EPISODE 120: SUI-SHITE SQUAD PART 1!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-59jGD4WrmE

BOY, DO I HAVE A SPECIAL TREAT FOR YOU READERS THIS MONTH!

One of last years most overhyped, Disappointing films. A film that shows that no matter how good an ensemble cast is, some ass Always steals the show!

And no, I'm not talking about Steve McQueen talking off his hat whilst Yul Brenner is talking kind of Ass, QUITE LITERALLY AN ASS STEALS THE SHOW IN THIS FILM!




So Let's Dig Into Harley Quinn's Ass! Featuring The Suicide Squad and see how this film spawned Nerds Getting some action from Hot Blondes Last Halloween!


The Cover is everything you'll expect from a Dc Film that is different from all other's like it. Except of the dark brooding of Batman or the Bright sun Breaking through the cloud and optimistic tones of Superman, the Tie-Die sells the Quirkiness of the film. Years of Watching Atop The Fourth Wall and Formatting Linkara's Style to Written Word has taught me to appreciate a good Group Shot!

The Film Starts in New Orleans in Belle Reve Correctional Facility. It is the jail that holds the most dangerous non-superpowered Villains, such as Floyd "Deadshot" Landon (Will Smith) and Harley Quinn, The accomplice to The Joker. Life in Belle Reve is hard, made only worse with crooked Guards and Harsh Treatment, including Harley Being Forced Feed Provac-laden Milkshake!

Cut to New York and Warden of Belle Reve, Amanda Waller (Viola Davis )is attending a meeting with Senators. Superman has being (Seemingly) killed by Zod, and without a Protector and Meta-Humans and Technology on the rise, Waller Proposes this: a team made of her worst prisoners turned into a Black ops unit specially tasked to fight meta and Supernatural Menaces. If they FAIL OR DIE, Society has being done a favour! So who are the Suicide Squad?

DEADSHOT:(Will Smith) An assassin deadly with every gun imaginable, (Even A Potato Gun is listed off as weapons he killed with) He was caught by Batman whilst spending time with his Daughter who Pleaded with him not to kill him. Waller Jeering his conscience is as crippling as his over-reliance of guns!

HARLEY QUINN: Formerly only a character in the Batman Cartoon, the Popularity of the Shrink who falls in love with her Patient, The Joker (Jared Leto) and subsequently becomes as cuckoo for Coco Pops as her "Puddin'".  Like Deadshot, was caught by Batman after being left to drown by Joker!

CAPTAIN BOOMERANG: An Australian Bank-robber who uses High Tech Boomerangs, Belongs to the Flash Comic, but was excluded from the tv Show since the show already has one High-tech Non powered Villain, the Trickster. They even Fucked Up Mirror Master on that show by turning him from a technology based Villain, into a Meta! Can make Boomerangs to do anything, once attempted to make 12 time travelling Boomerangs to kill a jury a week before his trail! Has a secret love of Pink Unicorns!

EL DIABLO: A Pyrokinetic Gang Banger with a short temper and a long and dark past. Turned himself in after his powers got out of control!

KILLER CROC: (Adewale Akkinuoje-Agbaje) Born with a Dry Skin Defect and into an uncaring world, The boy named Waylon Jones, became Killer Croc! Cannibal and Suspected Child Murderer.

ENCHANTRESS: (Cara Delavigne) A spirit unsealed from a doll by archaeologist Jill Moon, the Spirit now co-habits the body of the Doctor and Cara Fits the Role, not because she wears bikinis for a living but because she looks  out of it all the time!, no doubt because of her monotone voice and her Lazy Eye, No lazy eye is too Generous a description, more like "Ten Yard Stare in 2 Different Directions!" St Vincent must be the paranoid women in the world every time Cara tells her she loves her!

Any way, Enchantress would be unstoppable, if Waller didn't have the entity's heart. Jills is being looked after by her Boyfriend and the Squad's Liason Rick Flag.

