Goodbye CITV, Part 5: The 2018-23 The Final Years!

 The reason I did not include shows that Were Produced from 2018 onward in My last review is this, From 2017 all the Shows were repeated until this year and all those shows are now Moved onto the CITV block on ITVX. As of right now, every morning on ITV2, they now Show the programmes the Channel use to show before it's closure. Sorry, but if you are Trying to get Every Family in Britain to Buy your new Electronic Babysitter, even low income families, why are you Not Showing Anything Shiny and new? 

Oh right, we live in a Britain where Pop Exists! It's Funny, when my Family bought Sky in the 2000s, Pop was the Channel Showing Decade long Repeats, and Cheap cartoons from Australia and Canada and Citv had the 3rd Party Franchises. Now, Citv having lost Power Rangers, Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Bakugan, Guess where they most of them are now? On The Freeview Pop Channels! Granted Pop is not Perfect, As the Freeview Channel Owned By Sony, They can't Show buy CN or Disney Shows  (Miraculous Ladybug is not entirely a Disney IP, Which is why they can show Episodes a year later after Disney) but they are doing Well for themselves.

Little Could be said about Citv around this Time, from what I gather at this point only two new shows were created prior to closure. The Rest are acquired from abroad or Originals from A year or Four ago repeated in a loop! Why Just last week, I was watching Scooby doo Mystery Incorporated on ITV2, (Fantastic Show, still after 5 plus years!) And it was a Double bill. The last Episode....and the very first episode!

And this Review was going to be Very hard to pull off as I've being Relying on Wikipedia and YouTube to find Shows. Citv had a Wiki, but it's nothing but a Cut and paste of Wikipedia pages. As of right now the Shows I will review Have no Wiki pages so My only Opinion comes from what I can see and find from other sources. Sidenote: I was going to review Project Z but then in the credits it said "Adapted From the Original from S4C" meaning it was not a Original Show produced by ITV. Sorry, but the Rules were made clear in Part one.

So in the Words of the Singularity

"This will be fast, Possibly Painless!"

2017-2023

Dare Master/ Dare Master at Home.

Danny Murphy is A Deaf Teenager, who is dared to do Stunts or get a Custard Pie for failing. While not Something I would sit down and watch 20 odd years ago, I do like the fact a Handicapable Child is here to Show Children, they can do the things other people can do and more!

I also have Commend The Show during 2020, becoming Dare Master at Home, Doing Skype Challenges while at the same Time, promoting Safe COVID.

An Action Gameshow where A Professor bring on a Team of Child Actors. Solely because one, no prizes are ever mention and two, Watch this Show on YouTube, and listen to The Children speak, no child speaks like that! 

Anyway the Professor brings our 3 Three Pod Children to Old props from Jungle Run to play games not to win Monkey Totems, but Fruit to appease the Beast, a CGI Creature and an Extra in Hulk Hands we only see over the Shoulder Shots of.

Most of the 24 episodes end with the Implied Death of The Children.

Y'know a Kid's Show!

Stop Motion Animation from Aardman is a Return to form after Planet Sketch. Lloyd, the Middle Child of 500, feels misunderstood by his Busy parents, is annoyed by a younger Sister, and scrounging food without being killed by humans. Thankfully he has friends that will help him out. A Slice of Life Animated Sitcom, Which is Quite Funny. Check out the Compilations on YouTube.

Comedienne Bec Hill, Is the Waitress at The Make and Do themed Restaurant, The Makeaway Takeaway. Filling the 22 year Void left by Finger tips, Bec, in a Episode wide Framing Device, would present Ideas  For Arts and Crafts in Different Segments.

• Takeaway Technique: Bec Makes A Picture with a Unique Item 
• Makeaway Delivery: off set, Bec and a Child make a thing Together.
• Paper Puppet Show: Going back to Bec Hill's Prop Comedy Roots, She shows us how her act is done!
• Make of the Day: taking Inspiration from Can't cook, Won't Cook, A Child gives Bec a list of 3 items to use in a make!
• Makeaway Big Delivery: the Final Segment of the Episode, sees her Leave the studio Again, But this time, to make Art on a big Scale, From painting a Half pipe in a skate park to making a Kite for Edinburgh Fringe.

Bec Hill has a YouTube Channel. Interestingly, SkyKids have a Suspiciously Similar Show called Makery, A Bakery Themed Make and Do Show.

