St Patrick's Day Special: Eamonn Reviews on Cailen Cuann (The Quiet Girl)

 The Following Film is Rated 12

(PRONUNCIATION GUIDE FOR INTERNATIONAL READERS

Cait- "Kite", Short For Caitrina, which is not the Irish derivative of Katrina. The Former, Emphasis is in the I, "KAI-trina" while the more Well known name is Emphasized on the T, "KAT-Trina"

Eibhlin- Eileen

Sean- Shawn. You'd be Surprised how many Zoomers never heard of Sean Connery!

Caseighdeigh- Mr Cassidy

Gearoid -GAH-Road, the Irish for Garry)

Now you're probably thinking that of all the Irish films snubbed out of Well Deserved Oscars, you'd think I would go with Banshees of Enisheran!

Well, hate to break to you but reviewing 18 rated films on both of my sites may be a thing of the past. Next month I will test the waters by reviewing Crimes Of the Future, so maybe a film with that amount of violence may not be the first choice!

Also, like last year, I want to use March to put a View to the World on Irish Film and Culture in a good light and a Film that Glorifies us as Drunken Grudge-Keepers with an unhealthy obsession with Goats, will only Strengthen the Paddy Potato Stereotype, not Abolish It!

 

Not much to say on the cover so let's just Dig in to An Caileen Cuain,  Internationally known as the Quiet Girl. 

(This film is spoken mostly in Irish, with English subtitles throughout!)

We open on a Field of Tall Grass on a Cold Winter's morning, as Girls' voices call out for a Girl named Cait. When they leave, a small figure dressed in a Dirty white dress and sandals too big for her stumbles back to into the hell-hole she escaped from, passing a crying baby to go to her room, a blank room that has no toys or any indication a child lives here! When he hears her mother she hides under the bed, but the two bare legs in Slippers knows she's here, because of the muck on her shoes.

So as said, the film is not completely in Irish. Cait's (Catherine Clinch) Father can't speak it and so Cait's sisters has to tell him in English Mam didn't make Lunches for school. Dad is just as Useless as he's just woken from a Hangover.

What was that I said about Irish Films breaking Stereotypes?

Of course this means Cait Struggles in School, steals food to feed herself and is bullied when she is caught. In her anger she skips school, until her father picks her up by chance...only to be joined by the woman he's having an affair with. She's worried that with a Baby and another on the way, Dan will be too busy to fool around with her and still Pretend to be Father of the year!

When Mam gets a letter, (No doubt from either the school or social services) we flash forward to before Cait leaves her house to be Fostered by Relatives in Waterford (a decision solely made because Da is betting on them to win the Football, and took it as a Sign!) 

....they lose and Dan had no nice words to say thanks to this undertaking he took as a Superstitious want to make both money and Solve a Problem.

 

Cait Wakes to see Dad drive to an impressive Stately home, one that was seemingly a BnB. As Dad talks to a farmer, the Aunt Cait will be living With this summer, Eibhlin Kinsella, comes to the car to greet her.

Bringing her inside, Eibhlin Asks her how she is. Cait tells her some Sad things- Namely how she had Jelly for the first time solely because Mam won £10 pounds, and her Farm hasn't bought in Its Hay yet.

Dan and Eibhlin's Husband, Sean (The farmer he was talking to) enter the kitchen for supper. Dan being the Scumbag he is, Thinks he's fobbing off his most worthless child as a Scullery Maid to get some use out of her, Something Sean gets angry about that Dan would think that!  

Excusing herself, Cait explores the Huge Home that is just that- a home, not a Hotel at all, it's far too big for A Couple to live here alone. Eibhlin gives Dan a Bushel of Rhubarb to drop a hint for him to leave, only after he Drops a hint he wants to be paid in part!

So Dad leaves with a Bushel of Rhubarb and his Daughter's Suitcase, Cait had the First Proper Bath in a long time, she's given boy's clothes, despite Eibhlin telling her no child lives here (FORESHADOWING!), She asks Cait to go to the well for water for her, and Cait gets worried, as making her leave the room is a Tactic  Her parents use to think up a punishment for her when she does something wrong! Eibhlin comforts her telling her "There are no Secrets in this House, if there are Secrets, there is also shame!" 

 

Eibhlin brings Cait to the well in the forest around the House, the well is full, despite it hasn't rained for months.

Night falls and Cait is given Pajamas to wear for bed. Sean seems as Distant as Dan was. Eibhlin asks Cait about her Mother and why her farm had not bought in the Hay yet. Cait tells her her mother had not paid "The Man" to get it done. When The Aunt asks if Mary would be Offended if She sent money, Cait Answers Dad would. Eibhlin wishes her Niece a Good Night and Cait leaves the Bed to use a Chamberpot provided, only she refuses to do so as she feels she should be a Grown up about it all and gives back to bed. Outside the room Eibhlin prays to God to have mercy on her- "If She was Mine, I wouldn't Have Her Live With Strangers!" 

The Next Day, Eibhlin sees that Cait Wetted the Bed, But jokes about it. At Breakfast, she asks Sean if he can show Cait around the Farm, only for him to Shut that down, saying today's work is going to be tough, leaving the Women to do Housework, Cait is soon Given Chores, but Solely because at home she was treated like an Idiot. While Paring Apples, Eibhlin gets a Phonecall, that we, the audience is not privy to, but as Hushed as the tones are,  Eibhlin's voice is Distressed about something! All the while in the montage Her Aunt is Brushing Cait's hair and Counting to 100. In the end of the Count, Eibhlin sees that one morning Cait is not Having any Accidents anymore! 

One night, all the men from the Village are at Eibhlin's house to play cards, when a man selling Raffle tickets for a new School Roof comes to the door. One of the Guests, Caseighdeigh Losing his money, complains that we should only care about Children that are our own ...which brings down the mood!

The next day Eibhlin gets a Phonecall from a woman called Sinead, who is looking after her dying father, Gearoid. The idea of A Child looking after a Parent Confuses her.