So Waller Returns to New Orleans to recruit her Prisoners, El Diablo is out, and out of guilt has locked himself in the only place is powers are quelled, a water tank. Deadshot, however wants in, but only if he can see his daughter. Flag tells Waller he is concerned over the time of people he has to govern, but Waller insists putting Jill to use is better than the enchantress taking over. Joker recruits a gambler who owes him a debt in his attempt to find Harley

In her dreams Enchantress takes over Jill's body, in an attempt to get her heart back from Waller, the briefcase is fitted with a motion detector, not even a teleport like Enchantress could take it, instead she steals a doll like the one she was trapped in, breaks it and frees it's spirit into an in a train station as "Brother" gains control of this new body, the 2 ancients are angry that the humans now "worship machines" instead of them. Their plan is made, to build a machine that will destroy humanity. To that end, "Brother" turns his new body into a metal creature that absorbs metal and flesh and uses into reconstitute a new larger form. Each of the Squad are Tagged with a tracking device that is also a bomb, should they try to escape. Joker invades the tracking device company with the gambler's van as his cover and kidnaps a scientist.

WHAT MISSION DOES WALLER HAVE FOR THE SQUAD? WILL THE JOKER FIND HARLEY? WILL BROTHER BE GIVEN A NAME IN THIS FILM? HAVE YOU JUST SPENT ALL THIS TIME LOOKING AT THE ASS?

FIND OUT ON THE 1ST OF FEBRUARY, AND ALSO THE THIEF OF BOREDOM STORYLINE GETS ADDED TO ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

EPISODE 119: EAMONN REVIEWS FINAL FANTASY SPIRITS WITHIN: PART 2

(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...
BADLY ANIMATED FILM WENT FOR BROKE AND SLAPPED ON THE NAME OF THE MOST WELL KNOWN CINEMATIC GAME FRANCHISE TO SELL CINEMA TICKETS! MOVING ON~)
(DEDICATED TO REAL FINAL FANTASY FANS WHO REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS FILM, LET'S CALL IT WHAT IT IS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Hh3cn5xnto

To Continue where we left off, our Hero Aki Ross, has the same dream again, this time The Phantoms, as flesh and blood creatures are running towards her, The Next day the World Council is conference on how to deal with the Phantoms. General Hyde proposes to use the satellite cannon he built called Zeus to blast the Meteor the Phantoms came from from Orbit. Dr. Cyd Proposes for a new grant for his Spirit Wave research the end result will be a Spirit Wave Frequency that will humanely force the Phantoms away. When General Hyde insults Cyd's Credentials, Aki Reveals her Heart has the Phantom Pathogen but her heart also contains 6 Spirits keeping the virus at bay as Gray looks on.

Gray, who is also Aki's ex, becomes her Security Detail, whilst the rest of his Unit, the Deep Eyes Commandos puporsely Tamper with their vehicle so the two can talk. It's Here that Aki explains all the Spirits she has Collected.

"Doctor Cyd put an acoustic barrier around my heart so the 1st spirit...was me!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao_gQpFqn84
 And that is where I must Stop you there! if are are using sound to stop the Spread of an infection, the last job your Patient should be is an ASTRONAUT...BECAUSE SOUND DOESN'T EXIST WITHOUT AIR TO TRAVEL IN! As you were, woman who looks like Jacko!

"...The 2nd Spirit was a fish, the 3rd a deer in nature reserve in Moscow, the 4th was a bird! Do you know how hard it is to track a bird from Space? what am i Kidding, you would have Loved That!"

And the entire she said that, the scene never changed once or showed flashbacks. This is something that my rival and hero web reviewers complain about constantly "SHOW DON'T TELL!" SHOW US DOING THESE THINGS! Even if it's a still, or a photo, it exists in the fabric of the story!

