BIRDS OF PREY (AND THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF HARLEY QUINN)-REMASTERED!

SABOTAGE BY SLEEP-REALM OF THE NOT-DEAD!

(When we last left off, The SatanicOstrich, free from his work-prison in hell came to Earth to looking for answers to why he was free, why the Heroes of Earth is allowing a meteorite to destroy us all and more importantly, where is the Express Train to Hell? In that Order, A greater evil is stirring, It is but not from lacking of trying and The Train is mangled in said Meteor, but no sign of Eamonn.

Eamonn was taken to a faraway planet, seemingly under the pretenses of being rescued from the destroyed Earth, and seemingly married with Children to His rescuer, A humanoid women named Sabaru, who herself is the last of her kind, a Mara. But this is also a lie. Eamonn's "Marraige" is A dream-like Simulation, and Sabaru is a techno-organic Being who has gathered "Signees"those from different planets for her to clean up this "Season"-But What those this Mean?

In the Guesthouse Joejack, Mammy and Ostrich are thinking of a plan, or rather the 2 males are and Mammy, thinking the Anthropomorphic Ostrich is a "Doggy", keeps acting it to get away from the table

....So Let me get this straight, our only chance t'save Earth is gone! Our friendz in da otha Universes cannot 'elp coz interdimensional is now illegal cause of da Hole Heavenscar deal! Wot abou' Da Cosmic Entitiez, surely dey won't see the Lives of their billions die....

Oh That's were you are Wrong, Dear Heart! The Cosmic Entities see Humanity as nothing more as game, And Earth as a plaything, if your world Breaks, the Cosmic Entities will only be sad for a moment and start playing with a new one! 

So...We can't help from otha universes, we can't Bring 80's lad back and da Godz are a-holes! Am i missing anything?

....You also assume Eamonn is dead!

Wha'?

It's faint, but i could feel Magic from the Meteor, a source different from The Train's or Eamonn's Life Energy Mixed with the Shard from the Devil's Dvd-This new Power-It's Different-Synthetic-Like the Creature is Clinging onto Life by Harvesting on others.

(Mammy was watching Tv, as News Coverage was following every development of the meteorite Descent, When the news Footage Changed to a hi-Definition, Entertainment style Presentation. Excitingly Paced Sports show-Style Music Played as a voice greeted Earth!

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-THE MARA INTERPLANETARY CHAMPIONS LEAGUE PRESENTS-MAN VS METEOR-A TELEVISUAL EXTRAVAGANZA TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF HISTORY-TO RIGHT A GREAT WRONG-OUR LEAGUE OF HEROES HAVE TRAVELED BACK IN TIME TO SAVE EARTH FROM THE THING THAT DESTROYED IT! INCLUDING THE LAST CHAMPION OF EARTH, OUR TOP SIGNING, LOST TO HISTORY A HERO WHO THWARTED HIS WORLD'S SATAN MANY TIMES, DESTROYED VILLAINS LIKE THE 80'S LAD THE EMBODIMENT OF RAGE! THE WICKED CHILD AND ONCE LIBERATED HELL ITSELF!

THE HERO OF EARTH!

EAMONN!

The Remaining heroes stop in Disbelief....

TO BE CONTINUED!)

AND NOW TO OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION!

....So This film has Many Covers, but this is the one i picked up. It is so Plain! Of Course Margot Robbie is front and Centre Swinging a bat that is covered in Art, Shame that a mixture of Photo Cropping and Motion Blurring has made it unreadable. Speaking of Motion, they could have Photoshopped the cover with Motion Lines, Shadows and Comic Text for sound effects. Namely Soundwaves from Black Canary, Shadows on Huntress or Detective Montoya, who in the far back, looks like a Drunken Wrestling Mark who came straight from Her 9-5, got Pissed and entered a wrestling to show how tough she is, Also Cassandra wants your lunch Money or she will punch you in the Dick!

Our Film Starts With Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) Narrating over a cartoon of her life to the end of Suicide Squad, Her Torrid relationship with her Father, Her Abuse by Nuns, her Mishaps in Love due to Bisexuality, Her Degree for Psychology, let led her to treat, and then fallen in love with, The Joker, Leading to her being submerged in Chemicals, turning her crazy, (though it ended with her gaining his invulnerability is up for debate!) However, It Being Months Since the End of Suicide Squad and Joker Breaking into Belle Reve to rescue Harley, So she Split up with Joker....when in fact she was kicked out of the gang!

