(EAMONN'S DIALOGUE IN BLACK)
(HERR DOKTOR'S DIALOUGE IN SEA GREEN)
THE OUTLAW AKA DEATH IN PASTEL BLUE.
(Still Blinded and Delirious from the Poison Sprayed into his face. Eamonn couldn't tell where he was, only he was bought here and it was now moving beneath him. He has also being put down onto the ground, as he stood up, and when his vision came back to him, he couldn't believe where he was.
He was in a Carriage of a Train. Carriage where the seats where oversized cinema Seats, the floor was red Carpet, sticky with Gum and spilled Butter and Soda!
He was Back on the Express Train to Hell
"ahhh and how are ve, Today?" said the Gasmask wearing kidnapper who inspected his victim in a way a doctor would assess a patient.
"GO...FU...(RETCH!)
So a show of Bravado, too bad your Body can't do vat ze mind vanted! I see that my Medicine is quite potent on humans but given what adventures my masters have told me about you, i could not be the taking of chances!
Masters? what Masters?
In Due time, how about you preoccupying yourself in some.... Entertainment?
The Doctor revealed a dvd player...
Since I Mentioned This Film Back in the Ticket to Hell Review, it's only fair That I open-WHATEVER THE HELL I GOT MYSELF INTO!, by opening with the film that was Supposed to restart Hugh P*rv-o Grant's career.
Given that Grant is playing Tony the Tiger in a biopic about the Invention Of Pop-tarts with Jerry Seinfeld and Amy Schumber The Hutt, what do you think happened?
THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 12, HOWEVER THIS REVIEW IS WRITTEN WITH AN ADULT AUDIENCE IN MIND! Some words have being censored or changed to make this review searchable by search engines
Not Blowing me away with this Cover!
Sure Chris Pine Cuts a Roguish look as a Bard, and I'd buy Michelle Rodriguez as a Warrior and someone as slight as Justice Smith as a Mage, but the costumes are too generic. The only bit of strangeness is the redhead has Goat Horns, no doubt getting onto the popularity of Genshin Impact's top Goat horned Waifu-Ganyu
This Poor Goat Girl-There is So much "Offbrand" of this girl you probably never seen her in her original setting!
And In the Corner P*rv-o has a Sulky face on him standing close by both females like a Bouncer has just told him not to Touch any of the dancers!
We Open With a Black Prison tower in a Blizzard, the sound of Angry Black Horses whipped by a drayman, transferring New Prisoners into exile, or rather, One Large prisoner, as a troll-like creature gets out in a cell with Edgin (Pine) and Holga (Rodriguez), his roll for charm has him ending with Holga kicking and breaking both his kneecaps.
So that means he took damage and reduced his speed and Attack Stats!
Today is the Day of Holga's and Edgin's parole hearing, However he wants to Stall until Magister Jonathan arrives, and we are lead to believe he's a lenient member of the Absolution Council. As Edgin tells his story in flashback.
Edgin wasn't always a thief, he was once in the Harper's Guild-Spies who pose as Minstrels to collect information on unsavoury characters who may abuse wealth and power, Despite the Fears of his wife and having a Baby Daughter.
AAAAAAAAAAAND FIVE MINUTES LATER!
Edgin finds Zia Dying and his daughter trapped in a secret Compartment after an arson caused by Some Red Death Mages he encountered. Losing his Wife is what would have sent him over the edge into Criminality....if he didn't have thoughts about it already!
That's when he met Holga Kilgore, A tribeswoman who was kicked out for falling in love with an outsider, and they find each other, both at rock Bottom and turn to crime to feed Kira and Stick it to the man!
Their first heist, bagged an Invisibility Pendant, That's given to Kira. Soon when Kira is old enough, they all committed Robberies, soon they were joined by Simon (Smith) a "SO-SO-SORCERER" And Forge (Grant), a Small time Con-man.