Sean is a Dairy Farmer, He sweeps out a Milking Station, While Cait wanders around bored , when Sean looks up and Not see her, He Panics. He finds her in a Shed finding a brush to help, But for spoiler reasons, Sean Shouts at her for being so stupid, Triggering one of her Bouts of Silence. The next morning Sean leaves Cait a single Biscuit as a peace offering. Now she knows where the extra brushes are, She can be more proactive in sweeping the Floors!

Sean and Cait feed a Calf with Formula as Sean sell the milk as Produce. Sean forgot to collect letters from the postbox at the bottom of the lane, So Cait Runs to get it, All the While smiling-Never once has she Ran without a Sad Reason to.

Eibhlin has returned and she and Cait are making Jam, Until Sean points out tomorrow is Sunday and everyone will be Talking when they see Boys clothes on her, so he wants them to go it Town before people start Talking. This upsets Eibhlin and Sean Snaps at Cait to wash up "DIDN'T YOUR FATHER TEACH YOU THAT MUCH?" Clearly seeing these clothes have upset Sean.

In Town the Woman in the clothes Shop calls Eibhlin "Your Mammy" with new outfits, Eibhlin meets a friend who has a newborn baby, All those who know Eibhlin and Sean are under the impression Cait is Put to Work with one one saying having a Child around is "The Wrong Person to have, After what happened to you!" 

Driving to check on the Extended Kinsella Family, Sinead tells Sean that Gearoid is dead. This leads to Cait to being bought to her first ever wake. While Eibhlin is Comforting Sinead, Sean Sneaks some Brandy for the Child... hoping it's Horrible taste will deter her later in life!

#PARENTING!

Cait is Getting Sleepy So A Neighbour offers to Bring to her Home-as Par the Course in Irish life-The Neighbour Starts Pumping the Child for Information and Planting Rumours into An Innocent Child, Claiming Sean is a miser, Eibhlin a Drunk, So Of Course this B**ch has no problem telling her Sean and Eibhlin had a Son who Died!

Una Explains Their Son Chased A Dog into a Slurry Pit and he Drowned. Sean Went to Shoot the Dog, but couldn't bring himself to do it! The Shock Turned Eibhlin's Hair White and she has being Dying it to save face in public ever since! 

Sean Collects Cait From Una's Home, a Home very similar to how it is at Cait's Farm back home, The Reason that Una has Decided to spill the beans to a Poor defenceless child? Was because the Food at the Wake was not up to her high standards! With Sean inviting himself in just to hear Una's tirade of cheap Plastic Rosaries and Attempted Trifle, Ignoring the fact that despite elderly and sick, Gearoid's death was Sudden. In the car, Sean asks Cait what Una said to her and it Causes Eibhlin to cry when Cait Repeats Everything Verbatim.

Returning home, a Saddened Eibhlin Retires for the night, So they look up at the Stars outside. Sean tells A Story about a Friend who once found a Horse out to sea, what Sean is trying to say is, that strange things happen, like Una taking joy in shooting her mouth off. Eibhlin wants to see the good in everyone...even when it doesn't exist. Sean's Advice is to say Nothing that can be used by the Gossips and Malcontents of the world.

After a Montage of Cait Bonding with Sean, Focusing on the Child Growing Physically Stronger and Smarter to contrast with Eibhlin connecting on a Spiritual level, Eibhlin gets a letter a week before the Summer holidays end, Mary has giving birth to a Brother, and school starts in a week. Cait is to be sent home. Naturally the Girl is Upset by the news.

The Next Morning Sean needs Eibhlin's Help to Birth a Calf. Leaving Cait Behind, before Eibhlin Can fetch water. Not Learning from last time, Cait Fetches the Water as a Good deed, But she falls in, Catching a cold the next morning.

The Next morning the Kinsellas Drive to Cait's home. Nothing has changed except the are now two Crying Babies instead of one. And Dan is still an Asshole when he hears Cait Sneeze and Sean covers he was in the bed all day yesterday, with Dan Saying " Children, Huh? You Just Can't Mind Them! You'd Know All About That Wouldn't Ya?"

As Sean's car Pulls out, Cait Tries to Chase after them and would have failed if not For Sean Closes the Gate behind him. Cait Finds Sean and Hugs him as Dan Walks Angrily down the lane, the last thing we hear is Cait repeating the Word "Daddy!" Is out of love for Sean? Fear of Dan? Or both? We may never know as the Screen Fades to Black.

A MASTERPIECE!

A Film with Minimal Speech and Lots of Body Language used to Convey the Story, Usually don't work well, But to Quote the Irish Proverb "A Wiseman knows when to speak, A Fool can be heard for miles" This Film Avails on the Wisdom of Silence: Contemplations of what to say next, Fast talking people like Dan and Una, Who talk and talk and never say anything of Merit!, are dealt with a Tactful Eibhlin with one word or An One-Liner. The Choice to make this film's Time era into the late 20th Century was a Good Choice: to show the Ireland that still only exists in small villages: Where Everyone knows Everyone, Including their Secrets or least what they heard from someone else!

 The Cinematography is Top-Notch, showing A Rural Ireland that is As Harsh as it is Beautiful: Frost Covered Tall grass, Run Down Houses, Pot-hole laden Roads, But also Impressive Stately houses, A Town that reminds us of the Halcyon days of Long summers And ancient forests holding mythic wells. Speaking of mythic, there is something almost Ethereal about Catherine Clinch's Performance as Cait, Making her Debut is this film, and she is Supported by a strong cast who don't spring the twist too early, despite all the foreshadowing.

People are Divided by Colm Bearoid's Decision to end the film on a Cliff-hanger. Personally I like it, letting you draw your conclusions, because I don't see This film As the kind of film you can make a sequel for! In the End, this film may not have won the Oscar, But All it's other awards and Accolades are well deserved.

CREDITS

An Cailen Cuann, Internationally called The Quiet Girl was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)

With Photos from The Quiet Girl, Which was Produced By Curzon and Financed by the Irish Film Board.

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

I said it in the review...I Just know I'm Gonna get A Content Warning, But Regardless, NEXT MONTH WE ARE ON THE CASE WITH DAVID CRONENBURG'S CRIMES OF THE FUTURE. 

