Eamonn Reviews Ghostbusters Frozen Empire

 Ghostbusters Rebirth was a return to form for the ailing franchise. 

I even said as much when I Reviewed Rebirth a couple of years back. A comeback from the embarrassing 3rd outing and also an Apology to both the fans and the late co star and Co writer, Harold Ramis.

So now, The Ghostbusters are back with a blend of Original cast and new blood to Continue Egon's legacy in new but Familiar Adventures in a new Century

.....And then We get THIS?!?

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 12 FOR MILD HORROR, DEATH AND INNUENDO. SOME WORDS WILL BE CENSORED FROM THIS POINT ONWARD. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. 

The Cover is a microcosm of the film's direction. It's too busy and focuses on the wrong characters.  Case in point on top, front and centre is Paul Rudd Standing next to Dan Ackroyd and Bill Murray like he's a main character. 

THE WORST AVENGER IS NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER!

No, the next Generation are, who spent all of Rebirth saving Rudd from being Vinz are relegated to smaller Headshots. Even the fist pump moment of finally seeing Janine getting in on the action as a Ghostbuster is given the smallest amount of space to an original cast member. Even our one shot villains are done dirty.  What? You didn't notice the Ice Demon and Kumail Nanjiani? Well trust me they're on this cover....Somewhere!

To celebrate 100 years of Colombia Films, this is one time I can't complain about The Studio screwing with the logo. 

A Quote by Robert Frost opens the Festivities in 1904, when the Firehouse was once that, Firemen charge a room at the Adventurer's Society, not to find Searing Flames, but  Freezing Cold. Tearing down the door with their axes, they find all those inside are already dead, their bodies impaled by icicles which in turn have Flash Frozen them, The Fire Chief Finds the only things out of place are a detached hand still turning the crankshaft of a Gramaphone  and the body of a Women in Arabic Costume holding a Puzzle Orb. The Woman's Corpse Jump Scares the Firemen, as the other corpses shatter as panels on the Orbs move Like A clockwork Rubik's Cube.

One Hundred and twenty years pass, And the Spengler-Gruberman Family have returned to New York....and they Just Flanderized the living hell out of these characters! Gary Gruberman (Rudd) is just annoying, Son Trevor Spengler (Finn Wolfhard) is a whiner and complainer, daughter Phoebe  (McKenna Grace), is just girl-Egon, mother Carrie (Callie Coon) who spent most of the last film realizing her children are capable to handle themselves, is now a complete Chi-Chi to Phoebe's Gohan! The family are chasing what Phoebe calls The Hell's Kitchen Sewer Dragon. We see Carrie has her moment to contribute as she Reveals a drone trap for capturing Flying Ghosts, causing thousands of dollars in collateral damage. As Exposition News tells us the Ghostbusters' return to New York has being financially bankrolled by former Ghostbuster member and Philanthropist  Winston Zeddemore  (Ernie Hudson). We also see the toys and song also existed in their universe, just in case you ask how did Winston get so Minted.

The Ghostbusters have to deal with a Familiar thorn in their side, Mr Peck. (William Atherton) Now mayor of New York City. Who because of Gary's lack of tact, not only does Peck finally hit the Ghostbusters with a Chemical Waste charge, but a Citation for Child Labour when he learns Phoebe is 15, and that Gary is not legally married to Carrie, so he is not legally Carrie's father, just her employer. 

Four Decades may pass, but the Firehouse is still a dump to live in, with Trevor treated as an unpaid repairman. Phoebe is angry that she's being benched, but the Law is the law.

Distracted by Family Strife and Gary and Mom bragging that they had Consummated whilst turned into Demon dogs, The Adults struggle when the Containment Unit strains under the Pressure of it's filled capacity  (A reminder that Ray more or less said every ghost was caught before the events of Rebirth)

Speaking of, we cut to Ray Stantz (Ackroyd) and "Podcast" filming a YouTube show called Possessed. Ray needs to reminded to say "Like and Subscribe"

"This Video is Sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends"

The show's Premise is people bringing in Supposedly Haunted items for Ray to Scan for Spirit Energy. Only for Podcast to smash non-haunted items with a sledgehammer, like a Antique Rolex. Because the Gen-Zer only knows what a clock is as a picture on his phone.

"The Hammer gets views, Bro!"

"We Need the Hammer! We Can't Compete with that Mr B**ch Guy who fakes Acts of Charity, Bro!"

Podcast has left "Dork-La-homa" as he put it under the false pretense of being in Space Camp. Phoebe had Visited Stantz' Bar to deliver Ectoplasm.  The Marshmallow Minis are Still Alive (Undead?) ....the Marshmallow minis are still here! Podcast treats their existence as pests. That's when a man walks into a bar and drops a box on the counter, this man's presence has scared the Minis as the man's identity is revealed to be....

Asian Rob Schiender!

The man (played atrociously by Kumail Nanjiani) wants to make bank by selling the Puzzle Orb McGuffin. So he sells the thing that will doom us all for $50! Asian Schiender Books it as it seems like Flames follow him. Janine (Annie Potts) tells Gary she'll contact Winston to get his Engineers to look at the Containment Unit, but there was never really a plan if the unit did reach Capacity. In the attic, Trevor finds the source of the Black Mould is actually Slimer and four Decades of food waste. Phoebe Is benched and Ray looks at the passing Ecto-1 with a smile. 

In a park, Phoebe sets up her Grandfather's Chess Set and pieces start to play against her. But instead of Egon's Ghost, it's a Ghost Woman (Emily Alyn Lind). 

This is Melody, the Ghost of a House fire victim, who is shocked that the young girl is so calm seeing her. During a game, The girl asks her what's the best and worst of being Undead.  Melody says the worst is not aging, the best is still being able to do things like beating Phoebe in chess. 

One of Winston's Engineers (played by British Comedian and Gameshow host James Acaster) runs a Diagnostic and it's bad news. The System is too old to contain Such Power. So with Janine and Winston in tow, it's time to reveal the fruits of the Zeddemore Foundation: A Bigger Headquarters.

Relocating into a Rundown Aquarium, Winston's money has been put into seeing Egon Spengler's Research reach the next level with Research into Parabiology, Parabotany and even Paranormal Sound Dynamics. There is another Surprise, Lucky has also came from Oklahoma to  New York.

What do you mean you don't remember Lucky?

She was The Waitress Trevor fell for, she got one shot in with a photon pack and was turned into Zuul after Zuul turned back into Carrie.

Y'KNOW, LUCKY!

So Lucky is a Trainee Ghostbusters training with a Glove shaped Photon Blaster

Winston goes and shows off the Aquarium's Mission Statement. It Specialises not in Ghost capture, but Spirtual Removing of Haunted Objects from Ray's Show that survives Podcast's Gallagher Act. As seen as Dr Lars Pinefield (Acaster) puts a Walkman into a booth connected to a similar booth by a tube. And they see the Spirit within vacuumed to the second booth and then trapped to be disposed into the new Containment Unit!

Phoebe asks if Organic Possession Removal is possible. Dr Lars says he's working on it. Winston Finally Shows off the new Containment Unit which Dr Stantz boasts it's "as Big as the Old West!" This leads to Gary and Ray to Ab-lib lyrics to "Home on the Range" but about ghosts!

Phoebe wanders off and sees what look like holding cells. Sure enough, that's what they are. Winston reminds us the Aquarium is a Research Facility, so they are researching a Spectre, a thing that projectile Vomits Ectoplasm, and, most dangerous of all, A poltergeist or "Possesser" as Mr Zeddemore calls it.

Thankfully the Glass is Charged with Positive protons to stop the red Spirit from Escaping. The Orb glows the same Red hue the Possesser is as ominous music plays.

So the Spengler-Grubermans Return to the Firehouse for the last few Days of it's tenure, The Ghosts on Site are to be moved to the new base. But Phoebe Is still depressed about Mayor Peck's Mandate. Gary goes to cheer her up but stumbles because he won't commit to say he's her "Stepfather "

It's interrupted with an emergency call, and Phoebe is left behind again, just as a second call for help comes in, and the only one left to help Phoebe... is Podcast

ONLY GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS!

At the Aquarium, Lars and Lucky tries to extract the spirit from the puzzle Orb. But the power is too great as it blows the generators, a Spectral jailbreak is thwarted when backup power kicks in, but touching the Orb, Dr Lars' right arm gets frozen before he forces himself to drop the Orb.

In a Diner, Phoebe finds Melody. And because it's doesn't take five seconds to say "She's my Friend " or "Don't worry,  she's harmless", she doubts herself and causes damage to the diner,  which turns out to be the ghost's namesake. 

Later Melody turns up at the Firehouse and she and a lonely Phoebe hang out. Melody is tempted to switch off the Containment Unit, but she ponders what's it like on the other side.  Phoebe tells her she saw it happen, when her Grandfather's Spirit passed on. She theorises that once a ghost's particles split, they become part of the Greater Universe. The Ghost of a house fire victim takes out a box of matches she is anchored to. And yet she wonders why she has not passed on.

