(PREVIOUSLY ON EMOJI MOVIE REVIEW....
PEOPLE ARE STUPID TO USE EMOJIS INSTEAD OF TALKING OPENLY ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS, SO SAY THE FILM THAT WAS MADE TO PROMOTE THEM. A PHONE IS A MICROCOSM BUILT SOLELY TO MAKE IT'S OWNER COOL, GENE A "MEH" FACE WITH MORE THAN 1 EMOTION MAKES THE WRONG FACE AT WORK, CAUSING THE PHONE TO PANIC ABOUT BEING RESET, NOT BECAUSE RESETTING IS A BAD THING, BUT PRECIOUS FAVOURITE FILE, TREATED AS SOCIAL STANDING WILL BE DELETED! GENE MAKES A SUICIDE PACT WITH 2 OTHER OUTCASTS, XTINA PLAYS KATY PERRY, SIR PATRICK STEWART PLAYS A SHIT( NO REALLY~!) AND JAMES CORBIN.
JUST.
WON'T.
SHUT.
THE.
FUCK.
UP!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc
Continuing To search for her son, Mary Meh goes into Alex's Insta, Seeing Pictures of his Family makes Mary Feel more Sorry for herself, Until her Husband Mel tells her it's all his fault....In a twist Mel Reveals he has More Than One Expression and it must have passed on to Gene
Wait....
Passed on from Father to Son....
Gene
GENEtic!
OH COME ON! NOW YOU ARE SAYING THE PROGRAMS ARE LIFEFORMS, JUST TO GIVE US THE FALSE DRAMA OF THE RESET IN THE CLOSING SCENE.
That only works if the Characters were people we care about! We have a hero who wants to top himself because he has being Saturated all his life that he's not good enough, he have Straw Feminist who doesn't want to be a princess over faux inequality in her head, and we have James Corbin's Hi-5. Possibly the most annoying side-kick since Scrappy Doo!
The Upgraded Anti-Virus Bot attacks our trio and reveals his new form as a Minecrafted Death Eater. Despite it's Imposingness, It's Easily Outsmarted and Can't Enter Dropbox's Protected Software!
Reaching Firewall Gene gets Burnt everytime he uses a password in a montage. Gene Surmises that if he was a teenage Boy he would use the name of a girl he likes. But that's when Hi-5 chimes in (who after nearly getting everyone killed...TWICE!, was told to sit in the corner and shut the hell up!) After being begged to tell what he knows to placate his ego, he reveals that when he was in the Recycling Bin, he found an unsent email, that had a thumbs up in it...only he was more concerned about Alex using him in a message than remembering the name of the Girl!
REALLY MOVIE? YOU COULD HAVE USED THIS CHANCE TO MAKE HI-5 REDEEM HIMSELF BUT INSTEAD...
It's only by Hacking the phone-log and seeing Alex making nervous hang-up calls to Addy, that Gene uses the name to break to the other side!
PEOPLE ARE STUPID TO USE EMOJIS INSTEAD OF TALKING OPENLY ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS, SO SAY THE FILM THAT WAS MADE TO PROMOTE THEM. A PHONE IS A MICROCOSM BUILT SOLELY TO MAKE IT'S OWNER COOL, GENE A "MEH" FACE WITH MORE THAN 1 EMOTION MAKES THE WRONG FACE AT WORK, CAUSING THE PHONE TO PANIC ABOUT BEING RESET, NOT BECAUSE RESETTING IS A BAD THING, BUT PRECIOUS FAVOURITE FILE, TREATED AS SOCIAL STANDING WILL BE DELETED! GENE MAKES A SUICIDE PACT WITH 2 OTHER OUTCASTS, XTINA PLAYS KATY PERRY, SIR PATRICK STEWART PLAYS A SHIT( NO REALLY~!) AND JAMES CORBIN.
JUST.
WON'T.
SHUT.
THE.
FUCK.
UP!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc
Continuing To search for her son, Mary Meh goes into Alex's Insta, Seeing Pictures of his Family makes Mary Feel more Sorry for herself, Until her Husband Mel tells her it's all his fault....In a twist Mel Reveals he has More Than One Expression and it must have passed on to Gene
Wait....
Passed on from Father to Son....
Gene
GENEtic!
OH COME ON! NOW YOU ARE SAYING THE PROGRAMS ARE LIFEFORMS, JUST TO GIVE US THE FALSE DRAMA OF THE RESET IN THE CLOSING SCENE.