Returning to Gotham where she grew up, At first Harley is an emotional wreck, but she occupies herself with her Newly adopted pet Hyena, Roller Derby, Drinking and Of course, GBH! It's during a wild Drunken Night out with her Roller Derby friends, She breaks the legs of a rude Man, who happens to be the driver for Roman Sionis (Ewan Mcgregor), Publicly the Owner of the Night club and Ace Chemicals, but in Reality, He is Black Mask, A crazed Mobster with a Penchant of Face Stealing, as seen when a gangster and his wife are slain this way, he's also a narcissist, hence the mask, as he spares their pretty daughter....until he spots a snot from her nose and recoils in horror!

Getting in more Drinks, Harley overhears her teammates saying Harley will crawl back to Joker eventually. To Prove a Point, Harley steals an Oil Tanker and drives it into the place where it all began-Ace Chemicals! It Blows up in Technicolor fireworks Leading us to the title drop and four minutes ago!

At a Crime Scene in an Italian Restaurant, A mass murder is being Investigated by Renee Montoya (Don't search her name in DC's wikia, because her appearance is a walking spoiler!) She is a down-trodden Gumshoe who cant get no Respect Because She's (GASP!)....A WOMAN!

Renee Surmises that The other 3 Bodies were Collateral Damage, the Real Target, A Mafia Capo was not killed by Bullets, But and an Arrow!

It can only be one Superhero!

.....THAT DOESN'T HAVE HER OWN SHOW!

Flashback shows us Huntress (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) who asks her Victim if she know who she is.

Honey, Not Even DC can Decide on your Official Backstory! Aren't you Batman's Daughter From Another Timeline? She accuses the Perp of being an Assassin For Black Mask, that is until the explosion happens! Investigating the scene, Montoya finds Harley's J pendant on the ground, She Surmises that Harley has Publicly exclaimed she is done with the Joker, She has lost all Immunity and has invited every victim and Bounty Hunter to her door, top of that list, Sionis for the factory she just blew up!

Hell, Harley Couldn't Even Have an Egg-Wich without rival Skaters, A scarred Lou Ferringo, Romin's Chauffer and the brother of Animal Handler who tried to rape Harley and got eaten by a Hyena, never mind all the warrants for her arrest, causes Renee to tackle Harley and toss her breakfast, Harley reacting like Gandhi got shot in front of her!

OSCAR CLIP!

Dumb Luck and an Assist by Huntress Means Harley Could Have Escaped Day One, Until Black Mask's Goons surround her, so she surrenders.

In the Police Precinct, Embarrassed, and Discredited further in front of the D.A., Who just happens to be Renee's ex girlfriend (Lucy Liu). Montoya tries to spin a connection between Sionis and "The crossbow killer" And a lost Diamond that has the treasure map to Mafia money etched onto it's atomic structure by lasers. which is why Pillar of Society, Slicey McFaysov, is putting money into Laser projection technology, Renee's lead was Romin's driver, but thanks to the bounty, He's now dead!

Renee Gets an Unknown Call, a woman's voice tell us, that a "she" has the diamond, not her calling but a little girl, a pickpocket who we saw at the roller derby.

To make Renee's Day worse, Harley Storms the Police with Pinkie Pie's Party Cannon looking for a Cassandra Caine!

That's when Narrator Harley Interrupts to tells us the film has written themselves into a corner! So a flashback from Romin's point of view is needed to the Night before when Harley was at the Black Mask club!

Remember in the 60's Batman Tv show the villains would hide in Plain sight, in factories pertaining to their gimmick, before the Modern era made them edgy and believable? Time have changed(!)

We see the Identity of Renee's new Informant, Club Singer Dinah Lance, aka the BLA.....AFRICAN-AMERICAN CANARY! Yes in the same time this was released, the Legends of Tomorrow tv show was going on, that show has the character White Canary, who kept her canon Ethnicity.

So yes~!

They kept White Canary white, and turned the more famous Black Canary black.....DESPITE THE FACT THEY ARE FULL BIOLOGICAL SISTERS!

We are not done with the stupid changes to established characters to fit this story, so this is not over yet!

In the flashback are days before the Deal with Chinese triads went south and before Sionis added 3 more faces to his collection, Sionis reveals he's evil because he didn't get enough hugs as a child! Romin Reveals he has the Burtonelli Diamond and needs every bit of financial clout to support and build a laser projector, Mr Ko refuses and...well I told you what happens next! 

Dinah Finishes her set and changes into Street Clothes. At the bar, A drunk Harley, tells Dinah the origin of the Word Harlequin, it means "Made to Serve", And the Harlequin and the Bird in a Cage have too much in Common.

A drunk Harley leaves with a strange man, and Dinah feels uneasy, and she's right. the man is kidnapping Harley for the bounty.