Melody Disappears when Carrie calls for her Daughter. At the Aquarium something calls from the Orb, as it shakes In place, in the warm Summer night air, A flurry of Cold winds freezes buildings and fountain water, the frost gets into Melody's vicinity and says something in a foreign language, Melody tells the frost "I'm Going as fast as I can " and asks "Does it have to be her?"

 NEVER MIND THAT SH*T, HERE COMES SLIMER!

Trevor wants to do what the fandom wanted to do for years, and that's to k*ll Slimer, but the Wile E Coyote act only ticks the mascot off! Mom calls down Phoebe to the Cellar to the shocking sight of the wall around the Containment Unit torn like it was slashed by an animal, Icicles hanging from Support Girders.

At the Aquarium, Dr Lars with his frozen arm in a sling tells the others, the Orb's temperature is now absolute Zero, as Flames no longer effect it. Whatever is sealed within, it's made to Kill. He also shows the Orb's Spirit is now Directly affecting the Behaviour of other ghosts, in the same way a pack of wolves would fall in line in the presence of the Alpha. While Distracted by the Marshmallow Minis Enthralled by the Orb, Noone is none the wiser to the Frost Disarming the Possesser's Cell and it resting in Podcast's Filming gear. So they need to investigate. Which means more Asian Schiender. 

I don't know where the crew found this Guy who plays Nadeem, but clearly it's a place with no Acting Schools. Or Some Crappy, less than "Marvelous" Show that was Hidden behind a Mickey Mouse Paywall!

Also, there is being a Flat Character, there's Flanderization, and then there's full on Racial Stereotyping. As the only Indian American in the Entire film is a Greedy Peddler who nearly sold religious statues that are not his to sell for $5.

Seriously,  the only thing missing is a turban and a Bed Of Nails!

In a Backroom where the walls are Galvanised with Bronze, there are Indian trinkets and artifacts that are made or cased in Brass are Displayed around the same Arabic Costume we saw in the first scene, as well as a pair of Twisted Antlers, who Nadeem explains once belonged to his great grandmother. Dr Lars explains Brass is believed to be used as a Magical alloy used to seal wicked spirits. Scanning Nadeem with the PKE Meter, Nadeem's signal is stronger than it should be-Meaning we have to see more of him, Oh Joy, oh bliss!

Phoebe asks Ray has he ever thought about being a ghost. Stantz smiles and says that's why he loves the Paranormal.  That's when Podcast interrupts by proclaiming his video of the Orb has messed up audio. But no, the Orb is speaking in some kind of language, but Ray knows a Certain Someone who can help as the retired Ghostbuster and the two teens go on an investigation on the Ecto-C, a Motorbike and Sidecar.

It's not Peter.

We DO See Peter Venkman in the next scene but he's not who Ray is gonna see.

Nadeem is examined by Dr Peter Venkman (Murray) in a Psychological test. After stealing one of Bill's Jokes, He throws a pen at Nadeem at his face! In his anger, the bunsen burner Lucky was working with Ignites even higher. Peter gets on the slacker's nerves as Flames reacts to anger and sarcasm. 

The colleague of Ray is Hugh (Patton Oswalt) a Folklorist In the Cellar of the Library. Who narrates over a nice piece of stop motion using stone tablets that the demon sealed is Named K'Raka, an Embodiment of fear who helped a South Asian Conquerer. When said Conquerer grew Paranoid over his otherworldly General, K'Raka was bound, tortured, had the source of his power-his horns-rended and his soul freed from it's mortal shackles, making the Sound they heard, a spell he cast as this was happening was a Curse on every living thing: The Death Chill- The Fear of Morality weaponized into a frost so cold it freezes where you stand, the fear of dying feeding it's power further.

"The last thing you see before you die, are your own tears freezing your eyes shut!"

But Hugh Continues- K'Raka was Defeated by travelling Asian Mages called the Firemasters who through mastery of Fire Manipulation and Metallurgy sealed the ice Demon in the very Orb they possess. 

Which means you've already figured out how Nadeem fits into the film's endgame!

Stu shows the Ghostbusters something that'll help, The Very same wax Phonograph Cylinder from the Adventurer's Society from scene one, but as the chant plays on the Gramaphone, the Possesser makes it's move possessing the Wax cylinder. Possessing a trashbag the wax item dropped into as it runs into a polluted New York city street. But the two elderly Paranormalists spy the bag on the feet of a stone lion, what happens next is pretty Obvious but something we wanted to to see for years: seeing the stone lion coming to life!

Phoebe destroys the stone lion to save Ray and Hugh, But it's seen as Destruction of State Property and a Flagrant Rejection of a Mayoral Order. This gets Phoebe arrested, and Peck branding the Busters as menaces, the Firehouse is condemned (It already was!), the packs are to be melted down to scrap, Carrie and Gary pay  Phoebe's bail, but she lashes out, calling her mom an idiot and reminding Gary he's not her father! Gary give Phoebe a reality Check. 

In the same vien, Winston gives Ray one too, that his Enthusiasm for the Paranormal and youthful spirit has gotten others into trouble once again, but this time children may have being killed.

Arriving Home, the Mayoral office worked fast, the gear is already gone save for Personal items, which the parents start packing. Gary suggests they keep fighting...by quoting the song. Yes they established the song exists in this universe, and the series has become self referencal, BUT COME ON SON! This is just Corny!

And why would the Ghostbusters be Finished,  when Winston has enough money to make the Ghostbusters a privately funded company if he wanted to?

So what we feared is true: Nadeem is a Mary Sue, The last of a line of magical protectors who Ray is going to train in the use of magic to save the world, after all it's his fault the world will freeze to death over $50!

Now that the Asian Peddler sees for himself he has real powers to save the world he let's out what we are all thinking. 

"I think we are going to die!"

Gary knocks on Phoebe's door to give her some encouragement, not knowing she has ran away into Melody's (and K'Raka's) influence. The forlorn girl is convinced by Melody to use Dr Pinefield's Spirit Extractor on Herself to make herself a ghost to ease her guilt, if only for 2 minutes.

Quicker than you can say "PG version of Flatliners", Phoebe is now a ghost and the lynchpin to K'raka's Plan. The Orb can control Ghosts but needs a Human Voice to chant the words on the Wax Cylinder. The words now learned from the cylinder, K'Raka controls Phoebe's soul to Puppet her body to complete the chant. Melody only did it as K'Raka told the suspected Pyromaniac only he can open the door to the other side to see her family, without the pain of atomizing into nonexistence. Pieces of the floating Orb fall away into a perfectly round ball of shadows. With the sound of a popped balloon, the nebulous ball expands to encapsulate the now awakened Phoebe. A Booming Voice in Whisper tells her the world will shatter with echoes broken bones and Ice, Lucky comes into the lab all guns Blazing when K'raka Solidifies into a Tall Demon of Ash and Frost, but a Simple push from his hand causes the impossible: He made Photon Energy Freeze!

We cut to Carrie and Gary in Ecto-1, A flashback showing us they found Phoebe and Lucky still alive but Freezing from the cold, Phoebe apologizing for keeping both Melody and her own mental Health a Secret. Phoebe Is told she's not in trouble, but Lars disagrees, we are ALL IN TROUBLE! K'raka kills a vape shop owner solely because his shop is called Firemaster, he then breaks into Nadeem's Flat and Regains his horns from the Brass walled room, who reattaches them, and this I like, the Animation of the Horns reattached looks like Stop-motion with the sudden Janky Motions. A very nice touch.

We get the scene that was in the Trailer, the Death Chill attacking A beach Front before heading back to new York.

Ray tells the Spengler-Grubermans that K'raka is heading back to the Firehouse. Thanks to Phoebe's little Adventure to the Library, the plan to extract ghosts from the Containment Unit was Postponed, and with every ghost ever caught, K'raka would have an Army.  Luckily Dr Pinefield has new Zeddemore Foundation Brand Packs and Traps, Should Nadeem Turn tail at the very last minute. 

But Phoebe has an idea, if Brass is the key then She is going to Galvanise the Nickel/Zinc igniting panels of the pack to hopefully damage K'raka the same way the Firemasters did, Sadly they can only spare one fire pole and still have the Firehouse function without it, so there's only enough Brass coating for 1 Photon Pack, so she decides since it's all her fault, she'll Wield the new Experiment,  Also Janine Helps, then Peter Turns up and uncovers some hidden Scotch. Now it's a party!

The Possesser in a Child's Tricycle Starts the Proceedings by possessing Ecto-1 to get to Lucky's Blaster, But Nadeem Fire masters the Photon back at it as Podcast smashes it with a hammer, after all, the Hammer gets views, Bro! And if Nadeem can be useful, so can Slimer,  The Possesser controls a Pizza and Scrappy Slimer Doo Eats it. At the same time,  Lars get's puked on by the Puker. Thanks For flying all the way from Britain, James, that's your final contribution to the film.

Phoebe ventures into the basement to get revenge on Melody and K'raka, as Ice breaches the Containment Unit, but then....