That only works if the Characters were people we care about! We have a hero who wants to top himself because he has being Saturated all his life that he's not good enough, he have Straw Feminist who doesn't want to be a princess over faux inequality in her head, and we have James Corbin's Hi-5. Possibly the most annoying side-kick since Scrappy Doo!
The Upgraded Anti-Virus Bot attacks our trio and reveals his new form as a Minecrafted Death Eater. Despite it's Imposingness, It's Easily Outsmarted and Can't Enter Dropbox's Protected Software!
Reaching Firewall Gene gets Burnt everytime he uses a password in a montage. Gene Surmises that if he was a teenage Boy he would use the name of a girl he likes. But that's when Hi-5 chimes in (who after nearly getting everyone killed...TWICE!, was told to sit in the corner and shut the hell up!) After being begged to tell what he knows to placate his ego, he reveals that when he was in the Recycling Bin, he found an unsent email, that had a thumbs up in it...only he was more concerned about Alex using him in a message than remembering the name of the Girl!
REALLY MOVIE? YOU COULD HAVE USED THIS CHANCE TO MAKE HI-5 REDEEM HIMSELF BUT INSTEAD...
 |
| "you blew it!" |
So the hero Enter's the Icloud, Quite Literally Made of clouds, However Gene has second thoughts on topping himself so he confesses his feelings to Jailbreak, But when she breaks his heart, he doesn't need his Source code fixed he just get's depressed and "meh's" naturally! Then Gene allows the Upgrade to capture him. Worst still Alex has arrived
Hi-five tells Jailbreak what just happened and she uses her princess powers to whistle to summon birds...and it summons a giant twitter logo!
So gene is bought to Smiler, BLAHBLAHBLAH, Sike I lied! BLAHBLAHBLAH Social Standing is GOD! Until on the wings of twitter, hi-5, jailbreak and the meh's have a big Dahm Heroes moment. But the reset is still happening, the only way to save the phone is to send Addy a message so heartwarming and full of love, that it gives Alex's second thoughts that on having his phone reset!....BUT REMEMBER, THIS FILM ITSELF TOLD IT'S AUDIENCE THAT THEY ARE IDIOTS, SO IT MUST HAVE AN EMOJI!
That's where we finally get to the biggest cop-out of this film. Gene's Existence is that of a brand new emoji. Gene's Expression is Every Expression, because Alex cannot Spit It Out!...Gene...is One of my Hated Tropes....he is a Chosen One Golden Child who is the only one to save his world. When Addy fawns over the animated Emoji, and convinces Alex to cancel the reset, Gene Releases a World Healing Wave to restore the phone's universe.
If i was a Cynical Man, i would think this film was trying to advertise a Real Moving Emoj-OHSONOVABITCH!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kkq8a6AV3HM
And the Stinger at the end, Revealing that even though anyone can enter the Favourite File Now, Smiler is trapped in the Loser Lounge. Because Popularity and social Standing may be bullshit, but a loser is still a loser!
JAYSUS FUCKING CHRIST! THIS FILM SUCKS!
When a film goes out of it's way to tell you that using Emoji's is a stupid thing to do, Prepare to be Punished for your Sins! Flat Characters, Horrible Dialogue, incessant blasts of Trash Music. James Corbin's Hi-Five is so annoying, that not being the comic relief is enough to save him! And of course it's for kids, so you either go down the Cartoon Network Route and make something challenging and imaginitive or You Go down the Nickelodeon Route with Poop Jokes! How they Convinced Patrick Stewart to play a giant Shit baffles me, More than actually Greenlighting this 90 minute Phone Advertisement you had to PAY TO WATCH!
CREDITS
The Emoji Movie was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited into 3 parts by Eamonn Bermingham
With Music and Media from:
Part 1
Led Zeppelin "Communication Breakdown"
Emoji Movie
some ecards
Part 2
THE CATCHIEST SONG EVER MADE AKA Elena "Disco Romancing"
Emoji Movie
Katy Perry "Roar"
Katy Perry "Dark Horse"
WWE RAW!
Phelous and Linkara "Airzone Solution" Review
Part 3
Combine Harvester by The Wurzels
Father Ted
Adventure Time
Apple
RED MIST CLIMAX THE FINAL PART!