The Found Family were doing well for themselves until they encountered a Wizard named Sofina! (Daisy Head)
Sofina wanted to hire thieves to Steal from the Harper's Guild, their keep being on top of a Sea Stack, that only Bards can enter, At First the Harper was Disgusted at the thought of one of their own being asked to betray his former Brethren, Until Forge told him that amongst the treasures, the Harpers had A Magical Artefact they kept secret from him, a Tablet of Resurrection, that could bring back one person from the dead.
Hmmmmmm!
Sure enough, the thieves set off a trap, Sofina killing a Barrage of Guards, and Traps Everyone in a Time Stop, with Edgin throwing Forge the Tablet of Resurrection and pleads with him to raise his daughter. The Late Parole officer, Jonathan, a Griffin, is rushed by The duo and uses his power of flight whilst he Struggles to get away....despite their paroles being Granted!
So with a Kidnapping Charge no doubt put on their heads, we get title drop, it's being 2 years since returning to their home village, and Edgin's house has being abandoned in that time, except for Edgin's Lute hidden in the same Compartment Baby Kira was hidden in all those years ago. While getting their first drinks as free people, they notice on their napkins, That Forge has weaselled his way into becoming the Duke of Neverwinter, but they need a guide. The problem is the only person they know from The city is Holga's now ex-husband, the one she was banished from her tribe for, who kicked her to the kerb after her arrest.
Arriving in Neverwinter on the opening day of a Monster killing Games, Edgin and Holga are we reunited with Kira, though the fact she hugged her Step-mother first and referred to Forge as Uncle is cause for Concern.
Hugh Grant creeps and grins into the scene to chew it, we get a Story Dump-BLAH BLAH BLAH, The last lord fell ill, but not really, BLAH BLAH BLAH, Ill gotten gains paid for my political Campaign, BLAH BLAH BLAH, The Baddie Is my Advisor and I'm her useful idiot!
I Just shaved Ten minutes of predictable dialogue, it's so easy when the film is this paint by numbers!
And Kira gets angry when the Tablet is Bought up, for you see, it's not a Tablet of Resurrection but a Tablet of Riches. Forge conned the Former Harper by dangling the carrot by offering the one thing Edgin Wanted, but afterwards made out Edgin was a Selfish Bugger who cared more about money than his daughter, he then holds up their mugshots and Edgin once again fears he has lost his daughter, as she leaves the room in tears, Forge goads them more And let's slip it was a setup! They charge Forge, but Sofina turns the floor to quicksand and Forge leaves them to Sofina's devices. He tells his Cohorts to collect the Bounty on their heads, instead Sofina wants their heads... on a pike!
Holga gets them freed from execution, ripping out a paving stone and whooping Forge's Guards with it, leading to a quite impressive fight scene, bagging the Executioner's Axe once it's over, I love it when you get Loot from boss fights!
Back at Never Castle, Kira looks at the crudely knitted Mittens her father made whilst inside, and wonders if he can be trusted, that's when Forge returns to lie that they Stole the tablet of Riches and left.
Whilst on the road, Edgin States the only course of action is to Rob Castle Never and expose the lies by Forge. Holga asks the Main Questions, if they are going to rob a castle, they need a crew, and what do they get paid with? Edgin reminds her that the wealthiest men In 3 realms Are arriving to gamble at the High Sun Games, the Contents of the vault will pay for themselves, including the tablet of Riches, even though Holga points out stealing the thing Kira thought her father abandoned her for, isn't A good idea!
We Cut to Half elf, Simon of Triboar, (Smith), reduced to party magician and lowly pickpocket, who's crimes are rumbled when he sees Edgin and Holga in the Hall, breaking his concentration during a gold levitation spell. His spell backfires by making everyone in the hall levitate until everyone but Simon falls. Until Simon crashes through a roof before he too falls and conveniently onto the saddle of Holga's Horse.