(SIGH!)

Down a Firepole, Dressed in his great grandmother's brass Armour is Nadeem who embarrassed himself and would have caused the deaths of every Ghostbuster not named Phoebe. Once again a Interdimensional Rift Spills into our world via the roof of the Firehouse.

So let's Finish this!

Phoebe comes out with her Modified pack who in a Big Dahm Heroes Moment, but the Demon is too powerful,  that's when Melody's Chronic Backstadder Syndrome kick in, and she uses her last match to provide a source for Nazeen to Mary Sue his way to victory! With the ice melting one by one the other Ghostbusters help with the capture. But when Podcast unleashes the drone trap from Ecto-1, he's swarmed by mind controlled Marshmallow Minis. The trap crashes, But seeing the breach in The Cracks of  broken ground, Ray tells all the original cast they don't need a trap, a Factory reset of the Containment Unit will Suffice. It will recall everything, including K'raka whose feeding off Everything. Carrie and Gary joins the fray to help their daughter. As it takes all the original cast's strength to manually reset the Containment. The ground swallows up K'raka,  who ends up in the Unit. K'raka is Defeated. And with her last match used, Melody passes on. Ice melts as quick as it appeared and people come to cheer the Ghostbusters despite them not being front and centre to the Threat just know. Mayor Peck arrives to publicly Shame The Heroes, only for Winston with cameras in Mayor's face, trick him into reinstating Phoebe. The Hell's Kitchen Sewer Dragon escapes, Phoebe calls Gary "Dad", and so as Ecto-1 Drives into the fray, we get a Subtitle that reads "For Ivan" in Tribute to Director Ivan Reitman after the Song and credits, we see In the Stinger scene some Marshmallow Minis stealing a Truckload of Stay-Puft Marshmallows-Enough to make a Giant Marshmallow Man, Maybe?

THIS FILM IS NOT AS BAD AS 3, BUT IT'S STILL BAD!

After the Success and Goodwill after Afterlife, it felt like this was the Surge back into relevance for this franchise (NOT THAT IT EVER WENT AWAY! Thanks to HBOMAX AND DISNEY PLUS means WB and Disney can Hoard their I.P.s Like Smaug, and the TV companies only have Dreamworks and Sony children's film to call on, meaning in recent years, you could watch Ghostbusters on Christmas Day on both The Irish and English State Run Tv channels just like it was the case last year!)  

But then this film happens and all the characters we got to know in the last film, are not the same in this film, Gary I could do without, Carrie regressed back into coddling Phoebe after learning to let go, Podcast is just a  Zoomer Stereotype with no personality,  And Trevor is now A unpaid civvy and Slimer's new Punching bag. 

But let's talk about Phoebe. 

After being benched, she responds to the changes in the family dynamic and her feeling of inadequacy with...let's call a spade a spade...with Thoughts of Sui**de! After meeting Melody. 

But this could have being done better, if they did more with Emily Lind's character. 

Don't believe me?

Well, consider this.

Imagine if they expanded on Melody's story, that she is the victim of a house fire, bound to a box of matches. What if Phoebe goes through the records after being friends for a while, learns the truth, or at least, what the papers at the time reported as the truth, that Melody started the Fire, but she doesn't remember, they have a falling out which leads to Melody being tempted by K'raka, after learning from Phoebe there is no Heaven, and, feigning remembering the truth, tricks Phoebe into the booth, after she's being having these thoughts on being a ghost, and then the endgame as it played out.

But no like I said above, the wrong characters get screen time. Rudd was a Demon dog for half the last film, and now he's the defacto new  leader? Of the 4 new characters, only one of them gets put on the poster. Not our new Ghostbuster played by James Acaster,  Who I assume like Urzilla Carlson In Kinda Pregnant, was only hired because tv stars from other countries are considered "Cheap", as long as you tell them this will help them "break America", or Emily Lind as A unique plot Thread, Or Patton Oswalt as Hugh, a character that fits so well, that if you told me Hugh was Ray's brother, I'd believe it. No we get on the cover Kumail Nanjiani, who is just annoying to see and cringeworthy to listen to.

They are good things in this film that makes it good to watch at least once! The effects are great. There were nods to the original film now that they were back in New York, Like the return of Walter Peck as the Grudge bearing Mayor, and Librarian Ghost which was never captured.

But without appealing main characters, good humour and a compelling Story to tie it all together, this film just doesn't work!

It's better than 3, I give you that, but so what?

CREDITS

Ghostbusters Frozen Empire was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham.

With Media from:

Friday

Ghostbusters Frozen Empire 

The Wizard

JonTron

Blazin' Saddles

Ghostbusters Frozen Empire is property of Colombia Films which is parented by Sony. 

All rights reserved. All media used belong to their respective owners. 

NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

I've decided to make Cassandra my Halloween special, so will be the First four episodes next month. And we'll see if we can get the rest of the series finished in future polls. 

Eamonn Reviews Leave the World Behind

Welcome to Bogger Box office. I am, Once Again Eamonn Bermingham, The Journeyman Reviewer. Reader's Poll Results time again and I'm looking forward to this one!

I'm not going to mince words, I'm struggling to have new ideas when it comes to storylines. (I think I'll just keep them as a device to group ticket to hell together.) So in the months I'm not reviewing wrestling over at Enlightened Towers, I'll be going in blind with a review of a Netflix Original. 

However A big-cast slow burn Psychological Horror done by 3 indie Studios?

Sign me up!

So lets pack our bags, turn off your Phone (Forever!) And Hope you Reach your Destination, as you Leave The World Behind.

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 15 FOR VIOLENCE, DEATH,  INJURY DETAIL, THREAT, DISCRIMINATION AND LANGUAGE, WHICH WILL BE CENSORED. DISCRETION IS ADVISED. 

Promotional Art is a Scene from the movie.

The Movie opens with the sun shining upon the world, As tense Piano keys jangle. The Sun rises on New York. A day that Seemingly will Start like any other. 

Except this is the day, Amanda Sandford (Julia Roberts) has Impulse bought a last minute Holiday for her Overworked and Stressed out husband Clay ( Ethan Hawke), who fears for his job amid company wide Budget cuts. Clay likes the idea of a Vacation out in New York State, but to have it, right now? But that's when his Advertising Executive wife tells her Speculative Fiction writing husband that when she booked it earlier this morning, she looked out the window to see everyone in the city already going to work to make something of themselves, but then the wife does a 180 and says people who do that think they are better than her and that she "F**KING HATES PEOPLE!"

We get Opening Sequence that's Animated to look like A Screensaver of Spoiler items as Drake sings out-WAIT A MINUTE? BARACK AND MICHELLE OBAMA ARE LISTED AS EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS?

We Suddenly come back to Amanda Title dropping on a Speakerphone call in transit to the Hamlet their Rented Home is (Yes Rented home, not Resort they own. That was a mistake Made by a TV listings magazine That suggested this movie) The Sandford Family which also include a 15 year old son named Archie and a 13 year old Daughter named Rose. All four are too dependent on their devices to enjoy the nature around them. Rose's device acts up as she was watching Friends and she asks if she can go to Central Perk when they get back to NYC. Clay breaks the news to her that Friends is not real, it's a TV show!

This is actually a Mislead to make us believe that this is going to be a "World is a Simulation'" plot. Something that's dropped a few times, especially when Clay explains his work. Which will make the ending a lot more sadder, when I get there.

PART I THE HOUSE

The Sandfords park their car and enter their Rental Home, A Well Kept, if Minimalistic two Storey Chateau, the Kids waste no time in raiding the Swimming pool as Amanda reads up on the Contract and Explores the house. 

Getting Groceries in the Neighbouring Hamlet of  Fort Comfort, Amanda gets dirty looks from a man played by Kevin Bacon, who's filling his truck with Canned food and bottles of water.

Don't mind him, Jools, he's just mad his voice over job in the UK means John Hamm took his place as The new 6 Degrees Actor-Man!

Clay is a Secret smoker which he denies when Amanda presents a pack of 20. But Amanda says he's on holiday,  he can enjoy a smoke, just not in front of the kids. 

The Sandfords next stop is an overcrowded polluted beach, where Rose sees a Boat on the Horizon and is frightened that it seems to be coming towards the beach....very slowly!

The family sleep in the sun, except Rose. And sure enough, the Oil Tanker has made its journey close to the beach as Tourists look on, However Worried that the tanker will not stop, The Sandfords gather their kids to escape what may be a Disaster. Thankfully no-one is hurt because of the tectonic speed of the Tanker.  The police evacuated the beach where an officer exposits that beachings like this have being widespread recently due to glitches in Navigation Software. 

Back at the House, All Technology is Acting up, But the kids are back in the pool, Ambivalent on what they saw "Like it's onto the Next Episode". In the garden the Parents spot two deer in the Treeline, No doubt the first victims to feed humanity during the Robot Apocalypse!

