(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...
Well, the fact that nothing happened after Eamonn Finished Horrid Henry is a small glimmer of Hope, That by bringing SatanicOstrich Back to hell, it will stop it colliding with Earth. So Eamonn told Joe-jack and 80's Lad to clear a path to the Train station so Ostrich could contact the Conductor so a train to hell could be sent.
....Or, At least that was the plan!)
(We open to Joe-Jack in his house eating breakfast, while outside, Hell has amassed an army.
DUDE! You think we should, like, Help Eamonn?
-FUCK'EM! It'z coz a him, da supportin' wall ov me sit room iz all broke up in shite!(See Hallowe'en special 2013-Eamonn) Besides its not dat bad!
(Eighties lad turned on the tv. A news reported showed Vikings, Huns and Nazis flooding out the Abyss. Death row convicts rising from body bags as demons, Children chasing away one creature only to run the other way, chased by Jimmy Saville!
What else is on?
(80's Lad shot him a look!)
Ah alright, Oi'll review sumpting
AND NOW, DA REAL FILM CRICKET!
(This months theme-From the soundtrack-Boston More than a feeling
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSR6ZzjDZ94
Should tv actahs be fillium actahs? Da short answah is Ya, Coz dere actahs! Dey use the same techneeks and connect wif da same audense.
On Da other hand, Kevin James, aka Adam Sandler's Fat Man-Bitch In ZooKeepah!
We Open on a Sandy beach as a horseback couple ride at sunset. Griffin (James) proposes to his girlfriend, Staphanie splits up with him because he is a zookeeper and dey don't make much money, despite the chain of lavish gifts that back fire.
5 Years Latah, A still Fat, still ugly Griffin, but with a far more flattering haircut, tries to make a gorilla suit happy by fixing a tyre swing but falls on his ass.
PRATFALL COUNTER:1
So Griffin and his new girlfriend save a lioness, choking on a can of Red bull, but not before she reveals to have a job application to go to "Nairobi, Africa"
Hey good ting ya saidz Africa, I thoughtz ya meant da Nairobi down da fecking street, so Oi did!
And not before a pratfall
PRATFALL COUNTER:2
Dat Night it's revealed that Griffins Parents were bought famous and very wealthy zoologists as the Zoo plays host to his brother, Dave, a car salesman, wedding reception. Griffin holdin' a porcupine, Spies his ex-girlfriend, who obviously has heard about Griff's new forturne, Getting flustered, the porcupine shoots it's quills while all around, the animals perk their ears and listen.
When all da humans leave, the animals plot t'help Griffin but agree not reveal dat dey can talk.
Dere plan iz to fake an animal attack on Stephanie, But Griff's Heroic Entry comes up short
PRATFALL COUNTER:3
Angry, the animals break their own oath, revealing they can talk, naturally Griffin puts it down to stress, But when the Lion threatens Him, he runs into an Iron bar.
PRATFALL COUNTER:4
So da animals phottoshopped into a circle (some don't even have shadows to convince us that it's real!) Tell Griffin to win Stephanie back (as animals don't seem to understand human relationships) They will give him relationship advice. The animals in question? Bears, Lions, Wolves, Apes, Elephants and Giraffes)
So Griffy-Boy Will impress Da Ladies by:
- Wrestlin' Love Rivals (bears)
- Killin' her kids to get her in heat (lions)
- Threaten Love Rivals intah performin' acts of Homosexuality on him. (Apes, especially Chimps)
- And show fitness by pissin' and pooin' in front of her! (Giraffes the former, elephants the latter)
Turns out t'be quite tame, first the bears teaches him a confident walk, wif da runnin' joke being gettin' caught by zoo visitahs every tiome!
Bernie Da gorilla tells Griffin dat he is cruelly looked aftah by Shane. But Nevah mind Dat, Letz have a wolf teach Kevin James how to piss! Now you would tink no-one would tak' the advice of Pissing to attract a female, But we see him the next scene, Pissin' in a bush, in a four star hotel no less!
So as he goes up to Stephanie, dis being an Adam Sandler or his Man-bitches rom-com, enter Unlikable Elitist Prick in Gale, a body-obsessed athlete. It's obvious Dat Steph is playin' 1 again' d'other, but Jaysus, Isn't our hero da 1 takin' advice from animals?
So Griff is late for a bike outin'. Da only bike left is a Big-Wheel, So he uses it in an attempt to impress Steph.
I bet dis ends in a prat-fall.
Course I'm right!
PRATFALL COUNTER:5
But Steph, being a 2 timin' whore is back with Gale.
So the Lioness says to make Steph Jealous, go with someone else, So he asks Kate out, It's also the Gorilla's Birthday so Griffin Tak's him out to a Rest-Your-Aunt.
It's da night of da weddin' An' Mister-Know-It-All Gale invites steph to dance to what was Griffs and stephs "our" song. Offended, Griffin ropes kate onto the dance floor, so they do a "curtain dance" with Griffin. Endin' with Griffin swingin' out of control and knocking down his brother's bride
PRATFALL COUNTER: 7
So the animals next plan is have Griff insult and compliment Steph in equal measure. It works, But not before it became obvious that She's after his money and Kate has fallen for Griffin.
So Griffin has sold out, and Became a car salesman, with Steph spending his inheritance left and right. Griff Later has second thoughts and Stands up Steph exactly like she did 5 yar ago. He leaves to confess his love to Kate but she leaves fer Africa tonight.
So Chase scene, Love Confession, Tired Be Yourself Moral and we are Done.
Zookeepah is bad, but compared to what we reviewed dis Year, Not without it's moments. It's a weak premise, that's being done before and whole lot better.
CREDITZ
Zookeepah woz reviewed be JOE-JACK AND ONLY JOE-JACK!
Wif music from
Boston-more dan a feeelin'
Film was made be Columbia Pictures, All rightz reserved so Don't sue me fer saying ya film woz shite!
Follah dat Know-It-all Townie Eamonn on dat Twitbook @saveusPOE
NEXT WEEK: DA CRAP FILLIUMS OV DREW BARRYMORE: 50 FIRST DATES.
