And so, we end the year with a Christmas special, Not a Christmas film, or a souped up Toy Advert, but the first Big Mouse Dropping for a long while, from the Purveyors of Magic and Wonder-Disney!
You know a Film is going to flop when not even McDonald's makes a Happy Meal for it. Googling Disney Wish will bring up the Cruise ship of the same name, unless you specifically type in the words "Film" or "Movie" after. So why did this film Flop harder than a bowling ball in a swimming pool? What makes a bad Animation?
You may say "Clearly the Designs must be terrible to look at"!
....No, they aren't, though the Heroine does look like Pocahontas in Rapunzel's dress with some facial assets stole from Moa'na. And a lot of background characters look like there are from other films, and there is a reason for that, that we will get into.
"Well maybe the film failed because if it's Animation."
.... Again, No! Disney has a track record of taking Animation seriously, just look at any of the behind the scenes stills of Peter Pan where they filmed real actors to properly animate flying scenes or Tinkerbell interacting with things larger than her. Hell, this is the Studio that pushed back Coco, while they were working out how a skeleton would wear trousers.
"So if it wasn't the Animation or Design, the only thing left was it's Story"
BINGO!
Wish fails in it's execution of It's message, but I will go into that during the review.
So for the last time in 2024, let's Dig into Disney's Wish.
THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED G IN IRELAND, THE EQUIVALENT TO AN U RATING. HOWEVER THIS REVIEW IS WRITTEN WITH AN ADULT AUDIENCE IN MIND.
Well, I don't know what to tell you about this artwork.
I Don't.....hate it! That's for sure. But there is a lot...ok a few things of note, over the logo is our villain Magnifico, only he's not that imposing. Sure we will learn he's nothing short of a Cult leader, But he looks so dahm goofy. Also his hands are Radioactive!
THAT CAN'T BE GOOD!
In said hands is one of Rosalina's Lumas from Mario Galaxy. I wonder with how bloodthirsty both Disney and Nintendo lawyers are when it comes to cease and desist orders, would their Respective lawyers be rivals or best friends?
Over an indigo tinted landscape in a portal caused by the Star thing, Asha, our Amalgamation of heroines from better films, stands on a rock next to a Goat kid, giving us a smarmy look-When the Animal sidekick has more Personality than your hero or Villain, AMIRITE?
Sad thing is, he's probably voiced by a washed up comedian Like Ricky Gervais or James Corden.
(READS THAT ITS ALAN TUBRYK)
Okay , that's not a bad choice!
So the film starts with a Storybook opening itself as the voice of Asha tells us the film's premise: Once upon a time, a man who believes in positive thinking went into the world and got disheartened, so he studied magic so he could grant wishes. Word Followed and soon people would seek him out in an attempt to have them grant their wishes. So much so, when the magician and his wife settled on a Mediterranean island, named Rosas, all those seeking wishes became his followers and colonised this island which became a Sovereign State when Followers who had their wishes taken made the magician their king with full autonomy of the wishes that he promises to grant.
So in other words, A Cult?
Asha Does say he only grants wishes to those "Worthy". And one such family of Rubes who lives on Rosas is her own Family, a Family of Goat herders including a grandfather who is about to turn 100, on the very day King Magnifico Will Conduct a Wish Ceremony, Naturally the granddaughter our heroine is convinced that this wish is going to his. We Foreshadow that the goat will be speaking later, and Mom Suggests that she and Asha Make a birthday cake for Zaba, Until Asha lies that she's only going out tonight JUST for work. Mom says she can tell Asha is lying when she makes long pauses, we get this response that caused me to spit out my drink when I heard it!
"I'm A Maturing Girl, My pauses are now different!"
Hey! a Menstruation Joke in your Disney Kiddie Film!
MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU FILTHY ANIMALS!
So Asha is a tour guide here in Rosas, An Island made of Disney Props and References, We have our first Song which I Didn't fast forward because it's world Building, even it it's 3d assets from existing films and video games, Asha's house is the house the fairy godmothers raised Aurora (FORESHADOWING!), there are bluebirds and butterflies that land in women's hair and the marketplace sells Pumpkins, glass slippers, dolls of characters and the like. But there is some Originality, This a medieval world that's a tourist trap where most of the citizens are artisans who one day wish for tidy Profits...But do gain them anyway!