 

Eamonn Reviews Blue Beetle

 The following Film is Rated 12.

"I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE, SOMEBODY'S WAAAAATCHING MEEEEE, I HAVE NO PRIVACY!"

We Continue in the DC universe with one of DC's Secondary Tier but Just as Popular Heroes. Specifically the Third Blue Beetle Jaime Reyes! You see despite DC having its New 52 reboot that was supposed to clean the slate and restart the Universe with all stories happening all at once, no more editorial Changes, No more Infinite Earths. The DC universe was no longer going to be Confusing for new fans.

Hahahaha!

So of course they forgot that characters are not the first version of Characters. Namely they forgot Barry Allen was the Second flash and made Jay Garrick the Earth 2 flash, going back on what they set out to do. 

And to our hero of this film, whose predecessors are treated like footnotes.

We start our Adventure in Some kind of Tundra. In a Yurt, A Buff Tattooed Man is looking at a Pocket watch in the Glow of a Fire, when he hears the Sound of Helicopter Blades.

When out comes of a Purple Disco stick Helicopter is our Villain Susan Sarandon, playing a Gender bent Jarvis Kord of Kord Industries. She's rude to a Hispanic Worker (FORESHADOWING!) and meets the Buff Man she calls Calapax as they head towards a Perfectly Round Meteorite. Kord is certain "The Scarab is inside!" 

After an opening montage that blurs through 6 decades of Mythos. The Scarab,  found by Dan Garrett, the first Blue Beetle, until his passing results in it coming into the possession of Ted Kord, who used the Scarab as both a tool for Crimefighting and it's technologies to become an industrialist, to his "Disappearance" WINK, WINK! Leading to Jarvis, now Victoria Kord in Charge of Kord Industries. And every time the Blue Beetle Passes, the Scarab Disappears.

Until Now!

Cut to Palmera City, Florida and Graduate Student Jaime Reyes ( Xolo Marioduena) Returns home, However his Family are Hiding Bad News from him. A Giant Humvee goes to meet them and it's Driven by George Lopez, because every Film with Hispanic actors has to have him! But George is very Jumpy about being out in public.

"Cameras Esse! Facial Recognition, Holmes!"

"The Last thing I want is all the Comedians I stole Jokes from to recognise me, that's why I'm wearing a fake goatee, Holmes!"

At a Restaurant, the Truth comes out, The Reyes are Losing their home, the Autoshop is out of business with Rudi (Lopez) blaming Kord for making Petrol obsolete and Papa had a Heart Attack. But they didn't want Their son to Fail because of Worry!

So instead you are guilt tripping him to be the sole breadwinner. Good job, assholes!

Actually, I'm wrong because his family's poverty was always his motivation. That night he and his sister (Becky G) are on the roof look towards the Encroaching Kord Tower, His sister Laughs that how Naive Jaime is: thinking a Degree will be enough when he's Hispanic.

We Cut to Jaime Standing in a White suit in a plush House with a Big Swimmin....Yeah OF COURSE HE'S A MEXICAN CLEANING WHITE R*CISTS SWIMMING POOLS!

Said White R*cist Naturally is Victoria Kord, who is visited by Ted's Daughter Jennifer who wants to why her father's Crime Fighting Technology is being used for Private Military use in Creating what is called O.M.A.C. (Named after a Silver age DC Hero!)

Jennifer Accuse her Aunt of Manufacturing weapons, which is Something "we Didn't Agree on"! But Victoria points out there is no "We", there is only herself and some Brat still on the Payroll doing Charity solely for PR after her Father left her AND DEFINITELY NOT HELD ON MY PRIVATE ISLAND, I'M NOT GIVING AWAY PLOT EARLY, YOU ARE!

Jaime intervenes in the Argument and Victoria fires him and his Sister. And while Jennifer is not impressed with Jaime's Chivalry, she is responsible for his firing, so Jennifer give him a Job interview tomorrow.

That Night Jaime is contemplating the job interview when he hears music in the garden and sees his father Drinking despite his heart attack. Jaime tells his father, he feels like a Failure for not finding opportunities. But his father let's him know everyone has a Purpose-Even Jaime Reyes from the Barrio in the Keyes.

It's the day of the Interview and the entire Reyes Family are here to Cheer on/Embarrass Jaime.

After Going through the "Jamie Reeves"  bit from the comics, Jenny does some Corporate Espionage. Exclaiming "She Found It!" Seeing and Grabbing the Scarab Which Jenny hides in a Chicken Shop Box. Seeing Jennifer, Jaime Chases after her to  get proof that he has an appointment, while Victoria's Hispanic Punchbag calls for a Security lockdown. Jaime catches up to Jenny, so she panics and hands Jaime the box, Telling him, not open it! The Fate of the world depends on no Mortal hands touching the contents of this Chicken Box! 

So Anyway Jaime opens the box, because his family chants at him! They proceed to play keep away with the Scarab until Jaime catches it and it springs to life, Facehugging his head and causing Xolo to flail about like he's auditioning to be Stanley Ipkiss in the Mask remake!

After  the Scarab Dreamcatcher's Jaime's Butt, And burns him from the inside out to form the Armour, the Blue Beetle is Reborn. With an AI Only Jaime can hear!

"INITIALIZING IRON MAN RIP-OFF SEQUENCE!"

-Wait, What?

"BEGINNING INVOLUNTARY FLIGHT MONTAGE!"

-I don't think...

"CHANGING TROUSER COLOUR TO BROWN!" 

So Jaime Destroys the house he was trying to save -WHOOPS!

One Flight Montage that has N*zi Rat Lawyers Throwing Furniture Around, he makes it to a City centre as a bus was to run him over, until the Scarab makes a force field that rips the Bus in half as it Continues to drive through The Blue Beetle. 

THINK JAIME, THINK!

All the while 3 Randos, 2 Hispanic and the First Black actor seen in the film all think it's all an effect of an Edible!

Back in what's left of the Reyes' house, Abuella lights a candle of a Shrine to Jaime, while Mama's phonecall to the police is treated as a crank call. Jaime crashes home, the Suit reactivates, leaving Jaime naked as he flops unconscious.