A MUSE FOR A FLAME!
...Wait so, we are fightin' one o'dem Cosmik Eternities? I thought they were godz!
-fROM yOUR fEEBLE uNDERSTANDING, hUMAN, i mIGHT aS wELL bE!
-But I still don't know why you are feedin' ov da anger of these auld People
-Get it? it all makes sense? what is happening in the world right now? the future of humanity shaped by morons with old ways of thinking! it all makes sense! the arrival of Rage posing as a dead Body being found by children, children who accosted their Granddad for even thinking they would be stupid enough to standing in a river, without him telling them. the feeling of Disappointment and Disrespect by the younger generation?
.....wAS dELICIOUS!
....So needed more rage Mary, the shopkeeper and self-appointed moral compass and her refusal to sell flowers to a Cival Partnership, fueled you further. and now we baited you in a trap. Feeding you enough confusion and rage by playing Hip-Hop in a mostly White Village Old Folks Home!
...aND i sUPPOSE yOU aRE hEAR tO sTOP mE! i aM rAGE! tO sTOP mE iS tO iMPEED nATURE! i mAY bE bANISHED bUT mY rOLE iS vITAL tO tHE fLOW of mANY uNIVERSES!
...You're right of course, we can't stop you...but we sure as hell can stop getting in our way!
-wHAT?!
-You are on our stage with a sound system, and you are live in living technicolour Baby!
...Wait, no (Rages voice changed to that of a girl's)...these bad men kil...
-WE NOT FALLING FER DAT A SECOND TIME!
-YEAH! SHOW US YOUR REAL FACE!
The stolen form of a little girl combusted into an ethereal flaming humanoid.
iS tHIS wANT yOU wANTED , yOU bASTARDS? pLAY tHE hERO, mY fLAMES dOTH cONSUMETH tHE mIND oV mANY a cHAMPION!
-HMM! Said Eamonn as he turned slowly listening to a tirade getting quieter and quieter.
-Wait that's it! we are not going t' kill him?
-he came to feed on rage! that's what he is! we shouldn't have intervened, but he took your mother's memory to incite rage. I did it as a favour to your Mother. And that's all! We can't ever kill Things like a Cosmic Entity. We can only Chase it away after it has it's fill. It's the only way!
80's Lad turned towards Rage
"FUCK THAT FOR NOISE!"
(80's Lad rolled up his sleeves to reveal The Master's Gauntlet's: the Gaia Gauntlet that was given to Eamonn by Yusef and the people of Earth 3, and a recreated Charon Gauntlet. obviously one of Eighties own design. He tapped the wrists together and the power of creation did war with the power of Death. Eighties lad did want EARTH 3's Eamonn could never do: erase the mind of a cosmic Entity.
As Rage's body faded from existence, an aura enveloped Eighties Lad
-Edwin, what did you do?
-YOU ARE A NAIVE FOOL, EAMONN-MAN! We nearly lost the last time, when you faced The Leader, and now we have Gods!, ACTUAL FUCKING GODS TRYING TO KILL US! WHAT I DID WAS SEND A WARNING TO ALL OF THEM IN THE FORGE OF CREATION! STAY OUT OF HUMAN BUSINESS!
You Don't understand
-DON'T I? I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO SAVE PEOPLE? I SAW WHAT THE OTHER EDWIN DID IN EARTH 2, WHAT BE DID BY TURNING THE ENTIRE POPULATION INTO CYBORGS...IT WASN'T SLAVERY, IT WAS EVOLUTION! AND YOU EXPECTED ME TO USE MY EXISTANCE TO REWRITE THE MASTER CONTROL PROGRAM TO GIVE FREE WILL BACK TO PEOPLE, AND NOT BE ANGERED BY HIS LEGACY RUINED? WHAT GAVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO GOVERN THIS WORLD? YOU SHOULD STICK TO REVIEWING! LOOK AFTER YOUR OWN CREATION!
....Edwin, what you did cannot be taken back! You're actions have altered forever......hhhhhpppmmm!
(Eamonn clutches his arm covered by his own Gauntlet, Gae Dearg, hosting and powered by a scrap of Satanic Power from a devil's dvd once lodged in his arm. In the Forge of Creation. Nose Grindstone was checking the Pressure gauges when all of them went into the Redzone)
...BLOODY HELL! WE GETTING A NEW REALITY!