Luke Franks, one of the Presenters of Scrambled, the Weekend Morning Block and the last ever Weekend Block at that, Host this mishmashed Show pertaining to movies. While the Kids Movies are made by Parents who can't understand Microsoft filters, There are some Attempts to teach kids and Teens movie Genres and Tropes.

The only things I could find on YouTube about this show, is how much people think it Sucks, otherwise it's just results on The Film Ted and its top 10 moments.

On September 1st, 2023, At 9pm, CITV went off the air. 15 minutes prior, This show was Shown. One of the most Ugliest, Rotten, Unfunny Wastes of Ink and Paper ever Commissioned as a cartoon. A Sad But Fitting end to what Citv had become! 

Years Ago PhantomStrider made a top 10 Worst British Cartoons, With Goggs topping the Bottom Pile. 

Maybe it's time to reassess that list.

Now, I love The Comedian who Voices Dave Spud, Johnny Vegas, I love the Music of Basement Jax who created the Incidental Music.

There is nothing To love about Dave Spud. Pity, in his universe, Perhaps! But not love!

The Artwork is Ugly, the Animation Non existent, the Characters are So Unlikable to each other, that when an outside source actually antagonizes The Spuds, you do not feel sorry for them at all.

Currently, The Dave Spud YouTube Channel doesn't show full Episodes of it's shows. Ridiculous since of the 4 channels that do show this Monstrosity, 3 are Free to air.

I suppose you want the Plot to this Show. Well Dave Spud is a child who suffers from both middle child Syndrome and Embarrassing Relatives. That's it, nothing new or Special, but done worse with just the most repugnant Toilet Humour. Watch at your own peril. Especially if you are Irish, Welsh or Scottish. Because yes something this bad, doesn't have 1 Animation kiss of death by being translated in My Country's Bog Language, but the Scottish and Welsh  Dead Dialects too!

And So we come to 9pm on the 1st Of September, 2023. 2 Months Short of it's 40th Birthday. They went through the Facade of Having adverts like there was something big coming. All day it was Business as usual, the same 5 years of Shows over and over, including the ads for itvx kids. So if they were building up a Surprise, this would be the time to do so! A Epitaph, a Slideshow, a pull open of the metaphorical Curtain to someone from Citv's past with a statement, a voiceover telling us goodbye, Something, ANYTHING! ANYTHING! BETTER THAN THIS!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

And that's all you need to know about what ITV really thought all these years. And Consider how Other Kids Programs treat Endings. Blue Peter when a Presenter Leaves, Is Given a Clip show and Is treated like He or she is Graduating and leaving For better things. Children's Dramas that are Put in 2 parters with the Second Half having a over-run of a few minutes to finish the Story. When Elizabeth Sladen Of Doctor Who and the Mary-Jane Adventures Fame Died, The last 5 minutes of CBBC was a Slideshow of her life and career in Memory of her. Also the Christmas Specials of the Saturday Morning Shows, Use to pull out all the Stops, because They didn't know if their show could be retooled into a new show with new presenters, new name and Studio in the New Year! Hell the Last Officially Billed Disney club show Toonattick back in the 00s had the Hosts Sing we will Meet again while A Clip show happened. Showing us at least ITV, At the time cared about cancellations. 

But no. A channel Dies and the same ole shows are regurgitated for 3 hours on The Channel for DA Yuff! the next day and didn't tell anybody, THANK YOU, FUCK YOU, BYE!

Time will Tell if citv will change or Fizzle out on ITV2. Usually Nick and Pop would make a land grab and claim shows. And the sad things is? This was not all the Shows! There are Shows lost to time! I Didn't do a Retrospective on GMTV, Disney Club Uk, Digit and the Saturday Morning Shows, Because they weren't CITV At the Time, and I generally thought back in September, That without a CITV Channel, a Saturday Morning Show would return. Maybe Wishful thinking on my part.

Still the last 5 weeks have Being a Journey, And i think It's being more personal because i'm Currently 38 YEARS Old, so You've seen me Fanboy and Reminisce and Scorn and Scratch my head and I feel like if you have read this from the Begining, that you have done the same. And I thank you for being on this Journey with me!

NEXT MONTH WE RETURN TO REVIEWING FILMS IT'S THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL OF COURSE AND WE ARE IN FOR A REAL SONG AND DANCE IN LYLE, LYLE, CROCODILE!

