Episode 138: FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY! PART 1

THIS MONTH, BRAU!
THIS!
FUCKING!
MONTH!!!1!!!
i WOULD LIKE TO REMEMBER THAT ON THE 12TH OF FEBRUARY, the blog known as enlightened towers started on the 12th, However 2 days later I have to be reminded that Valentines Day is still a thing!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8ekz_CSBVg


CHEAP LOOKING COVER MADE ON MICROSOFT PAINT, GO!

Much like that other piece of crud i reviewed, Love Actually, This piece of crud is also an anthology of interwoven stories, so as such, I'm Dissecting them like a Box of chocolates, gorging one flavour to anoher in the vain attempt that my stomach will block the hole in my hea...GOD AM I LONELY I HATE THIS DAY SO MUCH!

Dawn Rises on Beverly Hills and we start with Ashton "Dude Where's My Career" Kushner and Jessica "Looks to Fall Back On" Alba. Reed (Kushner) Proposes to Morley (Alba) and she says yes! as Suggestive Stock Footage of Fountains is played, as He gets into his florist's van with George "Joke Stealing Hack" Lopez, Until one angry roadrager snarls at him!

Storyline 2 sees a gimmick filled Newsroom with tap-dancing weathergirls (Fake News indeed!) and Calvin Moore (Jamie Foxx) a sportscaster, pissed he is given a man on the street assignment for Valentine's day, which, without any sports, should be his day off!

Back in the Flower Market, Kushner wants some kind of Employee Discount on flowers to Morley. he gives Reed a box, one he says cannot be opened til "the Perfect Moment!"

"And Remember, Don't feed it after Midnight!"

Calvin tries to interview the Velly Eh-Shawn boss, but Reed interjects instead, being interviewed by Calvin

Storyline 3 sees Patrick Dempsey, A doctor (Dempsey playing a doctor? DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING!) Getting dressed to fly to San Fran. His girlfriend Julia (Jennifer Garner) expositing her friend Cara (revealed later as Jessica Beil) is hosting an "Anti-Valentines day dinner" Seeing Reed on Tv, he orders flowers for his girlfriend

Storyline 4, and New couple Jason (Topher Grace) and Liz (Anne Hathaway) are waking up next to each other. they work in the same office building, what Jason doesn't know is that Liz is a call-girl!

Storyline 5 is an elderly couple (Shirley Maclaine and Hector Elizondo) Estella and Edgar are parenting their grandson, who lost his father a year ago today.

Back in 3, Julia Runs into Taylor Swift, Doing a VERY! Bad job in her acting debut.
Swiftie, go back to what do best...BEING A CUM DUMP FOR A-LIST CELEBRITIES!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynjS1fGSfls

In a sixth Storyline on a plane, Bradley Cooper is asleep next to a female soldier (Julia Roberts). A stewardess puts 2 and 2 together and puts a blanket over both of them....

WELL, HER ASS IS FIRED!

Back in 3, Julia has stopped at the florists. Thanks to media exposure, the florist is now seeing a lot of business. Julia wishes that Harrison (Dempsey) would hurry the feck up and propose already, Reed gives Julia the GREAT IDEA! of going to San Francisco after class (she is a teacher!)...only to reveal that Harrison is already married!

Back on the plane, Bradley and Julia wake up to see the horrible circumstance they are put in! Notice didn't use their Characters names? well for a 2 hour film with 11 storylines, THEIR NAMES ARE NEVER GIVEN!

Back in 1, Morley (Alba) has come to Give Reed his lost wallet, but she is not wearing his ring, because she fears commitment, In 5 Edgar drives his lovelorn grandson to school and talks about his first love...The boys Grandma..He and Estella are going to renew their Vows after 50 years! They stop at the Florists and the boys buys flowers and a card that plays "When A Man Loves A Woman"  to be delivered to his crush Back in storyline 4, Jason has forgotten it's Valentine's day! Nice One Foreman!

We have another Storyline, 7 Liz being a call girl on the dime of her new Boss "Bi-Polar Paula" (Queen Latifah), who is as cold-blooded as they come ("You hung up on your own Momma? That's SO HEARTLESS! WE MIGHT BE FRIENDS AFTER ALL!")

Storyline 8 sees an Injured Amercian Football Player contemplate retirement (What this has to do about love is anyone's guess!) Remember Garner talking about Biel's Party? well she is also His Publicist, who in her own storyline, 9, is upset noone is going to her party!

At a high school, Emma Stone plays Grace who plans to lose her virginity to her boyfriend before he moves away to college. Both parties are given terrible relationship advice by Taylors Lautner and Swift Respectively!