The Song Continues with Asha telling us that when a child turns eighteen or an adult visits the king, That the king removes the Wish from the person and it's crystallized and stored away, and that person forgets the wish, but they are freed of the burden of a wish that may never come through, But that's ok because if you believe enough and are good citizens, your wish will be granted, right.....RIGHT?
"We get our free will sucked out, by choice and maybe if the wish is Convenient for our DICTATOR to stay in power, It gets granted. WHAT A BARGAIN!"
After the song in the castles Kitchen Asha Converses with a Maid named Dahlia, who exposits that Asha wants to be the King's Apprentice, this was the thing she lied to her mother about.
Dahlia is the leader of seven orphans who are Actually references to the seven dwarves, something a lot of people missed out on. In fact there are a lot of references people missed, not in an Easter egg way, but a point that was missed way. Anyway. Not-Grumpy says there is a conspiracy that when someone turns 18, Just like Simon, the Stand-in for Sleepy, they lose some of their will and become listless like he has. But hey, King's Apprentice, that means your family and friends get first dibs on wish grants, including say, i don't know, A Grandfather who turns 100 and may not live to see 101, so yeah, good luck with that!
The Queen Amira enters the Scullery to announce that Asha's Interview for Apprenticeship has being moved up to right now.
Asha is led to the King's Chambers, Amira tells Asha she's rooting for her because she admires her generous Spirit. Inside the Library like chamber, she finds a Spellbook under glass, when she touches it, The glass decoration comes to life and attacks her as a swarm of hummingbirds until the king (Chris Pine) comes in to Save her.
We get some backstory on Asha. SURPRISE, SURPRISE, BUT NOT REALLY! HER DAD IS DEAD! AT LEAST ONE PARENT OF A CHILDREN'S FILM PROTAG BE LIKE:
Asha's father was an Astronomer and he instilled his beliefs onto her. At a young age, The King himself lost his family at a young age to Greedy Bandits, But now look at him, King of the Most Plentiful and Ideal Place on Earth.
"I WANT TO MAKE A PLACE, WHERE NOONE HAS TO SEE THEIR DREAMS DIE IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES"
(NERVOUS LAUGHTER!)
(SIGH!)
So Magnifico shows Asha his collection of Wishes that he has Extracted for many years (Including 3 from the 4 tourists that were convinced solely by Asha's Song-So....WHOOPS!) After Asha exclaims that they feel alive (Oh, Honey! Oh you Sweet Summer Child!), The King sings "At all costs" Chris Pine is Autotuned and maybe it's that, Maybe it's the melody or the way he sings the word "YOUUUUU" But the first half of this song sounds like Dirty Vegas' Song "Without You (Days Gone By)
The Song also is foreshadowing as he sings about the power "Drawing Him in" and "Compulsion".
The Silver Tongued Silver fox convinces Asha as she starts to sing to the balls of Cleaved out Will-to-live, finding Zaba's wish. When the Song ends, she tells the king it's Zaba's birthday and she would love it of his wish gets granted, but the king not only refuses to grant a Mundane wish of being a Song writer, but Gaslights Asha into thinking it's a Dangerous wish. That a wish of "Inspiring The Next Generation" could be Morally Ambiguous. And goes out of his way to say he only grants wishes for the kingdom's benefits.
So Asha is now becoming disillusioned, if Magnifico has no intention of Granting All these wishes, maybe he should give them back, But no, he's the Grand Pharaoh of this Pyramid scheme, people come here with unattainable wishes. He provides a service to suck out their wish, the memory of said, and their free will and exchange for a promise he will not keep, servitude, a time share on paradise and all the Copium you need to not think for yourself!
So as Such Magnifico wants to make an example of Asha, giving her a stage seat so She can hear him claim that Asha challenged her to grant a wish only to grant the wish of a Woman called Sonya so that when the King says a name with a Hard S, it gets Zaba's hopes up. So Magnifico tells Asha he will not offer apprenticeship to her as the Queen looks on confused.
So Zaba's 100th Birthday is now a sad affair, now that Asha knows the Truth, she tries to tell Zaba the Truth but the old man Refuses to remember the wish or what it was to begin with "Why would you make me remember something that will never be?", This upsets Asha for upsetting Zaba. So she runs into the night and into another song. At this point I'm fast forwarding through songs unless they contain story elements in scene. So she ends up at the Bonsai tree her Father would bring her to stargaze. When the song concludes her lyrics on believing the truth, she wishes on a star and it glows over Rosas, Filling the Folk with Joy and the king with Fear.