Simon Confirms what we all guessed, Sofina used her magic to make the Former Lord of Neverwinter ill to give Forge what he always wanted: Wealth and Power. Simon is in, only because he's desperate, but is worried that the vault is guarded by magic. So they need a Druid, a wizard capable of Shape shifting. Turns out Simon knows one, by the name of Doric, they went out together, but she found his flaws and Foibles to be .... what's the word I'm looking for....oh yeah...."Many"!
So they find Forge's goons about to execute an elf, until one of their horses rears up and morphs into a Quote unquote "Owl-Bear" before turning into a red headed woman with Goat horns who lands on her own horse to rescue the Elf girl.
The Heroes find themselves in the Hidden Forest World of the Emerald Enclave. Doric shoots down Simon's lack of Confidence and Elgin's so called strength of a Planmaker,
"Doric: If you made a plan already, what use are you then?"
Edgin: "No if the plan fails I make a new plan!"
Doric: "So you make plans that Fail?"
It's not like the Enclave are doing any better. Day by Day, Forge Fitzwilliam claims more of their Forests to drive out the Druids who questions his rule, she cares not for the Money, only that she wants those took her in as an infant to be save!
Sofina is in castle Never, inspecting a Glowing Red Horn shaped Artefact, when her true Boss, Sszas Tam, this Pound Shop Voldemort who permeates the Air with the stench of Death And overused Fantasy Tropes. The time has Come And so has he! Until Hugh has to ruin their little powwow.
Doric turns herself into a fly to recon the vault when some Bigwigs come to meet Forge, but Sofina's powers senses her so she blasts her with magic. The fly turns into a mouse which crawls into the Sabaton of a suit of armour and she grows enough to walk out, however Sofina is on the chase herself, tracking every morph until she escapes as a deer.
Telling the others she saw Sofina's true form as a Red Death Wizard and learning the name of the spell fortifying the Vault, Simon throws up his hands and claims its all over, the Seal of Mortus-Cayman cannot be deactivated by even competent Wizards, they need to, in D&D fashion, go on a side quest for a Helmet of Disjunction. Too bad it no longer exists!.... except Holga's tribe fought for it a 100 years ago and Simon has a totem that will let him speak to the dead. Meanwhile Sofina welcomes another red Wizard to Forges Ranks as an assassin, who kills all of the guards who lets the Thieves go free, under her orders, not Forge's.
During their Quest, Holga passes her husband's village. She needs some supplies. For laughs, this muscular Woman was married to a Dwarf! She's come for her "Walking stick" ( CLEARLY A MAGIC WAND!) , When a Carbon copy of her enters. Holga learns he married Gwyn a year ago, a year into Holga's 2 year Sentence. They are done blaming each other, And themselves for their marriage breaking apart, but though they moved on to better, it still hurts. When Holga saddles up, Edgin Cheers her up with a song, that she joins in.
But now it's time to Make the Mood Whiplash, let's do Some Graverobbing!
Several Grave Robbings!
Because, you see, the Schtick of the Totem is that they can only ask the undead 5 questions before expiring again, except they answer any question within earshot, even if they were not asked Directly- WHO'S ON FIRST? WHAT'S ON SECOND, I DUNNO IS ON THIRD....
 |
| "Also, Simpsons Did it First!" |
Eventually they find a corpse who died with the Helmet in his possession. It was taken into the care of a Paladin called Zenk, A Defector from Sszas Tam's Country of Thay, where the Red Death are from.
Edgin doesn't believe a word, only to be told 1) Paladins are immortal and 2) everyone knows who Zenk is. He's like a Great and Noble hero and a Selfless, Milk Drinking Baby-face! But Edgin just Can't trust someone who came from the Country that worships death and killed his wife!
They Learn Zenk is now in league with the Harpers which only going to make things rougher for Ed.
They arrive in Morrowshield, where they meet Zenk, who is practically Jesus, he performs a Miracle of saving a cat Humanoid baby from the jaws of a Giant Fish and pulling out the child alive, to cheers from the villagers and to the Annoyance of the male heroes.