Goodbye CITV: Part Four: 2010s Circling the drain

 The Cracks in Quality on the Citv Channel were now becoming Chasms. Without any real incentive to make the shows they use to. And with ITV putting it's Focus on trashy Reality shows. Citv now Became the Grabby, clutching onto Its Precious Franchises like Gollum with the One ring, and Squeezing every bit of quality  from it's Long running Repeats. (They were still showing Wolves Witches and Giants, More than ten years after Spike Milligan's Death!) 

Now to remind of the Caveat set by myself, while Citv did still have shows exclusive to CITV, They were created by Those Animation Studios under Canada's YTV. You know the Shows, the once that I have Deemed as "Cheaply Made Fart Jokes!" As I said to make the list it had to be made By Itv and in Britain. House of Anubis disqualifies Itself as it was made in Britain....for Nickelodeon.

So What do we have left?

(Sigh.......)

Not A lot ...

2011

Bookaboo (UK version)

One of the last Preschools Show that was made despite the channel no longer having a Preschool block. In the following years The 6am Slot will be moved as Part of ITVbe's Little Be block. And would have nothing but the same Shows in a loop.

YOU ARE NOT TRIPPING, THIS IS INDEED FORMER WWE CHAMPION ADAM COPELAND ON THE ORIGINAL CANADIAN SHOW!

Anyway The Canadian Show is Retooled to have the Drum playing Dog Puppet have British celebrities tell him a Story Otherwise he will noshow a concert.

Despite its weird Premise, Show had a Great idea, and it was Nice to see that in this Decade, Citv had some fight left in them, trying to compete with BBC's Bedtime stories with Celebrities also!

Factual Show that explained Hobbies and Controversially tried to Fence Products against Ofcom Regulations.

 

Still Going on YouTube, Olly and his friends learn to be more socially responsible in Animation that uses a lot more Rubberband Physics in what I thought was Stopmotion.

 2001

WHY DID THIS NOT MAKE MORE MONEY IN TOY SALES?  

Korean British Joint Animation about Just about the Most Adorable Idea For A Plushie ever! Disguised as Cans, The Characters pop into existence to interact with Real world objects. With no Dialogue whatsoever, the Show is easy to follow.

A cross between Mr Men and Horrid Henry, or perhaps A tone Down Garbage Pail kids. Irritating Kids with Alliterative names or Adjective of Flaw followed by Middle Class Name. Surprise but Something this Crap was Made to be Translated into Irish! 

Day-Glo Murican Dude-Bro Matt Hatter, Protects the World via a Multiverse from Public Domain Monsters and thin references to Films. Some good Ideas, but it fails execution. The characters barely have Arcs and Motivation. Matt has one, to free his Grandfather. But Tenoroc doesn't, he want to be Free also, but why, what did he do that was so bad to be sealed away in a Ruin Dimension, In the First place? Roxie as the Action Girl, in one episode had to be cured by A kiss, which usually leads to Shipping, but is never Mentioned Again! Gomez, the Lovable Coward, finds his Courage in one Episode and is Never Mentioned Again! The 2 minute Glitch Sequences in every episode shows More Creativity and Creature Design, Beyond Humanoid and Cityscapes, in different times of Day. And they are handwaved like they never happened. Went to Nick toons to finish it's Run.

Look at this Ident. THAT'S WHAT THEY USED TO PROMOTE THIS SHOW, DOESN'T IT JUST LOOK STUPID AND OBNOXIOUS?

They couldn't even Bother to Dress the Genie (The Boy) in anything to Denote he's a Genie! No Full episodes exists on YouTube, only Seconds long Clips as this much cringe is too much for everyone!

Famously Booed During a Soccer Match, Poppy Cat Didn't need that Publicity. A Cute Paper Cut out Animation about A Little Girl reading her Cat a book about its make believe adventures with Other Animals. Because the World is Make Believe the Animals can Solve Problems by Using Imagination to change the world around them.

You thought Sooty was Slowing down in the last decade, prepare to see him Come to a Screeching Halt!

Now, I said that Sooty Heights would see the tired Jokes Done with Celebrities, but now in the final Show (That we know of!) Every Episode Some Former Contestants of I'm A Celebrity Not Doing Panto This Year, Or Dancing D-Listers or Frozen Failures, Would turn up each week for get their Names Dragged Further In mud, get a cream pie in the face and Collect a Cheque! 