That night, there is a knock on the door. Fearing Robbery, Clay arms himself with an Art Decor Vase as a Baseball bat, only to see a man in a Tuxedo and his young daughter. He introduces himself as George (G.H.) Scott (Mahershala Ali), A Philharmonic Violinist and his daughter Ruth, Who Only had corresponded with Amanda via email, so she doesn't know what he looks or Sound Like, he tells a Story that Brooklyn has suffered a Blackout and with a Knee Injury and elevators out, G.H. couldn't climb to the 45th floor. The story is somewhat unbelievable, I mean why drive from your home to your second home, one you know is occupied? And we don't see a cast on George's leg. It also doesn't help Ruth is At Best an Elitist or at worst Rac*st towards White people.

G.H Scott tries to refund Amanda and Clay, but it's the middle of the night and she's not waking her children to leave, but George has a remedy, he Unlocks A hidden drawer in the wine cooler and gives Clay an Envelope with $1000. The Audience Is also shown there is a handgun  in said drawer.

In the Main Bedroom, The Sandfords argue, Amanda convinced that the Scott's are the Help who are here to Rob a family of Strangers in a scam. Clay trusts them since they seem to know their way around.

Heading back into the kitchen, Amanda is Greeted by the strange sight of G.H making enough cocktails for everyone, which Clay readily grabs. Amanda flatly asks for G.H's identification, AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW WHO WON THE PONY? But it seems George has left it in his other coat pocket! Amanda is about to call him a liar, until a loud noise startles her, the TV is working again. However, the National Emergency Signal Plays on all channels. So it looks like G.H's story is true. So Clay offers the Scotts to stay, hoping things look better in the morning. And that's when the Sandford's Interrupted game of Jenga topple over

SYMBOLISM!

The Scotts take the Cellar for the night, however it looks like G.H is a lot more than a simple Fiddle Player, when Ruth asks her father about "The Client". Upstairs Amanda is boiling over Ruth's attitude towards her. She is still not convinced the Scotts are not what they say they are, since they're no photos of them in the house. (WHICH AS A RENTAL, SO NO, THERE WOULDN'T BE!) They didn't tell anyone about the Oil Tanker as it Doesn't seem like it's connected,  but Amanda is afraid it would confirm that it's all related somehow. For a Brief Moment, the TV news briefly returns to warn of a cyberattack, only for the screen to turn static.

PART II THE CURVE

The next day, Rose wakes Amanda to fix the TV.  The Gen-Zer no doubt never seen Static before. Grabbing her phone, Amanda sees news updates about Nationwide hacking until the messages disappear. Clay gets an earful when it seems like Amanda fells like he doesn't believe her. Amanda tries to explain the Scott situation to Rose, but she doesn't care, she just wants to watch Friends. Clay is going into town to buy a newspaper to explain all this, Rose goes into the garden to see a Dozen or so deer just staring at her.

Amanda decides after Hearing that Ruth is an Unemployed Trust Fund Baby who insults her job, her age and the working class in General, she has decided, that she definitely,  HATES THIS B***H!

G.H. acts nervous when Ruth tells her father about the News Alert Amanda got about Hackers. Amanda Suspicions grows when G.H.  shows knowledge of the Real life "I-LOVE-YOU" Virus in 2000.

Ruth is worried about her Mother who is currently abroad in Morroco. George is hopeful that she is on a Redirected Flight, acting the Karen somewhere in Ohio.

Clay drives on an abandoned road. We cut to Ruth opening a Secret safe room covered in family photos to vape in. George checks on his neighbours home which seems abandoned. None of his messages to his wife have being received. He picks up his gun which was resting on a how to play violin manual for beginners-Something a Philharmonic Violinist should not have.

We get three slow burn reveals at the same time, cutting back and forward to build tension. G.H. investigating  wet decking on the neighbour's house, Rose and Archie going into the woods to find deer. Clay finds a panicked immigrant who speaks only Spanish. G.H. finds a walkie talkie in a House Gutted through the garage with no car to be found. The kids find a Secret bunker in the woods and break into it. Each of them find something disturbing to end the scene. Archie makes out the bunker points to exactly Rose's window to scare his sister, who bumps her head from Archie's prank. G.H finds a Mummified body in beach sand before seeing dozens of bodies on the beach. And Clay sees in town a Drone Dropping hundreds of Blood red Pamphlets onto his car. 

G.H Scott can't believe his eyes. EVERYONE IN TOWN IS DEAD! And now a plane crashes out of the sky, George covered in seawater by the impact he dodged.

G.H returns and lies about what he saw to Ruth as the protective father he is, Making her leave so she can fetch him a change of clothes. G.H confesses somewhat to knowing more than a Concert Violinist should know. That's when a Piercing screech rings out causing pain to all the humans.

THE SCREEN TURNS BLOOD RED!

PART III THE NOISE

After Regaining their Facilities, sometime later, everyone starts playing the blame game. Amanda sees through G.H's protecting his daughter, and Ruth plays the Race Card. Amanda remembers Seeing Kevin Bacon buying water and tinned goods. Turns out G.H knows him as Danny, a Contractor who's worked on his house before. 

Clay returns, Shaken from what he saw. He had picked up a Pamphlet which the drone was dropping. We now see it's a symbol of a snake and some Arabic Text. Archie knows it says "De**h to America " because he plays Call of Duty.

The Sandfords try to leave for New Jersey, but George thinks there is something wrong with all this. If this was a Terrorist attack they would be dropping Manifestos in English. No, this feels like a cover up. Amanda wants to leave for her Family's safety and Ruth's not exactly sad to see as she Puts it "Those People" leave.

As they drive towards the State line, Rose hears Sirens. Up ahead is a Blockade of Electric cars, All Abandoned. Amanda discovers all the cars are brand new Teslas fresh from a dealership.  That's when another self driving car, joins the Blockade, then another, then another Tesla joins the Blockade that stretches for miles!

Told ya Muskolini was Creating Weapons for The Tiny handed Tyrant!

The Sandfords return to the Summer home and it's only gonna get worse!

PART IV THE FLOOD

The rain hits the holiday home as everyone is Distraught, but with Archie p**ving on secret bikini pictures of Ruth, and Ruth sharing her Mara***na vape with Clay. The two families are slowly bringing out the worse of themselves.

George Reveals that he is in fact, not a spy, or government agent, but a banker, a banker who may have dealt with the Illuminati as his clients. But G.H tells the Story about how his client would profit from causing WW3 In a Jokey manner, causing Amanda not to believe him.

Rose Wakes up Archie, because she's still Upset she may never find out how Friends Ended. More Irritated on being Woken up than anything, Archie tells his sister rightfully that she should start caring about Real Things. Rose says she'll about to do something to get what she wants! 

Back at pookside, Clay tells Ruth about the Mexican Woman who begged him for help, he then tells her finally about the Oil Tanker Beaching itself. To add to the Confusion, Flamingos land and nest onto the surface of the pool.

WHAT KIND OF STRONG SH*T IS IN YOUR VAPE, RUTH?

In a music room, Amanda and G.H are Dancing to Records that leads to a slow Dance. To stop this from being a seduction, G.H backs up, and expresses that he loves and misses his wife, even though he is very certain that she is Dead. It's possible in the eyes of Amanda, this is the only time G.H has being truthful.  Amanda tries to comfort him, but then the noise returns.

When it stops, hours have passed. The Sandfords share a bed for warmth. Archie had contracted a fever. Rose using a plot from the West Wing as an Analogy as a roundabout way to say she's done waiting for answers. In the spare room, the Scotts also share a bed for warmth, but Ruth continues to drive a wedge between both Families, why do THEY have the main bedroom in THEIR House? She also admits that she is a Ra***t, the Possibility of being the only Black people on Earth playing heavy on her mind. 

TRIGGER WARNING FOR GRUESOME SCENE

We see an Eclipse from the Surface of the moon, The next morning Archie wakes with his fever broken, but then he spits up blood and pulls his teeth out from his own mouth.

CHAPTER V

THE LAST ONE

After seeing this, Archie says he had a Bug bite yesterday. G.H says it's no doubt Lyme Disease.

Lyme Disease may Contribute to weakened gums that may lead to tooth loss but this is usually years down the road, not 12 hours after the fact.

With the Expressway Jammed with Eejit-lon's E-cars, The only way to the Emergency Room is blocked, that is, if there is even Anyone else there, But G.H has a plan. If Danny is still alive, if he's every bit of the Tinfoil hat that he thinks he is, he's sure to have medical supplies.

But of course, if things can get worse, then they get worse, as now Rose is Missing! With now being the time Archie tells the adults about the bunker they found. Archie Vomits more blood. And the men take him to see Danny, George telling Ruth to stay at the House and relay the message to Amanda. Ruth panics that what's happening to Archie is just the first of whatever God has sent to finish them. But George tells her to set a timer for one hour on her phone, promising to be back by then.

