Halloween special Dragonball Evolution

(EAMONN'S REVIEW IN BLACK)
(JOE-JACK'S LINE IN BLUE)
(80'S LAD LINE IN ORANGE)
(?????? LINE IN RED)

....THE STORY SO FAR.....
FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW, SOMEONE HAS BEING TRYING TO KILL OUR HEROES AND CLAIM EAMONN'S POWERS. BEING SAVED BY AN OUIJA BOARD MARKER, EAMONN NOW FINDS HIMSELF HOLED UP IN JOE-JACKS HOUSE IN BUTT-CRAIC, WEST OV IRELAND.

Do you have the board?
Ya, but oi wantz t'remin'ya dat dis iz a bad idea. Fer da last 2 years my house haz being attacked be Zombies?
DUDE! Didn't your moonshine turn those people into zombies?
GET OV MY LAND! *GUNSHOT*

FINE LETS GET THIS DONE!
(Placing the marker on the board, its speeds by its own power and intention spelling out a message.
IN 7 MONTHS THE TRAIN WILL ARRIVE. ONLY ONE TICKET WILL BE GIVEN!
(And with that the marker vanishes in a blinding flash of light.)

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

If you were here last month, you'll remember me talking about Avatar fanboys that went crazy after TLAB.
Well this month we have a bigger disapointment of a film.

Dragonball.
we didnt have it in ireland, as it was deemed to violent for a cartoon.And it would come to no suprise that film will not trigger nostalgia at all.

However. the film clips have being spliced online with old TGWTG members review but never properly reviewed by them so submitted for your viewing curiousity, here is a proper review of Dragonball: Evolution.

We are told that Picollo, an evil demon was defeated by warriors and placed into an urn in the centre of Earth, while his cohort, Ozaru disapearred.

Goku, who is no longer a muscular badass with a monkey tail, is now a teenager with The Gulf of Mexico worth of oil in his hair in modern day america. After sparing with his granfather he is given a dragonball for his birthday.
Meanwhile in china a hot chick in a catsuit steals a second dragonball for her master, Picollo (James "spike" Marsters) who escaped from his prison off-screen and because the plot says so!

After Grandad tells goku that collecting the 7 dragonballs will give that person a wish, Goku leaves for chi-chi's party, beating up the least threathening bullies ever.

So Grandad dies fighting off Picollo who tells goku to seek a Master Roshi. Going through his stuff he finds a gi, when suddenly he is attacked by Bulma (Emmy Rossum). Bulma has a dragonball and is doing research into turning it into a renewable energy source.Joining forces, they head to Pahzuuu to find roshi. sensing a dragonball, they break into a house where goku is attacked by an old man with lumbago, who promptly kicks the World's Mightiest Heroes ass! This is Master Roshi(played hammingly by Chow Yun Fat)

Meanwhile piccolo dries up a lake to retrieve a 4th dragonball.

Our heroes arrive at the stone temple. where Chi-chi and other fighters a training for a tournament. the 3 get caught in a pit trap by a bandit named Yanthau. Roshi gives us a story recap, then bribes yanthau, who just so happens to have excatvation gear with him, find the 5th dragonball in a lava plume, but piccollo dispatches xenomorphs made from his own blood to seize it.But when they grab it, Catsuit Girl is on the attack. Goku has a vision of his friends dying.

Roshi tells Goku to go Tai-sa, seeking a container to seal piccollo in, while Catsuit girl steals Chi-chi's DNA.

Roshi teaches goku the trademark kamehameha, but since goku is not a badass, he fails miserably, until chi-chi gives him the power of love speech and he succeeds. meanwhile Chi-clone steals the dragonballs and kills Goku, until roshi brings him back.

It's the final battle,Piccollo has all 7 balls, summoning the dragon temple, but a collision makes our heroes lose the Rice Cooker, and piccolo a dragonball.

In a twist, goku is actually picollo's servent,ozaru, and one by one kills his male friends, but Roshi uses his last bit of strength to turn Ozaru into goku. And yanthau had a disney death, and kills catsuil girl.

So lets wrap this up.
Goku kills Piccollo, Goku wishes roshi's life back, the dragonballs are scattered once again. And Goku and Chi-chi have a play fight that ends in a freeze-frame.

THIS FILM SUCKS!
But wait...i'm sorry theres more as a woman tends to a wounded Picollo.

Okay, is that it? No more false finishes? Are we good? Right, where were we? oh yes.....
THIS FILM SUCKS!
The story is confusing, the charectors are one dimensional,The twist would have being shocking if we cared. Goku is an idiot, Marthesters' Piccolo spends his screen time snarling at the camera. The only good thing about this film are the performances by Chow yun fat and Emmy Rossum. and for the latter,this film is better for her career than singing with a tone deaf Gerard Butler!