So It's Pretty Obvious I've being on a bit of a Sequel Kick for most of this year! And now we are in November aka the Post-Halloween, Pre-Christmas Slump, a time of year When Weekend Broadcasters Throw up their Hands, Shrug their shoulders and let out a collective "MEH!", And show films that might have being shown at Halloween, and show long forgotten toy franchises films when the films get more festive!
This is one of those films as it's Macabre, A toy franchise and a sequel of a work i formally did-Monster High
You know it as last year's xmas special-A Hotel Transylvania Rip-off about a bunch of Undead Prep-schoolers, Latino Zombies, And the Secret conspiracy that the world most famous popstar is in fact the ghost of a Murdered Girl, All Disguised as a Cutesy Cartoon that's supposed to be about Love Tolerance and Body Image!
About that, Monster High was discontinued last year because it's final line was a swimsuit range that was too racy! Plus the anti-Latino overtones that i pointed out in my last review of this franchise, wasn't ignored by other people!
So Let's dig into the Grave of this now dead franchise!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxWwBehInD4
OH SWEET NON-EXISTENT JESUS! WHERE DO I EVEN START?
Do I start with how flat and lifeless the characters look? Or How Blindingly Garish the colours are? Or How Trashy the girls who are high-schoolers are dressed? Oh, The dolls are not Sexualised anymore, right? When I Saw this cover for the first time, Do You know what I thought of? THIS!
Also at the Bottom, Pikachu's Nutsack, because we need to sell toys!
OH RIGHT!
This is one of those films as it's Macabre, A toy franchise and a sequel of a work i formally did-Monster High
You know it as last year's xmas special-A Hotel Transylvania Rip-off about a bunch of Undead Prep-schoolers, Latino Zombies, And the Secret conspiracy that the world most famous popstar is in fact the ghost of a Murdered Girl, All Disguised as a Cutesy Cartoon that's supposed to be about Love Tolerance and Body Image!
About that, Monster High was discontinued last year because it's final line was a swimsuit range that was too racy! Plus the anti-Latino overtones that i pointed out in my last review of this franchise, wasn't ignored by other people!
So Let's dig into the Grave of this now dead franchise!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxWwBehInD4
OH SWEET NON-EXISTENT JESUS! WHERE DO I EVEN START?
Do I start with how flat and lifeless the characters look? Or How Blindingly Garish the colours are? Or How Trashy the girls who are high-schoolers are dressed? Oh, The dolls are not Sexualised anymore, right? When I Saw this cover for the first time, Do You know what I thought of? THIS!
 |
| mONSTER hIGH dOLL'S aRENT sEXUALISED aNYMORE! |
So we get a recap of the first film and by the first film, i mean the reboot i reviewed last December!
And we go straight into our Heroes, Draculaura (called Laura from here on in to save time and to avoid confusion!), Frankie, Clawdeen, Cleo and Laguna, Teleporting to save another Monster from Isolation!
We see a Werewolf being chased Into a Dark Street. Before anything can happen, the 5 heroes use their powers to distract the humans and teleport her to monster high, and is never mentioned again!
We cut to sometime later, As The students are in Science class ahead of the science fair, Frankie, being a Frankenstein's Monster is working on a Battery that will never run out, using the Tesla Coil she was birthed from to make this philanthropic gift to Mankind!
This gets the Attention of Moanica, the villain of the franchise, a Mexican Zombie with a Victim Complex! She Sneers at Frankie saying Humanity Doesn't Deserve Kindness and get's jolted when she tries to steal it!
It's Actually Being 6 months since the events of the last film, and Frankie and Laura come across another new Student, Twyla, The shy Daughter of the bogeyman. A Wallflower who feels a bit overwhelmed by Laura and Co.'s Big personalities so she uses her powers to go invisible, During Ari's concert. This gives some minor characters the idea to start a band, this is nothing more than a brick joke to a musical ending during the Credits so I will ignore this!
Count Dracula is teaching his Human Relations Class about fear, That Human's have created Electricity to fight the fear of the dark, Something Moanica finds interesting...BUT WOULDN'T SHE ALL READY KNOW THIS? AS WOULD OVER HALF OF THE CLASS?
