THE FOLLOWING POST IS A CONTINUED REVIEW FROM LAST MONTH, OF A 12 RATED FILM WITH SCENES OF VIOLENCE, SYSTEMIC SLAVERY, INJURY DETAIL, AND MURDER. CERTAIN WORDS WILL BE EDITED BEYOND THIS POINT. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
To continue where we left off,
Black Adam( Rock The Dwayne)and Carter Hall/ Hawkman (Alvis Hodge) fight in Arianna's Destroyed Flat, and Carter, you're only five feet away from him, you don't need to fly at him all the time, you can just run at him!
All the while Black Adam destroys Amon's bedroom, Making the viewer take Extra notice that they are Destroying Justice League posters
Adam Punches a cabinet and rears back in pain. Inside the Now Former Furniture is the Crown of McGuffin.
One.
When did Amon have time to hide the Crown in his room, in the time it took to walk in, see Ishmael shoot Kareem and ran completely out the flat before he was Kidnapped?
Two.
I thought Black Adam could just zap away the wounds caused by Eternium, or is this a new trope?
WEAKNESS as the Plot Demands?
In the JSA Jet, they all try and decipher what the crown's riddle means. They ignore it because Arianna wants to Barter the Crown for Amon's safe return. So that means the JSA and Black Adam must work together.
Dr Kent Nelson/Dr Fate (Pierce Brosnan) confronts Hawkman about Black Adam, with Carter worried the boy could die if Black Adam goes into business for himself. When Kent says Life and Death is, Quote, "Up to Fate", Carter Susses from that , that Dr Nelson saw a vision of someone's death. Carter's first thought is Atom Smasher, given he's an idiot! So after he answers "Surprisingly, No!", he says his goodbyes to Hall, as he may not have a chance ever again, but Fate tells him it's still time to change!
BUT NEVER MIND THAT S**T!
Let's have Johnson hot dog and grandstand whilst a Disgrace of a Human being like Kanye West Still gets rich from Music Royalties!
But Mr Fishsticks is cut off when Black Adam flies into Ishmael's Shield Generator-powered by lines upon lines of Eternium.
Arianna's Gives the Crown to Ishmael, who really is the villain we have being leading up to, For Ishmael is the last living Descendant of King Ak-tum. As he puts on the crown he says the Proverb on it with the Nouns reversed (he says in Arabic, "Death is the only path to Life") causing magical energy to build up around him. And it's a good thing everyone said the phrase In English, otherwise this film would have ended sooner.
After a Ridiculous slow motion sequence where everyone screams or shouts "Nooooo!" with quick cuts every 2 seconds. Power from the crown explodes with Hawkman shielding Arianna with his wings, Fate Shielding a prone Amon with his magic, and Atom Smasher with his giant body protects Cyclone. Black Adam is alive, but Ishmael and the crown are nowhere to be seen. Amon was not wounded by stray bullets, but by Black Adam's own lightning, and he blames himself for his injuries.
I spoke too soon, Atom Smasher finds Ishmael, but the Halal Ham-actor is now served Extra Crispy, as the crown has melted into his Skeletal Remains.
AND I'M SURE WE'LL NEVER SEE ISHMAEL AGAIN!
Hawkman confronts Black Adam once again, this time over a name Ishmael said that upsets Black Adam "Harut".
Harut was his timeline's version of Little Dumbass, when he was Tehtadam's son, and the true champion of the Wizards' Council, he tells his side of the story, Harut was a great champion, but like Shazam, he was a Naive boy in the body of a man, so Ak-tum killed Harut's Mother and would have killed Tehtadam, if not for Harut giving his father the power. And at that moment, Harut was Assassinated by Ak-tum's archers.
Losing Everything, Black Adam went on an unstoppable rampage of revenge, killing everyone, so that's the truth of the statue of Thetadam: It's not his Statue: it's Harut's. Five milliena is a long enough time to realize this power is not a gift, but a Curse. One that only hurts people. So Black Adam says "Shazam" and tells agent Hall on no circumstances permit him to say that word again.
Thetadam is taken to a top secret holding facility somewhere, submerged in the Artic ocean by the Justice Society of America's Jet.
Taken by Task Force X, Tehtadam is Processed, Shackled, put in cyrosleep and attached to a breathing tube. Given that Thetadam has surrendered and Ishmael is dead, they could have just finished it here with all the loose ends tied up.