While the king feels threatened, The source of this light Evil Dead's Valentino behind Asha's back. Until the Orb of light speeds off during ghost antics until it reveals itself to be a Chubby star...thing.
Sure enough, this Kirby-Esque Creature Starts Crop-dusting Glitter on Valentino and plants and animals in the forest and makes them talk, Oh and one of the animals is Thumper from Bambi in another reference in this referencefest.
Asha wants to know how is this possible and the answer is, of course, a song!
NO! THE ANSWER IS...
So Asha tries to Smuggle the Star into the castle, so she can get help from the Seven Not-Dwarves to get into the Study without notice, so she hides Valentino in a chicken coop. Asha comes clean about the Magic star and I'm glad she did, because, noone would be able to explain...WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS!
Star (which is now his name-VERY CREATIVE!) Meets them all but is sad to meet Simon, who already had his soul sucked! There is a call to Assembly and everyone leaves to attend, The lame Dahlia feigns slowness to get the full story from Asha without the others knowing. So Asha spills the beans, Magnifico is a fraud, so Dahlia leads Asha, Star and Val into the dumb Water.
At Assembly the King tells his Rubes that the light from last night was Magic-magic he didn't commit or Condone, Whoever performs magic without the King's approval is A Traitor and when he Finds the traitor, the punishment will be severe, making Dahlia cringe with panic as she causes a distraction.
The door to the Dumb waiter is locked, but Star gives all the Inanimate objects in the study life (they play music that starts like the Magician's Apprentice, but that is soon drowned out.), including a magnifying glass that makes the ripped Papers and tossed books catch fire, the source behind this meme.
Star is bought to the wish room where Asha asks for Mother's and Zaba's wishes Showing the bootleg Togepi a sketch book of what they look like, meanwhile the Distraction by Dahlia turns into a Q and A Session where basically the Conned Rubes start speaking out of turn and regain free speech, which Ticks off the King Immensely. So It's Rumpelstiltskin time-Bring me the traitor and I will grant your wish. Until Then, Noone plays with the toys in the Toybox.
After the worst Villain Song ever created, the one where this meme comes from....
 |
| THIS IS NOT THE FACE OF EVIL, THIS IS THE FACE OF SOMEONE WHO SUCCESSFULLY PULLS OFF A "DEEZ NUTS" JOKE! |
That night Mom and Zaba are told everything, they can't believe Valentino can talk and they can't believe Zaba's wish is his once more. As it's absorbed into the old man's body he laughs at how pure and simple it was, that he doesn't know how, but he will inspire people.
But then the King Darkens the Door. Asha has being Sold Out, he wants to how she did it-How did she pluck a star out of the sky without magic. Asha refuses and as Punishment, Magnifico pulls out Mom's wish out from his robes and crushes it, the soul energy going into Mag and causing a mini heart attack in the woman, with Magnifico exclaiming if he only knew absorbing wishes could give him this much power, he would have does this sooner.
So you are telling me, he Didn't know til right now, or was not smart enough, to absorb soul power to make himself more powerful, that he was just content with brainwashing and Gaslighting?
Now seeing the king becoming a Power hungry Soul sucker, Star aids the family to escape, with Valentino convincing the knights' and King's horses Orwellian Style to turn on their Human masters!
Bundled into a Rowboat, they sail towards a second island, Asha apologises for making them all fugitives. Mom recovers from the pain, a pain not Physical, but Emotional, like she is grieving a part of herself. But Asha fears for everyone in Rosas as every Pigeon on the Island is now a Pigeon Parfait in an all night Soul Buffet! As the Boat is about to shore, Asha, Val and Star swim and fly back to Rosas.
In Magnifico's Dungeon, he Learns to harness the stars in the sky's power. By sacrificing the wishes of 3 people to Create a Staff from Forbidden Magic. Seeing her Husband Create a weapon of Arcane Power, Amira is Frightened by the changes in her husband's personality.
A new Assembly had being called, With Asha blamed for the 3 souls stolen for the King's Staff's Creation, the king Make his terrifying entrance. Asha looking for her friends in Disguise and sees the Queen just as Concerned. She has the idea to make a Mouse Talk to send a message to Amira.
The Traitor is revealed to be Simon, the King grants his wish because it's convenient and beneficial for him, to make Simon his most powerful and loyal knight, but Amplified by the Staff's power, Simon is also turned into a mindless Slave who tells the king the other Orphans are also conspirators.
