turning into Clickers. They instead get high and turn into the Cartoon for a shared Disillusion. Though she does re-imagine All her Imaginary Friends, she does Comprehend being Rescued by Sammie and Randy.

Continuing on, It's now Randy's time to prove his worth by saving the crew when they fall in to an Aqueduct and nearly drown. Let's forget the part about Randy Pulling the levers to release the water in the first place!

Sucked into an excuse to market this film as a waterslide, They Find Dora's Parent's and here's where we get our M SHITE SHITTYFILM Twist we saw coming.

THE PROFESSOR IS EVIL! AND NOT ONLY THAT THE LEADER OF THE MERCS!

Kidnapped again, Our heroes are forced to lead the the enemy to the Lost City. They find it over a cliff. the Golden City Glistening the Setting Sun! Boots Swings and unties the teenager's Wrists. Dora Ascosts her monkey for rescuing her, Knowing Alejandro will just kill Her parents. once he's done.

THAT'S WHEN BOOTS THE MONKEY GIVES HER A PEP-TALK!

i'm not kidding. B

Boots decides that right now, in the voice of Antonio Banderas to speak English to Dora. Poor Girl must be whiffing that pollen again! The others find Dora and figure out if they can find the Treasure first they could use it to barter for her Parents freedom. Solving a puzzle on Constellations, They enter Para pata to find Nothing at first. Til they find a puzzle, til they find a death trap and pass it with the Power of Friendship. Only for the Professor to reveal he was following them to pass the Traps.

And Now the Monkey Idol and the Treasures left as tribute is all his. Which is why Dora as left him to stand on the obviously welchy Bricks and she and are friends aren't. The Slabs fall to reveal a lava pit, with Alejandro Clinging onto life. The lost Guardians arrive with the Shaman who magically turns into a hot woman. Dora asks the Goddess to spare there lives, But only if Dora solves the Puzzle correctly. She instead offering gold to the idol. Fills his palms with Water. Reveal the Treasure to be....A giant CGI Monkey they only had 8 seconds of footage of. Swiper steals the small Monkey Idol causing Para Pata to collapse around them. Boots Attacks Swipper to free the statue and Dora runs into the dust storm to return it to it's rightful Place.

And so Diego confesses his love for Sammie. The teens are reunited with their parents, But Dora wants to return to America. which is meet with Hammy cries by Pena and Longoria. and of course Dora fits in, she has turned her geeky dance that was mocked to a THICKO-THOT Dance, so she is not REALLY POPULAR, HER PEERS ARE JUST SHEEP!

THIS FILM SUCKS!

WHO IS THIS FOR?

IT'S NOT FOR PRESCHOOLERS, IT'S NOT FOR THE CHILDREN WHO GREW UP WITH THIS AND HAVE NOSTALGIC FEELINGS FOR THIS!

The Premise is Ridiculous, the World Building, wafer thin. The CGI is Lifeless and Janky. Moner is giving it the College try in her first starring role, but it's a losing Battle between the cast of  Underactors and Overactors (Pena is becoming Hispanic Rob Schneider in my eyes. 2 films with him in it and both of them stank!)

WE WEREN'T EXPECTING AN OSCAR WINNER, BUT NOONE EXPECTED THIS TO BE RATED 87% ON ROTTENTOMATOES!

HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?

CREDITS

Dora the Explorer and lost city of Gold was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham

with Media from.

In part 1

Dora the Explorer and lost City of Gold

Go Diego Go!

Linkara and Phelous review the Airzone Solution

Batman: Fortunate Son.

and in Part 2

Dora the Explorer and the lost city of Gold

Dora the Explorer and the Lost city of Gold was Distributed by Paramount. Dora the explorer is also Property of Nickelodeon. All rights reserved. All Media used belong to their Respective Owners.

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE.

It's Rock "The Dwayne" Johnson's Directorial Debut on the feel Good wrestling Story...which haven't aged well in the 5 years after filming this! Find out why, NEXT MONTH WHEN FORMER WWE WRESTLER PAIGE RECANTS ABOUT FIGHTING WITH MY FAMILY!