Christmas special: Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile

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Goodbye CITV, Part 5: The 2018-23 The Final Years!

 The reason I did not include shows that Were Produced from 2018 onward in My last review is this, From 2017 all the Shows were repeated until this year and all those shows are now Moved onto the CITV block on ITVX. As of right now, every morning on ITV2, they now Show the programmes the Channel use to show before it's closure. Sorry, but if you are Trying to get Every Family in Britain to Buy your new Electronic Babysitter, even low income families, why are you Not Showing Anything Shiny and new? 

Oh right, we live in a Britain where Pop Exists! It's Funny, when my Family bought Sky in the 2000s, Pop was the Channel Showing Decade long Repeats, and Cheap cartoons from Australia and Canada and Citv had the 3rd Party Franchises. Now, Citv having lost Power Rangers, Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Bakugan, Guess where they most of them are now? On The Freeview Pop Channels! Granted Pop is not Perfect, As the Freeview Channel Owned By Sony, They can't Show buy CN or Disney Shows  (Miraculous Ladybug is not entirely a Disney IP, Which is why they can show Episodes a year later after Disney) but they are doing Well for themselves.

Little Could be said about Citv around this Time, from what I gather at this point only two new shows were created prior to closure. The Rest are acquired from abroad or Originals from A year or Four ago repeated in a loop! Why Just last week, I was watching Scooby doo Mystery Incorporated on ITV2, (Fantastic Show, still after 5 plus years!) And it was a Double bill. The last Episode....and the very first episode!

And this Review was going to be Very hard to pull off as I've being Relying on Wikipedia and YouTube to find Shows. Citv had a Wiki, but it's nothing but a Cut and paste of Wikipedia pages. As of right now the Shows I will review Have no Wiki pages so My only Opinion comes from what I can see and find from other sources. Sidenote: I was going to review Project Z but then in the credits it said "Adapted From the Original from S4C" meaning it was not a Original Show produced by ITV. Sorry, but the Rules were made clear in Part one.

So in the Words of the Singularity

"This will be fast, Possibly Painless!"

2017-2023

Dare Master/ Dare Master at Home.

Danny Murphy is A Deaf Teenager, who is dared to do Stunts or get a Custard Pie for failing. While not Something I would sit down and watch 20 odd years ago, I do like the fact a Handicapable Child is here to Show Children, they can do the things other people can do and more!

I also have Commend The Show during 2020, becoming Dare Master at Home, Doing Skype Challenges while at the same Time, promoting Safe COVID.

An Action Gameshow where A Professor bring on a Team of Child Actors. Solely because one, no prizes are ever mention and two, Watch this Show on YouTube, and listen to The Children speak, no child speaks like that! 

Anyway the Professor brings our 3 Three Pod Children to Old props from Jungle Run to play games not to win Monkey Totems, but Fruit to appease the Beast, a CGI Creature and an Extra in Hulk Hands we only see over the Shoulder Shots of.

Most of the 24 episodes end with the Implied Death of The Children.

Y'know a Kid's Show!

Stop Motion Animation from Aardman is a Return to form after Planet Sketch. Lloyd, the Middle Child of 500, feels misunderstood by his Busy parents, is annoyed by a younger Sister, and scrounging food without being killed by humans. Thankfully he has friends that will help him out. A Slice of Life Animated Sitcom, Which is Quite Funny. Check out the Compilations on YouTube.

Comedienne Bec Hill, Is the Waitress at The Make and Do themed Restaurant, The Makeaway Takeaway. Filling the 22 year Void left by Finger tips, Bec, in a Episode wide Framing Device, would present Ideas  For Arts and Crafts in Different Segments.

• Takeaway Technique: Bec Makes A Picture with a Unique Item 
• Makeaway Delivery: off set, Bec and a Child make a thing Together.
• Paper Puppet Show: Going back to Bec Hill's Prop Comedy Roots, She shows us how her act is done!
• Make of the Day: taking Inspiration from Can't cook, Won't Cook, A Child gives Bec a list of 3 items to use in a make!
• Makeaway Big Delivery: the Final Segment of the Episode, sees her Leave the studio Again, But this time, to make Art on a big Scale, From painting a Half pipe in a skate park to making a Kite for Edinburgh Fringe.

Bec Hill has a YouTube Channel. Interestingly, SkyKids have a Suspiciously Similar Show called Makery, A Bakery Themed Make and Do Show.

Luke Franks, one of the Presenters of Scrambled, the Weekend Morning Block and the last ever Weekend Block at that, Host this mishmashed Show pertaining to movies. While the Kids Movies are made by Parents who can't understand Microsoft filters, There are some Attempts to teach kids and Teens movie Genres and Tropes.