Bacenia, The Bashful Dwarf Replacement brings the others to her secret Hideout, which she goes to when human Contact gets too much for her! Asha finds the place by accident. And so the plan is simple: With a Song, Asha, Val, Star and the remaining 6 orphans are Le Resistance.
Their Signal is the sound of a dying Giraffe!
As the Sing Continues they are found by the Queen...who Joins Le Resistance by singing her own stanza to the song. The Queen meets Star and somehow learns from Asha that Star can't leave until the Wishes are freed.
Meanwhile Magnifico has gone Full Energy Vampire, Sucking Up Wishes and dropping References left and right, with just the worst puns ("A wish for a Nanny, well-I'M POPPIN' THIS ONE!)
ACTUAL GODDAM QUOTE!
Amira sneaks the Orphans and Valentino into the Study to free the Wishes and find a cure. In the forest with Asha, Star breaks off a branch and imparts some magic to make a wand. Problem is, the magic is Sporadic and random, Meanwhile all the orphans except the Walking Stick Dependant Dahlia, are joined with Star and Valentino to open the Starlight, while Dahlia helps Amira to search tomes for a counter spell.
Now, Ignoring they made Dario, the Dopey Counterpart More Neurodivergent, than just plain Stupid, ignore that detail of him getting confused on how to pull a Rope played for laughs, they sent Children to open a Giant Starlight, so of course the plan doesn't work. There is more bad news, as Dahlia reads that exposure to Dark Magic, no matter for how short a Time, Permanently changes a Person!
The orphans decide to plunge into the landing below like bellringers to have the weight needed to open the Roof, when open, the orbs containing wishes float into the night sky and can be seen as far as the Second island, with the Will Returned to him, Zaba rows his daughter back to Rosas to save his granddaughter.
Asha is Blindsided by the King on his horse, and he snaps the Wand underfoot, as he dismounts. Asha Brags that he's too late, only for The king to reveal he has Simon under the power of a Disguise spell the whole time. Asha realizes Magnifico never left the castle, and Simon blocks her path....until a Bear enters Stage left from nowhere and the Forest animals deal with Simon Stealing the King's Horse she Bolts back to the castle where Magnifico reclaims his wife and Absorbs Star into his staff, But not before giving Amira a Magical Backhand and telling her "Quiet, Woman!"
THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO FAR GONE!
WHEN YOU NO LONGER RESPEK WAMANS!
So Magnifico, Drunk off Cosmic Power casts a Permanent storm to blot out the Stars, makes himself Big Brother on any reflective surface and casts Ghostly vines that literally bind the entire populous into slavery, Proclaiming there is no Hope, without him, But him, there will be no dreams, no plans, no stories to inspire.
Well....You said nothing about Singing!
So only in a Disney film does everyone know the Lyrics to the same Song and through the Power of Love, Friendship, Heart Of the Cards, ETC ETC, The song forms new Wish spheres in the bodies of everyone, with the wish that everyone shares-the Greatest Wish of All-FREEDOM!
So lets finish this!
Everyone is freed, Magnifico is sucked into the wand as his magic is reversed, the Wishes return to the people, even those who were devoured return also. Simon slinks in, asking for an apology for his actions-which Amira grants: she too was fooled for far to long, Trapped in the jewel of the now destroyed Staff, the King, still Petulant, bangs on the Crystal like he's trapped in the Phantom Zone, so Amira commands Magnifico be returned to his Dungeon....as it's prisoner!
Some time later, Normalcy has returned, and Amira sets out to grant the wishes, not as a wizard, since she is not magical, but as a Consultant of sorts. Zaba pursued his song writing dreams and Star fixes Asha's Wand, though Asha complains that the wand could barely defeat a fake Mag. Dario Jokingly says maybe Asha could learn to be some kind of "Fairy Godmother" with Star teaching her properly, But Star Chirps sad Chirps, which Asha somehow knows to mean The star is leaving...But not today as the star flies around blasting fireworks that look like a certain mascot! As the book closes on a Happily Ever After, the Credits roll showing Constellations in the sky turning into characters from better Disney Films!
Despite the Hate Online, this is not the Worst Disney film ever made. Just the worst one made RECENTLY , But it's not without it's wins. The Animation is crisp and as you would expect, the Artwork is Gorgeous, Surely that's all you would expect, right?