Aki also tells Gray that the 5th spirit was a dying child who told her she was ready to die, this upsets Aki. Gray doesn't Believe in Gaia, like Cyd and Aki do, but Aki Pushing him away because of the sickness was reason for the split. Gray is informed by General Hyde, that the rest of Deep Eyes is assigned to Dr Ross, But to Arrest her if the Pathogen warps her Mind into a threat!
Aki has a 3rd, more vivid Dream that may confirm the General's fears!

Tuscon, Arizona and Deep Eyes Company are in the midst of the wasteland, here there are Dragon Phantoms that leave a corrosive dust over the land they flew over! They find the penultimate Spirit in a medpak, However a Red coat gets his Soul removed and eaten by the Dragon! Worse the Pathogen had escaped Aki's Accoustic Shell and goes nuts and gets shot. In the Midst of Gray saving her, his unit and Dr Cyd are branded traitors and forced to into Hiding, and has entrusted Gray as a temporary Spirit to save Aki Subconsciously. With Cyd's research blacklisted and Aki's dream recording used against her, General Hyde has permission to blast Ground zero in Botswana with the Zeus Cannon! To his nefarious End, Hyde arrests the technicians maintaining barrier around New York to attract "test subjects" In the Brig, Aki, Cyd and the Deep Eyes conclude on thing from Aki's Dreams, the Phantoms were Warmongers whose Planets Civil War destroyed it's environment! They are now Invaders, they are Messengers! Messengers from a planet that destroyed itself with war and Earth is next!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVGNJvWnG5E

Sorry, But if you are trying for a "War is as bad Not looking after your Environment during Peacetime" Aesop, You Fail Badly since your film has Technological advanced humans and Phantoms trying to "Warn" us by feeding on souls and corroding the land! By not knowing the Non humanoud Phantoms are just Animals doing animal things! General Hyde has doomed New York but freed our heroes when a Dragon flies into a Turbine!

So lets finish this!
New York is Fucked, the Deep Eyes are picked off one by one as they repair Aki's Ship! Aki Cyd and Gray are flying to Botswana but so so is Hyde. The Zeus is Fired but it Only Merges all The Phantoms into a giant tape-worm! inside the core Aki finds a Phantom that has Spirit Frequency: the last Spirit! it goes to absorb the soul but instead the being is absorbed into aki, Hyde blasts the cannon again but angers the tapeworm Further, Gray sacrifices himself as as his soul is pulled from his body by the tapeworm, his body acts as a crucible to spread the spirit wave to cure the Pathogen as the Tapeworm become a million Willow wisps that spread world wide!

THIS FILM SUCKS!
Slapping a name onto a story is dirty trick, especially if doesn't fit to that franchise! the last time FF went into space was the 8th game ans you can ask Spoony how well that turned out!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Hh3cn5xnto

The Animation which was lauded in 2001, has aged badly and in a franchise known for Colour, Emotion and Quirkiness, i don't know what is more drab, the grey, black or off white clothes of the humans, the clunky, unfeeling dialogue!

IN SHORT:
FINAL FANTASY: SPIRITS WITHIN: YOU'LL BE BETTER WITHOUT!

CREDITS
final fantasy: Spirits Within was reviewed, compiled and edited into 2 part by Eamonn Bermingham (RealEnli)
With Music and Clips from
The Daily Show
Atop the Fourth Wall
The Spoony Experiment

NEXT MONTH:
ALL MY FRIEND ARE HEATHENS TAKE IT SLOW!/THE NEXT FILM IS REALLY FULL OF BLOW!/ IN FEBRUARY  SUICIDE SQUAD DOESN'T GET A PASS! WILL SMITH HAD LESS SCREEN TIME THAN MARGOT'S ASS!

EPISODE 118: Eamonn reviews Final Fantasy: The Spirit's Within

(This Storyline is Going to take a Darker Turn. If you Don't know, IRL I am an Atheist,  So my Leader Character is the Fear of All Atheists, to lash out at those people who believe in god and treat it as a mental Illness! You Will see it in the Following Months in Due Coarse! You have being Warned! and i mean no Offence!)