The only things I could find on YouTube about this show, is how much people think it Sucks, otherwise it's just results on The Film Ted and its top 10 moments.

On September 1st, 2023, At 9pm, CITV went off the air. 15 minutes prior, This show was Shown. One of the most Ugliest, Rotten, Unfunny Wastes of Ink and Paper ever Commissioned as a cartoon. A Sad But Fitting end to what Citv had become! 

Years Ago PhantomStrider made a top 10 Worst British Cartoons, With Goggs topping the Bottom Pile. 

Maybe it's time to reassess that list.

Now, I love The Comedian who Voices Dave Spud, Johnny Vegas, I love the Music of Basement Jax who created the Incidental Music.

There is nothing To love about Dave Spud. Pity, in his universe, Perhaps! But not love!

The Artwork is Ugly, the Animation Non existent, the Characters are So Unlikable to each other, that when an outside source actually antagonizes The Spuds, you do not feel sorry for them at all.

Currently, The Dave Spud YouTube Channel doesn't show full Episodes of it's shows. Ridiculous since of the 4 channels that do show this Monstrosity, 3 are Free to air.

I suppose you want the Plot to this Show. Well Dave Spud is a child who suffers from both middle child Syndrome and Embarrassing Relatives. That's it, nothing new or Special, but done worse with just the most repugnant Toilet Humour. Watch at your own peril. Especially if you are Irish, Welsh or Scottish. Because yes something this bad, doesn't have 1 Animation kiss of death by being translated in My Country's Bog Language, but the Scottish and Welsh  Dead Dialects too!

And So we come to 9pm on the 1st Of September, 2023. 2 Months Short of it's 40th Birthday. They went through the Facade of Having adverts like there was something big coming. All day it was Business as usual, the same 5 years of Shows over and over, including the ads for itvx kids. So if they were building up a Surprise, this would be the time to do so! A Epitaph, a Slideshow, a pull open of the metaphorical Curtain to someone from Citv's past with a statement, a voiceover telling us goodbye, Something, ANYTHING! ANYTHING! BETTER THAN THIS!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

And that's all you need to know about what ITV really thought all these years. And Consider how Other Kids Programs treat Endings. Blue Peter when a Presenter Leaves, Is Given a Clip show and Is treated like He or she is Graduating and leaving For better things. Children's Dramas that are Put in 2 parters with the Second Half having a over-run of a few minutes to finish the Story. When Elizabeth Sladen Of Doctor Who and the Mary-Jane Adventures Fame Died, The last 5 minutes of CBBC was a Slideshow of her life and career in Memory of her. Also the Christmas Specials of the Saturday Morning Shows, Use to pull out all the Stops, because They didn't know if their show could be retooled into a new show with new presenters, new name and Studio in the New Year! Hell the Last Officially Billed Disney club show Toonattick back in the 00s had the Hosts Sing we will Meet again while A Clip show happened. Showing us at least ITV, At the time cared about cancellations. 

But no. A channel Dies and the same ole shows are regurgitated for 3 hours on The Channel for DA Yuff! the next day and didn't tell anybody, THANK YOU, FUCK YOU, BYE!

Time will Tell if citv will change or Fizzle out on ITV2. Usually Nick and Pop would make a land grab and claim shows. And the sad things is? This was not all the Shows! There are Shows lost to time! I Didn't do a Retrospective on GMTV, Disney Club Uk, Digit and the Saturday Morning Shows, Because they weren't CITV At the Time, and I generally thought back in September, That without a CITV Channel, a Saturday Morning Show would return. Maybe Wishful thinking on my part.

Still the last 5 weeks have Being a Journey, And i think It's being more personal because i'm Currently 38 YEARS Old, so You've seen me Fanboy and Reminisce and Scorn and Scratch my head and I feel like if you have read this from the Begining, that you have done the same. And I thank you for being on this Journey with me!

NEXT MONTH WE RETURN TO REVIEWING FILMS IT'S THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL OF COURSE AND WE ARE IN FOR A REAL SONG AND DANCE IN LYLE, LYLE, CROCODILE!

Goodbye CITV: Part Four: 2010s Circling the drain

 The Cracks in Quality on the Citv Channel were now becoming Chasms. Without any real incentive to make the shows they use to. And with ITV putting it's Focus on trashy Reality shows. Citv now Became the Grabby, clutching onto Its Precious Franchises like Gollum with the One ring, and Squeezing every bit of quality  from it's Long running Repeats. (They were still showing Wolves Witches and Giants, More than ten years after Spike Milligan's Death!) 