Upstairs the Game was getting intense. Change spun the 20 sided die to decide the fate of her and her kind.
The Dice exploded.
all but two 2 numbers.
A zero from both the 10 and the 20!)
sO iT fINALLY hAPPENED. wE lOST!
(THE FORGE OF CREATION EXPLODED AS THE BIRTH OF A NEW REALITY WASHED THROUGH THE MULTIVERSE LIKE A CLEANSING FIRE, ALL THOSE WITH A PIECE OF SATANIC POWER IN THE MULTIVERSE, EAMONN, YUSEF, COUNTLESS OTHER CHAMPIONS IN COUNTLESS WORLDS, SAW THE FLAMES FROM THEIR SCRAPS FORM SOMETHING THE SKY.
A CITY.
A CITY MADE FROM STOLEN PIECES OF OTHER WORLDS, JAMMED INTO THIS WORLD TO STOP THE UNIVERSE FROM COLLAPSING.
"I...MADE THIS?"
"AYE! AND I THINK THERE MAYBE SUMPTHING DERE FOR DIS TO BE HERE, SOME KINDA DESTINY! HE SAID IT 'IMSELF, LOOK AFTA YA OWN CREATION! AND THIS...."HEAVEN'S SCAR!" IS A NEW BEGINNING FER THIS WORLD!
NEXT MONTH!
THE NEW STORYLINE STARTS!
HEAVENSCAR!
CHAPTER 1: POWER RANGERS: 2018!
And the Stinger at the end, Revealing that even though anyone can enter the Favourite File Now, Smiler is trapped in the Loser Lounge. Because Popularity and social Standing may be bullshit, but a loser is still a loser!
JAYSUS FUCKING CHRIST! THIS FILM SUCKS!
When a film goes out of it's way to tell you that using Emoji's is a stupid thing to do, Prepare to be Punished for your Sins! Flat Characters, Horrible Dialogue, incessant blasts of Trash Music. James Corbin's Hi-Five is so annoying, that not being the comic relief is enough to save him! And of course it's for kids, so you either go down the Cartoon Network Route and make something challenging and imaginitive or You Go down the Nickelodeon Route with Poop Jokes! How they Convinced Patrick Stewart to play a giant Shit baffles me, More than actually Greenlighting this 90 minute Phone Advertisement you had to PAY TO WATCH!
CREDITS
The Emoji Movie was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited into 3 parts by Eamonn Bermingham
With Music and Media from:
Part 1
Led Zeppelin "Communication Breakdown"
Emoji Movie
some ecards
Part 2
THE CATCHIEST SONG EVER MADE AKA Elena "Disco Romancing"
Emoji Movie
Katy Perry "Roar"
Katy Perry "Dark Horse"
WWE RAW!
Phelous and Linkara "Airzone Solution" Review
Part 3
Combine Harvester by The Wurzels
Father Ted
Adventure Time
Apple
RED MIST CLIMAX THE FINAL PART!
A MUSE FOR A FLAME!
...Wait so, we are fightin' one o'dem Cosmik Eternities? I thought they were godz!
-fROM yOUR fEEBLE uNDERSTANDING, hUMAN, i mIGHT aS wELL bE!
-But I still don't know why you are feedin' ov da anger of these auld People
-Get it? it all makes sense? what is happening in the world right now? the future of humanity shaped by morons with old ways of thinking! it all makes sense! the arrival of Rage posing as a dead Body being found by children, children who accosted their Granddad for even thinking they would be stupid enough to standing in a river, without him telling them. the feeling of Disappointment and Disrespect by the younger generation?
.....wAS dELICIOUS!
....So needed more rage Mary, the shopkeeper and self-appointed moral compass and her refusal to sell flowers to a Cival Partnership, fueled you further. and now we baited you in a trap. Feeding you enough confusion and rage by playing Hip-Hop in a mostly White Village Old Folks Home!
...aND i sUPPOSE yOU aRE hEAR tO sTOP mE! i aM rAGE! tO sTOP mE iS tO iMPEED nATURE! i mAY bE bANISHED bUT mY rOLE iS vITAL tO tHE fLOW of mANY uNIVERSES!
...You're right of course, we can't stop you...but we sure as hell can stop getting in our way!
-wHAT?!
-You are on our stage with a sound system, and you are live in living technicolour Baby!
...Wait, no (Rages voice changed to that of a girl's)...these bad men kil...
