After Reviewing the Woman King Last Month, We have a Second Highly Credited Film, but not from film Review Sites, but instead 3 Newspapers, one given out for free, and a now deceased MUSIC! Magazine.
Now I take Film Reviews with a grain of salt, Hell, I know you are just reading these just for grins, but ever since Empire gave the Shitty Iron Man/Breakfast Club film posing as Power Rangers four stars, it makes me question credibility if I have to!
Which brings me to this film. A film created by the Youtuber Rapman, creator of something called Shiro's Story Which is an anti gang video that has a Million Views.
Well, so does the video of the Waffle falling over, so the fact no-one I know has heard of Rapman, but seen the waffle is telling!
With that said, can I leave my dislike for Rap at the door and see if the hype for this film is justified?
Well let's dig in to BlueStory and find out!
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| "Blue Story-Dabba Dee, Dabba Di, Innit?" |
In Stark Contrast to Last month's film Using, Well, Contrast, This Month's Film Cover is so Bland With it's Colour Scheme of Blues, Whites and Blacks that the Camouflage Jacket being Worn by Killy's Actor ironically blends in! As 9 Black Stereotypes Stand Statically in front of Stock Pictures of Peckham. Well Let's find out if this Film is better that this cover!
The Film Starts with Indistinct Chatter Pulled from British News Reports on Gang Violence and Knife Crime, Including a Soundbyte of a really Stupid sounding Teenager, Being asked why he needs to Carry a 20 inch blade, his Response?
"B-COZ EET'Z BEEG!"
....Y'know what?...
The Film Continues with It's World Building as the Director And Producer "Rapman" Raps the Exposition throughout as more stock footage shows Shootings and Vigils.
The Film Starts with Timmy (Later Played By Stephen Odubola) Being Fitted a Tie by his God-fearing Mother. It's his first Day at a very Respectable High school, Timmy is sad that he won't see his friends, His Mother berates his "Friends" Saying his Son will make New Friends, Better Friends, Especially better than That Kyron Boy!
So here's the Problem I Have with this film: It isn't one! It is a PSA With a Huge ass Budget! Case in point Much like McGruff, or to use My Country References The Judge or Mr Crow appear on screen, Rapman is there but is never Acknowledged, Even when he is sitting on Worktops or the like. So he raps the Exposition and I'm Sorry, but when I hear really Bad Rap Lyrics, All I hear is...
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| "Ice Tea, I drink that, 2 And a Half Men, I watch that!" |
So Timmy is 11 And his father died when he was young, when he Joins high school and on his first day, Timmy meets Marco (Later Played By Michael Ward) and they become Friends. 4 Years later They remain friends even though there is one problem with that, one that raises it's ugly head Now!
Those four years pass without Incident. Timmy despite being as Intelligent as his mother claims, is well liked and reliable, having copies of homework when the others fail to do so. A girl called Karina is handing out Invitations to her Birthday. Marco doesn't get one, but Karina finds him attractive so he can turn up when he wants to. Timmy tries speaking to a girl called Leah, that he has a crush on, But the others laugh at his Awkwardness, Something someone Sensitive as Timmy doesn't Appreciate!
In their Backyard on some Abandoned Furniture, The Deptford Boys are Confronted By the rival Peckham Youth, they shout and Goad each other, until Shots are fired, scattering the Deptford Boys!
Timmy's friends are shoe shopping when Timmy and Hakeem, The fat friend, both spot the girls they like, However they Pass 2 Gangsters with worse Intentions for the school girls. Hakeem tells Timmy to just leave it, But Timmy stands up for himself, Being from Deptford is just reason enough for him to be Quote "Wetted Up" (Read: Stabbed!) Until Marco steps in. And it's revealed that Marco's brother is a High Level Gangster called Switcher!
So Timmy waits outside a shop while Marco is inside buying Timmy some malted Drink and some Chocolate as a peace offering for his brother's idiot friends when along comes the Aforementioned Kyron and some Deptford Ghetto Boyz. Kyron now calls himself "Killy". Marco walks out and Killy recognizes him, but he laughs it of, making Marco pissed that Killy knew who he was.