Now to remind of the Caveat set by myself, while Citv did still have shows exclusive to CITV, They were created by Those Animation Studios under Canada's YTV. You know the Shows, the once that I have Deemed as "Cheaply Made Fart Jokes!" As I said to make the list it had to be made By Itv and in Britain. House of Anubis disqualifies Itself as it was made in Britain....for Nickelodeon.

So What do we have left?

(Sigh.......)

Not A lot ...

2011

Bookaboo (UK version)

One of the last Preschools Show that was made despite the channel no longer having a Preschool block. In the following years The 6am Slot will be moved as Part of ITVbe's Little Be block. And would have nothing but the same Shows in a loop.

YOU ARE NOT TRIPPING, THIS IS INDEED FORMER WWE CHAMPION ADAM COPELAND ON THE ORIGINAL CANADIAN SHOW!

Anyway The Canadian Show is Retooled to have the Drum playing Dog Puppet have British celebrities tell him a Story Otherwise he will noshow a concert.

Despite its weird Premise, Show had a Great idea, and it was Nice to see that in this Decade, Citv had some fight left in them, trying to compete with BBC's Bedtime stories with Celebrities also!

Factual Show that explained Hobbies and Controversially tried to Fence Products against Ofcom Regulations.

 

Still Going on YouTube, Olly and his friends learn to be more socially responsible in Animation that uses a lot more Rubberband Physics in what I thought was Stopmotion.

 2001

WHY DID THIS NOT MAKE MORE MONEY IN TOY SALES?  

Korean British Joint Animation about Just about the Most Adorable Idea For A Plushie ever! Disguised as Cans, The Characters pop into existence to interact with Real world objects. With no Dialogue whatsoever, the Show is easy to follow.

A cross between Mr Men and Horrid Henry, or perhaps A tone Down Garbage Pail kids. Irritating Kids with Alliterative names or Adjective of Flaw followed by Middle Class Name. Surprise but Something this Crap was Made to be Translated into Irish! 

Day-Glo Murican Dude-Bro Matt Hatter, Protects the World via a Multiverse from Public Domain Monsters and thin references to Films. Some good Ideas, but it fails execution. The characters barely have Arcs and Motivation. Matt has one, to free his Grandfather. But Tenoroc doesn't, he want to be Free also, but why, what did he do that was so bad to be sealed away in a Ruin Dimension, In the First place? Roxie as the Action Girl, in one episode had to be cured by A kiss, which usually leads to Shipping, but is never Mentioned Again! Gomez, the Lovable Coward, finds his Courage in one Episode and is Never Mentioned Again! The 2 minute Glitch Sequences in every episode shows More Creativity and Creature Design, Beyond Humanoid and Cityscapes, in different times of Day. And they are handwaved like they never happened. Went to Nick toons to finish it's Run.

Look at this Ident. THAT'S WHAT THEY USED TO PROMOTE THIS SHOW, DOESN'T IT JUST LOOK STUPID AND OBNOXIOUS?

They couldn't even Bother to Dress the Genie (The Boy) in anything to Denote he's a Genie! No Full episodes exists on YouTube, only Seconds long Clips as this much cringe is too much for everyone!

Famously Booed During a Soccer Match, Poppy Cat Didn't need that Publicity. A Cute Paper Cut out Animation about A Little Girl reading her Cat a book about its make believe adventures with Other Animals. Because the World is Make Believe the Animals can Solve Problems by Using Imagination to change the world around them.

You thought Sooty was Slowing down in the last decade, prepare to see him Come to a Screeching Halt!

Now, I said that Sooty Heights would see the tired Jokes Done with Celebrities, but now in the final Show (That we know of!) Every Episode Some Former Contestants of I'm A Celebrity Not Doing Panto This Year, Or Dancing D-Listers or Frozen Failures, Would turn up each week for get their Names Dragged Further In mud, get a cream pie in the face and Collect a Cheque! 

2012

Signed Stories

No you didn't glance at that Wrong, ITV generally made one Show to offset all the Money they saved buying Cheap Shows and 20 year old X-Men cartoons, and ad revenue, they could only make one show and only one, So that year Citv Did Something right for a Change, and Created Signed Stories, A Storybook Series that was read out and Signed and Subtitled for Deaf and Those who are hard of Hearing. A Win for everyone.

2013

Not even listed on Wikipedia List of Citv shows, The Show that was put before Digimon Fusion. (Remember that show?) The Talented Standup Comedian Phil Jupitus is the Evil(?) Councilmen Chowdry who refuses to Make a Plot of vacant Land a City Farm ran by The Group of Heroes(?) There are good Jokes in this, And not even from just Jupitus, But they come from the cast being Self Aware About the Show and Writing!

