GREASE 2 SUCKS!
Everything about this film is nothing more than a gender flipped rethread of the first film, a film that has the worst moral of any film directed to young girls "if you want a boy to like you, abandon all your core beliefs and dress like a slut!" Even the box art, which was part of a boxset with the 1st film, because who in their right mind would want to buy this film on it's own? is nothing more than a copy from the original film's promotional art!
In goes the DVD into player, I press play for English...and it just plays! No title screen, no menu options, it just does the DVD equivalent of an outclassed fighter who drops hands and shouts "GET ON WITH IT!"
We Open in Rydell High school 1961, we don't have a budget for an Animated Opening so Make do with 2 stuffy Middle Aged Teachers Getting the vapours watching a very tame Dance Sequence. If you remember my LA LA Land review, i am keeping links and photos to bare minimum to avoid copyright strikes, So I'm only using photos and links to move the story along and show scenes that are too stupid not to be believed!
The New Alliteration of the Pink Ladies (Because Retread!) have drove up and waiting for their leader Stephanie (Michelle Pfeiffer)...and dear lord she was terrible as singing and dancing as she was as acting!
And for those saying "But Eamonn, Batman Returns was the Greatest Batman film ever!"...well IT IS!, But don't act like Pfieffer wasn't hired solely so she could fit into the Catwoman costume!
....who thinks that!
We also Meet Main Villain, A T-Bird (because Retread!) Johnny, who hits on one of his teachers
OUR VILLAIN EVERYBODY!
And of course since this is a rethread, it's about a nice BOY! falling for a bad GIRL! So the film-makers can says "iTZ nOT tHE sAME aS tHE fIRST fILM iT'S dIFFERENT!"
This sweet lamb to the slaughter is Michael (Max Caulfield) Sandy's Cousin from England, looked after by Frenchie, Despite Being a Beauty School Drop-Out (the phrase is repeated a lot, you would think it be a song or something! like it was in the 1st film!)
Frenchie is Back to get her GED in Chemistry, so she can mix her own chemicals for make-up.
A GANG MEMBER, MIXING CHEMICALS?
ONLY GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS!
Stephanie and Johnny use to be a thing but Johnny is a real jack-ass, Giving Max the "Big-man on Campus" Bullshit that makes these High School slice of life films so Unbearable to watch!
It's the start of term at Overused Tropes High, with a Teacher who suffers nervous breakdowns, a Hot female Teacher, and a Coach that is obsessed with SPORTZZZ!!!!!!!
....Frenchie nearly kills everyone in Chem Lab, and The Principal just announced Michael as a grade-A student aka "Hey Bullies, Beat this guy Up!"
Also why would do that to a student, especially someone who excelled in an entirely different school and class systems that emphasize on different skill sets?
In the case of real-life 1961 America, it was post-war, drafting was still thing and Korea and Vietnam was looming in the years to come! American High Schools at the time were driven so young men could have a trade in building something before he was drafted to extend that craft in the army!
Given that Max is English, is dressed in Posh Boy Tropes and that England is Only London in most films, Max probably only avails of being a class-A student, because he is Upper Class! During this time, the upper class Brits had Private Boarding schools, that men who were the sons of business and soldiers themselves, were thought skills to AVOID being drafted any further wars like commerce and business, since you can't inherit businesses of you are dead!
After being cajoled into being in the talent show, Frenchie warns Michael That since Steph is a Pink Lady, Only T-Birds can ever go out with her! Frenchie is now an adult so she doesn't know the ins and outs of Johnny and Stephanie's Relationship!
A Rival Motorcycle gang threatens T-Birds, But Lucky for the GROWN ASS BEARDED MEN! The T-Birds have bowling tonight. Johnny is now seeing Collette, the Pink Lady who looks like Marilyn Monroe. After another song (Which I am Fast Forwarding through, because DVD reviewer!), Michael enters the alley just as Stephanie claims that "She'll Kiss the next man who enters!" which turns out to be Michael...OFF COURSE IT FUCKING IS!