He wakes with the Family Naturally Performing A Seance on him. He redresses, noticing the Scarab firmly Attached to his Spinal cord. Rudi tells him not to contact Kord or the Police, as the Gringos would arrest Jaime and Cover up the Destruction as A Bunch of Mexicans who burned their house as an insurance scam. Distracted by Them Singing TV Themes from out of nowhere, Jaime Steals Rudi's Humvee.

Driving to Kord Industries, Jaime Conveniently Finds Jenny in Distress. And soon the car is shoot up by mercenaries. They Drive Back to Jaime's Home, while in the back George Lopez is screaming like Kanye West Hit him with a baseball bat again!

So Jenny kind of Glazes over what the Scarab is, by saying "oh, It's just a planet Destroying Weapon that belonged to my dad!" She says there should be key Documents at Kord Industries, Sadly tonight is The Big Product reveal party, never mind security at high alert after the theft. Luckily, Rudi is Somewhat of An Inventor Himself, as he's being Working on Something!

At the Kord Party, Ignacio Calapax is Shown to be the Test Subject from the Prototype O.M.A.C already Grafted to the back of his Head. He tells Kord that he will personally get to the Scarab back. Kord tells him he better, it's the Key to get O.M.A.C fully functional. It seems Victoria and Ignacio have some indebted servitude/Forbidden love Dynamic, given how she practically almost introduced him to a party guest as "One of the Good Ones!"

Rudi had invented a Signal Jammer called "El Chapo", Strong Enough to override the security feed with with Cartoons. The Key Jenny was seeking was a Fitbit! So what ever it does, it would be nice, if she gave it to Jaime, not runaway when Calapax attacked!

Despite O.M.A.C being a Cruder Technology compared to the Scarab, at least Ignacio has Autonomy over it. The Scarab Practically takes over Jaime's actions as almost has Him backseat his own body nearly committing Murder. A mercy that nearly costs the blue Beetle Until Rudi runs O.M.A.C over.

The Trio of Jaime, Jenny and Rudi, make it to Jenny's Childhood home. Where the Fitbit opens a Secret Door to a bat...er, Beetle Cave. Rudi can't believe it, Ted Kord was the blue Beetle, An old school Superhero. It helps that Jaime's and  Ted's Costumes are so Different that no one could join the dots.

Jenny Exposists what everyone knows. That, Ted Could not Bond with the Scarab after Dan Garrett died. So he carried on the only way an inventor could, by using Technology from the Scarab to invent Superhero gear, (and make money in his Civilian life too!) If there is a way to Separate Kadj-E-Gar from Jaime (Jaime learned it's name from it's Now Symbiotic Link with him) It'll be on file.

So finally they info dump 6 decades of Continuity into the Bad news that the Scarab will only come off via the death of the current host.

Jaime is upset that he's practically given A death Sentence, Just for Wanting to improve his lot in life, But Rudi doesn't see it that way, he sees the Scarab as a Gift from the Universe, A Sign that Someone Cares about the underdog. Jenny Runs Up to Balcony they were standing in as she points to the sky, One of Kord's Gaudy Purple Nightlight helicopters is flying towards the Edge Keyes Barrio. Jaime tries to Fly but The Scarab decides now is time to let Jaime figure out how to activate the powers!

Jaime works out that the Scarab attached to his Back forever, won't let it Him Die, So when he Jumps off the Balcony, the suit Flies towards the House as the Reyes is Surrounded by the Mercs Kord has in her employ.

As you'd expect from a one Dimensional Rac*st with A Bankroll, Victoria has no qualms using Jaime's Family as Target Practice, to test his capabilities. While Calapax Charges A Rail Cannon made of Scarab Technology. Billie and Papa are Captured but are saved....until Papa has a Heart Attack and dies! Distracted, Jaime doesn't see the Claw and Chain shot by Calapax, which electrocutes him and Disarms the Armour. The House burns down as Calapax Drags Jaime like a Wounded Gazelle, All the While The Latino Punchbag "Sanchez" grows a Conscience!

The Reyes reluctantly Trusts Jenny to get Jaime Back but only she knows where he's held: that Private Island THAT DEFINITELY WAS NOT A PLOT POINT! So the Reyes are flying in a Blue Beetle shaped Helicopter, they find weapons in their quest of side characters saving a superhero to diminish his creditability, but wonder how to use them.

It Would be R*cist if Now they Revealed that, I don't know, Nana was a Cuban Revolutionary or something Stupid like tha-

(FILM REVEALS EXACTLY THAT WORD FOR WORD!)

Jaime regains Consciousness, but is upside down in some king of disc, Jaime asks "Sanchez" to free him, but Victoria arrives. Her plan, extract The Scarab's coding into O.M.A.C, which will kill Jaime.

So after the Side Characters do a Big Dahm heroes including the Helibug having a Fart attack, Jenny sees that Jaime is being Tortured while his life force is being drained to power Hundreds, if not Thousands of O.M.A.Cs. This Causes Jaime to have a out of body experience, the Ghost if his father telling him it's not his time yet! This Causes Jaime and Kadj-E-Gar, Both non the brink of Death to merge as one, just as Calabas Loses Himself to O.M.A.C. But Sanchez frees Jaime telling his boss his Name is Jose Dela Cruz!, Only for O.M.A.C to kill Jose. Jaime runs into Nana with a Rail Gun mowing down security, as at the same time, Jenny's grenade backfires and causes her to be captured by her Aunt. He runs back despite the Unpowered armour being just that, armour. Until a Motivational speech from Mama makes the Blue Beetle Go Diesel, even Kadj-E-Gar can now can Habla Espanol. 

Blue Beetle rescues Rubi and Billie from some Grunts until O.M.A.C. Charges at them. While having a midair dog fight, O.M.A.C matches Blue beetle move for move and weapon for Weapon, Worst still being O.M.A.C is attached to the mind of a Veteran Soldier. But Jaime has an Advantage

He gets some hits in, but O.M.A.C Just whales on Blue Beetle. O.M.A.C taking a potshot at Rudi causes Blue Beetle to go Super Saiyin with a Kamehameha!