YEAH LIKE SWIFT EVEN KNOWS WHAT A SUSTAINABLE RELATIONSHIP EVEN IS!

Next door in a cafe 7,8,and 9 converge as Cara reveals she is also working for Paula, who is Sean's agent! Sean's playing prospects doesn't look good, Back on the plane that Stewardess can't take a hint! Julia is revealed to be Edgar's Grandson's teacher...THAT OLD CHESTNUT, HUH?
FORESHADOWING!

Back in 1, Doctor Scumbag wants to sent flowers to both his wife and his lover, not realizing that Reed personally knows Julia! Back in 10, Grace's Mother walks in on her daughter's Boyfriend wearing nothing but a guitar and socks. Liz still using the company phone for dirty calls, gets a warning from her boss! For someone called "Bi-Polar Paula" she sure doesn't get mad a lot, especially she should!

END OF PART1
PART 2 OF THIS SHITE TO BE CONCLUDED ON THE FIRST OF FEBRUARY! ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

Episode 137: Eamonn reviews the Grand Budapest Hotel Part 2

(Previously On Bogger Box Office!....
We open 2018 not with a Trudge but a Stride, as last week we started on the Glorious Grand Budapest. Ralph Fiennes is Monsieur Gustafe, the Peerless Perfumed Poetry-spouting Concierge of the Grand Budapest, Held in deep regard in the Memories of Zero Mustafa, (F Murray Abraham) the Supposed Owner of the Grand Budapest, recanting his story to an Author with no Name Given, on how he, a simple lobby-boy rose to wealth during the War.

Where we left off, Gustafe has being arrested and sent to an internment Camp, charged with with killing his lover, Madame D (Tilda Swinton) and stealing a painting that was in fact bequeathed to him. The only man who could have witness anything has gone missing.

The D family have sent The Merciless Captain Jopling (Willem Dafoe) to Zero's Shanty to threaten his sister. The Hotel is told to work as if Gustafe is "watching them like a hawk, with a horsewhip in his talons!"

At the Same time, Since the hotel life is the only life he knows, Gustafe turns his incarceration into Busy Work ("Would I interest you felons in a bowl of gruel?" ) His Kindness eventually convinces a gang, led by Ludvig (Harvey Keitel ) to be part of the escape...Suddenly Mustafa Stops his story as the Industrial Strengh Spotlights regulate back to the lights in the Dining room, and back to Mustafa and the Author. Mustafa is about to speak of Agatha, his lover, but it be too emotional a tale! He Wipes a tear and recants how a simple Confectioner's daughter saved him and the hotel.

1 month and several purchases of Mendl's Confections later. And Zero and Agatha (Saoirse Ronan) were now Finances. Despite having a giant birthmark on her face that looks like Mexico, Zero has fallen for her. The Pastry Chef is instrumental in smuggling tools in her deserts as one look from the beleagured guards passes the things through! Without the location of Serge, the Butler, and a testimonial from him, Lt. Kovacks (Jeff Goldblum) cannot pass inheritance to Dmitri, (Adrian Boring-I MEAN BRODY!) In his rage Dmitri kills Kovacks' Cat!

Despite helping Gustafe Escape, Agatha draws the line in finding and fencing the picture. Jopling is sent by the D Family to "convince" Kovacks to do a better job...by breaking off his fingers!

Gustafe and Ludwig gang escapes solely hinging on the prisoners, treated like human beings by Gustafe, again fending off the guards. When Zero couldn't get a safehouse, disguises or even his "precious" Cologne, Gustafe insults his lobby boy, calling him an unrefined Foreigner...Until Zero reveals he left his country due to War and family slaughtered. Naturally Gustafe feels terrible about what he said is sorry as the alarms ring out. As Jopling appears in the cell as Captain Henckles (Ed Norton) conducts an investigation. Throwing the thug out, the Nazi captain exposistes that Kovacks was murdered, his body shoved in a sarcophagus at a museum. At a phonebox, Gustafe has no choice but to call on an outside favour-On the help of the Society of Crossed Keys, a secret society of Concierges, Headed by Monsieur Ivan (Bill Murray), a high end booster of sorts "How does one get last minute tickets to an opera, or the Vey last item of a Catalogue a  day before a jeweler changes season?" Using his connections with every hotel in the world Ivan springs for a car from the nearest hotel to save the fugitives. In the car Ivan explains the Crossed Keys have found Serge in a montainside town. Dmitri (Adrian Brody), pissed that Jopling now has made him to do his own paperwork, sends the hood to "convince" Zero's sister and Agatha. Only for the "complete Philistine" to realize that picture, Boy with Apple, Has being replaced by...how to put it....2 naked women...enjoying each other! Jopling has killed Zeros Sister and sent it to Henckles as a clear messafe to stay out of his way!

