For Seven Years this dvd has being collecting dust in my wardrobe, Unwatched and trapped in a Prison of Cellophane for nearly a decade. Waiting for it's moment, The Moment a Retroviewer will have good reason to destroy this travesty once and for all!
Seven Years....I starting to make a name for myself in this small circle Of Retroviewers, I had Joined the forum of ThatChavaunistPigWithTheGlasses, and made a lot of friends some who I'm still in contact with since the forum broke down!
Seven Years....and My last post was my 199th
I think a milestone is a good reason to to this
This Imfamously bad film, has a Equally bad Cover, This Film has Rob Schneider in a position that only Adam Sandler's Man-Bitch could find himself when begging for parts...BUCK NAKED!
Save the Bottle of Brain Belch for After the Film, there is a lot of Vomiting inducing moments to get through!
The Film starts by breaking out that Touchstone/Disney/Nazi Rat Money With some elaborate Setwork That shows ancient Abyssinia, 985 B.C.
A Princess is Arranged to be Married to a Warlord, Until her slave Percures a Pair of Teardrop Earrings that they each wear in one ear.
Of Course!
They are Going to Perform A Fusion Dance and Fight their way out!
Of Course Not!
But the Rings are Magical, The Princess and Slave switch Bodies, The Princess has her Freedom and the slave is Set for life so win-win!
Though Because Sandler writes script using The Audience are Idiots Trope all that happens in that their clothes change! How very unfortunate!)
We Cut to Modern Day California and a high school prep rally With Every Tired High school Trope, The mean Cheerleader, The Nasty Prank On A fat Girl, The Bullied Nerd, The Ghetto Ratchetts (Played by Tia And Tamara Mowry, whose careers were killed so bad by this film, they are still doing kids shows!), The Velly Ah Shawn, And the Goth Chick
The mean Cheerleader is Jessica who naturally Uses her looks to get her way, So that means she and her friends are on the mitch from classes, and it seems that a rival group of whores had the same idea, They Insult each other until Jessica has the last laugh by planting clothes in Jessica's bag!
An African Giftshop has just opened and after your pre-requisite Cameo by Daddy Sandler, The Shop is the framing Device to how the Earring end up in Modern America, Jessica Steals the earring when she is refused Purchase (so Why even have them on the counter and not in a Window Display!)
At The same time a Lowlife thief (Schneider) is robbing a petrol Station when Jessica's car drives in, During meeting each other Rob Inadvertently gets possession of one of the Earrings.
Jessica Goes home to see her Annoying Little Brother, Booger in her room, but before she throws him out see notices his black eye and asks how he got it?
Maybe Because Mommy has Nine Months and Still named Him "Booger?"
So after Cockteasing her boyfriend, Schiender is in his hovel, putting on the stolen earring. When Jessica wakes up, she is still at home, but in Rob's body!
And oh boy, is camp crossdressing Schnieder going to haunt my nightmares! The only Mercy is that he'll haunt all yours too!
Now in a man's body, Jessica has to steal clothes from Dad, and we see what we are dealing with, when Booger is too stupid to recognizes a man not his father!
So Despite Giving her best friend info only she would know, Jessica is sprayed with pepper spray and tumbles down a flight of steps...fir Funnehs!
So after a long, uncomfortable montage of Rob cleaning himself with feminine products, April is finally convinced and covers for her disappearance, because both are too stupid to buy razors, They try to deal with facial hair with hot wax.
Later at a ski lodge, Jessica calls her boyfriend Billy, but since it's a man's voice we get a Catholic Priest joke! BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
The next day the other Bitches try and figure out what happened...and the best they think of is School prank! Keep in mind all 4 met ManBitch 2 days ago,...AND NONE OF THEM RECOGNIZES HIM!
This is when the girls have a pillow fight that gets out of hand, that's right it become Male on Female Violence...Played For Laughs! WELL MAYBE SANDLER FOUND IT FUNNY, BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
The next day Jessica tries to return to her house Until her father thinks she is the new gardener. Rob's response "Si!" WHAT'S SPANISH FOR BECAUSE SANDLER FILM?
Under the guise of Tacito, the Whitest Gardener in All of Meh-Hi-Ho Stuggles to do Yardwork, even through she could just leave it alone and go to her room!