At first The PTSD of Seeing a war first hand has made Zenk keep his promise to protect the Helmet, But when he learns that Forge is in league with the Red Death, he soon changes his tune.
He exposits that Not-Voldemort rose to power during a Celebration in Thay. During his Coup, he used a Spell from the The Red Horned Artifact called the Beckoning Death, manifesting a Blood red Storm Cloud that turns all who sees, hears or feels it, into Mindless Undead Slaves.
Being The Paragon of Virtue he is, Zenk won't work with Thieves unless their intentions are just, so he gets Edgin vow on the Harpers Seal. Zenk reveals he hid the The Helmet in a cave of Scientifically Impossible Permanent Darkness.
As they ride through Rustwood , the Paladin reveals he was there as a child when Sszas took over and he would be enslaved too, if not for his parents pushing him forward and saddened to see them turn into Zombies robbed of both free will and Identity. He will join their quest to save Edgin's Daughter, but he frowns upon raising Zia from the Dead "There are Layers to Existence, to return one to their old life, is to deprive them of their new life"
FORESHADOWING!
You know, for a Unscientifically Impossible Permanent Darkness, the Underdark is pretty well lit with its Bioluminescent Anemones on the walls-it's Nice!
So Zenk Brings his new allies to a Bridge over magma. There Destination over the Bridge, the Hanging City Of Dulblund. Zenk explains the Bridge is a complicated Tile Puzzle that can only be solved with precise movement...only for it to collapse when Simon takes one step onto it!
Wah Wah Wahaa | meme sound | sound effect HD (youtube.com)
However it's Simon who saves the day, as the "walking Stick" really is a Magic Wand, I mean it's obvious, it's the wand Justice Smith is holding in the Cover art!
Simon calls it a Hither-Tither Wand and as you can imagine it can move anything to or away from the wand's Holder!
Yeah, it's essentially a portal Gun.
The Heroes uncover the helmet of Disjunction. However Zenk can literally smell evil in the air as they turn to see Thayin Assassins. Zenk Tells the others to leave the fight to him, Another fight that's nicely choreographed and shot! The Paladin Fells them all, however you can't fully kill the undead, just incapacitate long enough for their Bones and Wounds to heal.
The Heroes run with the Zombies after them, until a Roar blows them back, It's a roar from an Obese Dragon, He Dispatches or Devours the zombies, but he only sees them as an Appetizer, but its a dead end in a chamber filling with sea water, And the Dragon's head stuck in the only exit. So Edgin gets Simon to ignite his finger in his flame finger trick as soon as Holga provokes the dragon to breathe out Methane before the flame erupts.
Swimming out of a newly made Hole, the Heroes Dry off on a beach, With Zenk saying his Goodbyes. He has no quarrel Forge Fitzwilliam (despite being in league with the Murderer of his parents-HELLO?)
Simon Puts on the Helmet to Attune to It's powers otherwise the quest would have being worthless, Despite Doric Doubting him he puts it on and the World unravels in a sick effect. It makes everything look like its underwater, but then the things around Simon unravel into Composite Pieces-Cliffs into marbles, Doric becomes strands of red hair and leather scraps, In with Simon is his Ancestor, Amur a great Wizard who calls his descendant unworthy, he forces Simon out of the Helmet. Edgin tells him to Attune already they have 6 hours to save the world-and he needs that time to take a nap!
With all that hard work of telling others what to do, Edgin falls asleep and into a memory of Zia calling him a coward, it's a memory of him too chickensh*t to deal with a dragonfly, it's more Foreshadowing as Zia opens a window after Ed traps it in a jar and says "Just have to let it go!"
OH YOU WANT MORE FORESHADOWING? YOU CAN'T MOVE WITH ALL THE FORESHADOWING WE HAVE HERE!
Simon can't attune and they all want to give up. They call Out Edgin For Being the Failure of the Bunch.