The two women find the bunker, and nothing else, so they start back at each other's throat.  Ruth cries because she knows her mother is dead and she will never know where. But she asks Amanda why she is the way she is. She says as an Advertising Executive, she sees Greed and Jealousy on a regular basis. And it sickens her. Humanity Disgusts her. "We F**k each other over, we've F**ked the Earth over and we think it's fine now because we drink from paper straws and order Free Range Chicken"

Ruth tells her they may be the only ones left. That's when they hear quickening footsteps and something runs by the window at speed, the men drive to Danny's house, passing a home where Rose is looking out the window watching George's car drive past.

Danny is curt with his neighbours and meets them with a shotgun. He tells him Archie's Symptoms, compounded with the Noise, Points to Microwave Weaponry, it'll explain the noise and the rising heat to occupy flamingos and possibly the fever. But Danny Refuses to help, not even the 1000 dollars Clay has will Sway Danny. Amanda finds A bike Trail and turns towards the Bunker to see Deer, Hundreds of them just staring at Ruth, Surrounding her. Danny Raises his Gun at G.H But he refuses to leave. Amanda returns to Ruth to scream the deer away. Back at Danny's, Clay pleads with the money saying he's nothing but a Useless, selfish man without his Technology, but he will feel even worse if his son dies of something curable. The Deer Run off and Danny gives Clay some Medicine. Clay shows Danny the Pamphlet and he laughs, saying he has a friend in Sacramento who saw a similar event and those Pamphlets were in Korean. Or Maybe Chinese, the fact is, his buddy served on the Gulf and he knew that writing was not Arabic.

Back With the Two Women, Ruth sees something in the distance something that stops her in her tracks. G.H Wants to find the Bunker Danny mentioned. Because it seems like George has Realized his client has underwent his 3-Step plan to profit from overthrowing the government. He explained his friend went over in detail on how he would do it. 1) Disable all Communications 2) Miscommunication on the identity of the supposed enemy and then 3) with everyone confused, Civil war and Collapse will surely follow. The Timer on Ruth's phone echoes as the 2 women see New York is being Destroyed by this Civil war. Time Really is Up.

 And so the film ends on the cruelest of Notes. In the house where Danny says there's a Bunker with the voices of everyone screaming Rose's Name. Rose had broken in,  Ate the Neighbours food and explored the house. Ignoring a screen telling her that Radiation outside is increasing, Rose finds a Tv hooked up to a DVD player with a library of tv show box sets. Finding Friends last season, Rose selfishly screws over her family to no doubt contract radiation poisoning in the forest just so she can watch A Sitcom.

 

"A BIT RICH, BUT OK!"

Actually, More than Ok! Suspenseful, Nicely Acted with Nuanced, Morally Grey characters that felt real, You may Cringe at the Blackhearted Nature, But Hopefully it may never happen, but Greed and Self-Preservation has happened in times of war. Despite my Tv listings magazine getting the plot wrong, this was still a great recommendation to get. 

The Ending may just be the Cruelest Ending of all with a point to Prove, The Next Generations if we are not careful, will inherit our selfish nature and will not be equipped to deal without help. The Last scene shows that point. She's the only one who will not get poisoned, but now she'll inherit a world beyond her understanding, and unwillingness to learn. She finally got what she wanted...and once the show is over....She'll pay for it!

A Chilling Film, Which I Hope doesn't turn from Science Fiction to Documentary before 2029!

From a Realistic Apocalyptic Threat, to One a bit more Light-hearted. Join me next Month when we find out what the hell went wrong With Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire!

CREDITS 

Leave The World Behind was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham, with Media from:

Leave The World Behind 

Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Sakura Miko's playthrough of Detroit: Becoming Human representing Hololive. 

Doctor Who.

She-ra Princess of power 

Michael Rosen performs "The Hollywood" 

Leave the World Behind was Produced By Esmail Corp, Red Om Productions and Higher Ground Productions.

All Rights Reserved. All Media used Belong to their respective owners. 

THE FAT AND TASTELESS FILMS OF AMY SCHUMBER: KINDA PREGNANT

 Wow, One of you really want me to Suffer, Don't you?

With a 100 percent rating of just one vote, and I hope I can do better next month! I've regrouped, I'm dwelling on this no longer and I'm moving on with this review.

I have not being looking forward to this!

I made it clear, like most people, I don't find Amy Schumber funny. In fact I find her Crass and Puerile and one note, especially when it comes to 90 percent of her humour being about the more "Intimate" parts of a woman.

Hell, TMZ and all those on-the-spot reporters showed us she can't even tell an original joke, as she has being accused of stealing jokes. 

But we are the Hutt's Wheelhouse. Waist high in a realm of Rude, Crude and Man-hating attitude. As Schumber fakes a Pregnancy to have nice attention for being overweight, not one sided scorn from "Normies" 

Yeah...they hate you because you're fat, Sure! That's the only reason people hate you.

The Promotional Artwork is Rotten! Ignore that it's a white void with women standing at awkward angles looking angry and or uncomfortable with pregnancies, Front and Centre with the only pop of colour that draws the eye is Amy's Pink dress and a fake belly, dropping a milk bottle like it's a hot Mic, as if the dross we are about watch will bring Societal Change to the world. 

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 15 FOR LANGUAGE AND SEX WHICH WILL BE CENSORED AND DOWNPLAYED, CRUDE HUMOUR, AND SEXISM. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

We start off badly with 2 girls playing with ragdolls in a schoolyard during the 80s, playing at midwives, as the future Schumer, Lainey swears at her best friend. Yet another quality film bought to you by Happy Madison Productions, You now know how bad this is...BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!

Kate Doesn't want to play Mommy anymore. In fact, She Doesn't want children when she grows up, But Lainey gives us the Freudian Excuse that she and Kate only have each other, because their moms died.

Sigh!

Speaking of Freudian Excuse, and Spoilers!-he doesn't show up, But I would wager, the Character played By Man-Hater DOTCOM DOTORG still has a father!

We cut to present Day New York (Because it's a Terrible film on my Blog, of course it's There!) Lainey is Voice chatting in a Luxurious Batchelorette Den to Kate (Jillian Bell) who's On Skype on the toilet (KEEP IT CLASSY!) That today maybe the day Lainey's Boyfriend will propose to her. And in the World that's not a film starring Ms Fat N Tasteless, and not Produced by Adam Sandler's Studio, a Dinner at a Fancy Restaurant can only mean one thing. Kate will have her own news later when Lainey logs off, Kate learns right now she is pregnant-Unfortunately the Father looks like Tom Greene! It isn't, but I did a double take when I saw him!

Lainey is a Secondary school English Teacher, Giving a hammy performance reading Romeo and Juliet to Dead-eyed Zoomers, one Dumbass Boils down the Window scene of the Immortal Bard's Magnum Opus as "Juliet wanna smash" 

ACTUAL F**KING QUOTE!

She explains it's about Love in it's purest...then the Dumbass points out Schumber has a Moustache!

Also....You Do Know They Died, Right?

Lainey Storms out getting a Phonecall from her Boyfriend, she's Interrupted by Fallon, A Burly Australian Guidance Councillor played by Urzilla Carlson, who's pretty Funny, she's being on QI before, But this film does her no favours. They make her look like "Food at home" Rebel Wilson. They have her play a Crass stupid Foreigner who's fatter and more Abhorrent than Schumer The Hutt! They will make her drink Coffee with "Milk " she "milked" from a Male Alpaca, just to make Amy look normal!

Going to Dave's Apartment to pick up his watch and to shave her moustache, Oblivious that he's definitely cheating on her. Seeing a size 4 dress on his bed ,she that it's a gift for her! ("Size Four, I'm glad he thinks so!")

That night Dressed in another woman's Clothes, Lainey makes an a*s of herself, placated with Champagne and Cake, (Because Fat people can be bribed with Food!) David Proposes...that they have a Threesome with the owner of the Dress, and Poor Isla Fisher, She deserves better than this!

This leads to Lainey causing a scene by stripping to her underwear and smashing cake into her jowls, as Beautiful Thin People cast their opinions towards her table...even though before throwing cake like a chimp's Tea party, she was the offended party!

This leads to Lainey to be depressed at work, she implies her teenage students have more S*X than she does and bullies everything that p*sses Standing up!

Naturally,  Devolving English into Biology 101 and then Burning Schoolbooks like 1960s Deep South, Lainey evacuated before Questions can be asked about the Arson that followed at school. Turning up at a Cafe to have drinks with Kate, Lainey is Dressed in Mourning Attire, when Lainey sees Kate is not drinking and Susses out that her best Friend is Pregnant. 

Lainey's Response?

"NO! GET RID OFF IT!"

She Apologizes, thinking she was going to be first of the two to have children, she's happy for her friend, that this would be a nice distraction from Dave and Threesomes, only for the cafe band to introduce themselves as "David and the Threesomes"! 

We Get what will Constitute as a Villain in this Trainwreck, Lizzie Broadway as the character of Miss Shirley (Or it is Charlotte? They call her both names at different times!), A Sl*tty Teacher, who Acts and dresses like a Teacher in Teacher-themed Adult Films! Fallon lets Slip that Miss THING over there, is also Pregnant!