So Tacito and Dad share beers, and fartjokes (Because Sandler Film!) Turns out the marriage is not as stable as Jessica thought!
BUT NEVERMIND THAT SHIT!
Let's have Dad show his daughter (who, is in the body of stranger , by the way!) His dick and brag about how he used to fuck her mother!
More home Truths. Booger is a nine year old Cross dresser, so don't expect any heartwarming or accepting moments in fact it's all a set up for one lame joke during a Chase scene in the finale, Booger trips over his high heels!
So the Bitches accuses the fat girl and the goth girl for turning Jessica into a man. Goth Girl only fuels the stupidity even if she is half right about the spell being African in origin and how a voodoo practitioner would have a scorpion tattoo, turns out the rival cheerleader has a scorpion tattoo and they track her to a Nightclub!
Cue Another Uncomfortable montage of ManBitch getting a makeover. Jessica is a lost cause, but feels good enough to blag free lunch from male servers- it doesn't work!
Cut to Nightclub scene with has being with all of Sandler's world view all over it- A Nice Guy thinks Rob pulled all these girls, a black man wanting to fuck a fat white girl, and of course a Homophopic Barman
Let's finish this scene quickly to move on to real plot- they find Bianca with the intention of exposing her tattoo that ousts her as a witch, they have a dance off and end up stripping her of her shirt revealing no tattoo, and they just wrote this scene just so the male audience can see a teen actress' bra!
Ugh can we just move along I'm getting uncomfortable!
After a "Delightful" scene where Jessica uses an urinal for poop, the Nice Guy calls him a pimp and her friends, leading to a fight that make West Side Story look like Warriors!
Monday at school, April finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her. The bitches have the great idea that the body of a felon should work as a janitor, So When the School asks Jessica for a Fingerprints, just know, ONLY GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS!
We now see Jessica's body...in a cheap joke about Tampons!
BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
Under the guise of Taquito, It seems Booger had worked out Everything!
So we are FINALLY getting some leeway, they figure out it was the earrings but more bad news, the earrings are not together by the next full moon, the curse is permanent. The girls put up posters and Jess confess her love to Billy though still in a man's body
The principal gets a fax on the identity of Jessica's body, 1 hour in a 1 hour and 30 minute film we learn ManBitch's name is Clive...but it gets worse...Jessica's mother has falling for Taquito and tries it on with him it leads to both of Jessica's parents have wild sex in the bath!
Meanwhile, Clive in Jessica's body, comes across Billy, who still not believes, gives Clive his car, Clive loves this development of being an attractive girl gets you anything you want
It's the day of the Cheerleading competition and- OH NO! WE ARE DOING THIS SCENE NOW? THEN THAT MEANS!...
Yes, Schnieder in a dress but he's dressed as a mascot, and even though the mask fell off, Bridgetown still win, never mind getting disqualified, until Billy leaves with Bianca ...it gets worse Fat Girl learns on the news that Clive is using Jessica's body to lure and mug Johns
It's the night of prom which Trope Law dictates means this film is nearly over!
The Principal gets the Police Fax, Fat Girl investigates the alley shown in the news and finds a matchbox for a stripclub, April and Jessica "date" online for April to confess her to...Jessica? Clive? Jessica in Clive's body? Anyway the cops arrive but Fat Girl distracts them Everyone convines to the strip club where Clive is using a underage girls body to make money, Jessica's gets the earrings back in a fight, the body swap puts Jessica in the tux and Clive in Lingerie, Clive is arrested but escapes, but is picked up by the Homophobic Bartender, who locks his car-doors and smiles wickedly, Because Rape is Funny when 2 men do it!
This film is torture!
There is nothing redeemable about this film!
The characters are one dimensional stereotypes, the plot meanders from uncomfortable situation, to uncomfortable situation, the actors never appeared on anything else except other films involving Adam Sandler, as it working with Sandler is treated like a Scorched Earth policy to save other actors! If you felt anything else but disgust that a married man wrote a male consciousness force the body of An UNDERAGED! Girl! Into a sexworker, then you are a sick person!
Credits!
The Hot Chick was Reviewed Compiled and edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media from:
The Hot Chick
Grown Ups
One Punch Man
The Hot Chick was Produced By Happy Madison Productions, and Distributed by Touchstone!
Next time!