In Kord's Gaudy Helicopter, Victoria Brags about Winning, that's when Jenny... blows some Bubblegum her father made... which becomes an all expanding anti Inertia Barrier which causes the Kord's to crash from a helicopter without Major Injury!

Jaime goes berserk on O.M.A.C, but Kadj-E-Gar stops him. The Scarab shows Jaime Memories Extrapolated from Calapax' mind from the data Transfer, Showing his mother killed by a Bomb and his kidnapping and Brainwashing, and Bionic Enhancements into a Child Soldier program lead personally by Victoria Kord. The only thing He has left is the pocket watch with the picture of his mother, So Jaime spares him. Meanwhile Rudi is not Stealing jokes from angels, he's alive, dangling from the ropes by the Helibug! The Kords miraculously dropped 10 feet from the battle, Jenny smashing the data underfoot. Ignacio grabs Kord as Kadj warns that O.M.A.C's Core Generator is being overloaded to Critical. Jaime and Jenny escape while Ignacio drags Kord to the fire the Battle caused as Ignacio sees the ghost of his mother before both villains are engulfed in more flames! 

And so Rudi flies in the Helibug as Billie pulls up Jenny who in turn pulls up Jaime.

Jump forward a few days, and the World learns of Victoria Kord's Evil term of leadership at Kord Industries, via a press release by Jenny. Returning from Papa's Funeral, The Reyes look at the destruction of their home, They wonder what they can do, that's when the whole community rallies to help, With Kord Industries Bankrolling the Repairs. Jenny and Jaime kiss and they Superman Romance Fly into the air as a title drip starts the credit roll but there is a Stinger, a Message in the Beetle-Cave, Ted Kord is alive!

This film is 3 stars and nothing more!

Giving this film more attention than it warrants would make people think it's better it worse than it actually is.

First Xolo Marioduena is giving his first starring role the college try, the sweet moments and Humble beginnings with Jaime and his family is what you expect from A film about Blue Beetle #3. And the Special effects are incredible. 

But DC have a strange way of making plots for their heroes. It seems they write their movies as if Sequels are a sure thing and will only put a major threat in that movie.

Don't believe me?

Green lantern shows Sinestro experimenting with Yellow Energy, but Instead the villain was a Little Person with a Big Forehead!

Justice League: we were Promised Darkseid, Despite my Opinion he is overused in DC Media, but instead we got Steppenwolf, which was redesigned into a werewolf because If non DC-fans find out he's just a guy with the power of Driver's license, they wouldn't show up. 

Why, even last month's review, they wasted a good plot just to end Warworld by telling us there is a sequel!

And now-  We Don't get the Reach, we get Jarvis genderbent, played by once a star, Susan Sarandon playing a one note, Generic, Rich White Rac*st! THIS IS EMBARRASSING! Coming off the momentum of Justice League. But instead we have a film that doesn't know what it wants to be, when they Try for Social Commentary, it comes off as Offending everyone, when they try for Comedy it comes off as Cringe! The sequence where our hero had to be saved by Civilians, only weakens Jaime, O.M.A.C Is a Strong Foil, but there is a problem, if there was a Sequel involving the Reach, how do you implement Black Beetle, a character who looks, sounds and had the M.O. of The Villain we had in the previous film? 

Answer:YOU CANT!

 You either go through the motions or you drastically change the main iconic Villain of that hero!

Fans who waited so long to see Blue Beetle get the Silver screen treatment, I'm sorry but this should have been a TV show, with a big budget! Not a movie! That's my Opinion!

CREDITS

Blue Beetle was Reviewed Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham

With Media From:

Blue Beetle

DC COMICS

Wonder Showzen

Loony Tunes

Spongebob Squarepants

WWF RAW IS WAR

All Media Used Belong to their Respective Owners.

Blue Beetle Was Produced by Warner Bros, Under Licence by DC COMICS! All rights Reserved!

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

Given March is The Month that Contains Saint Patrick's Day, it's only fair I review the First Irish language film to be Nominated For ( and Snubbed out of!)  an Oscar. An Caileen Cuain (The Quiet Girl)

Eamonn Reviews DC Animated: Justice League-Warworld

 ( The Following Film is rated 15)

Off the Bat, much like the Animated Avengers film I reviewed years ago, this film is not in 3D like this artwork, however, unlike that film's cover, this artwork is not only better ( insofar as Wonder Woman's hips are not as big as her head)  but the artwork depicts the Trilogy, it's 3 biggest Heroes: Wonder Woman, Superman and Batman, looking like their live action counterparts, flying out of a Supernova. while over their established looks are new Alliterations, Wonder Woman in Cowboy Garb as Jonah Hex looks on, A black and White Clark Kent In a Snowy warzone, and Conan Batman with a Sword fighting a huge cobra. All the While no feet are shown. Artists in comics really hate Drawing Feet!

After the opening Sequence which sees the DC logo on fire! We open on what seems to be late 19th Century Western America as Wonder Woman Rides into a Outlaw Town. Stopping for a Drink on a Saloon. A man chats up Diana, she wants none of it, so this man later named as Tom, reaches out to her only to be slammed into the bar counter. When the outlaws gang up , we get undo her jacket and see the Wonder woman Costume underneath....

Sigh.....

It's not like I'm upset it's here, it's more like everyone is dressed in Costumes that fit their eras, And here is Wonder Woman in a Boiler Suit in the Desert! ....

So Anyway.....

Wondy uses her lasso of truth to outfight the gang, Tom loads his pistol, only for it to be shot out of his hands by Jonah Hex, (Voice of Troy Baker, who also plays Mortal Kombat's Erron Black)

Boy if I had a Penny for every time Troy Baker Voiced an immortal Cowboy with Magic Bullets...I'd have 2 Pennies!

"WHICH ISN'T A LOT, BUT IT'S FUNNY IT HAPPENED TWICE!"

Jonah apologizes for his men's Action, So he explains he is the sheriff of these parts, that the next town over are greedy Gold miners who burnt his Face for not paying their taxes. He wants WW to join as his deputy. In truth it's a protection racket, as Diana sees first hand Jonah's Men Stick up family in a Coach and kill the parents in front of their daughter, Spurring Diana into action to Save the girl and kill the Outlaws.

