A Culchie christmas carol: Milk of Human Kindness, Gone off!

(Joe-Jack lines in blue)
Eamonn's lines in black
(IGNORANCE/NICK GRIFFIN LINE IN BLOOD)
(WANT/PARIS HILTON LINE IN PINK)
(PADRAIG'S LINE IN GREY)

(Hoping that sleeping in his bed would make his mind the difference between fantasy and reality, Joe-Jack went to bed.But woke at the stroke of One. As before, the clock wound it's hands to the hour. He established a sharp look-out for he wished to challenge the spirit on his appearance, as before a light signaled his arrival, as the lights was as dissimilar to the others as the spirits were themselves dissimilar.This was not the light as harsh as his father, or as dim as 80's Lad, This was the ruddy light of house-bulb. it was his kitchen light the crack of light followed as the kitchen door opened, the smell of hot meat and dried fruit wafted through, accompanied by a loud voice.
"Come In" it guffawed. "And know me better,man!"

The kitchen has been transformed, the wall covered in living green from red berries glistened. Heaped as some kind of throne were turkeys, geese, game-pies,poultry,brawn,a backboard of ribs, suckling pig on the table, long wreathes of sausages, mince-pies caskets of fresh and dried fruit, chestnuts, ice-cream,apple-tarts. The Giant Spirit took the form of Eamonn, in his hand a horned cup, Like the Horn of Plenty. filled with,being that the spirit took the form of Eamonn,some kind of Energy drink.

"Well of course it had t'be ye! Look at ya! wif ya big Happy head on ya! Y'are a perfect example ov wot Chtistmas does t'ya! Look at ya! Fat on food ye can't afford,paid wif money squandered. Look at ya wif ya head of missle-toes and ya bath-robe!"
"You've never seen the likes of me before?
"Oh! i've seen gobshites like ye before!
Then you never seen my two thousand and eleven brothers?
What happened t'dem? DIDYA EAT'EM FATBOY?
(The spirit shrank to the size of a man and hit Joe-jack over the brow of his head with his chalice)
Touch my robe
(he did,though only with the compulsion of not being hit again.)
(When he did,the food vanished.)
Awww, Oi was so weak wif hunger, i'd bite the butt of a low-flyin' duck, so i would!
If it's food you desire,here is a dish you never had.
(he poured a creamy liquid from a flask into his chalice. It was a silver-sheened substance that had a milky texture, it had the taste of milk too, but though served at room temperature, it warmed up the chest of the miser as it passed through it. It made him giddy, skittish and excitable.)

Dat drink be gawjus! Wot is it?
It is a dish that you never had, but it is enjoyed by king and commoner alike. It is the Milk of Human Kindness!
Oi hav' tasted the wondrous elixir of life, and Under your instruction conduct me so!
(The spirit opened the door and both men went into town. They went to a house party where Eamonn was a guest.)

Thank you,thank you all for you inviting me here tonight, And may I say i would like to propose a toast to Joe-Jack!
(SILENCE)
.....You're kidding right? said a male guest
"Why would you ruin our dinner by mentioning him?"Said a female guest "I never met the man personally but from what you told us, I would give him a piece of my mind and let him choke on it!
Please! it's Christmas!
"Oh I'll drink for your sake and for the day" she continued"But not for that stingy odious,unfeeling man as Mr Diculchie! I'll drink for your health, Eamonn, Not his!Merry Christmas to him...to which he'll have, no doubt!
(After Drinks and dessert,the guests as with all dinner-parties hosted and attended by Childless Adults,started with games Eamonn was guessing in a game of 20 Questions after guessing that it was an animal that lived on a farm, that was dirty, stupid and growled, Eamonn wasted 16 questions on "wrong" answers
Okay i give up!
-Why, it's your Joe-Jack!(Loud Laughter)

Is dat how da world see's me? As an Animal?
I'm afraid so, but i feel you are (cough) learning your lesson!
(when spirit coughed, he went transparent, for a brief moment, Joe-jack saw 3 figures instead of 1.)
Is Dere more ov ya?
(2 dishevelled ragged children, a boy and a girl emerged)
LOOK AT THEM! They are Man's children. And there greatest enemies. This(pointing to the boy dressed as Nick Griffin) is Ignorance!
Me hates every Jew except Jesus! But he would never pass Dover if me Prime Minister!
And this (pointing to the girl dressed as Paris Hilton) is Want
I WANTZ IT!
Beware them both! but beware more of the boy. All i see written is the palms is doom to those who follow him.
Is dere no place for dem?
ARE THERE NO BULLETS? ARE THERE NO RIVERS?
(The ghosts abandoned Joe-jack in a dialect street, as the statement was repeated over and over, as bullets shot out at him. He ran to a river and Jumped in. On the river bed was Padraig's Ghost)
YOUR MISERABLE FUTURE! REMEMBER IT!
(Joe-Jack screamed as he woke outside face first in a puddle. he tried to get back in, but the door-knob as hot to the touch. He heard the Church bell toll the hour of 3.Each toll sounding like a judge gavel calling order on him. Or passing a Divine Judgement. Turning slowly and refusing not to look,he had to and Saw the reaper looming over.