2012

Signed Stories

No you didn't glance at that Wrong, ITV generally made one Show to offset all the Money they saved buying Cheap Shows and 20 year old X-Men cartoons, and ad revenue, they could only make one show and only one, So that year Citv Did Something right for a Change, and Created Signed Stories, A Storybook Series that was read out and Signed and Subtitled for Deaf and Those who are hard of Hearing. A Win for everyone.

2013

Not even listed on Wikipedia List of Citv shows, The Show that was put before Digimon Fusion. (Remember that show?) The Talented Standup Comedian Phil Jupitus is the Evil(?) Councilmen Chowdry who refuses to Make a Plot of vacant Land a City Farm ran by The Group of Heroes(?) There are good Jokes in this, And not even from just Jupitus, But they come from the cast being Self Aware About the Show and Writing!

For Instance, The Episode "The Diary Fairy" the Heroes open a Certain Brand of a Pot of Yoghurt with the Corners and find the Titular Character, A Wish Granting Fairy Who Has Oddly Specific Caveats to her Wishes. She can only Materialise things that are Dairy Products or Dairy Adjacent. 

Now I know what you are thinking, you are saying "Well Surely the Fairy granted the heroes who are trying to set up a City Farm a few Animals" well you'd be wrong, not only did they forget the whole plot for this episode until it became a Brick Joke's Punchline, But they Pointed out that the Dairy Fairy kept saying Jam was a Dairy Product, Only for the Dairy Fairy to admit she was a Jam Fairy confided to the Corner of Compote! The Show was cancelled before the Plot was ever resolved!

2014

In an Attempt to Be Educational, This Show Showed the ins and Outs of Exciting Jobs.

2015

A Continuation of The Story of International Rescue after the Death of Jeff Tracey, which, like the New Captain Scarlet, is also CGI, A lot of Hype and money was put into this show's Publicity. After all this was 15 years after Frakes' Folly that was The Live Action Film. With The BBC Giving back the Rights to ITV, they would treat the New Alliteration with the same Revarance as the Beeb, Premiering the First Series on Prime time Television.

 While it was Businesses as usual, some Changes where made.

1, Alan is now The Focus as the Teenage Rookie who feels he's not able to fill his late father's Shoes.

2. Granny plays a bigger Role as A Parent.

3. Tintin is now called Kayo ( Though her Uncle, The Hood, Calls her "Tintenya" when he is Confronted by her) is no longer the Live-in Load for Fanservice, and is now a Action Girl, With her Own Thunderbirds the Thunderbird Shadow or just S.

4. Brains is now Indian. Also as Someone who as a child had a Stutter, the new Brains Stutter is Subdued but still there and is not a Long String of consonants.

5. The Asian Representation is A whole lot Better, even if it means Retconning Tintin's....Sorry Kayo's Father out of existence. All I'm Saying is the Hood now longer uses "Chinese Voodoo". To Spy on International Rescue.

Naturally, the Anti Woke crowd was not Impressed by the NEEDED Changes to the Show. Personally, I like the Changes, Kayo has an Arc on whether to turn in her uncle, or lose all the Trust in her Adoptive Family, she gains Equal pegging by getting her own Thunderbird, Without becoming A Mary Sue. The remaining Series fell through with new villains, obviously Brains' Evil Twin Brother The Mechanic and the Very Flat Chaos Crew. The show is repeated on ITVX

2016

A Competition hosted by Failed 90's Singer and ITV Resident Thing that Didn't Leave, Peter Andre, This was a Creative writing Competition where Short Stories that Won Would become Animated....with all the Budget of A Change Jar!

2017

In the long Tradition of Gameshows like Knightmare were the Prize is just a proof of Winning. Actors took 2 "Junior Spies" to London Landmarks to Thwart Actors As Evil Versions of Celebrities or Just plain Trump. Apart from the Hokey Acting (The Trump "Lookalike" and I use that term loosely, had to say "Yuge!" And Fake News A few times for people to get who he's Suppose to be!) But the Puzzles and Obstacle course is exciting to watch, as win or lose will effect the Rest of the episode.

And that were we end it here. Not that there weren't Shows in 2018. No, any shows Beyond 2017 are repeated constantly til the end. One really annoying thing about compiling this List is that even the Shows on Wikipedia's  list that have no pages of their own don't even have Year of Production beside it. 

So next episode, the Channel dies Short of its 40th Birthday. We look at the Shows it was Showing before the End. Was it Quality that killed Children's TV on Mainstream ITV ? Or was it Abandoned? 

Join me next week to find out when we Lower the Coffin and Finally say "Goodbye, CITV!"