For Instance, The Episode "The Diary Fairy" the Heroes open a Certain Brand of a Pot of Yoghurt with the Corners and find the Titular Character, A Wish Granting Fairy Who Has Oddly Specific Caveats to her Wishes. She can only Materialise things that are Dairy Products or Dairy Adjacent. 

Now I know what you are thinking, you are saying "Well Surely the Fairy granted the heroes who are trying to set up a City Farm a few Animals" well you'd be wrong, not only did they forget the whole plot for this episode until it became a Brick Joke's Punchline, But they Pointed out that the Dairy Fairy kept saying Jam was a Dairy Product, Only for the Dairy Fairy to admit she was a Jam Fairy confided to the Corner of Compote! The Show was cancelled before the Plot was ever resolved!

2014

In an Attempt to Be Educational, This Show Showed the ins and Outs of Exciting Jobs.

2015

A Continuation of The Story of International Rescue after the Death of Jeff Tracey, which, like the New Captain Scarlet, is also CGI, A lot of Hype and money was put into this show's Publicity. After all this was 15 years after Frakes' Folly that was The Live Action Film. With The BBC Giving back the Rights to ITV, they would treat the New Alliteration with the same Revarance as the Beeb, Premiering the First Series on Prime time Television.

 While it was Businesses as usual, some Changes where made.

1, Alan is now The Focus as the Teenage Rookie who feels he's not able to fill his late father's Shoes.

2. Granny plays a bigger Role as A Parent.

3. Tintin is now called Kayo ( Though her Uncle, The Hood, Calls her "Tintenya" when he is Confronted by her) is no longer the Live-in Load for Fanservice, and is now a Action Girl, With her Own Thunderbirds the Thunderbird Shadow or just S.

4. Brains is now Indian. Also as Someone who as a child had a Stutter, the new Brains Stutter is Subdued but still there and is not a Long String of consonants.

5. The Asian Representation is A whole lot Better, even if it means Retconning Tintin's....Sorry Kayo's Father out of existence. All I'm Saying is the Hood now longer uses "Chinese Voodoo". To Spy on International Rescue.

Naturally, the Anti Woke crowd was not Impressed by the NEEDED Changes to the Show. Personally, I like the Changes, Kayo has an Arc on whether to turn in her uncle, or lose all the Trust in her Adoptive Family, she gains Equal pegging by getting her own Thunderbird, Without becoming A Mary Sue. The remaining Series fell through with new villains, obviously Brains' Evil Twin Brother The Mechanic and the Very Flat Chaos Crew. The show is repeated on ITVX

2016

A Competition hosted by Failed 90's Singer and ITV Resident Thing that Didn't Leave, Peter Andre, This was a Creative writing Competition where Short Stories that Won Would become Animated....with all the Budget of A Change Jar!

2017

In the long Tradition of Gameshows like Knightmare were the Prize is just a proof of Winning. Actors took 2 "Junior Spies" to London Landmarks to Thwart Actors As Evil Versions of Celebrities or Just plain Trump. Apart from the Hokey Acting (The Trump "Lookalike" and I use that term loosely, had to say "Yuge!" And Fake News A few times for people to get who he's Suppose to be!) But the Puzzles and Obstacle course is exciting to watch, as win or lose will effect the Rest of the episode.

And that were we end it here. Not that there weren't Shows in 2018. No, any shows Beyond 2017 are repeated constantly til the end. One really annoying thing about compiling this List is that even the Shows on Wikipedia's  list that have no pages of their own don't even have Year of Production beside it. 

So next episode, the Channel dies Short of its 40th Birthday. We look at the Shows it was Showing before the End. Was it Quality that killed Children's TV on Mainstream ITV ? Or was it Abandoned? 

Join me next week to find out when we Lower the Coffin and Finally say "Goodbye, CITV!"

Goodbye CITV, Part 3: the 00s The Block becomes a Channel. (REMASTERED WITH AN AMENDMENT ABOUT KNIGHTMARE AND VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE!)

Before I start, Currently I am Doing a Sister Thread on my Twitter account @RealEnli to coincide with this series. When i bought up Knightmare being cancelled, I did it not knowing the Full Story. So Here is the Link from Knightmare's Fan website and i hope this Settles that! 