(Joe-Jack and 80's Lad Sat in the Tractor outside of the Jail where Eamonn was brought to after, the Leader Attack the City Centre!) Joe-Jack recieved a text.
 P. A.Y. B.A.I.L. Dats a funny weigh t'spell Jail break, so it iz!
-That's because he doesn't want us to break him out! the world is convinced he is some mastermind of A Secular Spring! so we must respect his wishes
-GIV OVAH! DA WORL' TINKS HE'S A TERRORIZAH! 'OW DAFUQ IZ WE GONNA PAY HIZ BAIL?
-Luckily for us, i can sell some of the Patents that the Earth 2 Me left behind, my man! let me wired it up to the jails account and...BOOM!

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

Nothing is more powerful than Public Opinion. If people can get behind a story of a book tv show or game, then you would have to be hiding under a rock not to know a certain show.

Not that it hasn't stopped Executives Screwing the Pooch Constantly with Mythos. Sometimes the final Result bares no resemblance to the original product.

Which is where this month's disaster comes in! You'll remember last month, we saw Final Fantasy Advent Children, A game based on it's storyline and mythos; magic, dragons, swordplay, monster slaying....so it would make sense to have a final fantasy film would be...A Space Opera Romance Film!

 The Film Starts with a Dream, Dreamt by our hero, Aki Ross, An Astronaut orbiting Earth and also the ugliest woman ever Animated. To prove that point, Pixar STOLE Some animation stills and undermined the competition, by seemlessly animating the characters into Thriller, with Aki as Jacko. The following video is both hilarious and terrifying!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuFo63OqSO0

Aki Narrates that she has being getting these dreams for some time. 35 years ago, Earth (yes Earth and not a fantasy world) was Invaded by Aliens those surviving humans are in the few cities left. Aki believes her dreams are key to saving mankind!

The Earth of 2065 is naturally after such events a wasteland as Aki lands in what was once Time Square, Armed with a Gun, a Dragonball z scanner and Leela's wrist thingy, Doctor Ross is stalked by Bio luminescent alien ghosts Until a SWAT unit shoots them down. but this is not a Rescue, it's an Arrest Warrant!

Aki is searching for a lifeform that survived the aliens, she finds it- a weed, but retrieving it only ends with  agents surrounded by more "Phantoms". To make matters more stressful for the good doctor Ross, the commander of the unit happens to her ex-boyfriend, Gray!

Back From Mission, the Commandos exposist that Contact with the Phantoms is toxic, so they and Aki are being Scanned, with Aki nervous about the machine, Gray is affected but going into shock. So Aki Plans to operate by using the Medical Treatment of "Shoot It With A Laser!"

When the time comes for Aki to be scanned, she is excused by her mentor Doctor Cyd, (Donald Sutherland , the only actor who had a career after this!) takes responsibility. The plant is examined and contains what Cyd was looking for: a "spirit" or more correctly, a Sound Frequency on an atomic  level that every living thing has that may dispel the phantoms!


Aki reminds Cyd that it was he, who invented all the acoustic medical gear that has made the humans fight back. However, aki's little trip to New York means that the government is going to go down hard on his research funding, and his belief in a "Gaia" or Earth Spirit will become the subject of ridicule! to which he burns his personal diaries, and tells his assistant to do the same
"They did the same to Galileo, you know, for not saying the Earth is the centre of the universe. Being Right in the end, doesn't change anything!"

WHAT SECRETS LIE IN AKI'S DREAM? WHAT IS CYD'S RESEARCH ACTUALLY FOR? WHY DID THEY DRAW A WOMAN MORE BUTCH THAN MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ, WHO IS ALSO IN THIS FILM?

FIND OUT NEXT MONDAY (9/01/17) ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!