If you consider the fact that Laura and Cleo (The Mummy) were established to be sheltered all their afterlives prior to the school opening for millennia , Most of the students are Vampires, Werewolves and varied Species of Undead, which means they were human ONCE! And it's not like they don't live in a culture that doesn't mirror our own, so why are these classes there?
 |
| "TOO COMPLICATED FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND!" |
So Anyway Moanica and her Gang of Olive skinned Zomboys and Undead GangBangers, Have a Montage of being Jerks set to Latin Music, Just to drive home the fact that every Latino in this Universe is evil, even in this cartoon about Love and Tolerance! And Just a heads up, You won't believe what punishment the Zombies get at the end of this film!
As Class President, Frankie asks Twyla to use her powers to spy on Moanica. During a slumber party, Clawdeen, (The Werewolf) Reveals her dream to open a salon for both Humans (called in-Universe "Normies") and Monsters So the girls have an idea turn the Powerplant Frankie was reborn into a Salon!
Yeah and i'm Sure people will be lining out the door to get their Mani-Pedis out of a Unsanitary, Dangerous-as-fuck Power Plant!
But Somehow, this is the plot, a bunch of naive ,Rich Millennial Monsters opening a salon, in an abandoned, but still functioning power plant. Ari, Still living the double life and maintaining the lie she is a not a Murdered Pop-star!, Uses her fame to make sure the salon gets customers-Maybe too Many Customers! 100s will turn up this weekend, much to the chagrin of Clawdeen who is struggling to make new dresses!
Twyla uncovers the Mexican Zombies stealing Digging Equipment and Explosives (OK, Mattel! It's gone beyond the joke now, You are going into some Fox News Far Right shit, Dead-ass!) During a thunderstorm to relay this info, Frankie saves Twyla from being struck by lightning, It gets charged into Frankie Bolts But Now Electrical Items Malfunction around her, though Frankie Ignores this.
As the Others set up the salon in the Power plant, Frankie's energy absorption is getting out of hand, that and her worrying about Twyla and keeping it a secret from the others, greatly defines her Spastic and skittish Nature, By the time Clawdeen has revealed the kind of Little Black Dress that would make...
(YOU ARE PROBABLY READING THIS JOKE YEARS OR EVEN DECADES LATER! SO FILL IN THE BLANKS BY THINKING OF THE FIRST SLUTTY CELEBRITY YOU CAN THIS OF!)
....Blush, Frankie has absorbed enough Energy to start glowing and break Some essential laws of Physics. When Frankie touches the slutty black dresses, Neon Decals appear from nowhere. And that is the gimmick of the toys this movie is trying to shill, Dresses that have designs that are revealed by Blacklight!
So, Using the Excess Electricity, Frankie ads Decal's to the Trashy Tween Dresses! Frankie, Now looking like a Cheap Hooker, Reveals she has some Juice Left that she can't expel properly, and when she does, it manifests into the Minion's Buttcheck from the DVD cover
This is Znap, and calling it Pikachu's Nutsack earlier was spot on, as all it can say is it's name.
Frankie, nonplussed she just created life, is worried about Twyla, Who has figured out that the tunnel leads to under the Power plant where the girls are, And Moanica Plans to steal the Electricity and case panic, Blah blah blah, Viva la Raza, Latino Empowerment , You Can Silence a Revolutionary, ETC! Moanica flips the switch, but nothing happens
Bumping into Frankie Later, And Threatening Her, She sees her rival is still absorbing Electricity. So Moanica frees Twyla, She has a new Plan.
Twyla warns Frankie, but that will mean Clawdeen's dream will be crushed! In the end Twyla has unwittingly brought Frankie into a trap! One that turns Frankie into the power source for the Tesla Coil.
Under the Guise of a monster themed Salon, Ari (under the guise of her human form, Tash) introduces her fans to Fierce Hairstyles, and they buy into it!
Being Absorbed with all the Electricity in town, Frankie has slipped into a coma. During the power outage 2 of the 3 female monsters in the band get their instruments struck by electricity, forcing the Other Werewolf and the Mandrake girl into trashy cocktail dresses against their will!
Sorry Woolee, You just don't adhere to any sort of conventional fashion in this franchise that is SUPPOSED TO BE about Confidence and body Image!
With The Electricity down, despite the Salon being in an abandoned Power Station! The Zomboys ruin amuck scaring every human in town and causing wanton Destruction, the Girls Fall throw a trap door and find Frankie Comatosed. Znap touches Frankie's Bolts and causes all the energy to create an Army of Znaps, revive Frankie and Force Twyla,
a conservatively dressed shy wall flower....
into the most trashiest dress yet! and yes that dress is also see-through and on a 15 year old!
So Let's finish this...