Why Knightmare Ended | Knightmare.com

 It was now the Turn of the new Century. And this was the Decade that despite getting all their Ducks in a row, gaining the Shows from GMTV and launching the Channel. Changes in how ITV Viewed their shows would be Evident in how little original shows they made year to year. It wouldn't be at egregious levels just yet. But Cracks are begining to show. While The Biggest Show in Britain is the Big Studio SMTV, the fact is that it was penultimate show of a now dead Concept. Yes, Frugality is the Word of the day. Buy some Franchises, get some sponsors, Push the Phone-in Competitions, Make Cheap Homemade Shit!

But all with Varying Levels of Quality!

2000

Grizzly Tales For Gruesome Kids

With The Young Ones' Nigel Planer doing all the Voices. A Macabre Cinema Owner runs the Cinema Scream Screen, to play cautionary tales. The Cinema scenes were Stop Motion, while the "Film" was Animated. While you wouldn't call the Animation "Quality" In any Make, Shape or form, the Stories themselves were so well Done!

Nickelodeon would gain most of Citv's Shows and rework the premise into A jail for lost Souls, Which cramped the Storytelling a bit! 

Showing my Age, But I did not like this show. Let me Rephrase that, Teenage Me Didn't like this Show. Two Shape Shifting Aliens, which means you could replace Actors and have a out, Adopt 3 Children. With One Note Personalities, Dumb One, Smart One and Teen Rebel. Innuendo and Just Lame Brick Jokes! Nice Special effects though

The Baskervilles, The Nicest to a Fault Family in all Britain, Move to Underworld, the Worst Amusement park in the world ran by S*tan Himself (Referred to "The Boss") made solely to get piss humanity off! Until they meet The Sickly Sweet Baskervilles.

Despite the starring lead of Rob Byron as Mr Baskerville, the Show has confusing World Building.

In the open Credits. We are told the monsters are either Robotic or Actors. But then we see the costumed Actors never talking off their Costumes, or the robots eating, or sometimes they forget who is a Human in a costume and who is a robot. Is Sat*n himself an Actor, because his Grandfather calls him a "Loony who thinks he's the Devil!"But what those that mean, he's not or he will be once The Grandfather Dies?

The Show is good, it's just Confusing!

Life Size Puppets live in an Abandoned House, despite the Setting, the Show is lovely and Gentle!

Not to be Confused with the Alien Sex Vampire Film. This show Followed a Britain on a Oppressive  Government who are trying to track down Psychics that could deny Their Rule. 

You know, For kids!

And it was too much for Parents, that the Show was Complained about it after the second episode. It's run would be Completed on the Sunday Block.

No episodes on YouTube could be found, but it does have a TV Tropes page.

Little Grey Rabbit

A Cartoon about A Sweet Rabbit who lives with two lazy animals a Squirrel and a hare (The latter voiced by Hugh Laurie) Nicely Animated and Well paced.

Preston Pig

Based on the Book Series. The 3 little Pigs Books are Turned on its Head by an Energetic Pig.

Timmy Towers

3 years in Development Hell, And Eighties Star Timmy Mallet returned with a Studio Show. Those Poor Kids!

Since I said I wouldn't be covering the Saturday morning show by GMTV (As prior to 2006 they were a separate Entity to Citv!)  But in the late 80s Wacaday saw Timmy Mallet present the cartoons in-between Games and improv with fans and a parent. And he would go abroad and tells facts about that city.

Here it's Timmy playing a Fictional version of himself, running a Hotel with Slap stick and Custard Pies.

Yes Exactly what Sooty is doing at the same time.

And I would be remiss of myself if I Didn't Mention the Villain of The Abominable No,Man! was Played by Citv and CBBC Presenter Mark Speight. Who Commited Suicide in 2008. He was 42!

Not a Sister Show to Wolves Witches and Giants, but a French-British joint based on the 3 Factions getting in each other's Way. Though a British book Series, No English episodes exist on YouTube!

2001

While famously a part of Channel 5's Milkshake!, The Show Started on ITV. While the 3D modern episodes look....

Strange!...

....the 2d was drawn well.

You know a Show is gonna Suck when the Heroes Deliberately Call themselves that. Scraping the Barrel of  then dead TMNT craze! 3 Scat music named Aliens, Turn on their masters after finding out Earth is pretty much cool. This Show was a Toy Grab, but unlike it's more Successful franchise it shared the Slot with, had more to offer. This didn't!

I found it funny that some TMNT actors ended up on a Rip-off before returning to the show.

Finger tips.

A Make and Do Show with a revolving Door of Presenters including.....of course, the Man who will kill Saturday morning shows for itv! THIS PRICK!

 He's Very good with his Hands!

That's why he's still Ant and Dec's Coffee Gopher!