OH, YOU WISH THIS WAS FINISHED!
While Atom Smasher and Cyclone babysit a now recovered Amon with a Dress up Cape (I'm pretty sure he's at least old enough to be at Eye level to the Top shelf magazines, he's at least old enough to know what Fasc*sm Is!) We see Ishmael's bodybag, glowing with the same lightning controlled by Black Adam. In the cockpit of the Jet, Kent is still dreaming of Hawkman's death, he wakes from it, on Hawkman's distress. Kent tells Carter that he believes Hawkman is still going to die.
Carter says he doesn't fear dying.
He COULD have mentioned his powers/Curse meant he's died too often, and Kent would've said something like "You're too Valuable!' Or "The World can't wait for a new Hawkman to be born!' But no, DC makes comic book films for comic book fans and if they don't flat out tell you back story, it implied! AND IT'S REALLY BLOODY ANNOYING!
Kent tells Carter of his childhood during the Blitz Era in London, how he felt no pride in Seeing the Soldiers parade on deployment, he never cheered or waved a flag, he knew at a young age they were going to die, they were Soldiers. And it's a Soldier mentality to give his life for a greater good.
FORESHADOWING!
In the Ship's Computer Room, Arianna and Cyclone are puzzled to why Ishmael read the Proverb on the crown wrong. Then they realize the Ancient Kandaqi have symbols like Kanji that be read upside down and still make sense, but the Symbol for Life looks like the symbol for Death when Inverted. In other words, THEY have been reading it wrong! And by reading it correctly, Ishmael purposely died so his soul could be sent to the Rock of Finality (SURE! LET'S GO WITH THAT!), To make a Contract with the demons of the crown of Sabbac, like Black Adam, Ishmael invokes Sabbac's name so he can use Ishmael's corpse as a conduit to become the Demon Champion, SabbaAHAHAHAHA!
Ladies and Gentlemen, our Film's big Bad, The Crispy Cretin!
So Sabbac is just Yet another Pound Shop Superman with Demon Fire added for extra flavour. Despite the JSA holding their own, The writers are still treating Sabbac as the thing we were being lead up to. Sabbac's goal is to sit on the Throne in the Palace, therefore gaining his true powers, So Hawkman, Cyclone and Atom Smasher ascend the Palace's Staircase, only to be reflected by Dr Fate's Forcefield, he has found a way to prevent Carter's Death, by Sacrificing himself. Kent says he's lived a full life, and wants his team to do the same on his memory.
That's all great and all, but Now the film has Shown it doesn't understand Dr Fate, Either.
The Helm of Naboo, Puppets It's Wearer(s) by Granting it his powers. When the current Dr Fate Dies, That Wearer's Body is teleported, body and soul til the end of time to a pocket Dimension where the Lords of Order reside, leaving a Helm, that once unclaimed flew throughout the universe, killing well meaning Do-gooders and would be villains for not being worthy, til Naboo had to be reasoned with by Kent's Ghost. So if this was lore accurate Dr Fate who died, not only would the people have to deal with Literal Satan, but also contend with a Judgemental self aware Holy Relic killing innocent people for being rightfully scared to fight!
Despite using every trick in the spellbook, Dr Fate telepathically reaches out to Tehtadam, freeing him from cyrosleep. As Task Force X Soldiers Try to contain him, Dr Fate tells the world is not Black and White anymore, the world doesn't need a white Knight, it needs something....Darker.
Tehtadam shows his "Growth" and "Character Development" by only killing one jobber. As Black Adam swims to escape his submerged underwater Prison, Sabbac Punches a hole through Kent's chest, his lifeforce entering the helmet as his body turns to ash to enter the helmet, which as it falls, Sabbac kicks it away with angered annoyance. As he claims the Throne he summons the Legion of Hell....aka Stock Monsters from a Terrible Mobile Game!
Hey, Do you want to know how to make an Audience scoff at the Threat by a Villian?
You make the Comic Relief save the day by grand Entrance with a love Song blaring on the radio of his Volkswagen which he uses to run over Zombies and crack jokes about it!
Seriously 3 Superheroes can't Fight Sabbac Directly, but a fat man armed with a Hippy Wagon and a length of Pipe can smack around Zombies with armour and Swords?