And he says They're all Goddam Right! He's a Failure, But You know what? Even failing at Something is Better than Doing Nothing! And Failing at Something Feels a lot better than doing the Wrong thing!
On the Night of Zia's Death, the Greed and Resentment in Ed caused him to pocket Gold from the Red Death Mage he help arrest, Not knowing they enchant Their treasures with tracking spells if stolen. Ed's Greed is what caused the downward Spiral in his life!
But they have a Plan B and it Involves a Picture frame With the picture cut out and fashioned with Honey to stick on in place. And sneaking it on a wagon heading for Neverweather to use it with the hither tither wand as a Portable Hole ala Wile E Coyote.
Sure enough, with the games reinstated and Forge telling the audience not to leave under the promise of a gift, I think it's pretty obvious that Tam wants to expand his army of Mindless Slaves with the populous of 3 kingdoms
It's a Good plan by Edgin, except the painting they used is so dahm ugly, the guards Store it upside down with the portal blocked by the Vaults Stone Floor
So the New plan is now the old-Attune with the Helmet, making the entire scene of executing this new plan to be a waste of everyone's time
Actually Ed has Finally Sussed out the Problem with Simon's Magic, it doesn't fail Completely, It fails spectacularly! What I mean is instead of a spell not working, it instead becomes overpowered, like the levitation spell went from floating gold to erasing gravity! All he needs to do is face Amur again in the Helmet's Realm with some confidence in himself. While everyone will Make a distraction to Bide for time while Doric is in the Tower of Neverwinter, Chipping away at the Portal with a knife.
Edgin's Singing Distracts the Guards while Doric tries to chip at he portal with her knife to possibly squeeze in as a worm, But the Ed Singing is a Hologram cast by Simon which malfunctions, Just so Boomers like me can laugh at a CD Skipping joke.
Oh i got it, it's just not funny!
With Clone Edgin Melting into Nightmare fuel, the Heroes Escape into the Castle Armoury with Holga holding them off as the 2 men escape, we get another fight scene which with all the various Weapon types must make Holga feel like it's Christmas, or whatever it's Cultural Counterpart is!
Simon gets to vault and Attunes with the helmet, he tells his ancestor to hell with his family name! Amur had his time, Now it's his!
And he just Punches Amur!
No Epic Magic Battle, Simon just Punches Him, as it was the last time he expected him to do, Amur turns into Simon and says "Took you long enough!" and peaces out.
Simon's new found Control over the helm of Disjunction causes a wave that, well, Disjoints everything it touches. including the Vault which turns out to be fake. Doric chipped enough pavement to squeeze into the real vault, a Warehouse Beside a Dock, Before being Knocked out by a guard from behind. Edgin finds Kira in her Bedroom in the tower, But It's Sofina in Disguise.
And of course we get more Clichés as Forge comes in to Gloat and Edgin wants him and his party to be Placed in the Tournament for their Freedom. Even though there is nothing stopping Sofina from just casting the Beckoning Death now to turn The Denizens of 3 kingdoms into a mindless Army, though she agrees she wants to see those who defeated her Men dead.
Or you can just add them to your Army NOW! And gain yourself a measure of revenge! It's called being A Villain!
So Doric Wakes in a lift below the Arena. She tells the others what she saw before being knocked out. So that's Forge's game-Sofina gets an Army, and Forge Robs them and gets out of Dodge, with Kira taken with him once more! Doric tries to fly out, but she and Simon have Anti magic Cuffs put on them. So Much for Edgin wanting a fair Fight!
With that, on the Sound of the Klaxon the Arena turns into a Maze with Treasure and monsters like those old Chestnuts Like Chimeras and Mimics, which kills contestants of other parties. Doric finds a sword to save Holga from being A mimic's Dinner. They Run only to be pushed by a warrior who runs face first to his death into the body of a slime. Doric's Hand is forced into the acidic body of the slime, and it burns off the Anti magic Cuff. One Party is Dead and the other (Which just so happens to the Characters of the 80s Cartoon) are trapped in a cage on the lift to the entrance of the Arena. But the entrance is not the exit!