Horrible Histories

No Not this, You'd be so lucky if it was! The cbbc's Show that launched the cast of ghosts was the book series SECOND ATTEMPT On a kids show!

No this Cheaply Drawn Southpark Ripoff, Done By Some Paddy in Da Wesht ov Ireland, Begod! Had Two Annoying Voiced Characters travel Back in Time to live and die in a period of history! Unlike the new show that strikes a happy Medium. This show Dials up Poop and Vomit to a scale of a really bad Adult Swim Show! Was Translated into irish to teach Kids History Which Is ridiculous Because the Different between Our History and Theirs.

Seeing that Bidding over S Club 7 to make Stories centred around their videos would be a game they could lose, CITV Made their own Fake Band with a TV Show. Originally the live action show on SMTV's later Episodes, (Yeah, be honest, you watch  SMTV for Pokémon, Ant losing his shit over the rules of Wonky Donkey, and turned it over for something else, then came back for Chums!) 5 "Singers" all giving their initial letters to their Names (Not their Real names) S.T.A.R.S lived in a Garishly painted house where Musical green screen shenanigans abound.

One of the "actors" is now on Hollyoaks and one of the girls I think was a ringer on STIsland! 

Sooty returns doing the same thing he always has. But now the Holiday camp Setting, fits with  Tired Humour, we now have celebrity guests back, but remember this is itv in Current Year, so it's only going to be Some pondscum from the Essex Me-Am-Thick Show! 

Stop Motion Preschool Shows to teach kids about Sharing.

2002

Albie

A series of Shorts that were not advertised in TV mags due to being too short. While Albie and the other Humans look strange with blank Skin, it seems to be a creative choice. As there are many colourful  Character's and scenes to grab your attention.

Now we are talking! Big Star Voice cast, A blend of art styles, sharply written Script. The early 2000s really was something else for animation, but sadly this is a forgotten Gem. A family of rabbits, world is turned upside down when A family of Wolves move from Canada to the literal neck of the woods. Must watch, even now 20 plus years later!

"AAAAAAH! I CANNAE VOICE-ACT!"

Not Satisfied with slowly permeating British screens since the 90s, Ant And Dec tried their hands on voice acting! (Ummmm.....)

I know, it's for little children, but these two never really Progressed as Actors as children. 

Mr Bean returns in cartoon Form. First as part of ITV 1 Saturday night prime Time, it was moved to CITV to continue its run. It officially ended in 2019, but CITV of course like to churn out it's long runners. Is now part of its Itvx Kids Lineup! 

As for the Show itself it's still Rowan Atkinson as Bean, even though some jokes are toned down for Kids, but still Genius!

3 Gibberish Spouting Brothers of Circus Performers. The Lady-killer Xan, The Strongman Adi and Little Person Enk, Travel the World and even through time to Perform Stunts. Which succeed more to luck than any real Skill.

Sir Gadabout

Campy Cheap Comedy with Cardboard castles, about a Incompetent Knight, with a side plot of a princess disguising herself as a Ninja to prove she is capable as the boys. It's Sounds too familiar.

Literally the Same Show!

2 furry proclaimed "Heroes of the Universe" Bing and Bong, travel to Planets via elevated Couch to planets of Nature, Technology Colour Sound,  Shapes and Self.

Despite Fur Textures that Aged Poorly, Show Holds up, And having a Self Planet , made it a show tackling Feelings at a very Early Age.

Voiced by Liza Tarbuck, and the hottest Actor at the time, James Nesbitt. Tractor Tom and his voiceless vehicle Friends work on Farmer Fi's Farm with the Help of Mechanic Matt. Maybe it's because I've seen too many let's Plays of Amanda the Adventurer but this show now looks Frightening.

2003

Boobah

One of the most Frightening looking ass Shows. Supposedly for children, the BooBahs wacamole looking asses made the list of 5 horrifying things meant for Children. Maybe it was the Led Eyebrows or the Shifty eyes or its sudden changes of movements. But who at ragdoll thought," not only do need to rip-off our own biggest Creation, but we need to make a More Scary and Less Educational Version of Teletubbies!"

In Distant Space, a Human Girl sees her Father kidnapped by Alien Pirates. So to free him she finds the most Threatening, Bounty hunter in all of Space.....only to find out that Marlon is a Neurotic Hamster in a Suit of Armour. And now the all of his troubles are Cassie's s Troubles too. 

A Flash animated Cartoon which I never heard of before today. But one with something for all Ages.