And rather than be happy for her best friend or be happy by the fact Shirley's baby will never know it's real father because Her Colleague has had More Pr**ks inside her than a dartboard, That's when Schumber The Hutt Gets an Idea. That's when Schumber the Hutt gets a Wonderful, awful idea!

Charlotte begins rubbing it in her face, that Lainey is Hitting Forty and has noone. (She Doesn't mean to be bad, but Shirley has no filter and being in a constant state of drunkeness, cannot see when people are Uncomfortable!) After getting a complete Stranger involved in a cafe. Turns Out "Latte" (Will Forte) is also Slowly Dying in Sweatpants. So Latte, or rather-Josh, make small Talk pretending to be Lainey's Boyfriend and they part with their coffees.

Lainey in her Jealousy, lives Vicariously in Bringing Kate Baby Clothes Shopping, Kate tries to tell her that Pregnancy is no picnic, though she also tells her the hormones are making her "Have Alone Time" to sitcoms!

When Kate's Morning Sickness returns, that's when Lainey's Sick Plan for Attention is Set in Motion, When Lainey grabs a Fake Fabric Bump and Models it in a changing room under a sweater, That's when a total Stranger comes in and gives her Positive reinforcement

.....And This is where the Film falls under the weight of it's weak premise!

We were told when we heard of this film, and by "WE", I mean everyone here reading this, that this film's Premise was a Fat-shamed woman fakes Pregnancy for good attention. Well, Up to this Point, Schumber has being made fun of for facial hair and her age, She's Only being Fat-shamed Now, under the assumption by an innocent stranger that Noone would look like that if they were not Pregnant. And why is she Doing This? Her life is great! She has a high paying job, a studio flat, and up til recently, a stellar love and social life. I would understand if she was treated Lower than the Dirt on people's shoes up to this point, but she hasn't! Because she doesn't have the one aspect of another life-One that would change or have allowances on the other things she has worked for, the fact she wants a baby, something she's ill equip for is what drives her to do this!

But she Puts up with the Fat-Shaming and get's a free Burrito out of it!

The School is celebrating Valentines Day So Lainey calls up Dave, whose voicemail confirms Lainey has being replaced in the Polyamorous relationship....BY A MAN! Things get worse when Kate and Shirley are the only Staff members who are pregnant and they become fast friends, much to Lainey's Jealousy. She plans on doing all the things Expectant Mothers do in their pregnancy in a different Borough, namely Brooklyn in her façade during her free time, walking to, and taking the Subway with the Baby Bump to get as much attention from Strangers, though it backfires when a 15 year old on the Subway tells her mother she wants a baby and the mother mouthes "F you" at Lainey after the Daughter falls out with her mother!

It gets more Distasteful when at the Yoga Class, all the other classmates do is fart while doing poses and heavy breathing!

Jealous that a Heavily Pregnant Woman can stand one leg, Lainey tries and Given she probably couldn't do that even without a Cotton Counterbalance over her stomach, naturally she falls on her fake belly frightening her instructor and classmates. This draws the ire of another expectant (played by Brianne Howey), who shouts that she can help herself, that Pregnancy doesn't make her helpless. This new Friend, Megan, is told outside in the fresh air That Lainey is a single mother doing it all alone after a break up with a Deadbeat. After an Awkward scene with Vaseline, Lainey scores a Social Link with the Mother of one and a half and her family, even if she slips up a few times.

It's Charlotte's Gender Reveal Party and Lainey is Kate's Plus one. She wants to Organize Kate's Baby Shower, Except, with the closeness of the two Births, It's Going to be A joint affair with Charlotte.

Charlotte did find the father, This Guy who looks like Kid Rock Stuffed into a hockey Jersey! It's Gender Reveal time and in the Worst Possible Taste and that's Saying something, the Gender is to be revealed by smashing a Baby shaped piñata! 

And Charlotte Provokes Lainey to be the one to break it, because she has "All this aggression of being kicked to the curb recently!"

Lainey's anger is so great, the baseball bat swing causes the Piñata wholesale to fly off the rope, into Fallon who catches it, who subsequently stumbles on a tarp covered pool and starts drowning. Once again Lainey books it!

That night Lainey takes up Megan's offer of dinner, where Megan's Son is running around with knifes and while his parents are trying to find him, the boy stabs The fake Bump, thankfully no adults see through the Farce 35 minutes into this one hour plus movie. Megan tells Lainey it's Four for dinner, her brother who moved into her basement after a bad divorce, who spends his days "in Grey Sweatpants".

AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW WHO WON THE PONY? 

Megan's brother is Josh and naturally is shocked to see Lainey pregnant this quickly! There's small Talk between the two and apropos of nothing, Lainey catches on fire!

Like, straight out of nowhere, she turns away from a hob and her bump catches fire, causing chaos as she crawls to the bathroom to once again shirk responsibility as everyone else is distracted by Steve's relapse into an Angry Drunk. 

In the Bathroom, Lainey is taken to one side and Megan Confides in her a Story of how she nearly died giving birth, and I'm sure this will not come back to haunt her after her Betrayal.

Who does feel Betrayed is Fallon who found out and is disgusted by it, when she suggests faking a miscarriage, that Lainey has gone so far to name her Bump "Susan". Fallon just hopes no-one who thinks she's pregnant meets her when she's with her other circle of friends, Lainey thinks that will never happen, after all New York is a big City. 

So anyway, Someone who thinks she's pregnant meets her when she's with her other circle of friends. 

Sure, it's only Megan's Son in a Toys R Us, but he knows her to see her and asks her "Why No Baby?" He then acts out stabbing her belly. Disgusted, Kate Grabs Lainey to leave but when they separate, Lainey jumps into a pit of Plushies to avoid Megan.

In the Midst of this whole palaver, Lainey gets a Phonecall from Josh at the Ice Rink he works on.

It's a sweet scene...TOO BAD THEY RUIN WITH A FAKE PREGNANT WOMAN TWERKING!

So it happens, Lainey on the rebound of a bad break up, fakes a Pregnancy and finds then finds the man of her dreams-I know, Happens all the Time (!)

Kate has some bad news for Lainey. She Doesn't want her in the delivery roomfor her birth ("What has your Husband done recently to have for the Birth of your child over your best friend "? That's really a Line from this movie!)

Kate sees through all this, this Jealousy. They call each other childish names and the scene....Just ends they segue to a student finding a Bl*nt and the teachers pocket it for later!

On a Boat Date, Lainey and Josh kiss, but Lainey pushes him off when he pulls her closer....AND THE SCENE IS RUINED WITH MORE STR*PPER DANCES WITH A BABY BUMP!

Then, Shock of All Shocks, Dave is on the same boat, and the hamsterwheels of both men's minds are spinning as the lies continue, The "Baby" is not Dave's but a random clerk at Costco. "I Had that Black Friday Fever!"

Next on this toppling towers of lies, Megan arrives at the school, as the Campus holds Post Natal Depression Support group on grounds (of course, Lainey didn't know that!) 

To guilt her back on the straight and narrow, in waddles Fallon with her own fake Bump in an attempt to embarrass her-It fails because the ADHD ridden writers thought of a better thing mid scene....Lainey being a last minute babysitter for Megan's child, because her regular babysitter is now pregnant also, when Lainey takes the Subway to Brooklyn, she meets the Mother and Daughter again and the daughter was apparently the babysitter, who is now pregnant, as the mother once more mouths F**k You at Lainey....wait a minute! How The Hell is the daughter this Heavily Pregnant since February, what month are we in now for her to be this showing, but no other pregnant characters are full term?

After reading a trashy celeb magazine article about the Kar-TRASH-ians as a fairy tale to get the young boy to sleep, Josh takes over and somewhere in Amy's Cholesterol Choked Heart, a part of it melts.

BUT THEN THEY RUIN IT NEXT SCENE!

Namely, a S*x scene where Josh is blindfolded and made to wear oven gloves so he doesn't see or touch Lainey's Normal body, It's awkward and it get's worse, recall that Josh has moved into his sister's garage, as during the deed, Lainey hits the door remote accidentally and the two are revealed like a grand Prize on a game show!

Despite all this, they're happy, but then the Guilt and shame finally sets in, and Lainey calls it off, at a school trip that goes Nowhere except having more things to make Fallon more fat and unlikeable than Fat and Unlikeable Amy Schumber, Charlotte whispers something to Kate. She and Lainey are walking together when a Bewildered Kate Asks her best friend why she thought she wasn't invited to the baby shower, just because she wasn't invited to the birth?

It's the day of the party and turns out, Megan was part of Lainey's circle of Friends the Whole time! 20 minutes left and it's time for this tower of lies to come crashing the hell down!

So let's Flush this Turd!