Doric's plan is to jump everyone inside the slime, they noticed the maze resets and removes elements, so the Druid turns into a snake and slithers unharmed out of the Slime and pulls the others out into a loading bay under the maze before the maze floor above them lowers to crush them.
They're where Doric was when she was Knocked out, the keep near the Docks, Arming themselves with their stolen Gear, they get on Forge's Ship and Find the Tablet of Resurrection, Finding Forge dragging Kira Forcefully, they call out the Con on his lies. He takes Kira as Hostage holding a Knife to her neck, until she is saved when Holga throws a Potato at Hugh's Head in Su...per.....Slow.....Mo....tion!
"Blast! I've been hit in my Handsome H**Ker getting face with a Bloody Potato! Surely my Career can't get any worse!"
YEAH IT CAN!
They unmoor the Ship, cast a Wave Spell, set sail for home and leaves Neverwinter to the Mercy of the Red Death who are Minutes from Creating an Unstoppable Zombie Horde!
OUR HEROES EVERYBODY!
It's only when they Figure it out long after I did, what the plan is, that they have a New plan, Use the Hither-Tither Wand to teleport the loot over a portal cast on Forge's Hot Air Balloon, to Lead out as many would-be Victims from the Beckoning Death, Everyone who can escape, has! (more on that later!)
So to Wrap it up!
Edgin says his Goodbyes to Kira as he asks her to use her Invisibility pendant for Safety, Have a Big Boss Battle with Sofina, Which Despite Owl-Bears, Stone Dragons and the most Epic Giant Hand arm wrestling match ever, the thing that Bests Sofina is Edgin bonking her on the head with his Lute like Jeff Jarrett!
They Get hit with a Time Stop as Sofina walks slowly to monologue about how great and Evil she is, they reveal they were faking it, long enough for Kira, while invisible, to place Simon's working Anti magic Cuff onto Sofina, and Distract her long enough for Doric's Owl-Bear form to Hulk out and Throw her around like a Puny God!
But they find Holga has being Stabbed by Sofina's Blade, the only Cure for a wound from a Red Death Weapon is of course the Tablet of Resurrection, which is what the tablet was, Forge was just Caught in another lie!
And While Holga would rather die and be Validated in The eyes of her tribe, It takes Edgin this long to realise that while Holga may not love him, that he still loves his wife, Holga has being a Mother to Kira all her life, and Bringing back a Practical Stranger to raise her would be terrible!....if it wasn't so laid on so thick with Foreshadowing! So he uses the tablet's once and only use to revive Holga. Meanwhile, at nightfall, Forge tries to do a midnight flit with whatever treasure his grubby hands can carry, he trips and falls over only to be arrested by Zenk.
And So the Film Ends With Forge Monologuing in his Parole hearing what happened next: with Sofina Incapacitated, her Spells wore off, the previous Lord of Neverwinter was cured, he publicly deems the Thieves as heroes, the Emerald Enclave gains protected Status, Doric and Simon are dating again, and the last thing we see is Forge grabbing Jonathan to fly out the window for a "HERE WE GO AGAIN" Ending, only to see it bricked up!
THIS FILM IS ENJOYABLE ENOUGH!
There is a lot of things wrong with this film, the Jokes are Obvious and the plot is cliche (Even the Subversions are cliché at This point!) The Characters are Flat and uninteresting put next to P*rv-o, Rege Jean Page as Zenk being the worst Offender, as he is more of a Story device to provide information and move the plot along to the Climax and leaves before being seen in the end scene.
But do you know what P*ssed me off in this film?