A show adapted from the Books by Jacqueline Wilson, about things that Teen girls would worry about, Body Image, Boyfriends, Step parents and such. Of all the shows that they had doing this, they always ended the Show with the number for Samaritans.

Meg and Mog

The Beloved 80s story books get animated. About the adventures of the Witch and her black Cat.

Created by the team behind Maisy Mouse, Paz is a Penguin who teaches Social Skills.

Star finder.

Not a Ten-a-Penny talent show, but British Teenagers Competed to win a Scholarship to Russia's  Star City to learn to be Astronauts.

Yoko! Jakamoto! Toto!

A Preschool Cartoon inspired by Tribal Art Following A monkey, An Anteater, and a bird-of-paradise. The Dialogue is sounds and Pokémon Speak and the story is easy to pick up from episode to episode

2004

Barking!

It was only at matter of time, when Citv would hit on the Talking Dog show! No Episodes can be found on YouTube. But at least it's better remember than....

Lets Roll with Roland Butter

Only a Wikipedia page exists to Denote that this was once here. Google images and YouTube doesn't pick up anything. Only that the Wikipedia Page tells us that this "Comedy" follows a Fat man trying and Failing at Sports. And that's why this decade is known for a Double Standard. We can't have a Scary Live action Show where Fascist Government threaten death, but we can have Cartoon children Eaten. We can have a show trying to make sense of Body Image problems, but we can also have Fat Children Told, Don't even try to lose weight, you'll look at stupid as this fat man! We can't talk about sex, but we can Hire a Lingerie Model Who's Sole Purpose is wearing a Spaghetti Scraped Crop Top and have it covered in Water, so Daddy and Big Brother have a reason to watch Ministry Of Mayhem!  

My Life as a Popat!

Obnoxious Family Comedy, with Gurning Actors and Asian Stereotypes so Tired, Even The Producers of Citizen Khan would say "Good Lord, tone it Down!"

2005

Now Considered Lost Media, Only 3 episodes online were found of this preschool show. The Dapper Mister Perfect likes to show us he is very Diligent and Meticulous at his job this week....If only if it weren't for these Macroscopic Bacteria called Blips which seem to be Obnoxiousness on a Viral Scale. When they are ever the Blips appear they drive Mr Perfect to Distraction and to the Unemployment line!

The Giblet Boys

Obnoxious Family Comedy with Gurning Actors and Working Class Stereotypes so Tired, Even The Producers of Shameless would say "Good Lord, Tone it down!"

Who calls their Kids Pod and Scurvy?

not only starring in The Biggest Show on Saturday nights, Harry Hill did a Show for kids who didn't  get his jokes on Tv Burp. Not a fan of getting a boy from the audience to play a girl in drag, though

The late Rik Mayall did his best Ricky Gervais Impression to play this Idiotic Version of King Arthur who trying to win the Hand of a Selfish Guinevere...to no avail.... but it's actually funny....while a Show like Charlie Brown and the Football scene was just Yanking the Chain.

A 3D Reboot of Gerry Anderson's Dark Show about Earth Slow Invasion by the Alien race the Mysterions, who's lights can resurrect the dead  into Sleeper Agents. But they created a Rod for their own back when trying to convert our hero, They made an Indestructible Agent. Far better than Thunderbirds ever was.

In 2005, however, Gerry Anderson was quoted to say he was Angry that Itv didn't Push his Show more. Granted any show that was on the Saturday Morning show was going to be seen by half the population, but this was not the era of SMTV, this was the show that would kill the Magazine show, the much Despised Ministry of Mayhem, So not only did you have to watch THIS PRICK!...

But THIS PRICK! Dressed as Captain Scarlett groping The WilloughBoobie, Dressed as a Silver Angel.

"KID'S SHOW!"

The show would appear as Part of the Channel, but for reasons I will get into in the paragraph for next year, the damage was done!

Planet Sketch.

We found a big Horse Dropping in Aardman's Stable, and it's not Chop Socky Chucks!

ITS WORSE!

You know what your in for when the Title Screen is picked from a nose like a snot! And the rest of the Show is Fart Jokes or Casual Sexism!

Tricky TV!

Did you know! That THIS PRICK!

IS A MAGICAN?

I KNOW, HE KEPT THAT A SECRET!

Birthday Party Magic from Mulhern the Man-Bitch!

He has a whole garage full unsold magic kits!