Well No, No Amount of Sizzle will ever Outsell the Steak, and in truth, Despite being Made to celebrate 100 years of Disney, the film feels like was Written by AI. Asha is a Chosen One Golden Child, who Humble-Brags to her Less Fortunate and More Capable (and in the case of 3 of the orphans, Dahlia, who relies on a cane, Dario, who is On the Spectrum, and Gabbo, the Grumpy Dwarf, remains having Dwarfism, so not only are the orphans Capable but 3 of them Handi-capable!-and it's those 3 whose actions progresses the Story, Not Asha!) and Stumbles into Victories without Prior Planning or at the very least, Prior indication that things will work in her favour. The Bear attacking Simon, For example, How did Asha know there was a Bear in the forest at that time, Did she meet a Bear early in the film? Was there a bear in the Song sung by the forest animals and we just didn't notice?
Chris Pine as Magnifico can sing, even if the first song relies Too heavily on Autotune, he can tell Jokes but Mags is a bland villain, even when he turns heel, we kinda knew he was a bad'un, because he was presented as a Cult leader early on. If he was supposed to be sympathetic, because of the loss of his family, then making him a Soul Sucker and Not keeping him as a Soul Hoarder was the wrong choice, If he was denying casting wishes of people who remind him of his family, and casting them meant he lost them, that would be A Sympathetic Villain. If he was trapped in the mirror and Cried about Being alone forever, that would be a Sympathetic Villain, He's punished and knows he deserves to be, but in a sense of Irony being trapped in a Mirror everyone will see him, BUT NO! the last thing we hear is "Get me out of this Jewel, and get off my throne, YOU USELESS WOMAN!"
Alan Turbyk's Talents are wasted as Valentino, Because of the Terrible Script, and Yes-Disney Mascots are annoying, but every now and then, they land a giggle and crack a smile, Turbyk says some variation of "I LOVE CLIMBING, BECAUSE I'M A GOAT!" Like he's Sir Lawrence Olivier performing Hamlet and NOT ONCE! does it ever land! Star has no Personality, he's a McGuffin with arms and legs.
The Story Plods Until the halfway mark when they decide to make the king evil, the film has Disney References without ever going into why it's important- It's just there for you to do this at the TV screen when you notice it!
But It's the Ending I Have the Biggest Problem With.
Recall that Zaba's Wish is to Write a song that will inspire people. The Climax sees the King has bound the Citizenry, But it was the Song that everyone sang that was the key to defeating Magnifico...BUT IT WAS ASHA, THE CHOSEN ONE GOLDEN CHILD, WHO SANG FIRST! Had it being Zaba or Dahlia, or any Side character the Moral of Everyone has a life worth fighting for would make more sense because the Former Suckers Of the king's scam are singing IN SUPPORT OF Asha to finish the fight, not to BOOST HER EGO in a song she started!
Speaking of Songs, in the Film's prevailing Spirit of Unoriginality, every Song sounds like music that exists already. And I am not talking about songs that sound like songs from Other Disney movies, I mean Songs that sound like other Real Commercial Songs. At All Costs begins sounding like Dirty Vegas' Without You, The song sang by the Squirrel Sounds too much like "Life, Oh Life" by Des'ree and the Resistance song sounds like it was plucked from Greatest Showman! Despite the Initial Shock of "Are you Serious?" hearing a Familiar Chord or Stolen Melody, the outrage is soon forgotten as these songs are THAT forgettable. A decade on from Let It Go played on the radio, and this is the state the music is in?
With an Uninspiring Hero, A damp Squib of a villain, A Comic Relief with no comedic lines, a Story that feels like 100 years of Cinema History Boiled down to base Unifying Plots with References for the sake of References, Wish is not as Pathetic as a film as People think....
But as the Film that was released to be the Milestone Film of a Company- a One hundred year Game Changing Legacy no less-NOW THAT'S PATHETIC!
CREDITS
Disney's Wish was reviewed, compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli) on Twitter
With Media from:
Disney's Wish
Inugame Korone's Youtube Channel Representing Hololive
Once Upon a Time In Hollywood
All Media used belong to their Respective Owners.
Wish is the property of Walt Disney. All Rights Reserved.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY AND SAFE 2025 TO ALL MY READERS!
Until January, this Blog is Now Locked until then. When I return we will be close to the 300th post and the announcement on the main blog, enlightenedtowers.blogspot.com on what that film may be!
But For Now, I need to Rest and Be with my family until the new Year. So as I log off for the year, I urge you to do the same with your own families and friends this Holiday Season.