Nonetheless, the Nazi Brigade search the train to Gableheimer's Peak, Oblivious to the fact, that Gustafe and zero have left a platform ago to reach it by foot, themselves oblivious to the fact that Jopling Already at the mountain.

At the Observation Tower. A group of Monks gives the two fugitives safe passage to their Abbey. Just as Serge has revealed that Madame D wrote a second copy to her will and hid it somewhere before she was murdered, he too is Murdered by a disguised Jopling. Stealing a sled from a shrine to St Bernard, Zero and Gustafe chase Jopling on skis, interfering with a winter games in the process , Ending with Zero knocked out, and Gustafe having a literal Cliffhanger as Jopling looks over the edge, one good thrust from his Jackboot away from causing the concierge his death...until zero recovers and throws Jopling over the cliff...and are rearrested...however Jopling's motorbike is stolen by Zero to save Agatha!

WAR HAS BEING DECLARED IN EUROPE!
Every soldier has being called to every public place of business before heading out. A new concierge, Chuck (Owen Wilson) has allowed the Nazis to turn the hotel in their Barracks. Gustafe, disgusted by this, laments the fall of his home! But when he sees Dmtiri has enlisted, it sparks anger and concern for Agatha inside!

So lets finish this wonderful Masterpiece!
Agatha is trapped in an elevator with Dmitri, Zero and Gustafe, disguised as delivery men, make a bad hash at rescuing her, causing a gun fight between Dmitri and the crossed Keys that puts both parties under arrest, however an errant bullet has made Agatha fall over the Balcony clinging to the painting for her life, however clawing at it for safety has revealed the second will. Luckily, she and zero have landed in the van and all the cakes have softened her fall. With a lawyer in tow, It turns out the secret owner of the Grand Budapest was Madame D, and Gustafe has inherited the hotel. Dmitri is arrested.However it was not be a happy ending. Agatha died, as did her and Zero's unborn child from the Prussian-Greek Flu 2 years later! Gustafe's demise was much earlier. Stopped by a Communist Roadblock. and despite having a visa from the Nazis, the Communists attacks zero. once again Gustafe risks his life to save his friend....this time he was not so lucky, and pays the price! and so story ends,  and each recantment goes on it life. the memory of 1936  played out as a play, the story as 1968 as the young Author  checks out, the Old Author in 1986 fiddling with a vhs, and 1993 Zuroka as Agatha's descendant at his monument closes her book and leaves!

THIS FILM IS AMAZING!
Anderson's fingerprints, nay, his DNA is etched all over this film. Strong Characterization, Snappy Dialogue, all in a bright and Colourful Crap and Saccharine World. The Story is of Kindness and Cruelty, how one cannot completely unseat the other, how Kindness to someone that may not deserved it like Nazi Captain Henckles and the prisoners, made them help our heroes and how Cruelty may seem to make you Powerful, eventually your day will come!

(There was a knock on the door, and standing were 2 Gards. They explained that a body was found of young girl and because Joe-Jack had previous, he was being asked. the Gards showed Joe-Jacks Mammie the picture of the girl, and she cried "Not Again" with that Joe-Jack was arrested, However Mammie tried to explain that her exclamation was because this girl was already dead, as this girls ghost was haunting them. The Gards continued on their sworn Duty, packaging the unwashed brute in the back of their police car! Joe-Jack maybe a lot of things but a Murderer...we wasn't that anymore, but...A BIGGER PICTURE IS BEING FORMED HERE, AND I WANT TO KNOW WHY A GHOST CHILD IS SO INTERESTED WITH US!)

THE MYSTERY WIDENS AS SUFFER LITTLE CHILDREN NEXT CHAPTER MOVES ON!

CREDITS
The Grand Budapest Hotel was reviewed compiled and edited in two parts by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
with media from
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Star Trek the next Generation
Twi-SHITE
AND MUSIC:
Snowy Rail Yard From Street fighter 4
All rights Reserved. All media and music used belong to their respective owners!
The Grand Budapest was Distributed by 20TH century Fox!

NEXT MONTH!
IS VALENTINE'S DAY
THE HOLIDAY!
AND THE FILM!
THEY BOTH SUCK!
READ IT ANYWAY!

EPISODE 136: Eamonn Reviews the Grand Budapest hotel part 1

(This months theme-to go with the Geography!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbppvtGktvA

One of my favourite film is Moonrise Kingdom directed by Wes Anderson.
It has a tender innocence in a world gone mad, Subduing and Intoxicating use of Colour and the use of quick cuts and symbolism to tell a story.