After Lainey and Fallon Repeat the F word a Couple of times, while Fallon drinks coffee with "Milk" she "Milked" from a male Alpaca ("YA KNOW WOT, THAT'S BLOODY NOICE, BIT SALTY, MIND!") ACTUAL GODDAM QUOTE, Lainey steals a rotisserie chicken to act as a makeshift bump, But then Shirley has revealed what she whispered to Kate, that she learned that Lainey plans to terminate. So they are treating this Baby-shower as a Pro-Life Intervention, Live Streamed to their School District's Social Media. Kate is Disgusted that Lainey is put on the spot for a decision that's hers to make, but this is what makes Lainey Confess, Naturally Everyone is p*ssed, Megan especially, who shared a very revealing secret, given that secret is the reason she is seeking therapy! It's so bad even Charlotte realizes that she went too far! On a Bench Later, Kate reveals she's not Angry, In fact Jealousy or not, Lainey was more involved with the Baby Prep than Not-Tom Greene, who has only put in a tenth of the attention Lainey has. Lainey tells her the Baby will be the luckiest baby because she will have both parents, which is one more than they had! A Month after this, Megan gives birth and Lainey asks for forgiveness, which she Does, Josh...Not so Much, who runs for it on first sight into the garage, the door rises and in an attempt to drop it down, is suspended in the air and Force to listen to a rambling apology that tangents into a rant about Creamed Corn ending it with an actual point-She asked the Bitter Divorcée if her ever did anything stupid for love....But then we get her next scene Gaslighting Dave into thinking he's the father, just proving the ambitious Polygamist that he was never "The One!"

Time goes on, Kate gives Birth, Fallon learns how to swim, and Lainey (SOMEHOW!) Still has a job and she returns to teaching English Straight, everything is Normal until a Zamboni drives onto school grounds as a terrible version of Abba's Take A Chance On me plays out! To Answer Her question, Josh reveals he once stole his own car to claim insurance to buy his ex-wife a handbag. What he did was stupid, what she did was the act of a Sociopath, But SHE'S HIS Sociopath! And so Lainey mounts and takes the wheel of the zamboni and ride into the sunset....and cause thousands of dollars of Vehicular Damage in the process!

THIS FILM SUCKS!

The humour is horrid, all the characters are jerks, the Jokes if you can call them that are predictable jokes about Millennials and Gen Z, like Coffee shops calling your name wrong or Students Using ChatCPT to cheat and off course for this film all the social norms when it comes to pregnancy, which were never challenged. A lot of Non-American Actors here, No Doubt they were sold a bill of goods and a promise to "Break America" with this film. Urzilla Carlson's Hollywood career may have ended before it got started. Just ask Will Forte, who hadn't being in another film since another film I panned, the Equally Risible McGruber, that was 15 years ago, Being in a film that terrible for so many years must have tainted his career that films this bad are the only work he can get.

Then there's the Moral of this film, Or More Rightly, the Consequences. Lainey Suffers None! Sure, in her Acts of Fraud there were no Monetary or Material gain and if the woman who bought her a burrito did sue her, the small claims court would throw it out, But She did lie Publicly on her Employers' School's Social Network. Which if the PTA of that school found her So untrustworthy to teach their children, she could...and no doubt would be fired! 

And going back to the acting and I'm Pretty Sure teaching a 3 year old to Mime Stabbing Motions and Stabbing Sounds Counts as Child Endangerment!

Kinda Pregnant Sucks and I Apologize for Wasting Everyone's Time in telling you Something you already Knew!

CREDITS

Kinda Pregnant was Reviewed Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli On Twitter/X)

With Media From:

Kinda Pregnant

Grown Ups

Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy

Police Squad

MST3K

Kinda Pregnant was Produced By Happy Madison Productions For Netflix

All Rights Reversed. All Media used belong to their Respective Owners.

NEXT MONTH ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!....

IT'S THE LAST READERS CHOICE OF THE YEAR AND A NEW POLL IS OPEN

Here are our 3 Choices which remain to be picked

And The New Number 4, an animation that has being blowing up Social Media!

The Magical Girl Genre combines with the Korean Culture Trend spearheaded by Netflix with a series which I was told will Scratch that Magical Girl Itch you'll have Waiting for Miraculous to Get Better! (IT WON'T!)

The poll will Open On My Twitter page as the Pinned Tweet for seven days, (Ending the 8th of July!) You can also vote by Commenting the name of the series/Movie you want to see Next Month. If there is no vote tallied which is always a possibility, The order will Default as Cassandra's first 4 Episodes!

Good Luck and Happy Voting!

A QUIET PLACE: DAY ONE

 You've Probably Noticed all these years, But I'm not very good with Horror.

Hell, Even During Halloween, Where Reviewing Horror is a Given, I tend to veer towards Fantasy than Horror, and even then, the horror films tend to get on the comedic side, Deliberately or Unintentionally due to the lack of quality. 

Not that it ever worked Completely in my favour, "Bed of the Dead" despite being Generally Gruesome to watch, was only picked because it's Ridiculous premise of a bed killing those who tried to leave it.

So here we are with a Legitimate Horror Film In June, no less. The Prequel to one of the Most Recent Horror Franchises that has done well: A Quiet Place.

So I want to get into A Quiet Place As A Franchise, So What Better Way Do I Start than the prequel of the others: Day One!

For those Who Don't know, The Premise of A Quiet Place Is That Earth is Invaded by Blind, but Feral Beast like Aliens with Ultra Sensitive Hearing. The Slightest Sound will Cause a Swarm of Flesh Coloured Creatures with Scythe-like Claws and Voracious Hunger to hunt that target, be it someone who gasps suddenly, 

Or a stupid Child with a Toy Rocket Ship! 

So Humanity's Survivors have become Nomadic, forming smaller communities to reduce their sound and using Sign Language to communicate. The lack of Dialogue and The Activity of the Aliens increasing at night, ratchets up the scares, of the very little I've watched of the series.

So let's Dig into the new Jump-off point for this series, with the prequel to a Quiet Place: Day One 

The Cover Shows us a World Gone To Hell, As Lupita Nyong'o and Joseph Quinn Run for their lifes, as Creatures Fall from Surrounding Buildings onto the Glass ceiling above them, shattering off shards onto our frightened heroes. The Largest Skyscraper behind them, leads the eye to a Sky filled with Smoke and Fiery Jet trails Descending at an Angle, but what are they? An Invasion force, an Attempt by the Army to fight back? Or Aeroplanes making their last Doomed Voyage?

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 15 FOR HORROR, BLOOD, INJURY DETAIL, DEATH, TERMINAL ILLNESS, AND THE FEASTING OF CORPSES. DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

The film opens on New York City, which a caption tells us it's bustling life gives off a Decibel Level of 50. That's the same as a Constant Scream for 18 hours.

Yeah, Because of all the Pushy Nu Yahkahs!

"WADDAYASAY ABOUT NU YAHK? WHEN I HIT YA WIF THIS SPORTS PAGES YER CRIES WILL BE HIGHER THAN FIDDY DECIBELS, YA BUM!"

We cut to Samira (Lupita Nyong'o) in a Cancer Support Home, it's group therapy time for the patients. But the Terminally Ill Poet makes no bones about it that she hates her life right now. She could die at anytime so the group telling her to keep positive is not what she needs. All she wants right now is her cat Frodo, her last slice of Real New York Pizza and to be left alone to die.

So Samira doesn't Appreciate Nurse Ruben not bringing her for Pizza, but the whole group to, of all things, a Puppet Theatre. Made worse by children coming up to Pet her Support Cat and parents making a bigger deal of her condition than she can tolerate. 

The Puppet Show is both Filmed Well (a Shocker For Boom Boom Michael Bay!) And Disheartening.  As a Marionette of a young Boy blows a Balloon, as children watch in awe, the balloon, once full, gives the illusion of a child floating away with no limits, until the balloon bursts and the Puppet falls, crashing back to Earth.

Naturally, A cancer Patient being Shown That, Causes her to Bail out all upset. As she buys some chocolate at a Bodega, she notices the noisy Midtown is noisier than usual. Nurse Ruben is ordered by phone to return the group back to the hospital. But Samira is too Stubborn to leave without her Pizza, but reluctantly, she gets back on the bus, but is shocked to see the other patients congregate to the back of the bus to look at something out the window.

Samira joins them and can't believe what she sees. In the mid afternoon sky are hundreds of shooting stars, One of them makes impact just feet away. 

Samira Regains her Consciousness, her bus and Street covered in Dust, with her ears still ringing, she finds a Man's Body, torn by the Explosion's Shockwave, Dead where he Stands! With Sound and Vision Failing her, Samira Stumbles to find help, all the While Eerie Sounds can be Heard.

Every time Samira finds, or is found by Someone, they are Dragged to be eaten, and when an Ambulance speeds in with Alarms blaring, it's blown up, the Explosion causes Samira to lose consciousness once more-The Screen Fades to Black, and we get Title Drop. 

We see Samira's Face Covered in Dirt and ash inside a Building,  she wakes with a cough and a Splutter, Until a hand covers her mouth. It's the father of the boy who petted her cat. (Apparently the credits name him as Henry, played by Djimon Honsou) In fact, she has woken up in what's left of the Theatre,  with Dozens of Survivors, including Nurse Ruben, Who hugs Samira and gives Frodo back.