Dropping her past the gate to a Mining Depot, Diana and The Girl are welcomed by Backlash (not sure if it's the Atlantean Hero, but sure as hell, It's not the Other guy!), much to the Annoyance of their sheriff. The Hero asks Wonder Woman her name, But she doesn't seem to know.

Keep that in the back of your mind for now.

Jonah's gang attacks the wall of the Depot with Dynamite Laden Coaches. Despite WW's And Backlash's efforts, the wall is Detonated, with Woman Woman crawling out of the rubble with a few scratches. With the Children Convinced she is an Angel sent to save them, WW dispatches the Outlaw. The Sheriff is certain that Hex will Starve them out Due to The Supply silo being on his land. But Diana plans to liberate Supplies. Hex kills his men for speaking out of turn.

That night Diana and Backlash raid the Supplies and act as a distraction by fighting Hex. Using the lasso of truth, she learns the Supplies have being Turned into Molotov's Bread Basket, lacing the Crates with Nitroglycerin.

Hijacking the train, Wonder Woman forces the train to Destroy both Hex town and the Mine. Fortunately Backlash went back to Evacuate the townsfolk. 

Fat lot of good it did, as Jonah survives the blast and Shoots Backlash Stone Cold dead. Wonder Woman beats Hex to an inch of his life and rides away, the girl she saves asks if she would have stayed if Backlash lived. That question remains unanswered, as Wonder Woman Rides away.

And now to the Batman Story.

We now find ourselves in the Remnants of a Medieval Battle, Blood and Broken Weapons, Slashed Armour and Cloven Helmets litter uneven Ground. The Camera pans towards the sound of Clashing blades. Batman is soon Captured, his Bat themed helmet sliced in twain by the King of this realm of Shamballah. 

The King wants to send Deimos' new Mercenary (Batman) to the mines, However Batman make a deal to destroy this Deimos, who is referred to as a Wizard. Not only for his freedom, but for Deimos' hoard of gold. Mercenary, after all!

Batman (who is only called Mercenary from now on), Warlord, His Queen, Mariah, his adviser K'Sheq and a whole army saddle up to Deimos' Realm of Scartaris, A Realm of Infinite Sunlight, making Batman's proposition to attack at night ridiculous to the others. Surely he couldn't have Forgot a simple fact. But Batman's memory is also scrambled, not that he Comes out to admit it!

"World's Greatest Detective, Didn't I tell you that?"

"What....is a Detective....?"

"ERR....it's a Cool and Badass thing,  better than being a Warlord!"

"Excuse me? I have a Kingdom and you are just some loony I found in a Helmet and Posing Pouch."

"That's some big talk for a Guy who's gonna have his real name Google Searched by the Guy who wrote this because noone has heard of ya! But me... I am the Night!"

Camping in a wood, Mercenary explains the lands beyond the Forest. Deimos' tower is Surrounded by the Desert of Dreams, A dangerous plain of realistic mirages and Very real Monsters. But to get there they need to sail across the Dragon Sea. Mercenary doesn't believe in magic. He only believes in Steel and Gold and the Evil In everyone's heart. In the flames of the campfire, The Mercenary has visions of the Joker (Mark Hamil's Joker Laugh making an appearance). He does not remember them fully, but he does describe Joker, Mr Freeze and Catwoman. 

Soon a Rampage of Prototops Disturb the still air. Mercenary, who is Chained to Warlord is Pulled to Safety into the Canopy above. They are still not safe, the rampage was Running from something. And that was a T-Rex. Which soon dispatched by the two chained men. 

Crafting a Raft to sail the Dragon Sea, A Sea monster destroys  the raft and kills most of the Unnamed Characters. Swimming to Shore the monster retreats only for Warlord and Mercenary to see an Illusion of a Martian that says "It Really Is You!" Before it fades!

Climbing up the unguarded wall of Deimos' Mountain, Dragons pick off the remaining Jabronis. Mercenary saves K'Sheq, But Mariah Seemingly sacrifices herself to crash a dragon into the Forest below. 

In the Entrance to the Castle, K'Sheq ventures forward, only to be Skeletonized by an invisible Force. For some reason, Mercenary knows this is a Technology powered by Electrical power sources, and Discovers some cables that he rips out. They venture in and up some Stair past statues that look like Bruce.

There are Booby Traps and monsters as the two men are Chased by a Minotaur until a Portcullis separates them on each side. With the portcullis' Weight on the Chain and a Lever out of reach, Warlord has no choice but give the Mercenary the key, but with him freed, He leaves Warlord to be devoured By the Minotaur. 

Descending down more stairs into a Throne room covered with Piles of Gold. Chained to the Throne are Mariah and Wonder Woman, Dressed in a fur Bikini and her memories wiped again. Deimos, A Vampiric looking Wizard with a Gun exclaims this was his plan on the long, to ALLOW Batman to be captured so Warlord could be lured here to be killed by himself. However Mercenary just Wants his gold and will kill his master to do so! Deimos shoots at Batman but the shot is absorbed by a decapitated head of a Minotaur. Warlord is alive and seeking revenge.

Deimos is out of Bullets but when he is surrounded he turns into a Giant cobra, Thrashes about breaking WW's Shackles and landing her close to the Lasso of Truth which glows to Seemingly call to her. It seems Memories are coming back as Warlord finds the Pistol...his Pistol and some Bullets. He exclaims he is Travis Morgan, the Warlord and Shoots Deimos Between the Eyes! 

Time For Backstory!

A Very Obscure Hero, Travis Morgan was a Vietnam Veteran who was transported to Shamballah to fight Deimos.

Deimos reverts back into a Human and vows revenge as he turns into a puff of smoke. A Portal Appears and Batman off Travis the Chance to return home, But Morgan claims his place is here as it's ruler and so part 2 ends with them entering a portal to who knows where...or when!

Part 3 is Animated in Black and White. Rookie Federal Agent Clark Kent meets his new Superior, Officer Faraday. In 1950s Grover's Mill, there has being a Crash of Some Kind. Kent believes it's the Commies, But Faraday thinks It's origins are from further beyond.