2006

And the Channel is launched. And Citv's Block on itv, the Weekend Shows on GMTV, And the Saturday Show were all under the Citv banner. But costs had to cut. First the GMTV show Toonattick had its show cancelled, after Disney decided to cut ties with ITV. Then after low Ratings, Not only was Ministry of Mayhem Cancelled, the Timeslot will never see Magazine Show on Mainline ITV ever Again; With CBBC and S4C still doing theirs on their sky channels. From 6am to 6pm. With the Exception of the pre-recorded Character monologue on what ever the hell Action Stations was Supposed to be, the Show had no presenters, just played the shows on time after 10 minutes of Advertising on each side, because without Presenters pushing phone-in Competitions, CITV had to make money somehow, and as you'll see, In the Coming years The ratio of Homemade shows will diminish greatly by decades end. And while you would think not having Presenters would make me happy, the Difference was the Idents from 1993 to 97, were interactive and caught Attention. They had facts and Character Profiles to make you ready for the next Program, now it was Radio Silence, like an Angry Parent throwing a Sandwich and to say "You'll eat this and like it!" It felt Cold. While the Idents in The 90s felt like a different world. 2006's Ident choose to be a box. But what of the Shows?

Bel's Boys

The one and only time, ITV picks up a Ulster show, and they probably went and told them "No Politics, No Culture, and Don't make us piss away money we don't have on Subtitles!" So Bel's Boys are a Band who is shot down by a big Music Manager, but his Daughter, Bel, Sees Something that her father doesn't. It's ok! This came From a time where Itv and BBC were trying to One-up each other. BBC did it better with Custer's Last Stand-up! As the first of  their 3 kids show from Ireland! 

Beanbag things that lived at the end of the Rainbow. Not winning any Oscars with its CGI, but show seems Harmless Enough.

Now, Long time readers will know or even started reading my reviews after my Review of the Horrid Henry Movie, Adapted From Francesca Young's Pulp Fiction Sold at the petrol station.

And this Adaption is just as Annoying! Complete with all the Posh Pronunciations, Alliterative names of Adjective of One note trait/Middle England name and Do Nothing Parents who would still scold Henry in episodes. Even when he's the right!

Jim Jam and Sunny

"COME PLAY WITH US....FOREVER....AND EVER!!!!!!"

HOW COULD ITV MAKE THIS AND THINK LITTLE BABIES WOULDN'T BE FRIGHTENED BY THIS?

2007

My Hero Academia With a Budget. Henry Normal is the new Student at Superhero high, except for one thing he had no powers but with Will, Determination and Some Forward Planning, He and his Team, Save the day usually from the Similarly Under powered Mr Bad! What sinks this Show is that at this point, Citv have been importing Cheap shows at a loss and Repeating it's Back Catalogue of shows whenever a 3rd Party Franchise rubs it's Course. And now whenever a Cartoon Network show finishes it's Current Run before CN can supply new episodes after they are done with them, they replace it with 3 Similar Looking Corus Shows! I've said enough about Canada's Cheaply Made Fart Jokes! But Spoilers on Part 5! All of Citv's shows before Shutdown were Cheaply Made Fart Jokes! And Even ITV had this Show Stoop to that Level.

2 Hyena ask Medical And Biology Questions Puppets to Child Actors in a Fake Gameshow, because no prizes are ever mentioned apart from not Getting Eaten! 

2008

A very Limited Cast of Actors (To the Point one actor per Episode Has to Play the episode's Villain and then a Citizen in the next scene!) In the last original Pre school show ever made by Itv. It tries to teach kids that noone is bad as long as you Forgive them, But Personally, I think that's A Terrible thing to teach them! While telling kids that bad people are Irredeemable is just as bad, Telling them everything is okay as long as you say you're Sorry, Given that name-calling never came up as a Topic, is kind of irresponsible!

5 teenagers, 3 of them Aliens save Earth from Dorks, Aliens who might as well treat being assholes in public like it's their culture's religion!

Trying too hard be Totally Spies with a British Accent, The Character of Jen, the pink haired one was there to be fanservice and to be the damsel in distress. 

Now I want to see a Death Battle between Jen from this Show, against Aelita from Code Lyoko and Cheza From Wolf's Rain for the crown of Useless Pink haired Waifu!

And if not, WHY NOT? BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS AWESOME FOR AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE!

2009

Yes you read that right! ONE NEW SHOW! and it wasn't even A New Show! The English Dub of S4C's Beloved Welsh Fireman was briefly done by ITV before Channel 5 bought the Rights. As for the Show it's the Transition from Stop Motion to 3D for the Show Teaching  kids Safety, usually rescuing the instigator for attention, Norman Price!

And that's were we leave it for another Decade, next time, Amidst the never Ending Advertisements, repeats and Corus' Crap. Shows were still being Homegrown! For wait it was worth!

We slide ever closer to Closing when we review the 2010s!