While they Enjoy some dinner in Timmy's Flat, outside the Ghetto Boyz react to the fact their escape was Filmed and went viral, So now what they consider pride is broken. The two that ran, Fatz and Dibs, try to reason with their leader but the damage is done and they move out in broad daylight. However Fatz asks Dibs if he had his "Tranq" on him.
Marco Returns to his Brother Jay/Switcher. They are about to watch a Film until "Skitz" calls J to tell him about the fight and so it's revealed during another Rap, Jay is the Leader of the Peckham Youth, the Self proclaimed "Protector of Peckham" and he is sick that Marco still Chooses to stay out of family Business.
Sunset and Ghetto Boyz runoff some Peckham Youth off their Turf, but it's a trap as Switcher Kills Galis with his gun, with Police on the way, Madders runs off, leaving him to die.
More exposition Rap "Madders was the one who left Galis to die and now he wants Revenge. Meanwhile Switcher is burning his gun somewhere and Making sure Marco is his Alibi.
Madders Attends a Small Vigil for Galis as the rest of the Ghetto Boyz Blame him for his death. Which ends up with a fight. Riled up, this gives the Ghetto Boyz reason to do something.
It's the night of the party, and Timmy's friends are on the bus and all four want this to be the night they Hand over their V-Cards. However Timmy takes their Misogynistic Comments the wrong way, almost to the Point I'm thinking Dwayne and Hakeem may be in danger later on for saying the wrong thing!
So onto Typical Teen Film Party, and Leah is already Dancing with someone, Dwayne just tells Timmy to just talk to her already, and Hakeem gets a girlfriend! Timmy takes too long to ask Leah to Dance so Dwayne swipes in and after he was the one to say go for it!
What a Bellend!
Feeling Sorry for himself, Leah asks Timmy for a slow dance, and before she could kiss him, Marco starts a fight which leads to Karina's father breaking it up with a Machete.
However while Timmy had a great night, Marco's night is about to get worse, as his home is raided and Switcher is Arrested.
The next day at School Timmy walks Leah out the school gates, Marco's absence being noticed. Leah remarks that Timmy tried to intervene in the fight, much like when the Peckham boys tried to "talk" with her the other day, she asks him what does he think he has to prove?
Timmy changes the Subject to TV shows, But in doing so scores himself a date with Leah at his house. Marco Returns the next day and Defects the drama by bragging he's meeting a Older Woman from Instagram, As Referenced by Another Expository Rap.
Timmy wants to take it slow with Leah (I don't want Sex, I want Her!) So on the weekend Timmy and Leah are Cuddling on the couch, while Marco skips the foreplay and Cums inside a Total Stranger.
Meanwhile Timmy Compliments Leah's singing and tells her how much he fancies her. They lose their virginities but uses a condom to do so.
It turns out the Woman Marco slept with is the Girlfriend of Killy, and learning that, Killy assaults Marco and breaks his arm.
Monday at school, and Timmy sees the damage done to Marco (though he never explains what he did to deserve it!) And bitterly tells Timmy It was "Your Boys" the Ghetto Boyz. Marco demands Timmy tell him where Kyron lives, he says he doesn't know, his mother never let him near him after school. Marco doesn't believe him, saying "All of You" protect each other.
It Escalates when Marco figures out Timmy didn't help because he was with Leah, being disrespectful when she pipes up. Marco calls her a hoe and slaps her, so Timmy retaliates and punches him out!
In a Flash forward and a Verse of Lyrics, 3 months have passed, Timmy and Leah are still together, But now Marco is Completely a Member of the Youth. Not even Hakeem and Dwayne give Timmy the time of day. But today is the couple's anniversary and after feigning ignorance, but Reveals a Personalized Necklace.
GREAT! CONSIDERING WHAT KIND OF FILM GENRE THIS IS, WATCH IT BE USED TO IDENTIFY HER BODY!
One night, The Peckham Youth Jump Timmy and Marco smacks Leah with a Brick, Killing her instantly. And Timmy is hit next, only his injury puts him in a coma for 3 years.