It's the ten Mile stare in 2 different directions...IN SPACE!
Ticket to hell returns with a wild ride with Valerian and the city of a thousand planets!
Seven Years....I starting to make a name for myself in this small circle Of Retroviewers, I had Joined the forum of ThatChavaunistPigWithTheGlasses, and made a lot of friends some who I'm still in contact with since the forum broke down!
Seven Years....and My last post was my 199th
I think a milestone is a good reason to to this
This Imfamously bad film, has a Equally bad Cover, This Film has Rob Schneider in a position that only Adam Sandler's Man-Bitch could find himself when begging for parts...BUCK NAKED!
Save the Bottle of Brain Belch for After the Film, there is a lot of Vomiting inducing moments to get through!
The Film starts by breaking out that Touchstone/Disney/Nazi Rat Money With some elaborate Setwork That shows ancient Abyssinia, 985 B.C.
A Princess is Arranged to be Married to a Warlord, Until her slave Percures a Pair of Teardrop Earrings that they each wear in one ear.
Of Course!
They are Going to Perform A Fusion Dance and Fight their way out!
Of Course Not!
But the Rings are Magical, The Princess and Slave switch Bodies, The Princess has her Freedom and the slave is Set for life so win-win!
Though Because Sandler writes script using The Audience are Idiots Trope all that happens in that their clothes change! How very unfortunate!)
We Cut to Modern Day California and a high school prep rally With Every Tired High school Trope, The mean Cheerleader, The Nasty Prank On A fat Girl, The Bullied Nerd, The Ghetto Ratchetts (Played by Tia And Tamara Mowry, whose careers were killed so bad by this film, they are still doing kids shows!), The Velly Ah Shawn, And the Goth Chick
The mean Cheerleader is Jessica who naturally Uses her looks to get her way, So that means she and her friends are on the mitch from classes, and it seems that a rival group of whores had the same idea, They Insult each other until Jessica has the last laugh by planting clothes in Jessica's bag!
An African Giftshop has just opened and after your pre-requisite Cameo by Daddy Sandler, The Shop is the framing Device to how the Earring end up in Modern America, Jessica Steals the earring when she is refused Purchase (so Why even have them on the counter and not in a Window Display!)
At The same time a Lowlife thief (Schneider) is robbing a petrol Station when Jessica's car drives in, During meeting each other Rob Inadvertently gets possession of one of the Earrings.
Jessica Goes home to see her Annoying Little Brother, Booger in her room, but before she throws him out see notices his black eye and asks how he got it?
Maybe Because Mommy has Nine Months and Still named Him "Booger?"
So after Cockteasing her boyfriend, Schiender is in his hovel, putting on the stolen earring. When Jessica wakes up, she is still at home, but in Rob's body!
And oh boy, is camp crossdressing Schnieder going to haunt my nightmares! The only Mercy is that he'll haunt all yours too!
Now in a man's body, Jessica has to steal clothes from Dad, and we see what we are dealing with, when Booger is too stupid to recognizes a man not his father!
So Despite Giving her best friend info only she would know, Jessica is sprayed with pepper spray and tumbles down a flight of steps...fir Funnehs!
So after a long, uncomfortable montage of Rob cleaning himself with feminine products, April is finally convinced and covers for her disappearance, because both are too stupid to buy razors, They try to deal with facial hair with hot wax.
Later at a ski lodge, Jessica calls her boyfriend Billy, but since it's a man's voice we get a Catholic Priest joke! BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
The next day the other Bitches try and figure out what happened...and the best they think of is School prank! Keep in mind all 4 met ManBitch 2 days ago,...AND NONE OF THEM RECOGNIZES HIM!
This is when the girls have a pillow fight that gets out of hand, that's right it become Male on Female Violence...Played For Laughs! WELL MAYBE SANDLER FOUND IT FUNNY, BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
The next day Jessica tries to return to her house Until her father thinks she is the new gardener. Rob's response "Si!" WHAT'S SPANISH FOR BECAUSE SANDLER FILM?
Under the guise of Tacito, the Whitest Gardener in All of Meh-Hi-Ho Stuggles to do Yardwork, even through she could just leave it alone and go to her room!
So Tacito and Dad share beers, and fartjokes (Because Sandler Film!) Turns out the marriage is not as stable as Jessica thought!
