(Deep breath)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
With an intro like that the same from 2012 that we got from 2011.
Welcome to the 4th year of Pathofenlightment.blogspot.com, the sister site of BBO. And here to celebrate the fact that I'm four years strong, here is the band, Four year strong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MH1UaPIEgA
This time last year, a request to do this film's prequel set the wheels to current events since May. re: the Devil trying to claim my soul. So either i end this or it ends me.
So with this being a special 2 disc edition, Disc 1 has the entire film and disc 2 has all the the extras. As always this is a review of the film ONLY!
So lets have a little recap from the first film since we don't get one from our narrator, Sarah Jessica "Horse-face" Parker. Carrie's tunnel vision to get married, as well as miranda's bitterness at being cheated on, causes Big to miss the wedding. Sam spends the first film being a slut, and Charlotte shits her pants. That's everything, bar the formatic ending ,of merit in the first film.
So the film starts as Horse-face Narrates the film as a fairy-tale. We flashback as she introduces herself and her cohorts dressed in 80's fashion. Crowning moment of funny? Kim Cattral in 80's fashion looking she was dragged through Lily Savage's costume department. Backwards.
So the bait and switch that Sam is getting married, (Despite being married in the first film). Is in fact Sam's gay sidekick marrying Char's gay sidekick.
HOORAY for tying up loose ends for minor charectors!
So the gay wedding is exactly what any hot blooded man expected. Choir boys in white tux singing show-tunes. a Wizard of Oz reception and a suggestive sausage serving technique that would make Nanny Ogg blush! So when one of the "grooms" boasts that since his "groom" can have the wedding he wants, he can cheat!
this sends the girls on a debate about the openness of marraige.
So when Sam asks if the wedding can get any gayer, The Justice of The Peace, is known other than musical superstar and Gay Icon, Liza Minelli! And with 2 gays married, Liza performs All The Single Ladies in her own style!
During the reception, plot lines are planted. Charlotte is having trouble with her kids, Miranda has a new boss that hates her,Carrie tells Big she doesn't want kids. AND SOMEHOW BEYOND COMPREHENSION SAM MANAGES TO GET LAID AT A GAY WEDDING!
Half of me is saying "That's not possible!", the other half is saying "impressive!"
Being kept awake by Sam the Slut and Charlotte's colicky baby, Carrie discovers Big's love of B+W Film. At breakfast we are introduced to char's nanny a bra-less Irish stereotype, whos figure makes sam jealous and addicted to hormone replacement drugs. seeing her husband and countless straight guests staring at the braless woman with the giant chest doing cartwheels. (as you do!) Make's Charlotte jealous.
look's like the sub-plot is going to be centred on Charlotte. All Kirsten Davis did was run, poop herself and scream "oh my god!" at random intervals.
Miranda quits her job, Charlotte makes the mistake of wearing a couture dress doing child's finger painting. And Sam is asked to Dubai by a movie star she freaked.And she invites her friends.
Well, we now know HOW the sluts get to the Middle East.
Maybe they can get stoned to death in a marketplace!
So Carrie and big have an agrument about not settling down. So Carrie goes to her old apartment, which according to the timeline of this film, is 2 years after she moved in with big. So if had an abandoned apartment for 2 years, don't be surprised if a hobo is living in your still stocked walk-in closet!
The 4 MILF-A-Teers arrive in dudai and Sam's hormones are confiscated. when they arrive at the hotel, the concierge is played by Omid Dwadji who reveals that the hotel is hosting the Rugby Qualifiers.
Why do i get the sick feeling that Sam is going to be the Slutty Ball in a Naked Scrum?
So the Girls go to the Souk Marketplace, Where the butler warns them of black market traders that will may try to kidnap the girls
FORESHADOWING!
At the market,Carrie's former boyfriend, Aiden appears and invites carrie to dinner that night. this distracts horse-face to the point she drops her passport.
While sunbathing Sam is upset than seeing the rugby players in speedos doesn't turn her on.But later on when she meets a 40-something Danish explorer, she falls for him, refering to him as "Lawrence of My Labia!"
Subtle. So we can conclude that Sam is only attracted to men her age. Thank goodness.
So after some ear sodomising karoake, And after Carrie gets a bad review from a magazine. Spurring carrie to take the dinner date with her ex, kissing him. Charlotte opens up to 'Randa about her parenting problems. Sam risks getting arrested for not covering up. Carrie phones up to confess about kissing Aiden and nothing else. Big speaks for all men by asking "AND?"
Sam is arrested so miranda bails her out. With film business deal off, the girls pack to leave. But Carrie had her passport lost. she finds it at the stall she met Aidan, but charlotte gets kipnapped by black market traders!
FORESHADOWING HAS ARRIVED!
Sam causes more outrage, but the girls are saved by a feminist movement and are escorted to out of Dubai.
And so the film ends with...You know what? WHO CARES? You Just want to know if this Film Sucks!
YES! THIS FILM SUCKS! A THOUSAND TIMES YES! AND A THOUSAND TIMES MORE THAN THE FIRST FILM!
Barely no reference to the first film is made and the pacing was a disjointed as a programing bloc of the show with key episodes missing.And the charectors! If you thought Horse-Face was self-centred before, then hearing her narrate this film as a materialistic fairy tale is the fucking limit! Carrie's direction to be social gladfly after marriage, Sam's continued, and baffling, offence to Islam and charlotte's jealousy towards a minor charector are all selfish acts. Support by the always reliable Dwadji and Nixon is wasted, and cameos by Liza Minelli and Miley Cryus. wastes their talents further. In short this film is just Disgraceful!
(Once again the lights turn red as an air-raid siren blares out.The floor opens and swallows Eamonn whole.
the last thing anyone hears as he is flung into the Abyss.
CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME?
TO BE CONTINUED......?
CREDITS
Review written, edited and compiled by Eamonn Bermingham.
With music by 4 YEAR STRONG
Sex and the city is property of UNIVERSAL
And music is supplied by vevo.
all links belong to there respected owners.
Follow me on youtube, or request a review, at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment
Friday, February 10, 2012
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