In a Snow covered Diner, Kent and Faraday meet Patrol Officer Bruce Wayne and Again Deja vu happens. Inside the Diner are Witness to the crash 3 of them familiar faces to Superman fans, Jimmy Olsen, Lana Lang and Snapper Carr and 2 others. They all tell a Story that their journeys were all interrupted by a Flying Saucer that crashed on the road and Something ran out....Jimmy Olsen (who is Jimmy Lang here) points to a Woman who sat in the Back who claimed to saw a Creature.

In the Back, Sure enough is Diana Prince, A Typist Now in this Reality and like before not able to remember everything.

Carr gets the Agent's Attention. He claims when Officer Wayne bought everything here, he said he got a call to meet everyone here, Except there is no Phone in this diner and none for miles.

Of course it could be a "Call" on his CB, given the Setting of 1950s America.

What can't be explained away so easily is Jimmy claiming he saw Five Footprint trails going into the Woods, when they Double back, there were SIX!. That's when the other Witnesses Try to Gaslight the Lawmen to kill Diana solely because she has an accent, so she much be an Alien or at the very least, Russian.

The stress is causing The Rookie to go insane, he also hears Strange music from a Jukebox, one that is unplugged.

When he exits the Washroom after clearing his head, Diana and Bruce are there to tell him they hear the music too! 

Bruce grabs Clark's arm and Clark has Visions of Abductions. The Diners all claim to kill them with Mr Porter the truck Driver Grabbing Clark's gun, Clark tosses Porter into the wall behind him with superpowers and kills him breaking the wall. As the music plays from the car radio, porter stands up with his bones resetting as He, The Langs, Snapper and Burrows turning into White Martians.

The heroes Fight not knowing how they have these Skills, But more pods fall from the Sky-It Is a Full Scale Invasion. Piling into Bruce's Patrol car pass Mr Porter's Oil Tanker (only proving that there was A Mr Porter and he and the others are dead!) Bruce Hands Clark a Flare Gun to cause an Explosion to drive the White Martians back...how he knows this will work he has no idea. 

After Causing the Fire they find a UFO different to the ones they've seen, and inside the body of a green Martian. Before Clark can touch him,  Faraday appears to order Clark to kill the Alien.

Subduing Faraday, The Green Martian sends out Waves that changes himself and the world around him. It's the Martian Manhunter, Joh'nn Joh'Nezz. Who's Telepathic and Shapeshifting powers where being syphoned. And everything was changed except Bruce, Diana, Clark and a Unconscious Faraday. The Black and White World at Night wasn't even The Filmmaker's Artistic License, But rather, an in-universe way that was solely made to remove Superman's Power from Sunlight. 

The Humans (or 2 Humanoids and 1 Human) hide as a White Martian Queen and 3 Minions torture Joh'nn with a Taser. The Heroes make a Stand and free Joh'nn from the machine. He Exclaims he had being forced to put the three through "A lot" since his capture months ago. Clark asks where he is? Manhunter answers Warworld.

Without Mongol or Mongal, the Flying Coliseum planet had gained Sentience and Became a parasite for the Fear and Hatred of its Captured victims, Using Joh'nns Power to Create Scenarios for its Victims captured from it's Invasion of Earth months ago.

Joh'nn wants the others to escape using a "Theta Chamber" before "He" arrives. Still not Cognisant of their Identities. Superman asks who "He" is.

"I swear to Rao, Joh'nn, if it is that Orange clad manchild that rides on a Yellow Cloud, who wants to fight me in a FOURTH Deathbattle noone wanted, I am going to have a Blackest Night of my own at Rooster Teeth!"

Then he Arrives.

Lobo.

Okay no Spoilers just yet, but when I saw that the Supposed Big Bad was Lobo, I was ecstatic. I was expecting Mongol because he owns Warworld or Darkseid and Assume the Illusions were effects of the Omega Sanctum.

And up to this point, thinking it was Lobo?

I was all for it.

Lobo is a bounty Hunter, not a World Conquerer. He doesn't want to kill the heroes, but they have gotten in his way of him getting paid, so what better to get back on the Goody-Goods, than let them live out fantasies that see them get hurt over and over, while Lobo gets his work done.

Sadly....as you will read that is not the case.

So Lobo blasts all 4 with lazer pellets, they lose Consciousness. When Diana wakes up she and the others are in a Pod Room, Where Clones of Backlash, the Sheriff and Jonah Hex are stored naked in Red Liquid. Bruce at the Consol Surmises that all the Pods contain Clones of every lifeform they have met so far and each are used to Syphon or Cause the Hatred need to keep Warworld going! As Backlash is Rebirthed, Propped onto a Conveyor belt, Redressed and reintroduced to a new Scenario. Bruce is fiddling with the consol to find a map, somehow knowing how a computer works. But instead finds their costumes. And look of Puzzled Familiarity hit them.

Meanwhile Lobo is Dragging Joh'nn to his Boss, to punish him for ruining his fun.

And it was Mongol the Whole time.

He is apparently searching for a Key that a New Goddess called Logos hid in the DNA Of Martians. So he Enslaved White Martians from every universe. But it was When Lobo told him of a Green Martian - the last in Every Universe, Mongol thought he was the Key, and for a time the Illusion amused him, but seeing him free the Justice League means Joh'nn's services, as well as his life, comes to an end.

The Trilogy suits up and this must be a Timeline where Clark and Diana did the dirty as Wonder Woman is Flirty towards Superman. Mongol plans to make an example of the Martian by torturing him as a warning to those who oppose him, hoping broadcasting his pain would power Warworld back to Full Capacity and he would know, He is Linked To Warworld in some way that's not explained.

The Heroes Find the Theta Chamber, a teleportation device. And are slowly coming to terms with their powers and weapons. A Projection of Mongol states he will publicly Execute Martian Manhunter as a further example. The others go to leave but then the lasso of truth glows.