So this is my first ever viewing of The Grand Budapest, Given that my record with Directors i like has being loving Tony Curtis's 3 star Boat that Rocked, and Hating with a passion his most well known film, Love Actually!, this may bite me in the ass!



The Cover uses the devices of its own settings to introduce the cast, their faces photographed and used in a hotel's pigeonhole.

We Start our story in Zurokwa, a fallen Communist country in 1985. Where Saoirse Ronan has come to pay her respect to the statue The Author of her favourite Book the Grand Budapest Hotel. The name of this Author?....The Author!

As The Author Exposists that An Author's life is nothing more than another's life seen in another's eyes, and how sometimes the greatest story is as simple as normal people caught between good and and evil...Until a Child Actor ruins this monologue with Child Acting!


In 1968, The Author, now Jude Law, took Residence in the Grand Budapest Hotel. The Spendlor of this once Decadent and famous ski resort has now become a gaudy, empty house, No more than a bedsit for the wealthy loner or Burnt out artistic souls needing fresh mountain air and fresher ideas.

One day, a new Guest arrives. A lonely Man, More intentionally solitaire than any of the shut in present. According to the Concierge, the Man is no other than Zero Mustafa (F Murray Abraham), the once richest man in Zurokwa and the owner of the hotel. The Concierge leans in to tell the Athor a Secret, despite his wealth, Mustafa will only stay in a servant's quarters! Monsieur Jean leaves his post to tend to a choking guest, before the writer could get more info from him.

The Next Day at the Turkish Baths, Mustafa invites the Author to Dinner, so he can tell the Author the history of this "enchanting ruin". he reveals a secret...he doesn't one the hotel! The Story Starts as the room darks and all the lights become spotlights on the table, As he recants on the former Concierge-A man by the name of Monsieur Gustafe !

Gustafe (Ralph Fiennes in 1932 was the beloved and respected Concierge of the Hotel. One of the Guests, Madam D. (Tilda Swinton) is frightened to leave her room for soon reason. It's here that Gustafe meets a young Zero, Once a lobby Boy, Feeling Sorry for Orphan, Gustafe takes him under his wing. Despite his Managerial Finesse, Gustafe is not the Owner. No One knew who it was. all financial troubles was taking care of by the Owners Proxy, LT. Kovacks! Also noted is that Gustafe had many Lovers, all of them Wealthy Dowagers, Madame D included.

Zero himself has a sweerhart, a confectioner's daughter called Agatha, But that comes later!

When War was announced, the day was also the day Madame D was found Murdered. Taking the train to Naples. A Nazi Stockade Boards the train to collect Papers, and arrests Zero despite having the right papers. Gustafe risks his own life to save his employee. that is until Captain Albert Henkles (Edward Norton) a friend to Gustafe gives Zero a temporary visa, in thanks for being do kind to his own parents on a stay at the hotel (This favour is never discussed ever!)

In Naples, The Young Zero becomes shocked about the reality of why Gustufe has being called to Naples. As seeing the full ballroom of tearless mourners he sees "Greed. Like a Poison welling in The House's Bloodstream, Nephews, Nieces, Cousins, Inlaws who at first moment could strenuously remember her 1st name!" fill the room. Gustafe is shocked to see Lt Kovacks here as an executor!

Kovacks Reveals a Bundle the size of first Draft Dictionary. As of today, Kovacks  Had received a letter. Gustafe has inherited a priceless painting from the madame. Angered by this, the Madame's son, Dmitri (Adrian Boring-i mean Brody!) despite being soul heir will now let a "bisexual faggot" (Actual quote) getting his "perfumed hands" on Boy With An Apple! Soon Gustafe, Zero, Dmitri, and his bodyguard Jopling (Willem Dafoe) get in a fist fight over the painting.

Gustafe Steals the painting he rightfully inherited, replacing it with another, Citing that a complete philistine like Dmitri won't even notice the picture is not of a boy with an apple! (Plot Point) with the painting being a masterpiece, Gustafe plans to sell the painting before the Ds or The nazis get their hands on it! however fearing he will die, he makes Zero his heir.

However, on return to the Hotel, Captain Henkles arrests Gustafe for the murder of Madame D and sent to an Interment Camp, Checkpoint 19. In jail Kovacks has sent a message, via zero, that the only witness that could absolve Gustafe, Monsieur Serge, has gone missing. Gustafe's own alibi, another  lover is too risky to use as getting her caught in a scandal will be unforgivable!

CAN GUSTAFE PROVE HIS INNOCENCE? WILL PRISON BREAK HIM? AND WHO IS THIS AGATHA THAT ZERO HAS FOND MEMORIES OF?

FIND OUT NEXT WEEK ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!