They Acknowledged that the Beloved 80's Cartoon, the one that was cancelled before the plot was resolved, ( and yes I'm aware there is a unofficial recording of the Original cast reading the Script of the finale online), is canon to the film universe, and during the High Sun Games, the entire cast of the cartoon are trapped in a cage 5 minutes before Sofina is going to cast her magical Omnicide spell, and that it the last time we see them, overhearing about Sofina's plan in a cage, begging to be let out after overhearing that they are about to die!. And they weren't in the crowd being lured to freedom, so the Original team are no doubt dead! And on a Meta standpoint means they won't be the focus of Sequels despite the demand being there!
But despite this, the film captures the Essence of the Board game, which each of the cast Contributing their best skills to get the the End Game. Chris Pine plays the comedic rouge with charm, Michelle Rodriguez and Rege Jean Page have nicely done Fight scenes, and Justice Smith and Sophia Lillis have a good chemistry. And while he is someone who I can't stand, Hugh Grant played a Snivelling, self Serving Con Man very well....I guess!
On the technical Side, the Icelandic Settings look like they came out of a D&D artbook. The Special effects, while Eye-catching were sparsely used in favour of Puppetry, (Because we all feared this was going the way of Boom Boom Bay's Transformers!) And the Musical Arrangements felt Folksy and music played with Pipes and Harps, String instruments with some accompanied by Ominous chanting in Elvish language, and the pieces matched the Mood as it was demanded!
These wins are enough to make the film watchable-Hell it may even convince the Uninitiated into Trying D&D, but it's Losses are Equal enough to Push back the Film to being perfect, And it seems the Film's opinion will met by many at an impasse.
CREDITS
Dungeons and dragons: Honour Among Thieves was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham.
With Media and Clips from:
Dungeons and dragons Honour Among Thieves.
Genshin Impact
Star wars Episode 5 The Empire Strike back
The Simpsons
Unfrosted
All Media used belong to their respective owners. All rights Reserved.
Dungeons and dragons is property of Hasbro.
Dungeons and dragons Honour Among Thieves was produced by eOne Entertainment, a Subsidiary of Hasbro, and was distributed by Paramount Pictures.
NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE.
Wishing he'd swap the hat and whip for a walking stick and Slippers, a decade after a Fourth Indiana Jones film no-one wanted, Comes a FIFTH! Indiana Jones no-one wanted! It's Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny!
Ve have reached our Destination, Human.
(Eamonn rose from his booth seat, and followed the finger pointed by the Doktor, He walked out into what he thought was a land covered in fog, only to realise when he approached solid walls that his hand went through, he was not in a fog he was in some of Reality that overlapped with Ours, every so often their was a Wind, That was actually a whispering of Human Voices, Sometimes they were hard to make Out, Sometimes the voice was a different language, but of those he could make out, it was the Banal and dullest of things like "I Need to feed the Cat" or "Remind me to wish your Father a Happy Birthday".
He Didn't know what that had to do with anything, but years of Fighting His world's literal Satan to the point He got Depressed, and traveling to other dimensions and gaining some respect from creatures who are thought as gods, Been in a Realm like this was ...Boring!
Do you like it?
"It's a tad....Dull!"
Apologies, I'm sure when my Colleague arrives, they will tell us that your Habitat is made to Enrich your Final Days!
"Ok, i need to know what is going on? Who are you, why did that Cowboy look like a childhood memory? Who are your Masters? Where is This place? And why do you want to Kill Me?"
In Order- I am Herr Doktor, A Minor Cosmic Entity, Who Is charge of the Flow of Time, Namely things At the Perciple Of Extinction. Mein Masters, you have Not Yet Met, They are Ze Appraisers, They are Beings who Decide the Direction of Thought. Und Zis place? This is Zere Realm, vere Zose, about to be lost and Forgotten are bought here before their demise or Redemption.
Velcome, Former Champion Of Earth 1, TO ZE GREY AREA!
As for ze the Identity of mein Familiar Friend...Well...
(CLICK!)
(Eamonn felt two Metal Objects pressed between his Shoulder blades and heard a click from a revolver.)
You ask too many questions! NOW GET TO STEPPIN'!
TO BE CONTINUED!