Lobo is confused with such a small Speech, but Mongol does not want to waste time by drawing out his death. Lobo takes one last punch to Joh'nn's chest, claiming he ain't so tough, he's not taking any chances as he chained his prisoner in the "Brainblockers" he was given. On the Bridge, the Martian Workers tell their master of attacks increasing in power and Speed, Lobo undoes the Brainblockers in an attempt to seize Warworld for himself, an idea Joh'nn planted in his head, when he was punched by Lobo, being close enough for the psychic suggestion, even with Brainblockers on.

Joh'nn takes control of a White Martian. You see, the New Gods when they built Warworld, did it with a sick sense of humour. Logos did plant the Key to Warworld's Full power in Martian Genetic Memory, but it requires a Green and a White Martian to work together, an act that would never happen, due to each destroying eachother for eons in a Civil war with no end and no Origin.

Joh'nn and his Thrall Merge into One Being to override Warworld's Systems to cause a self Destruction. Superman Argues that they have to save the Clones and Slaves, But Joh'nn sadly states They are no longer the people they were, Warworld had Tampered them so much they would only cause Hatred on other worlds if freed. Mongol Laughs that Martian Manhunter Lacks the full power to destroy Warworld at this Capacity. Joh'nn Agrees that there is not enough rage, But Mongol Claims to be Bonded to Warworld, So lets test that theory, as Joh'nn taps into Mongol's own rage to detonate warworld. All Seems lost Until Some Silver skinned Woman with Flaming Hair Teleports The Trilogy onto a second spaceship, Blabs some Sequel Bait about Crisis on Infinite Earth. Freezeframe. Fade to Black. THE END!

I Will be Treating This Film as a 4 four chapter Anthology, with a Review for each.

CHAPTER 1, WONDER WOMAN DID NOT SUCK!

Anachronismistic Clothes aside, This was Both a Good Superhero and Western Story that Did well Combining the Tropes of Both: A Stranger Rides into Town with No Dog in the fight, But  gets involved anyway because it's the right thing to do! In Itself a Microcosm of Wonder Woman's Origin Story. Troy Baker as Jonah Hex played him more Charisma than what ever the hell that Megan fox film was supposed to be, Wonder Woman's Voice Actress, Shana Katic, Voices her as close as Sounding like Gal Gadot as possible, a Choice that i appreciated later in part 2 When i Thought Wonder Woman was Catwoman when she Appeared in a Fur Bikini!

CHAPTER 2, BATMAN DID NOT SUCK!

First I would have liked if each Segment has a different Art style to Differentiate from each other and Denote when the other starts and Finishes. And Given the Action and Fanservice of the second part i would have liked it of it was drawn in the style of Bruce Timm. 

This was an enjoyable spin on Batman. For even Batman who's identity and villains stem from Psychological illness and Trauma, can lead themselves to the iconography from the Supernatural. However despite evidence to the contrary, Batman does not believe in magic. He does not say in outright or word for word, but he feels that Villains are still "A Superstitious, Cowardly Lot" we also get the first clues that something is wrong with this world, and they do it without it slowing down the pace. Warlord also make a Strong Showing despite being an obscure Hero.

Chapter 3: SUPERMAN NOIR WAS FANTASTIC!

I would prefer it to go with the Black and White Scenes to have it presented with 0 animation, the only movement given to the camera moving between comic panels and pan outs, like a comic book. Making this a slower pace detective story before the End was a Great Pacing choice after that much action before. Making this story a Combination of Elements from The Thing and And Now I Must Scream a nice touch with Alien Fakes trying to convince him to kill Wonder Women Solely because she's Different. I was so Enthralled with story I didn't even notice the Colour returned to the screen.

CHAPTER 4: WARWORLD STARTED STRONG, BUT...

In terms of Using a Different Art Style, well they Advertised Falsely 3D on the Cover, so why not make "Fantasy" 2d and "Reality" CGI?

As for the Plot that ties all the parts together, I like that the heroes didn't regain their memories off the bat remarking how ridiculous they look or that aliens exist. But as a Big Bad, Mongol was underwhelming, Solely because When Warworld is a story element, Mongol is a given, which is why I was happy to see Lobo, and had my head in my hands when Mongol Turned Up.

Speaking of Bruce Timm, The 2003 Justice League Cartoon, Introduced him to a wider audience, and as a Charismatic Dictator, On the level of Superman, Who like a Roman Dictator, Put on Gladiatorial Fights to Distract his slaves and quell Rebellion.

Instead we get his Guy!

Some Scrawny Yellow Guy, Yabbering about Keys, too weak to lift a taser with both arms! This Guy should not be who we were building up to!

And the Ending was Disappointing, everyone is close to dying, but then Harbinger, (WHO IS ONLY NAMED IN THE CREDITS!), Teleports in, peaces out with the Trilogy, leads 1000S to die, tells us "OH YEAH, THERE'S A SEQUEL!" Freeze-frame. Fade To Black. THE END!

Instead, why not have Harbinger in the last 5 minutes, not 2, and Arrive to Establish how strong and important she will be in Crisis on Infinite Earths? Have her Single handledy Mop the Floor with Lobo, threaten Mongol with a Speech that she is a New God, the only thing Mongol Fears, and he exits tail between legs. Then she teleports everyone and Being a New God, She cures the Warworld Programming from the Clones, Claiming it's a sad imitation of the Anti-Life Equation. You know, That Thing the Evil New Gods Used to Conquer Earth So many times? But no, we got the Ending we got and it really took the wind out of our sails.

So In Summary: Warworld is a Great Anthology Series, Where Sadly it's Many Halves are Greater than the Sum of it's Parts!

CREDITS

DC ANIMATED: JUSTICE LEAGUE-WARWORLD was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli) 

With Media From:

Justice League-Warworld

Phineas and Ferb

Atop the Fourth Wall

Justice League Unlimited

DC'S Warlord

Death Battle!

Dc Comics

Justice League (2003)

DC Animated Justice league Warworld was Produced By Warner Brothers Animation, Under Licence by DC COMICS.

All Media Used Belong to their respective Owners. All Rights Reserved.

NEXT MONTH, ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE. WE ARE STILL IN THE DC UNIVERSE, AS NEXT MONTH WE REVIEW BLUE BEETLE! 

Christmas special: Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile

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