(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE....
Ever Since SatanicOstrich had left his thankless job as The Devil of my Universe, All Hell went loose...Literally! Without a Satan, All evil has leaked into Reality, the Only Solution?: Bring Ostrich back to Hell! Easy Right? WRONG! Since my Tussle with SatanicOstrich's forces at the 2nd 3 Tickets to Hell, I have a piece of Satanic Power lodged into my fist! It's handy cos now I can pull items from dvds as well as perform varieties of my signature Limit Break, The Hadou-kara Punch, a flameing punch to the guts, As well as teleportation. But off course there is a catch, too much negativity and I GO INSANE!)
(The Train to Hell screeched to a halt.)
Well....Here We are!
(Eamonn stepped into an ash covered street. He wiped a sign's bottom It read "STATE OF VIRGINIA")
Virginia? I thought this was Hell?
-It is. IT'S YOUR HELL!
(THE 9FT Avian stepped forward the clawed feet scraping the freshly snowed ash. He Wiped the top of the sign to reveal WELCOME TO SILENT HILL as on cue an air-raid siren bellowed overhead.)
AND NOW! THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THIS CURRENT STORYLINE AND OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
(This review's theme You're Not Here from Silent Hill 3)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZmMD84XpCs
So This is it! My fight to destroy Hell has become the fight to save it. Bookmarked by a review of silent Hill's trudge as a film franchise.
First a backstory for those who came in 2 years late...
Based on the Trouser browning Horror Game Series By Konami, The 1st movie took the entire mythos and backstory and threw it into a paper shredder, Turning it into a Fright-free Scooby-Doo episode where Radha Mitchell was chased by Papier Mache Pyramid Head back and forth before being hit with plot 10 minutes before the end credits.
AND THE PLOT WAS EVEN MORE STUPID!
As Rose's daughter was infact a piece of a dead girl killed by a stupid cult who believes that Artistic Skill is the mark of the devil!
So the cult sacrificed her to their god, who was prophesied to return. But even All-destroying Demons have standards and was angered by a child being sacrificed and Ran amuck, turning all the children into monsters and creating Freudian physical representations of fears and flaws. Oh and Sean Bean was also there!
So let's try to make sense of all this. This is Silent Hill revelation. And this is your TICKET TO HELL
We start in a nightmare sequence as a teenage girl is chased by clerics into a disturbing funfair. Between the dying goldfish &; haunted teddies, she hides on a merry-go-round manned by papier Machie Pyramid Head. On the ride that bursts into flames, are 2 Janitors changed like horses and Alessa dressed as the girl. as he sets the 2 pedophiles on fire, she warns her she can't be defeated and not to go to Silent Hill, before turning her flames onto her. She wakes as her Father (Bean) consols her...Only to be stabbed gruesomely by a Janitor!...Only that was a dream too!
Okay 5 minutes in and this is far more scarier than the first film in it's entirety...Good Job!
That morning we are told that Heather (Adelaide Clemens) was Sharon, Rose and Christopher's daughter who was kidnapped in the first film, and the part of Alessa, the sacrificed girl who was separated by the Reaper to live, Christopher, now called Harry have being moving from place to place to avoid the Order.
But what about Rose I hear you ask? From what I could gather from the ending in SH1, is that rose and Sharon escaped Silent hill, returned home but was still trapped in Otherworld. We are told that this is the case, As rose found a seal to escape but it was only small enough for a child.
But despite changing his name, Chris/Harry is still a Dick! Who tells Sharon that her mother died in an accident saving her, despite the girl holding the Missing piece of the seal the entire time, which Harry has kept for save keeping for 7 years where obviously the truth has since come out.
After meeting her class for the 1st time, we also meet Vincent Cooper who has also moved.
THIS'LL END WELL(!)
In the hallway, Heather has a flashback to Alessa's horrible childhood namely all the back-water Hillbilly children accusing her of being a witch...because she can draw well!
And no, I'm not going to get over how fucking stupid that is!
Then Sharon is sent to otherworld where the Armless Man charges but bumping into Vincent brings her back to reality. Heather seems to be followed. At the same time Harry gets kidnapped.
Heather is to meet Harry at a burger pace for her birthday. There is also a children's birthday party for 2 twins called Heather and Alessa...This sends our heroine into another Mushroom samba where all the customers are eating bloody burgers! The Man following her calls her by her birth name and she runs in terror...into Silent Hill's Butcher.
The man is a Private investigator who was hired by the Order but has a change of heart. But he's killed by...Voldo from Soul Caliber? What?
Hours pass and police find the P.I'S Body and Heather's coat, so they believe she is a suspect. She bumps into Vincent on the train home. Vincent tells her about his Crazy grandfather including the famous "they look like monsters to you?" line as a piece of foreshadowing.
Heather and Vincent return to her street where she finds that the Order has kidnapped him. A concerned Vincent heard her scream before he left. So both go through the keepsake box where Heather finds her real birthday present: A Pistol. As well as the seal she held when she escaped 7 years ago. The Police raid the house, but by now the teenagers have left the house on a rescue mission.
Stopping at a seedy motel, Heather has a nightmare of Alessa bringing decay to Silent hill. Vincent tells her not go as it's a trap, but Heather says she is sick of running. And if Alessa truly wanted a piece of her to live, she would have left her alone. Convinced that Heather is pure of heart, Vincent confesses that he is a child of the Order, he escaped by having the seal carved onto his chest by the new Order leader, his mother, Claudia(Carrie-Ann Moss). He was sent to coerce Heather to the order's teachings, but instead wants to help. Before he is kidnapped by Voldo, he states that the other seal belongs to his granddad, the dangerous Leonard Wolfe, and the Order's is to make Alessa and Heather into 1 being again, regain control of the Reaper, break the curse that binds them only to Silent hill and spread their vile doctrine to the world!
So the bad guys actually have a plan. Good Job.
(Meanwhile, 80'S Lad and Joe-Jack was using a rebuild spy-droid that was "acquired" during last years digital uprising)
Didya find an'ting interesting?
DUUUUUDDDDE! THAT IS A BIG TEN-FOUR, Culchie-Dude!
(the screen shows a close-up shot of a Nurse's chest.)
Which button is da close-up?
-don't touch the control!
-Ya Have ya Shite! Gimme that comptrolla!
(The spy droid bumped into the Nurse, who promptly smashed it with her Claw hammer)
NO SIGNAL.
TRANSMISSION ENDED.
RESUMING PROGRAMMING IN 1/5/14
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