With the alley closed and the T-Birds pissed with Michael, he's left with Sophomore Pink Lady "Mascot", Delores. She confirms what Frenchie said, If you are not a Biker, you can't have a Pink Lady as a girlfriend.
A New Teacher comes to replace The Teacher who had a Nervous Breakdown, And his name is Mr Speers. who Miss Mason, the Catch A Predator Episode on Legs, takes a shine to!
It's Rehearsals For the Talent show, and while Michael has not entered, He is playing the piano as the acts' Musicial Accompliment, Michael asks Stephanie out But she is too Coy for him, when he asks her why she kissed him and why she won't go out with him, she explains....
(EYEROLL!)
....IN SONG!
As Stephanie continues to sing as she dances out of School and earshot, Michael Gets Entangled in a Cash for Essays scam so he can buy a Motorbike of his own.
Later That Day, Mr Speers tries to Teach a Sex Ed Class But can't get through to his students
And What? It's not like he's going to Sing a Song about Sex Education?
(LAUGHS!)
Well kids, that was....a thing!
After being cajoled into being in the talent show, Frenchie warns Michael That since Steph is a Pink Lady, Only T-Birds can ever go out with her! Frenchie is now an adult so she doesn't know the ins and outs of Johnny and Stephanie's Relationship!
A Rival Motorcycle gang threatens T-Birds, But Lucky for the GROWN ASS BEARDED MEN! The T-Birds have bowling tonight. Johnny is now seeing Collette, the Pink Lady who looks like Marilyn Monroe. After another song (Which I am Fast Forwarding through, because DVD reviewer!), Michael enters the alley just as Stephanie claims that "She'll Kiss the next man who enters!" which turns out to be Michael...OFF COURSE IT FUCKING IS!
With the alley closed and the T-Birds pissed with Michael, he's left with Sophomore Pink Lady "Mascot", Delores. She confirms what Frenchie said, If you are not a Biker, you can't have a Pink Lady as a girlfriend.
A New Teacher comes to replace The Teacher who had a Nervous Breakdown, And his name is Mr Speers. who Miss Mason, the Catch A Predator Episode on Legs, takes a shine to!
It's Rehearsals For the Talent show, and while Michael has not entered, He is playing the piano as the acts' Musicial Accompliment, Michael asks Stephanie out But she is too Coy for him, when he asks her why she kissed him and why she won't go out with him, she explains....
(EYEROLL!)
....IN SONG!
As Stephanie continues to sing as she dances out of School and earshot, Michael Gets Entangled in a Cash for Essays scam so he can buy a Motorbike of his own.
Later That Day, Mr Speers tries to Teach a Sex Ed Class But can't get through to his students
And What? It's not like he's going to Sing a Song about Sex Education?
(LAUGHS!)
 |
| "There's a Lot to see in this life. And I'm not wasting it here!" |
Michael has earned enough money to buy a Junk Bike, though considering what happens to Michael later, and to all the wrecks in the yard, Maybe he should not try to win a bad egg. Working on and learning how to ride a Motorbike on his own, gives Frenchie cause for concern
The Pink Ladies Make the Cut for the talent Show, But the t-Birds don't.
Michael gets the hang of riding the motorbike, Stephanie's Bad Behavour is making her sleep through practice!
That Night at the Bowling Alley, Doleres sees Falcone, the rival gang leader alone, so she tells the t-Birds inside...Only for the rest to arrive. It's 3 T-Birds vs 10 grown men with weapons, Only for a MYSTERIOUS (BUT NOT REALLY!) Helmeted Biker to speed up, Kick Falcone and Speed off again, as his gang gives chase. Inside the Pink Ladies and the T-Birds Literally Sing the Praises of their New Hero.
Despite Not being able to stay on the bike mere hours ago, Michael is now able to clown Grown Men on their bikes!
WILL THIS CHARADE IMPRESS STEPHANIE? WHAT TRAGEDY DID I ALLUDE TO? WHY WAS THEIR A SONG ABOUT SEX EDUCATION IN A PG FILM?
ALL THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE WILL ANSWERED NEXT MONTH
ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
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