The Sound of a helicopter frightens the little kitten as Samira runs to get him back. Breaking glass underfoot which alerts....Something!

In Bursts the Most disfigured creature in a film ever- mottled, Necrotic Flesh supported by four Spider like legs, that each end with a cloven foot with a sickle like claw protruding under knees and elbows, and an eyeless face with a horizontal mandibles of an insect, that opens like a flower to reveal a crown of bony petals. And a larger gaping maw! But the creature is frightened by the helicopter, which draws the ire of the alien. 

In the next Attempt to find her cat, she finds a woman at a desk, listening to news reports on a Walkman, on the desk is a globe covered in stickers with the names of major cities, no doubt attacks like this. She and Hank escape to the rooftop and see the world is trapped in a war Zone, as fire trail the sky.

As the Survivors look on, the Fiery streaks are not more Aliens, but missiles from the Government to blow up the bridges to contain the Alien threat, Causing a Survivor to have a loud panic attack,  Which causes Henry to punch him so hard, he dies from the blow.

Using a notebook to Communicate,  Samira tells Ruben she's still going to Harlem, despite the Nurse's wishes. The Generator Splutters and Ruben gives his life to fix it as Samira Muffles a cry.

The Next morning on a Misty Street, Samira Explores what was a crowded street just 18 hours ago. Now it's just ruins and worse still, no bodies, just signs of struggle and stains of blood. Samira picks up all the food and Supplies she needs to get to Harlem for pizza and to die at home- A flashlight, batteries for it, enough food for one person and a cat, and a supply bag to carry it all.  Though finding herself in Central park, she sees squirrels, which may be a food option, though if Samira struggles with opening a can in her condition, how is she suppose to hunt and k*ll animals? 

As she follows the Squirrel with her eyes, she finds two Survivors hiding in a working fountain, a teenage boy and a girl no more than six. Samira gives the shaken young Survivors some chocolate and asks them to follow her. A helicopter blares over speakers to announce boats will bring Survivors to Quarantine Areas, As the Aliens can't swim or can't stand water,  Something the Fountain Children figured out to have survived that long. The helicopters cause the Aliens to to converge on tall buildings, but one stalks the 3 Survivors who are now hiding in a subway entrance. 

Soon all those holed up march toward the river,  but Samira goes the opposite direction towards Harlem. The Jostling and marching feet of hundreds makes the crowd easy prey, not helped by some Idiots who just felt this was the right time to vandalise and steal cars! 

Samira hiding under a car has her leg pulled by a man seeking help, as he is dragged off by an Alien, Samira is trapped further, Spraining her ankle.  Frodo who was separated in the panic, is drinking from a submerged Subway entrance,  there the cat sees Submerging from the water, a Man in a Suit (Quinn) Surprised by the cat staring at him, the Man in The Suit, Eric pulls himself onto Dry land to follow the cat back to it's master. 

A Rainfall Causes Some Relief as the Aliens scatter. Samira tells Eric about the Boat, But not to follow her, but Eric is too scared to go Alone,  So they Resort to as the rain becomes a Storm to pick up medicine at Samira's house. Timing Eric's kicks to her door to the lightning strikes, (Due to her keys no doubt held by Hank, whose body is God knows where!)

Eric is a British law student, so he has no reason to be here if he has no family in New York. Samira Still wants Pizza in Harlem, Something that makes Eric do a double take, given the Situation they find themselves in. 

So we learn more of Samira,  she was a professional Poet, So when Eric Reads a poem that explains what we already. As thunder and Lightning breaks out, the two Survivors finally have a chance to scream out in Fear!

Picking up some books from an Abandoned library, Eric comes to give her the notebook she left behind. Standing up Too quickly,  the sickly woman uses a Book trolley to steady herself only for books to fall to the ground, causing books to fall to the ground, causing Aliens to hunt them down. Seeking shelter in a bank. The revolving doors get stuck as Eric struggles to push the panels, they find new shelter but they are not safe, Eric Vandalises a car to set off it's Alarm buying enough time to reach the Subway. 

Searching under Flashlight, the exit by escalator is blocked by the biggest Alien yet. So once more Eric has to wade through the Submerged Tunnels. In the cold, waist high water, with Aliens Scanning their every move, Eric has a Panic attack, the Sound causes an Alien to Dive in, but while they can't swim, their Hunting Instinct makes them desperate enough to try to Adapt. With Frodo safely on Samira's Supply bag, the two drag themselves out of an impact crater into a church. Falling back into unconsciousness, Eric, Given where they are,  Prays for Samira, until she coughs up water.

Feeling sorry for her, Eric decides to let the dying woman have her last wish than Mercy K*lling her or Straight up Abandonment. He asks what medicines she needs and he is given a fetch quest for solid which doesn't yield enough medicine but instead reveals the ground Zero of the invasion, which Is treated as a nest. 

These Aliens are so cruel, they would Cannibalise the bodies of their own kind to feed. Eric Saves his own cat he followed to this place, Finding more Medicine for Samira.

It's not enough, but it doesn't matter when you're Terminal. Samira explains in whisper that the cancer is hereditary,  from her father. So with the entire Borough of Harlem empty,  Samira after all this time holding on for this moment, only for Her Pizza place to have burned down. The two Survivors hug in the middle of the street, Samira being upset with the continued state of her lot. So Eric brings her to an Abandoned Jazz Bar. With the help of a mp3 player and headphones, and Eric Finding a serviceable Pizza shop, bringing a pizza he  found, even the cats take a slice to eat in a cute moment. Eric to entertain her gets up onto the Bar's Stage and with some Cards he finds from an unfinished Card game and mines being a Magician for an invisible audience, and he's pretty good at card tricks. He said in his introduction as he's only a law Student because "That's what They wanted" Maybe this is want he meant!

Bringing her back to her apartment,  Samira gives Eric her coat, after all she won't need it where she's going. But the army have increased it's visibility,  now a fightback is happening.  The Aliens in a silent world are now cocky, hunting in broad daylight. Surrounded and with Eric in total fear, Samira causes car alarms to go off in Attempt to make a boat turn and collect Eric. In his rush Eric knock over debris which puts him and the cats in harm's way, but jumping off the pier sees his chasers drown as he has a short swim to the boat. 

And so the film ends with Eric reading his final message from Samira, as In flashback she is crying over family photos. So as she tells him to continue living, the last scene we see is Samira walking in the street with a radio and headphones listening to Nina Simone's greatest hits, until she pulls out the headphones, as an Alien lands behind her, drawn to the music, ready to play it's part in her Su****e.

THIS FILM IS GREAT!

Produced By Michael Bay, I was expecting this to be Fireworks out the Wazoo. However, he was Producing Not Directing, so while his fingerprints are all over this film, he doesn't have a stranglehold on it. Rather than carry out his proclivities, the crew and writers, kept the Franchise's use of Slow Scares and World Building.  While other Reviews thought Samira  was selfish, they completely missed the point of this film's themes of Freedom to live, ideals and Memory. This film is more than "World ends....let's get pizza!". 

Lupita Nyong'o gives a stunning performance of the Dying Terminally Ill Poet, who just wants to live the last few days of her life, in a film that is both scary and life affirming. The Monster designs are terrifying, Helped by the speed of animation and use of shadows and Smoke Effects, we never see a stationary Alien to make out what it looks like, and that's both for the film's benefit and adds to the mystery of the creatures. One Bugbear it has is pretty Obvious: in a film based in a world where making a sound may doom us all, The Dialogue is nothing to write home about, there was a part Quinn just repeated the word "Okay!" Over and over, but given the premise, Minimal Dialogue and targeted Responses, works in it's Favour.  

The Premise to turn the Zombie Survival Genre on it's head by not the heroes fight for Survival, but to die on her own Terms, Is nothing short of Genius! Given how bloated the Subgenre is. With How Selfish Samira may look and how very little Character Quinn was Given, It would have being a complete mess, But the Great Acting and Pacing Held True

So in Summary, A sharply written Subversion to an Overblown Genre, that's welcomed but tipping the scales at 70 minutes I wish it was longer!

CREDITS

A Quiet Place: Day One was Reviewed, compiled and edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@Realenli on x)

With Media from

A Quiet place

A Quiet Place Day one

The Simpsons

Meranghi's Darkplace

All Media used Belong to their respective Owners

A Quiet Place Day One is the Property of Paramount

All Rights Reserved.

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

ONCE AGAIN YOU MAKE THE CALL!

Next month it's ROUND 2 Of the Public votes.

The 3 Runners up from The first poll-

Cassandra,

 Infinity Pool

and Kinda Pregnant 

Are Joined by a new Number 4.

Leave The World Behind

A couple who run a resort are Confronted by another couple who claim ownership of the hotel and threaten legal action. While in the background, a Robot Revolution slowly plays out in a parable about lies, malice and the loss of control. 

The Poll On My Twitter Page will only last one week, But You can cast your votes here by adding a comment to this post below. The Most Votes will determine what get reviewed in July, But On the off chance, there are no votes, then Cassandra's first 4 episodes will be reviewed.