Dinah Kicks some ass, for those you don't know, Black Canary is a trained martial artist, something Romin didn't know about as he watches from his penthouse, it gives him an idea which he tells his "assistant", Victor Zsasz, he want's aDinah to be his new Driver!

Dinah lives in the same Projects has our new protag, Cassandra Caine, Yet another character they ballsed up to fit this narrative. They ruined Cassie the minute she opened her mouth to speak....as in SHE CAN SPEAK!

BACKSTORY!

The Character That will become the second Batwoman, was an infant stolen by lower level hood named Harry Caine, he trained Cassie to fight and kill at a young age, using the brainpower of an infant, it's said that a child of 2 can learn and understand 200 words and the world around them every day, Harry used that to make the most skilled and unassuming killer...at the cost of of Cassandra's speech and emotional development!

Instead she's a potty-mouth pickpocket because Black Canary can now be offended if I Served her Fried Chicken and Watermelon!

Cassie's Foster Parents are arguing, Cassie's arm in a cast a possible result of a past argument. But Dinah Tells her when she grows up, she will have a family of her own...

"OR YOU COULD MEET YOUR REAL MOTHER....AFTER SHE TRIES TO KILL YOU!

With her leads into Sionis now useless, Montoya tries to angle Dinah, Trouble is Dinah isn't to deep into Sionis or "cape-work"...Until Renee Brings up her mother, the hero she was and the powers her daughter shares!

"STOP GETTING COMIC BOOKS WRONG!"

Black canary 1 DID NOT HAVE POWERS! MOVING ON!

....That struck a nerve with Dinah as it seems Dinah Lance Snr was Murdered. Back with Romin and Victor, Zsasz tells his boss the "Crossbow Killer" has killed 6 of his men last night, Dinah Arrives and Sionis Brown-noses her by showing her his souvenirs of African masks, while being back-handed about African being a dirty and full of Spear-chuckers!

....and if they were using say an REAL African American Superhero like Say, Vixen and character whose powers come from African Culture, this scene would hit different!

Anyway today is the day all the players meet, as it's the day of the Burtonelli Diamond gets stolen by Cassie...as she lifts it from Zsasz' pocket, I'll explain in part 2 why one of Dc's most dangerous killers shouldn't have being okie-doked by a child, So Cassie is arrested and swallows the diamond.

That's a shame, because SPOILERS! Victor Zsasz is really good with Knives!

So we return to after the Black Mask gang capture Harley, who is about to be killed by Zsasz, when she cuts a deal to retrieve Cassie when her name is dropped, But Romin's pimp slap hits Harley so hard she daydreams she....Marylin monroe as she sings, in Harley's NU Joisery accent no less, Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend as All the Weedy looking Goons in the previous scene looked as intimidating as Back-up Dancers, reveal, that they are back-up Dancers She Snaps out of it As Romin Reminds her That his gimmick is ripping faces off skulls!

WILL HARLEY RETRIEVE THE DIAMOND?

WILL CASSIE RELIEVE THE DIAMOND?

AND WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH MAKING ZSASZ THE WAYLON SMITHERS TO ROMIN'S MR BURNS?

ALL THIS WILL REVEALED, BY HOOK OR BY CROOK! NEXT TIME ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

Halloween Special 2020: Shed Of the Dead

I Know 2020 Has felt like a Zombie Apocalypse in it's own right, but hopefully there is enough laughs in this British Zom-Com to keep your minds off it!

The Film starts with the Glorious Voiceover of Brian Blessed, narrating the saga of Casimer, a brave knight...only it's a DND Campaign!

This is actually the daydream of Trevor, an asthmatic, DnDer, who creates diecast figures, and vodka in his Allotment Shed in North London. he is Greeted by Mr Parsons, the Allotment Manager, who has come to tell Trevor he has sending a petition to evict Trevor, as he is not using the shed and allotted land as a Garden. Said Allotment has a stoner in it, but it seems Parsons is one of those "TECHNICALLY!" Jobsworths

Why do I Get the feeling Trevor will relish killing your animated corpse the most?

After Title Drop that contained the likeness of actors of a certain better Zombie Comedy, we cut to a hairdressers. one of the girls is Trevor's wife, who is closing up because her slutty boss, Harriet is dating a sugar daddy!

On the way home that night, Trevor bumps into Doc, An American Cowboy Enthusiast. He tells the Nerd he didn't sign the Petition, as they are in the same both, as Trevor continues on his way, we see Doc cover bloody bones with dirt with his shoe.

Trevor returns to find Bobbi and Harriet have eaten Dinner. Bobbi argues that she is the breadwinner and Trevor is wasting his time playing with the only other loser in town. So he heads to Graham's house, since she mentions it.