-WE NOT FALLING FER DAT A SECOND TIME!
-YEAH! SHOW US YOUR REAL FACE!
The stolen form of a little girl combusted into an ethereal flaming humanoid.
iS tHIS wANT yOU wANTED , yOU bASTARDS? pLAY tHE hERO, mY fLAMES dOTH cONSUMETH tHE mIND oV mANY a cHAMPION!
-HMM! Said Eamonn as he turned slowly listening to a tirade getting quieter and quieter.
-Wait that's it! we are not going t' kill him?
-he came to feed on rage! that's what he is! we shouldn't have intervened, but he took your mother's memory to incite rage. I did it as a favour to your Mother. And that's all! We can't ever kill Things like a Cosmic Entity. We can only Chase it away after it has it's fill. It's the only way!
80's Lad turned towards Rage
"FUCK THAT FOR NOISE!"
(80's Lad rolled up his sleeves to reveal The Master's Gauntlet's: the Gaia Gauntlet that was given to Eamonn by Yusef and the people of Earth 3, and a recreated Charon Gauntlet. obviously one of Eighties own design. He tapped the wrists together and the power of creation did war with the power of Death. Eighties lad did want EARTH 3's Eamonn could never do: erase the mind of a cosmic Entity.
As Rage's body faded from existence, an aura enveloped Eighties Lad
-Edwin, what did you do?
-YOU ARE A NAIVE FOOL, EAMONN-MAN! We nearly lost the last time, when you faced The Leader, and now we have Gods!, ACTUAL FUCKING GODS TRYING TO KILL US! WHAT I DID WAS SEND A WARNING TO ALL OF THEM IN THE FORGE OF CREATION! STAY OUT OF HUMAN BUSINESS!
You Don't understand
-DON'T I? I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO SAVE PEOPLE? I SAW WHAT THE OTHER EDWIN DID IN EARTH 2, WHAT BE DID BY TURNING THE ENTIRE POPULATION INTO CYBORGS...IT WASN'T SLAVERY, IT WAS EVOLUTION! AND YOU EXPECTED ME TO USE MY EXISTANCE TO REWRITE THE MASTER CONTROL PROGRAM TO GIVE FREE WILL BACK TO PEOPLE, AND NOT BE ANGERED BY HIS LEGACY RUINED? WHAT GAVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO GOVERN THIS WORLD? YOU SHOULD STICK TO REVIEWING! LOOK AFTER YOUR OWN CREATION!
....Edwin, what you did cannot be taken back! You're actions have altered forever......hhhhhpppmmm!
(Eamonn clutches his arm covered by his own Gauntlet, Gae Dearg, hosting and powered by a scrap of Satanic Power from a devil's dvd once lodged in his arm. In the Forge of Creation. Nose Grindstone was checking the Pressure gauges when all of them went into the Redzone)
...BLOODY HELL! WE GETTING A NEW REALITY!
Upstairs the Game was getting intense. Change spun the 20 sided die to decide the fate of her and her kind.
The Dice exploded.
all but two 2 numbers.
A zero from both the 10 and the 20!)
sO iT fINALLY hAPPENED. wE lOST!
(THE FORGE OF CREATION EXPLODED AS THE BIRTH OF A NEW REALITY WASHED THROUGH THE MULTIVERSE LIKE A CLEANSING FIRE, ALL THOSE WITH A PIECE OF SATANIC POWER IN THE MULTIVERSE, EAMONN, YUSEF, COUNTLESS OTHER CHAMPIONS IN COUNTLESS WORLDS, SAW THE FLAMES FROM THEIR SCRAPS FORM SOMETHING THE SKY.
A CITY.
A CITY MADE FROM STOLEN PIECES OF OTHER WORLDS, JAMMED INTO THIS WORLD TO STOP THE UNIVERSE FROM COLLAPSING.
"I...MADE THIS?"
"AYE! AND I THINK THERE MAYBE SUMPTHING DERE FOR DIS TO BE HERE, SOME KINDA DESTINY! HE SAID IT 'IMSELF, LOOK AFTA YA OWN CREATION! AND THIS...."HEAVEN'S SCAR!" IS A NEW BEGINNING FER THIS WORLD!
NEXT MONTH!
THE NEW STORYLINE STARTS!
HEAVENSCAR!
CHAPTER 1: POWER RANGERS: 2018!