Drowning in the Artic Ocean, Black Adam believes it's his time, as he Sees his wife and Harut in a near death experience. But since a Near Death Experience is nothing more than Our Brain telling us to die or Not, OF COURSE, THE EGOTIST PLAYED BY ANOTHER EGOTIST Would imagine his family telling him he can do more!
Back in Kandaq, Amon finds Citizens in Fear, and like Harut centuries before, he put his hands in the shape of a triangle and rallies the people. After all Arianna and Kareem are fighting the zombies and if A Single Mother in fairly good shape and a fat man armed with Pipes can do it, I'm pretty certain Anyone can take them!
The Words of the Kandaqi People finding their courage and Freedom, Revitalizes Thetadam, However, just because the people have done what he wanted and not worship him like a hero, he still likes to hot-dog and grandstand for their love and appreciation! Like when Sabbac uses a flame thrower to topple the very same Statue, Atom Smasher toppled repeatedly earlier (How did they reerect it so quickly?) and it's about to crush Amon, only for Black Adam to save his life yet again!
TRIGGER WARNING FOR INJURY AND DEATH!
Sabbac and Black Adam Face-off, the Demon Champion's Eternium filled claws and Horns Damaging Black Adam. Amon on his skateboard lead all the Kandaqi to face the demon Horde. Reeling from the cuts and Lacerations, Sabbac is About to deal the final blow, that's when Hawkman's mace pierces Sabbac Back through his stomach. Unfazed, Sabbac Kills Hawkman the same way He did to Dr Fate, But when Hawkman's body disintegrates into ash just like Dr fate and the hawkman helmet falls at his killers feet-A MIRACLE HAPPENS! Hawkman materializes as the new DR FATE, His costume modified for the Lord of Order's powers!
So lets finish this!
Using a Clone Spell, Hawkmen Bum Rush Sabbac as Cyclone and Atom Smasher Join the rebellion, Black Adam Grabs Sabbac by the horns and flies up into the air, and Does a Raiden Mortal Kombat Fatality on him by electrocuting him and rending him in half. With Sabbac Dead, the Undead Dissolve, the people cheer, and Black Adam helps Hawkman up, Who Only gained the power of Naboo temporarily, With it's duty Done, Naboo Disappears into the Ether. The Justice Society Goes to leave, they thank Black Adam, But they warn him Not to Push his Luck. With the people Below chanting his name, Adam considers leading them, he stills on the throne in the palace and when Arianna asks him how it feels, he answers it feels "Wrong". With that he flies out and Crushes the throne. It feels wrong for him to Lead, When he feels he could do better Protecting them. But he needs a New Name, Tehtadam is too old fashioned so when Arianna asks what did he have in mind. We get Title Drop instead to close out.
I didn't even Notice that!
I've being calling him Black Adam, because that is the name of this film, And never noticed that noone called him that throughout in the 1 hour and fifty minute run time!
In the post Credit Stinger, Amanda Waller (Viola Davis) threatens Black Adam through a drone, telling him to never leave Kandaq or his departure will be treated as a declaration of War. Black Adam doesn't take the Threat too Kindly, so he blasts the drone. However, hiding in the smoke made from the drone, a figure descends from the sky and a Man's voice tells him he's being waiting to for this moment, As Superman (Henry Caville) makes himself Known, which only makes the Poster Scene Earlier in this film, Hilarious In Hindsight!
THIS FILM SUCKS! AND IT'S ALL ROCK THE DWAYNE'S FAULT!
He and his Now Ex wife Dani Garcia, who must be in great terms to still Work and Coat-tail Ride each other to get jobs, are Named as Executive Producers. and it Shows. You thought Fighting with my Family was an Ego-trip, One where Rock Put in a lie About Meeting Saraya before she joined WWE so she can tell Rock how much she looked up to him? THIS IS WORSE! THIS IS THE REAL LIFE DWAYNE JOHNSON-This is Executive Dwayne, The "Final Boss" Who makes everything about him...
But doesn't show up when it matters!
The Plot is A*s! -We have a Tough, Uncompromising Anti-Hero...and it's this character we are giving a little buddy to protect?
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| AND IT'S NOT LIKE SHE DOESN'T EXIST IN THE DCU! SHE JUST DOESN'T EXIST...YET! |