The Girls and an Army of Znaps chase the Zomboys Out of town, and all but one of the Znaps Sacrifice themselves to restore the power, When Dracula finds out her gives all the zombies the same punishment...TURN ALL THE LATINOS INTO JANITORS!
And with all the customers thinking it was an act, Fierce Hairstyles is a roaring success for Human/monster Relations, Until the when the monster gimmick runs it's course and the customers become fickle and a just want a normal haircut!
THIS FILM SUCKS!
THE Philosophy is flawed, the design is Fetish Fuel and the whole thing comes off as a hour long commercial, Only this go around, the "heroes" seem to more Spiteful, almost to take pleasure in the zombies getting caught! In the Closing scene, the girls laugh as Znap zaps two Zombie taking a coffee break during their community Service, Usually that would spark a parent or mentor in any other children's film to not do that, but not this time!
Mattel will Scrap this franchise in favour of Similar But Different Franchise, Enchantimals, but that might be a Story for a another time!
CREDITS
Monster High Electrified was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media from
Monster High
Vevo
Spongebob Squarepants
Loony Toons
Power Rangers Megaforce
And music-"Holiday Clusterfuck" by Doug Walker
Monster High is Property of Mattel. Monster High Electrified is Distributed by Universal Studios.
All rights Reserved. All Media used belong to their Respective owners!
HEAVENSCAR CHAPTER 4
THE INVISIBLE COUP!
(Surrounded by Eyeless Humonoids, they lurched forward their elongated snouts twitching, smelling the sweat and perfumed fear from Eamonn, Yusef and Oracle, One of Them Pointed at Eamonn,
"lliw ruots niaga er ehsu th guorb eno sih T! MIHTEG!"
Oracle Reached into her Bag and revealed a glass bottle of perfume,
PERFECT WE ARE ABOUT TO TO BE EATEN BUT AT LEAST WE WILL SMELL NICE!
Yusef, i have a plan and it might just be CRICKET IF YOU CATCH MY MEANING!
-Old Girl, I like the way you think!
(Oracle threw her perfume at Yusef as he swung his Cattle Prod like a Cricket Bat! The Perfume smashed, confusing the scent tracking creatures!)
TO BE CONTINUED!...
NEXT MONTH
IT'S CHRISTMAS!
AND AS PROMISED LAST YEAR 2018 WILL BE A CHRIMBO FOR ALL THE BRONIES AND PEGASISTERS OUT THERE, AS I REVIEW MY LITTLE PONY THE MOVIE, 2017.
As Class President, Frankie asks Twyla to use her powers to spy on Moanica. During a slumber party, Clawdeen, (The Werewolf) Reveals her dream to open a salon for both Humans (called in-Universe "Normies") and Monsters So the girls have an idea turn the Powerplant Frankie was reborn into a Salon!
Yeah and i'm Sure people will be lining out the door to get their Mani-Pedis out of a Unsanitary, Dangerous-as-fuck Power Plant!
But Somehow, this is the plot, a bunch of naive ,Rich Millennial Monsters opening a salon, in an abandoned, but still functioning power plant. Ari, Still living the double life and maintaining the lie she is a not a Murdered Pop-star!, Uses her fame to make sure the salon gets customers-Maybe too Many Customers! 100s will turn up this weekend, much to the chagrin of Clawdeen who is struggling to make new dresses!
Twyla uncovers the Mexican Zombies stealing Digging Equipment and Explosives (OK, Mattel! It's gone beyond the joke now, You are going into some Fox News Far Right shit, Dead-ass!) During a thunderstorm to relay this info, Frankie saves Twyla from being struck by lightning, It gets charged into Frankie Bolts But Now Electrical Items Malfunction around her, though Frankie Ignores this.
As the Others set up the salon in the Power plant, Frankie's energy absorption is getting out of hand, that and her worrying about Twyla and keeping it a secret from the others, greatly defines her Spastic and skittish Nature, By the time Clawdeen has revealed the kind of Little Black Dress that would make...
(YOU ARE PROBABLY READING THIS JOKE YEARS OR EVEN DECADES LATER! SO FILL IN THE BLANKS BY THINKING OF THE FIRST SLUTTY CELEBRITY YOU CAN THIS OF!)
....Blush, Frankie has absorbed enough Energy to start glowing and break Some essential laws of Physics. When Frankie touches the slutty black dresses, Neon Decals appear from nowhere. And that is the gimmick of the toys this movie is trying to shill, Dresses that have designs that are revealed by Blacklight!