So Graham (played by Keith from the Office, or Dj Ewen from Clubland if you prefer!) who suggests killing Parsons. Graham is Agoraphobic, but if he wasn't he would be on Harriet like White on Rice! As the boys while away the night with tabletop games, A half naked Zombie girl crawls out of Doc's Allotment!

Returning home, Bobbi pretends to be asleep when Trevor returns home. At the Allotment, Exposistion FM, for all you plot needs, tells us that grave robberies are rife in North London, As the Zombie girl picks off the gardeners one by one! Harriet Accidentally kills Derek the Sugar Daddy from a heart attack during some BDSM!

 At the Allotment, Parsons accuses Trevor of stealing his potatoes for his still, He hasn't, but Parsons is just fishing for an excuse to evict Trevor, in an argument, Parson falls backwards and impales himself on a pitchfork, killing him stone dead!

Trevor tells Graham what happened next, he dragged him to his shed to dispose of the body!

Walking home the next day, Trevor is too caught up in his walkman and daydream to notice the Zombie Apocalypse has arrived! Arriving at the shed, he dismembers Parsons' corpse, covered in blood, only for Trevor to be trapped in his shed by the shovel falling over with the now Zombie of Mr Parsons. As Trevor calls 999 and is put on hold, he discovers that the Muzac calms zombies to  fall asleep, not that it's ever used again in the endgame!

He calls Bobbi, who answers the phone in the throes of an orgasm as she cheats on Trevor, so He thinks she's undead, so he calls Graham, because his Agoraphobia is bullshit! Trevor wants to rescue his wife and he convinces Graham to come out because rescuing Harriet will impress her. Trevor Smashes a bottle over Parsons head, plucks out his eye, crawls out off the roof by removing a sheet of metal, and finishes off Parsons, the bloodlust leaving his body and he passes out!

Graham comes to the Allotment and they meet Doc, who is a zombie hunter and fights off the zombie gardeners! Walking back to their street, Derek the Sugar  Daddy gets Zombified. Covered in Blood and wheezing without his Medication, Harriet thinks Trevor is a zombie and decks him with a frying pan, Leading to another Daydream of Bobbi as a Greek Goddess tending to Casimer's wounds!

Trevor wakes up to Bobbi and Harriet telling Graham that Bobbi did cheat on Trevor....with Harriet!

Despite Warnings, Zombie Sugardaddy has bitten Harriet and is roaming the House, Graham deals with him as Trevor gets some clean clothes on. Derek Bites Graham who makes the sacrifice to give the others a 10 minute head start. Zombie Harriet and Zombie Graham kiss/eat each other as Trevor and Bobbi make a run for it!

With North London on Fire, Doc rescues Bobbi and Trevor as he goes on a killing Spree, there is only one place safe place left, ironically the place it all started; the allotment, after throwing away his figure after stepping on it during a blowjob, Bobbi screams as the entire town descend, causing Trevor and Bobbi to have a climatic last stand against the Zombies

Trevor has one last daydream, Graham's alter ego, Brandt, reminding him of a campaign where Casimer used a fireball spell to kill Zombies, so he ignites his Still to do the same, Bobbi is bitten, so she covers herself with vodka, The Sole Survivor throws a Molotov Cocktail into the shed, Burning Bobbi alive but Saving London!

28 Fortnights Later
Trevor now living as the sole human in London, has Now become Casimer, learning how to Garden and Survive of the land, He sees Zombie Doc and Remembering his advice, Kills him with the Cowboy's own Rifle!

This film sucks!
the Moment they had an opening sequence containing actors likeness from more successful Zombie films, i knew this was tat! The difference between this and any good zombie film is something Romero and Pegg got right 5 decades apart: Human Nuance! You Felt Sorry for the Humans who turned into Zombies who were kind and heroic once, and you relished when the Asshole got the most gruesome death! Here, everyone is abhorrent, Physically or Socially! Bobbi is just the worst, Humanity is plummeting all around her, but she still has time to tell her husband what a waste of space he is! Also the premise of the film is a lie, 2 DND nerds survive the Apocalypse? I saw no swords, No Bow and Arrows, and the "DND inspired" plan of killing the Zombies was arbitrary At best!

Chalk another L for the Horror Channel!

CREDITS
Shed of the Dead was Reviewed Compiled and Edited and Eamonn Bermingham
(@RealEnli on twitter)
Shed of the Dead was produced by 7DM Studios!
All Rights Reserved!

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE:
IT'S THE RETURN OF THE UPSTAGING ASS!
PREY FOR ME....
MARGOT ROBBIE'S SCENE STEALING SEAT RETURNS IN THE REVIEW OF BIRDS OF PREY: THE EMANCIPATION OF HARLEY QUINN!