3 years later and Timmy has Woken up but he is now calling himself Younger Madders, The Lieutenant of the Ghetto Boyz, the Sensitive boy has grown into an Empty Man, However he does let 2 youths from neither side to leave the bus before it kicks off royal. It's no longer Deptford Vs Peckham, it's Marco Vs Timmy.
Timmy rushes Hakeem with a knife and His former friend tries to appeal to His better nature, but grief has gripped him. We also learn that Marco because of what he did, has earned his nickname of "Bricker" .
Speaking of, Marco is out after his manslaughter charge, but instead of being this proud killer, who has a nickname to remind him of his crime, it is the opposite, he is generally guilty about what he did. But Switcher is having none of it!
At a nightclub Killy hears Switcher's name being used. And Timmy beats him up, but Madders goes into business for himself, stabbing Switcher into his spinal cord. In Hospital, Switcher tells Marco his fate: He will never walk again!
Abandoning his mother at the Hospital, Marco gets a phonecall from Timmy, Taunting him about how now he has the same Guilt of not saving a loved one. In the Next Weeks and Months the Postcode War escalates to more Violent levels. J and Marco's Cousin, Tyrone, aka Big Cuz, the one who introduced the gang life to them, has arrived to settle the score with Younger Madders, later He comes across a group doing a music Video And takes their camera away for having some of their members in the background. He learns that one of the Rappers is called LITTLE Madders in a case of Mistaken Identity.
The Peckham Youth Under the new Leadership of Big Cuz change their Tact from Constant Attack to Patience, Hoping the Ghetto Boyz Slip up. Over in Deptford, Timmy Proposes a similar Strategy, But Madders feels like his leadership is threatened, and he has every right to be, A coup happens and Timmy becomes leader. Madders brings up Leah's Death and Timmy Loses it!
That Night Madders has come to Apologise-Timmy doesn't buy it because the van is there and he is fears being Jumped. But Madders tells him he saw Bricker in town by himself and he's the one getting Jumped, we see that's a lie, as Marco walks in on J Crying.
Pulling up in Derelict Land, Madders grabs a Shovel to Unearth a Box, But in confused Anger, the Contents are Gone, When Madders returns it's a Setup, Killy and Big Cuz stick Madders up with his own guns, While Marco Taunts Timmy in the van by Pouring Petrol on the Vehicle.
Marco Callously Strikes a match despite a flashback of their friendship, In the end Timmy dies of Smoke Inhalation, After Shooting Killy dead after his gun Jams. Madders Pulls his Younger's Body out as the cops Bring Him in.
And Now the Final Rap.
Madders Becomes an Informant and That brings down Tyrone who gets 30 years in Prison and Marco 25, J Commits Suicide, and after good behaviour, Madders leaves London entirely and becomes a Youth Worker. And So the Film Ends with Little Madders entering the charts at the Tenth Spot and vowing Revenge on the Peckham Youth, even if it means Destroying his music career before it even started!
THIS FILM....is Fine!
That's it! The Acting is Fine, The Plot is Pedestrian, with No shocks or Surprises, But at the same time no Risk Either. Actors Speak their lines so fast in Slang, I had to watch in Subtitles and Never once for the Benefit of anyone on the outside looking in, was there an attempt to make me understand what the Bloody Hell they were saying! And in a film About gangs you would think there would DRESS IN DIFFERENT Colours so you could tell who's who! The Action is Good and Realistic, Realistic enough to Piss off the real life counterparts of The Peckham and Deptford gangs who shot up Cinemas showing this film Upon it's release! But Sadly this film comes as An Anti-Gang PSA Written by An AI. It's Not Bad it's Just Not My Cup of tea! Oh and if it hasn't being Beaten into you already...
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| "GANGS ARE BAD, M'KAY?" |
CREDITS
Bluestory was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (RealEnli on Mastodon World and Twitter)
With Media from:
Bluestory
Doctor Who
Deshawn Raw's Youtube Channel
Anchorman
MST3K
South Park
Bluestory was Produced by the BBC and Distributed by Paramount. All Rights Reserved. All Media Used Belong to their Respective Owners.
NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
We go from Gang Bang to Click Flick. Join me in September when J-Lo takes us for a Ride, in Hustlers!
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