So, Using the Excess Electricity, Frankie ads Decal's to the Trashy Tween Dresses! Frankie, Now looking like a Cheap Hooker, Reveals she has some Juice Left that she can't expel properly, and when she does, it manifests into the Minion's Buttcheck from the DVD cover
This is Znap, and calling it Pikachu's Nutsack earlier was spot on, as all it can say is it's name.
Frankie, nonplussed she just created life, is worried about Twyla, Who has figured out that the tunnel leads to under the Power plant where the girls are, And Moanica Plans to steal the Electricity and case panic, Blah blah blah, Viva la Raza, Latino Empowerment , You Can Silence a Revolutionary, ETC! Moanica flips the switch, but nothing happens
Bumping into Frankie Later, And Threatening Her, She sees her rival is still absorbing Electricity. So Moanica frees Twyla, She has a new Plan.
Twyla warns Frankie, but that will mean Clawdeen's dream will be crushed! In the end Twyla has unwittingly brought Frankie into a trap! One that turns Frankie into the power source for the Tesla Coil.
Under the Guise of a monster themed Salon, Ari (under the guise of her human form, Tash) introduces her fans to Fierce Hairstyles, and they buy into it!
Being Absorbed with all the Electricity in town, Frankie has slipped into a coma. During the power outage 2 of the 3 female monsters in the band get their instruments struck by electricity, forcing the Other Werewolf and the Mandrake girl into trashy cocktail dresses against their will!
Sorry Woolee, You just don't adhere to any sort of conventional fashion in this franchise that is SUPPOSED TO BE about Confidence and body Image!
With The Electricity down, despite the Salon being in an abandoned Power Station! The Zomboys ruin amuck scaring every human in town and causing wanton Destruction, the Girls Fall throw a trap door and find Frankie Comatosed. Znap touches Frankie's Bolts and causes all the energy to create an Army of Znaps, revive Frankie and Force Twyla,
a conservatively dressed shy wall flower....
into the most trashiest dress yet! and yes that dress is also see-through and on a 15 year old!
So Let's finish this...
The Girls and an Army of Znaps chase the Zomboys Out of town, and all but one of the Znaps Sacrifice themselves to restore the power, When Dracula finds out her gives all the zombies the same punishment...TURN ALL THE LATINOS INTO JANITORS!
And with all the customers thinking it was an act, Fierce Hairstyles is a roaring success for Human/monster Relations, Until the when the monster gimmick runs it's course and the customers become fickle and a just want a normal haircut!
THIS FILM SUCKS!
THE Philosophy is flawed, the design is Fetish Fuel and the whole thing comes off as a hour long commercial, Only this go around, the "heroes" seem to more Spiteful, almost to take pleasure in the zombies getting caught! In the Closing scene, the girls laugh as Znap zaps two Zombie taking a coffee break during their community Service, Usually that would spark a parent or mentor in any other children's film to not do that, but not this time!
Mattel will Scrap this franchise in favour of Similar But Different Franchise, Enchantimals, but that might be a Story for a another time!
CREDITS
Monster High Electrified was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media from
Monster High
Vevo
Spongebob Squarepants
Loony Toons
Power Rangers Megaforce
And music-"Holiday Clusterfuck" by Doug Walker
Monster High is Property of Mattel. Monster High Electrified is Distributed by Universal Studios.
All rights Reserved. All Media used belong to their Respective owners!
HEAVENSCAR CHAPTER 4
THE INVISIBLE COUP!
(Surrounded by Eyeless Humonoids, they lurched forward their elongated snouts twitching, smelling the sweat and perfumed fear from Eamonn, Yusef and Oracle, One of Them Pointed at Eamonn,
"lliw ruots niaga er ehsu th guorb eno sih T! MIHTEG!"
Oracle Reached into her Bag and revealed a glass bottle of perfume,
PERFECT WE ARE ABOUT TO TO BE EATEN BUT AT LEAST WE WILL SMELL NICE!
Yusef, i have a plan and it might just be CRICKET IF YOU CATCH MY MEANING!
-Old Girl, I like the way you think!
(Oracle threw her perfume at Yusef as he swung his Cattle Prod like a Cricket Bat! The Perfume smashed, confusing the scent tracking creatures!)
TO BE CONTINUED!...
NEXT MONTH
IT'S CHRISTMAS!
AND AS PROMISED LAST YEAR 2018 WILL BE A CHRIMBO FOR ALL THE BRONIES AND PEGASISTERS OUT THERE, AS I REVIEW MY LITTLE PONY THE MOVIE, 2017.