BUT NEVERMIND THAT SHIT!
Let's have Dad show his daughter (who, is in the body of stranger , by the way!) His dick and brag about how he used to fuck her mother!
More home Truths. Booger is a nine year old Cross dresser, so don't expect any heartwarming or accepting moments in fact it's all a set up for one lame joke during a Chase scene in the finale, Booger trips over his high heels!
So the Bitches accuses the fat girl and the goth girl for turning Jessica into a man. Goth Girl only fuels the stupidity even if she is half right about the spell being African in origin and how a voodoo practitioner would have a scorpion tattoo, turns out the rival cheerleader has a scorpion tattoo and they track her to a Nightclub!
Cue Another Uncomfortable montage of ManBitch getting a makeover. Jessica is a lost cause, but feels good enough to blag free lunch from male servers- it doesn't work!
Cut to Nightclub scene with has being with all of Sandler's world view all over it- A Nice Guy thinks Rob pulled all these girls, a black man wanting to fuck a fat white girl, and of course a Homophopic Barman
Let's finish this scene quickly to move on to real plot- they find Bianca with the intention of exposing her tattoo that ousts her as a witch, they have a dance off and end up stripping her of her shirt revealing no tattoo, and they just wrote this scene just so the male audience can see a teen actress' bra!
Ugh can we just move along I'm getting uncomfortable!
After a "Delightful" scene where Jessica uses an urinal for poop, the Nice Guy calls him a pimp and her friends, leading to a fight that make West Side Story look like Warriors!
Monday at school, April finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her. The bitches have the great idea that the body of a felon should work as a janitor, So When the School asks Jessica for a Fingerprints, just know, ONLY GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS!
We now see Jessica's body...in a cheap joke about Tampons!
BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
Under the guise of Taquito, It seems Booger had worked out Everything!
So we are FINALLY getting some leeway, they figure out it was the earrings but more bad news, the earrings are not together by the next full moon, the curse is permanent. The girls put up posters and Jess confess her love to Billy though still in a man's body
The principal gets a fax on the identity of Jessica's body, 1 hour in a 1 hour and 30 minute film we learn ManBitch's name is Clive...but it gets worse...Jessica's mother has falling for Taquito and tries it on with him it leads to both of Jessica's parents have wild sex in the bath!
Meanwhile, Clive in Jessica's body, comes across Billy, who still not believes, gives Clive his car, Clive loves this development of being an attractive girl gets you anything you want
It's the day of the Cheerleading competition and- OH NO! WE ARE DOING THIS SCENE NOW? THEN THAT MEANS!...
Yes, Schnieder in a dress but he's dressed as a mascot, and even though the mask fell off, Bridgetown still win, never mind getting disqualified, until Billy leaves with Bianca ...it gets worse Fat Girl learns on the news that Clive is using Jessica's body to lure and mug Johns
It's the night of prom which Trope Law dictates means this film is nearly over!
The Principal gets the Police Fax, Fat Girl investigates the alley shown in the news and finds a matchbox for a stripclub, April and Jessica "date" online for April to confess her to...Jessica? Clive? Jessica in Clive's body? Anyway the cops arrive but Fat Girl distracts them Everyone convines to the strip club where Clive is using a underage girls body to make money, Jessica's gets the earrings back in a fight, the body swap puts Jessica in the tux and Clive in Lingerie, Clive is arrested but escapes, but is picked up by the Homophobic Bartender, who locks his car-doors and smiles wickedly, Because Rape is Funny when 2 men do it!
This film is torture!
There is nothing redeemable about this film!
The characters are one dimensional stereotypes, the plot meanders from uncomfortable situation, to uncomfortable situation, the actors never appeared on anything else except other films involving Adam Sandler, as it working with Sandler is treated like a Scorched Earth policy to save other actors! If you felt anything else but disgust that a married man wrote a male consciousness force the body of An UNDERAGED! Girl! Into a sexworker, then you are a sick person!
Credits!
The Hot Chick was Reviewed Compiled and edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media from:
The Hot Chick
Grown Ups
One Punch Man
The Hot Chick was Produced By Happy Madison Productions, and Distributed by Touchstone!
Next time!
It's the ten Mile stare in 2 different directions...IN SPACE!
Ticket to hell returns with a wild ride with Valerian and the city of a thousand planets!
